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Degrassi: "Jesus, Etc." part 2

Part [1 - 2]

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It's morning at the Sav house. His parents notice that Alli isn't there but Sav doesn't tell them that she ran off last episode. Alli's dad is all "whatever, I'm going to work." I think Alli's family cares about her as much as Meg Griffin's family cares about her.

At Degrassi, Clare tells Ellie his new story is really good and they kiss and cry and hug. I don't get it.

Holly J and Sav talk in the hallway. Holly J says she is half-way through senior year. I'm glad she said that because due to the time warp Degrassi goes through every season, it's hard to tell how old anybody is. Hasn't she been a senior for, like, three years? She should be in grad school by now.

Mr. Simpson tells Sav he has to go home, where his mother tells him that Alli ran away. Good.

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Clare checks her e-mail. Hey, remember when the school screensaver was Mr. Simpson's floating head? That was awesome.

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Clare sees that Fizz has sent her a ton of messages. It's because he is a Christian and has to spam her inbox with chain e-mail like a good Christian should. It's why I don't give my mom my e-mail address. Clare tries to read all of them, but they're all about how Obama is a secret Muslim and Target bans its employees from celebrating Christmas.

Because experience has taught her that sending him a link to Snopes would be futile, Clare goes to the Dot and tells Fizz to quit it. Fizz says he was e-mailing her at 3am. Clare thinks that bizarre, but being on the internet that late is normal for a teenager. A large chuck of this site's readership are North American teens, and looking at the webstats, our hourly traffic shoots up at 11pm and doesn't sink until 4am.

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Sav's mom wants him to hack into Alli's laptop to find out where she could be. Sav's mother can't do this herself because she is a mother who is far too intimidated by technology to even touch a computer. She thinks her son is a computer expert because he spend a lot of time online. It's like how when my mom wants to change her password or set up a new e-mail account, she has to get me or my sister to do it for her (whenever she gets a lot of spam, she thinks that means her account was hacked).

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KC and Jenna are going to get some parenting practice by babysitting a boy in the park. The mom is an asshole helicopter parent who is all into organic food and whatever current parenting mags say she should do. I bet she named her son Hunter.

Jenna tries to play him a song, but Hunter gets pissed and kicks KC. I understand his rage. The boy demands to go to the zoo. Zoos rock. I have been bugging my family to take a trip to the zoo for months. But they're all like, "It's winter. Is the zoo even open?" I reply that the only way to know is to go and find out!

Jenna offers him some organic treats but he punches the box. That kid is awesome. Also, his name is really Caleb, which the is next special snowflake name on the list after Hunter. I bet his full name is Caleb Dakota Mother'sLastName-Father'sLastName.

It starts raining.

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Clare is home alone. There is a knock on her door. It's Fizz! Clare is shocked to see Fizz asking to come in from the rain. Clare is reluctant since her parents are not home, but Fizz is Christian so that means he can't do anything bad.

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Fizz takes off his wet pullover and we see that he has some bruises on his body, just like Craig. His says he got them when he fell off his bike. But the truth is they are from his Fight Club. It's not like in the movie, don't worry, it's actually a Tickle Fight Club. It can still get pretty rough, though. Those boys tickle like motherfucking Vikings.

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Fizz makes himself at home immediately, he plops down on the couch and watches TV, while Clare dries his clothes and makes him a sandwich. Since Clare's dad is not around, Fizz considers himself the man of the house.

Clare gets Fizz to admit that his step-brother beats him up. But Fizz thinks if he just gets his brother to accept Jesus, he will be fine, except his step-brother beats him up when he talks about Jesus. I don't condone the violence, but I understand the urge. Fizz also thinks he and Clare are meant to be, because Clare was religious two years ago. Clare is rightfully disturbed by this.

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Sav and his dad go looking for Alli. We see the rainy streets of Canada City from the perspective of a camera riding on that one part of the car everyone in my family sets their sunglasses on while driving, and then has to reach way over to the passenger side to get them while still trying to drive. A crappy song about being lonely or something plays in the background. It's very out of place kind of scene for a show like Degrassi. I wonder if the show will do more of these and someday I'll be like "Yeah, I liked Degrassi until they went all art house on us."

Sav's dad says he will punish her for this. But Sav tells him that maybe she ran away because of how his mom and dad were treating her. I have been harping on that point ever since Sav's parents were introduced. I'm glad Sav finally caught on to my wisdom.

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KC, Jenna and Caleb seek shelter under a canopy when Caleb's mom comes to pick her son up. She is incredulous when she learned that they gave Caleb a hotdog, even though she is the one who left them in the park in the rain and didn't come by until the rain had stopped. Caleb's mom hates hotdogs so I hate her. Though the mom may have been disturbed when KC described what Caleb ate as "full on street meat." I don't think that means what you think it means, KC.

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Sav and his dad can't find Alli. Of course she's not going to be anywhere near there, you guys are by a bookstore.

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Clare makes Fizz go home. A priest picks him up. So is Fizz living at a half-way home or with his step-brother? Or maybe Fizz was living with his step-brother but Clare set him up with a half-way home. There's a priest taking away a young male, so I am going to assume Fizz is getting raped by his step-brother the priest. Because that's the way I roll.

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Ellie came to Clare's house when Fizz was there and freaks out. I can't get a screencap where all three of them together. Ellie gets upset and then runs off to his car to cry. Clare has to hold Ellie, comfort him and assure him that she will not stop loving him.

I would make fun of this more, but, honestly, Ellie is about as needy towards his girlfriend as your average teenage boy.

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A lady Mountie comes to Sav's house and shows them security camera footage of Alli getting into someone's car. We all knew it would end like this.

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Back at school, Ellie is proud of the changes he made to his story "Stalker/Angel." In the new ending, the hero has to protect his girlfriend by killing her and drinking her blood. I have no idea how Ellie expects to not get in trouble if he turns that in.

"It's all about YOU Clare," says Ellie. Just in case we didn't already get that the story was. Clare is a bit disturbed. But come on, she is dating a boy with anger issues who drives a hearse, of course he is going to kill her at some point.

Grade: ?
I don't know whether I like this one or not. Life is confusing sometimes, and this episode felt like it was setting up stories that won't be resolved until future episodes. It's kind of hard for me to judge this until I see where it all goes later in the season. And I no longer watch the episodes that Johnny reviews, so I may never know how this ends. I doubt I will lose any sleep wondering.

Does It Go There?
?

What the Forum Fags Are Saying:

i think the kid playing fitz is a revolutionary young actor - Stormy

I like how savs Dad yelled at sav for saying he shouldn't yell at alli. that guy straight don't care - kwanzaagecko

Jenna finally has a baby bump. Shouldn't she have given birth by now? Wasn't she like four months along when she told KC and found out for sure herself? That was supposed to be in October on the show...shouldn't it be February or March on there by now? - PrincessofPants

Final Thoughts:
Fizz pulled a Paige. By that, I mean he was the villain of the show until something bad happened to him, which humbled him and gave the audience a reason to sympathize as he is now more than just the bad guy. It happened to Paige when she got raped. It's also happened to almost every bad guy the show has ever had: Alex, Holly J, Johnny, Fiona, and even Rick. And Jay just barely. I mean, Jay started helping others, and became a loyal boyfriend to Manny, but I don't think he ever stopped committing petty crimes. The show wanted it to happen to Peter, except he kept going back and forth between being an asshole and being a good guy because the people who produce Degrassi are idiots who don't understand how to stick to a fucking character outline.

The best current example of puling a Paige is Holly J, who went from the show's mean bitch to the likeable, primary character after her family went broke. Fiona was then Paige's bully, until we saw her go crazy and then get beat up. That told the viewers to start liking Fiona.

Bianca will no doubt pull a Paige down the road. Hopefully, it will involve her and Holly J becoming lesbians after Holly J sees Bianca's broken home. In that case, I would not care if Degrassi repeated old storylines. In fact, I would encourage it.

Part [1 - 2]

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