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The Adults

Mr. SimpsonMr. Simpson

Mr. Simpson is the school's visual media teacher, which students apparently have to take every year. Much like how in America you have to take English or math every year. Crazy Canadians, they love their visual media.

Mr. Simpson (or Snake, as he is known by his friends) has the hots for Emma's mom, Spike. So the two of them dated and then married. They may have had some sort of relationship on the old Degrassi show, but I have never seen that so I don't know. I do support their marriage, though, because there is no other couple with a better combination of nicknames. Snake and Spike, it sounds like they should be a wrestling tag team from the 80s. Here come the world tag team champions, Snake and Spike: the Demolators.

Later on, Snake gets cancer and shaves off all his body hair. The cancer isn't very bad and he gets better, instead of dieing. Which is a shame because that would have been a really intense episode. They could have had a storyline later on that would center around Snake's ghost haunting the house. That would have been awesome.

Final Grade: B

Snake is a winner; he looks like the popular singer Sting, and teaches a pointless class which students take every year. He is kind of like Mr. Feeney from Boy Meets World, in the sense that Mr. Feeney taught the kids every year of the show. Difference between Mr. Feeney and Snake is that Mr. Feeney had the excuse that he was the school's principal and taught history and English. So it made sense that he was always around. Snake teaches a class 90% of schools don't have and is a middle school teacher. Yet the kids have him every single year. I don't understand why, maybe it has something to do with the fact that there are only three other teachers at the school.

SpikeSpike

Spike is Emma's mother. She later went on to marry Snake. Then the two of them had a child. I don't remember if it's a boy or a girl. Maybe it's both, who knows? That's about all that Spike has done on the show. She is the best kind of adult character, because they never show her.

Final Grade: C

She is rarely on the show, leaving room for the antics of the more entertaining characters. However, she gave birth to Emma who is annoying. So those two things cancel each other out.

Joey JeremiahJoey Jeremiah

Joey is the father of Craig's half sister. At first this caused friction because Craig kept trying to kidnap her, and would take creepy pictures of her and Joey. Then Joey decided it would be easier to adopt Craig than to have him arrested. Since Craig's old father would beat him, Craig was happy to move in with Joey.

Later on in the series, Joey decided to dump the woman he was dating and to instead date TV personality Caitlin Ryan. This episode was an hour long and sucked. Hours after the two of them decide to date, Caitlin is told that she has to go on a year long speaking tour, and she is leaving RIGHT NOW. Seriously, her editor gave her about twenty minutes notice before she had to go. Joey's love for her is so strong he decides to wait for her. Truly a touching moment.

Final Grade: D

I hate the episode "Holiday"; it features too many adults and not enough scenes of Craig having sex with various women. Joey is the focus of "Holiday", so I hate him.

Coach ArmstrongCoach Armstrong

Coach Armstrong teaches gym, math, coaches every Degrassi sports team, and refs all the games. That is a lot for one man to do. However he still finds time to fuck Liberty, which is gross and makes me cry. Come on Coach Armstrong, you could at least have sex with Muslim Girl or Toby, anybody other then Liberty.

Final Grade: F-

Coach Armstrong manages to get a lower score then Liberty, because the only thing more pathetic then being Liberty is having sex with her.

Ms. KwanMs. Kwan

Ms Kwan hates Spinner and Jimmy. One episode they made her go insane. That episode kicks ass. That's about the extent of her involvement on the show.

Final Grade: B

That episode where she goes nuts is cool, and she rarely ever does anything. That means she isn't taking away time from other more interesting characters.

Principal RaditchPrincipal Raditch

Principal Raditch works out with a Swedish ball and hates children, everything required to be a grade A principal. He has done nothing of significance on the show.

Final Grade: C

It's hard to grade him higher since he never does anything. For the same reason, it's hard to grade him lower.

Ms. HatzilakosMs. Hatzilakos

Ms Hatzilakos became principal because Mr. Raditch got fired. I'm pretty sure he was fired because as principal he managed to ignore the Rick situation, which resulted in the death of one student, the crippilation of another, and worse yet the deputation of Sean. Nobody liked Rick. And Jimmy was popular, but the school could go on without him. But when Sean out of the picture, Degrassi lost one of its coolest kids and the engine repair team lost its captain. So Raditch got the boot, and they got this new lady, who in her short time has suspended two students because of the prank on Rick, but did not suspend Alex for some reason. She also gave the green light to the drama club to perform Dracula and handled the herpes outbreak.

Final Grade: D

She has been a real bitch to Spinner, and for some reason she didn't suspend Alex despite the fact that Alex is the one who set the paint up. That doesn't make any sense. So I say fuck her.

TrackerTracker

Tracker is Sean's brother and it is clear where Sean got his coolness. Tracker moved out of his parent's house and left Wassaga Beach for the promise land of Toronto, or Montreal, or wherever the hell this show takes place. While in the new town, Tracker got a job doing something and started dating a girl who we see in one episode. When Tracker received news that Sean had gotten into a fight and deafened some punk ass, not only did Tracker drive to Wasaga Beach to get Sean, but he also broke into the jail to bust Sean out. Luckily, Canada has a very incompetent police force and they were never caught.

Then, Tracker got a sweet job in Alberta as manager of a strip joint. Tracker wanted to bring Sean along so that Sean could follow in his footsteps as the strip joint owner. But Sean's dream is to a world class automotive repairman, so he stayed at Degrassi because they have a great automotives repair program. So Tracker used his contacts to get Sean on welfare, while he headed out to pursue his own dream.

Final Grade: A

Tracker is cool and has a cool name. Hopefully a spinoff series about him in Alberta gets made because I am sure it would be awesome.

Ashley's Gay DadAshley's Gay Dad

I don't know the name of Ashley's father so I will refer to him as Ashley's Gay Father.

Ashley's Gay Father used to not be gay. While not gay he had sex with Ashley's mother, Beulah, and Ashley was conceived. Then he decided that he loved the cock and became a gay. For a while he dated Dylan and then Marco, before he met a third person in Canada who was gay, and decided to marry that guy.

Final Grade: B

Ashley's Gay Father is pretty cool because he kicked Craig's ass, and Craig is bi-polar, which means he has super hotel destroying powers. Craig can also kick Joey's ass, so that must mean that Joey can get his ass kicked by a queer. What a wimp.

Crazy Lunch LadyCrazy Lunch Lady

Crazy Lunch Lady is awesome. She is sarcastic and feeds her husband clams to make him aroused. She also cut Snake's hair with hedge shears for some reason.

Final Grade: A+

The only way Crazy Lunch Lady could get better is if she gave me twenty dollars.

Kevin Smith and Jason MewesKevin Smith and Jason Mewes

Nicknames: Jay and Silent Bob
Quotable Quote: Jason Mewes: Man look at that chick, I want to bone her hard in the pussy.
Kevin Smith: Stop that Jason, she's like fourteen, it's creepy.
Jason Mewes: Yeah at least I can get some you fat fuck.

When Kevin Smith decided to film the movie Jay & Silent Bob Go Canadian, Eh it made perfect sense to shoot it at a school in Toronto. Well it made sense to shoot it in Toronto because that city does have a budding film industry, but filming it in high school, instead of a sound stage seems a bit silly. None the less Kevin Smith went for it. While in Canada Kevin Smith stole Caitlin Ryan away from Joey. That had to hurt, we all knew somebody was going to take her since Joey is barely a man, but Kevin Smith? That's like losing a boxing match to a guy with no arms. A year later, Kevin Smith came back and told Paige that she's a lesbian. I'm guessing he's some sort of expert on teenage lesbians, that would explain all the periodicals on the subject that he keeps under his bed.

Jason Mewes didn't really do much that was covered on the show. He hit on underage girls and probably smoked a lot of weed. I bet him and Jay hung out since Jay has good weed and candy connections.

While in Canada, Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes posed for this picture.

Kevin Smith Jason Mewes Shane Kippel

That picture is awesome for three reasons:

  1. It features Spinner, and Spinner is DA BOMB.
  2. If you look closely Jason Mewes' jacket says "Quick Stop Groceries" on it. He must have stolen this from the set of Clerks many years ago.
  3. Jason Mewes is holding a banana at Kevin Smith like it's a gun. He was probably high and thought it was a gun. Kevin Smith looks scared so he may also be high and think it's a gun. Spinner knows it's not a gun, but he likes to fuck with people who are high.

Final Grade: A+

Jason Mewes getting on with girls half his age got him them an A+ right off the bat. Trust me if it wasn't for Mewes boning Ellie this grade would be a lot lower.

Caitlin RyanCaitlin Ryan

Nickname: The woman who ruined Degrassi
Quotable Quote: It wouldn't be summer unless I came to the root beer stand.

Caitlin Ryan is annoying and I hate her. Hey Caitlin, fuck you. You bother me and your stories are boring. Also your taste in men sucks. First of all you dated Joey. What the hell was that? Joey is lame and his car dealership never makes any money. He is the least manly person who lives in his house and he lives with a little girl. That's right, he is less manly than a little girl. Then you left Joey for Kevin Smith. What the hell? Leaving Joey I understand, but for Kevin Smith? First of all, Kevin Smith is married. Secondly, there is the Jason Mewes factor. You better get real good at hiding your panties because Jason Mewes is like a blood hound who wants to masturbate in your used underwear.

Frankly Caitlin, I don't understand anything you do. You had a show that apparently had international popularity yet you end up working at a local TV station. Even the lowliest of Saved By the Bell characters can get a job better than that. If Mr. Belding can get acting roles in movies then surely you can do the same.

You know what Caitlin? Nothing you do makes any sense ever.

Final Grade: F+

Go to hell Caitlin.