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Degrassi: "Jesus, Etc." part 1

Season 10 Episodes 37 & 38
Canadian airdate: March 4 & 11, 2011

Boycott the Caf name: "She's [Alli] a Little Runaway"
Important characters: Ellie, Clare, Fizz, Alli, KC, Jenna
Issue of the Week: Running away

Part [1 - 2]

Degrassi 1037

Ellie and Clare are in his car, which is a hearse because Ellie is a special snowflake. Clare asks Ellie to give her a driving lesson, in exchange for the use of her editing skills. Claire should have been like, "I'll demonstrate my editing skills, if you know what I mean! Wink Wink [she'll say 'wink wink']. Edit your cock, I mean! Looks like you got a period there. It should be an exclamation point. I'll get down there and fix it." That's sexy grammar talk.

Clare starts to drive, but stops suddenly when she almost runs over Fizz, the guy who didn't actually stab Ellie. Fizz is like, "Hey stop, we need to talk" but Clare drives off due to fear. At school, Clare and Ellie wonder, "Why was he trying to talk to us?" Maybe because you almost ran him over. I think you should have talked to him.

Degrassi 1037

Sav drops Alli off at the library and then goes to school. Does Alli spend the school day in the library? I knew her parents didn't like the idea of a girl going to school.

Degrassi 1037

Sav is playing an electric guitar in school because no one running Degrassi has given a shit in at least six years. This is for his university application. What university accepts a recording of a kid playing electric guitar as an application?

What does Sav expect will happen? That the admissions board will be so blown away by his song that they will have no choice but to accept him?

"This boy didn't fill out an admissions application form, he didn't fill out a financial aid application form, and his admissions essay just says 'ROCK N ROLL!!!' and was written in crayon. Instead, he sent us a CD. No, he is far from proper material for this fine institution."
"Oh, stop being such a square Johnson. This fuddy-duddy school could use a little boogie-woogie. I vote in!"
"Fine, the boy's accepted. But I will do everything I in my power to make sure he fails to graduate."

It'll be an 80s college movie!

It turns Sav is applying for a music school. If he can't get into one, he is going to have to pursue engineering, which Sav thinks is for losers. It's good thing that Sav is so musically gifted that he will no doubt earn 10000x what an engineer makes when he is a rock star. Yeah, Sav is going to be one of those "creative" guys who never make it, but still look down on "squares" who take office jobs, even though Sav will be mooching off those people his whole life, either his relatives or the taxpayer.

Degrassi 1037

Sav auditions some drummers. The first guy wails on it like he is Dave Grohl. Sav doesn't like him, even though he's already the best musician Degrassi has ever had. There's also a girl who looks like Meg White. Jack never paid her much, so she has to take whatever gig she can get.

Sav is most impressed by Drew, who is best drummer this school has seen since Spinner.

"Who's Spinner?" Drew asks.

"You know the bronze statute that sits on the football field on the 20 yard line, even when we have games?" replies Sav. "That's a statute of Spinner."

Degrassi 1037

Clare is fiddling with her laptop when someone comes up behind her. It's Fizz! Clare is scared, but Fizz says he found God while in juvie. Ah man, he's a Christian.

Ellie doesn't buy it. I wouldn't either. I like how you can be a total asshole, but if you decide to become religious, then you're all cool. Must be why there are so few atheists in prison.

Degrassi 1037

At the Sav home, Sav tells Alli that her ex-boyfriend is now his drummer. Alli doesn't believe him, and then says, "Whose on first base, Voldemort?" I don't get it either. I refuse to believe a girl that age has ever heard of the Whose on First bit.

But Sav says it's true. Alli is incredibly hurt by this but Sav says he was the best drummer. "Even better than that chick who was in some band I never heard of," says Sav. "The Wipe Swipes or something."

Alli cries about how Drew ruined her life. How did he do that, exactly? Was Drew the boy she sent naughty photos to? No, wait, that was Johnny. Drew wasn't even on the show at this point. Was Drew the boy who gave her an STD? No, that was also Johnny. I don't even remember what Drew did to her. At any case, it can't be worse than how her own parents treat her.

Either way, Sav says he will not play with Drew.

Degrassi 1037

At school, Sav talks to Holly J and then decides that he can still have Drew be his drummer and not tell Alli. She doesn't go Degrassi anymore, so it's not like she ever had to know. Sav calls Drew up on a payphone.

  1. Degrassi has a payphone? I live in the middle of nowhere it's been five years since I've seen a payphone anywhere.
  2. Do these kids even know how to use a payphone?
  3. So cellphones must be banned at Degrassi. Which is odd, because, in the US at least, when schools started going Zero Tolerance after Columbine, the old rules banning students from having cell phones on campus were usually lifted, under the idea that in an emergency, it is better a student has a cell phone with them.
  4. Why is Sav calling Drew during school? Drew doesn't have a phone. Just find him in the hallway. I told you Sav doesn't know what a payphone is.

Degrassi 1037

KC is trying to help Jenna eat well (since she's eating for two now! SQUEAL!). But Jenna is being a moody bitch and taking it out on her baby's father. Sound familiar?

KC tells Jenna she needs to relax. "You're going to have a heart attack before the fourth trimester," says KC. "There are only three trimesters," Jenna corrects him because she enjoys making him feel dumb. KC could have saved himself by shooting back, "Yeah...that was my point!" KC thinks it would be a good idea if they took a couples skateboarding class. KC is still going to make as good a father as any boy his age would.

Jenna doesn't think he is ready to be a dad. "Define cradle cap," she tells him. But KC can't. Because no actual parents knows what that is. I know cradle crap, that's what diapers are for.

Degrassi 1037

KC and Jenna attend a class for soon-to-be parents. The whole room is really accepting of the teenage couple. Eh, it's Canada. That country is super liberal. There's even gay couple there. They spent tens of thousands of dollars so one of the fathers could get pregnant and deliver the baby through his butt. That's Canada!!

KC and Jenna argue and then KC challenges her to change a diaper faster than him. The two each take a baby doll and race. The rest of group watches and really get into it. I guess you can just call out "Diaper race!" at one of those classes and everything else stops. KC wins, which makes Jenna feel like she will be a bad mother. Except, diaper changing isn't something you should speed through, even though it is very stinky.

Hey, Jenna and KC, you're lucky the rest of the episode sucks or this plotline would really be dragging it down.

Degrassi 1037

Sav and Drew are making music at Degrassi. Bianca enters the room with a camera and says, "Let me see your rock star poots." Then Alli comes by and sees Drew and sees Bianca and sees them with Sav and is like "Ah!" and Bianca is like "Ah!" and Drew is like "Ah!" and Sav is like "Ah!" and the bear is like "Roar!" and everyone else is like "Ah! Bear! Run!"

Degrassi 1037

When did the Dot become a hair salon?

Degrassi 1037

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's a salon now.

Clare finds that Fizz is working at the Dot. Which is weird because he is barred from the school and I always thought the Dot was attached to the school.

Fizz asks for forgiveness because of Jesus and whatever and Clare is willing to accept, because Jesus and whatever. Also, 75% of the trouble between Ellie and Fizz was really Ellie's fault.

Degrassi 1037

Ellie sees Fizz touch Clare and gets angry. He says he wants to protect her. He's 5 feet tall, so good luck with that. Ellie was watching them from his hearse. He was secretly trailing Clare. I don't know how well he thinks he can pull off in a hearse.

Ellie bursts into the Dot and tells Fizz to stay away from his girl. Fizz says, "I'm gone...except I work here, so I'm just going to be two feet away."

Degrassi 1037

At the Sav home, Alli cries about how Drew ruined her life. Sav fires back that Alli screwed up her own life. And then Alli cries some more. When Sav chews Alli out, it looks like he is giving a stern lecture to his daughter. Alli is so little.

Part [1 - 2]
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