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Degrassi: "Halo" part 1

Season 10 Episodes 31 & 32
Canadian airdate: November 12 & 19, 2010

Boycott the Caf name: "Clare Has PMS"
Important characters: Wesley, Sav, Jenna, Anya
Issue of the Week: Pathetic people in depressing love situations

Part [1 - 2]

The water supply at Degrassi has been tainted by LSD.

Meanwhile Chante is taking a break from her journey of world regeneration to start the wish upon a star foundation. They are raising money to save Power Squad or something. I don’t know. There is a dance that’s going to happen and Jenna is bummed that it is going to be chaperoned. Wow, Degrassi was pretty lax in the past if having chaperones at a dance is considered too strict. There is also an open mike. Sav asks Jenna to do a duet with him. Yup, I’m just going to go hang myself during the opening credit. Goodbye world. Tell the forum fags that I hate all of them.

I couldn’t find any rope.

Jenna is bitching because she got kicked off of Instant Star and has a demon child in her belly. It came from KC. His sperm can’t be top grade. It’s probably going to go to end up in jail. Sav is pretending to listen. He tells Jenna to give KC another chance because he thinks KC will be a great dad, maybe, who knows. It's not like Sav has ever met KC. I’m not even sure if he knows who Jenna is. Where did Chante go?

While taking part in a physical challenge, KC hits a cute girl named Jess with a football. KC and Drew run over to make sure she is okay. I think that might have been their goal the entire time, the slick bastards. Drew and KC are now locked in a battle for her affection.

In another part of the hall, Adam announces his intentions to get with Fiona, even though she doesn’t know he is a she. You would think Fritz would have spread that rumor around a little more. Fritz really was a considerate bully. He would throw you against a wall but he wouldn’t reveal your sexuality. Nice guy.

Anya has a billion wishing stars on her locker from Wesley. Those things cost a dollar. I don’t care if Wesley’s head looks like something you would snake out of a shower drain, that’s sweet. If I were a single teenage girl, I would go out with him. I would find his sexual inexperience hot. Anya must feel the same way because she agrees to go out with him.

KC says hi to Jenna and it is awkward. Then she gets a star and thinks it's from him because he is smiling at her.

Fiona walks into art class and actually says the word "sigh." I guess she has been possessed by Fifi La Fume. Fiona is bummed because the upcoming dance is dress code required and she always buys a new dress for dances. She would rather go to New York’s East Village Artist Ball because it is trendy and has champagne fountains. Oh Fiona, you lovable drunk.

Jenna stops by the cool kids lunch table to thank KC for the star and ask him to go with her to prenatal class. KC takes credit for the star, but after she leaves, admits he didn’t send it. He ponders who did. Who indeed.

Wesley fell asleep in computer class and has a dream about Anya being dressed in a cheerleading outfit, and then a bikini, while on their date. Can you imagine how awkward this scene must be for the girl who plays Anya? Not only does she have to wear a bikini on set, but she has to live with the knowledge that there are thousands of 13-year-old boys who watch the show masturbating to that scene. At least she got off better than Darcy. The writers found an excuse to put into a sexy outfit in every other episode.

The dream ends when Wesley spills water all over himself, symbolizing that he just ejaculated, or possibly peed himself since water is closer to pee than semen. He should have sprayed whip cream all over the place. Wesley runs to the bathroom covering his crotch with a binder.

After school, Jenna is waiting for KC who never comes. Too bad she isn’t dating Wesley, he already came. Hey-Oh!

Sav reveals he sent her the star because he felt bad for her and Jenna starts freaking out. This is why you don’t do nice things to girls. Instead of the baby lucking out and Jenna having a miscarriage, Sav instead agrees to go to the class with her. Isn’t he dating Holly J? Where is she anyways?

Baby-birthing teacher says that in coming weeks they will work together to strive in the journey that is parenthood. They should invite Wesley to speak to the class, he has already came this week. Hey-oh!

Something else probably happens but I’m happy with that joke and ending this section.

Drew got a star from Jess. Good for him. Bad for her. KC tells Drew he still likes Jenna but skipped baby classes because he is retarded. That’s why he is such a good match for Jenna, she is also retarded. KC wants to be with Jenna but that means being a dad and he doesn’t know what to do. Drew says the only solution he can think of involves a time machine and a box of condoms. Drew is an asshole. A hilarious asshole.

Wesley tells the Connors that he had a wet dream in class. Then there is 14 seconds of silence. This is TV time so in real life that would be like 8 minutes, which is as long as it should take somebody to react to that statement. Jesus Wesley, it's one thing to bring up wet dreams at the zoo but people are trying to eat here.

Connor Original questions if Wesley’s plumbing is backed up. I’m going to assume that is some sort of burn.

"What if she kisses me on our date?" worries Wesley. Then the laughing begins. Lots and lots of well deserved laughter.

There’s Holly J. She talks lovingly about Sav’s good points to Jenna while they move mats. Jenna shouldn’t be lifting things, that baby is going to come straight out her butt like a greased piglet if she keeps this up.

At the dance, Jenna and Sav sing a song that sounds like it could be good if it wasn’t sung by them. I assume that when they sing "goodbye white horse" it is a cocaine reference. They are acceptable but they sure are no This is Deer Country whose album in now available on their websites near you. This concludes the part of the review where I promote bands I’m friends with.

While this is happening, Wesley looks online for ways to not ejaculate on dates. You masturbate before hand. Didn’t anybody watch the episode of that one Andy Richter show on Fox where he has a bunch of kids and he tells one of them to wank so he doesn’t get a boner when he is on top of the cheerleading pyramid? No, probably not I guess.

The ten people at the dance barely applaud Sav and Jenna. Come on, Studz got a better response then this. Hell, Ashley got a better response than this. This is the first song on the show that isn’t completely horrible. Give it some props, yo.

Jenna tells those in attendance to enjoy the remaining ten minutes of the dance. Wow, that’s a short dance.

Sav tells Jenna that playing with her is the best ever. Obvious lie; he used to play with Spinner. Feel free to reread that last sentence in Dwight Shrute’s voice.

Then Jenna kisses Sav. Awkward.

Eli and Clare show Adam the burned out remains of the old church that used to be down near the ravine. One Halloween, the priest who ran the church refused to give out candy, and let's just say the locals didn’t take kindly to that. Adam thinks this would be the perfect place to bring Fiona. She loves old crumbling structures.

Adam wants to throw an anti-authority New York style party at the church. That might be a better idea if I couldn’t see somebody’s house through the trees. They want to throw a party in Eli’s backyard, which given his parents, is actually not a bad idea, I guess.

Jenna tells Holly J how she is falling for Sav. But Holly J has a secret relationship with Sav, or something. I don’t know why it is secret or if they are still together. The people on the show are confused as well. Holly J says she is seeing Sav but Jenna doesn’t believe her either. Why would she? Holly J definitely can do better

Holly J says Sav can’t be interested in Jenna because Jenna is with child. But Sav was once interested in Anya because she had his hideous CHUD of a child. Also, as Jenna brags, she is good at stealing men from their girlfriends. Why is she bragging about this?

There is only one way to settle this problem, with part 2 of the episode!

Part [1 - 2]

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