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Degrassi: "Don't Let Me Get Me" part 2

Part [1 - 2]

Degrassi 1026

Connor and White Connor recite Monty Python and the Holy Grail in the science room, but are such losers they mess up the lines. Connor checks his email and sees the naked pictures of Bianca. He thinks Bianca wants to be his girlfriend.

Alli enters the room and brags about sending everyone the pictures. You'd think she'd have though twice about doing this after naked photos of her were sent around school last year. I'm pretty sure she--as well as the producers--forgot about that. They often do.

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Bianca finds Alli and punches her in the face. There has never been a punch on TV that was more fake. Based on the loudness of the SMACK! and the fact that Alli is only four feet tall, you'd expect her to fall over. But Alli doesn't even flinch. Alli can take a punch like the Terminator.

The girls get into a vicious cat fight. Several boys watch and get excited. No reason for anyone to break them up. I mean, they're getting hurt. On the other hand, that's not as important to a group of boys as getting aroused.

The one male who is surgically incapable of arousal breaks up the fight. Mr. Simpson runs into the room and yells, "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" in the most Jewish voice possible.

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Connor saw naked photos and a cat fight both in a five minute span. Connor is way over-stimulated. He's going to have to spend an hour sipping a juice box in Simpson's office.

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Alli is in trouble now. She is going to be suspended for a few days, which means she received a more severe punishment than they boys who attacked Adam, who I think may have not even been punished. Alli should have said Bianca attacking her was a post-9/11 hate crime and threatened to sue the school. Mr. Simpson would have pooped his pants. Then he would have had to sit in that until Spike got off work and could change his diaper.

Mr. Simpson has a meeting with Alli and her parents. This is when Alli's parents get a look at her permanent record and learn about all the trouble she has gotten into. It's not that bad, not really, it's just fairly typical teenage hijinks. But Alli's parents are Asian immigrants, so getting a B- on an exam would be enough reason to give her the belt. When Simpson handed her parents her permanent record, it should have been ten inches thick, like with Bart Simpson or Zach Morris. That joke never gets old. It's as timeless as Vaudeville.

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Jenna has been getting a lot of sympathy for being the pregnant teen on American Idol Canada. There have been many kind message board posts, and stuffed animals sent to her through the school's mail. Mr. Simpson delivers them to her. You can tell he wants a stuffed animal of his very own. He wants a bunny because they are soft and gentle. He had to carry a stuffed tiger and it scared him!

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Alli is in deep doo. She watches her parents argue about her and she turns into a crying wreck. "They think I'm dirty," Alli sobs to her brother Sav. OK, I think her parents are planning an honor killing.

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Jenna winds up on the bottom two in American Idol Canada and is sent home. Her pregnancy storyline was not enough to keep her on the show. I didn't think it would. It seems like half the kids who audition for American Idol are homeless, and none of them ever even make it to the Hollywood round. The host does that total Ryan Seacrest style, dickish fake out thing where he'll make the contestant think they are going home with the beginning of his sentence but tells them they are staying with the second half of his sentence. He's like, "Oh, black kid, I'm so sorry...that you'll be back here next week!" He also does that thing that Ryan Seacrest does where he can't admit he likes penis.

By the way, American Idol is filmed in a 3400 capacity theater. Degrassi doesn't have the budget for a set anywhere close to that, so American Idol Canada is filmed on a set similar to The Soup.

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Alii returns to school, still under the shadow of boilergate. "Great," says Holly J, "a sex scandal and nobody blames the boy." Yeah, producers, you got about 50,000 of those remarks to go before you've made up for Peter. Holly J's comment could easily apply to most episodes of Degrassi.

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KC is nervous about being a father. And since, as far as I can tell, Jenna has no mom or dad, KC's mom steps in to help the poor girl. Jenna feels dumb for putting all her hopes on American Idol Canada. "Jenna, you are not dumb," KC's mom tells her. Hold on, wait until to get to know her before saying that. Jenna was pregnant for five months before she found out about it. You may not want to call her dumb, but she certainly is not smart.

Alli believes all her problems are caused by boys. Somehow, she thinks this make her different from every other teenage girl in the world, and tells her parents it would be best if she was sent to an all girl's school. Alli's parents, being not all that concerned with her well being, say OK. They were never that crazy with the idea of girls attending school in the first place.

Boys are really her problem? I think Alli's problem is that she has Islamic fundamentalist parents from Pakistan who do all they can to make her feel miserable for trying to be a normal Western girl. Seriously, have you guys noticed that Degrassi always portrays immigrants as being totally unwilling to assimilate and holding horribly backwards views on women? Manny's father kicked her out of the house and Alli's parents want to put her in a burka.

Also, Alli's other problem is that she is kind of dumb.

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KC gives Jenna a book of baby names his mom bought. She could saved $12.95 ($16.95 Canadian) by just looking up names online. This will be the extent of KC's involvement in the pregnancy.

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Alli cries some more as she cleans out her locker. Clare gives her a goodbye hug and Alli leaves Degrassi. Just as well. She so tiny, she looks like a fifth grader wandering the big kids' high school. I would have thought they would have written Alli off the show by having someone find out she is a 10-year-old posing as a high schooler. Now Alli is going to go where they don't let her get her.

Grade: C
Isn't this the 500th time there has been a scandalous photo sent all over school? And the second time Alli has been involved. The show isn't even ripping off plots from the earlier seasons, they are ripping off stuff that happened to the same character!

I'm giving this a C, and I feel I'm being very generous. After all, this wasn't the most half-assed send off for a character Degrassi has ever done.

What the Forum Fags Are Saying:

Why is Degrassi just now introducing self-esteem workshops? This should have been implemented years ago. They could have avoided so many ridiculous scandals and teen pregnancies with it. Manny would have benefited the most. Followed by any girl who dated Peter. - PrincessofPants

Part [1 - 2]
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