The Web BtC

Craig Manning

Seasons featured: 2-6, with guest appearances in 7

Nicknames: Strokes Kid (Season 2) Fucking Craig the Asshole (Season 3 and beyond)

Gimmicks: Dude with a camera (Season 2) Musician (Season 3 and beyond)

Defining Traits: Looks like a member of The Strokes, is a huge asshole.

Greatest Moments: Impregnating Manny, beating up Joey, forming Downtown Sasquatch

If he were an animal: A blackbird. Just like Craig, their “song” is extremely annoying to all those who hear it. Also Craig the asshole had to take blackbird before I made Jimmy's profile and gave him the animal which would be an easy joke.

Craig was a season two addition to Degrassi along with Ellie, Mrs. Hatzilakidakalokalos, and Spinner's Billy Idol haircut. The season two additions to Degrassi were pretty weak. Craig is the second best right behind Spinner's hair.

We are introduced to Craig by seeing him taking pictures of Joey Jeremiah's daughter through a high powered camera. Right off he appears to be a pedophile. Later you learn he's her half-brother or something, which doesn't really make it any less creepy.

Craig sort of fucks up Joey's entire back-story, not that anybody at Degrassi cares about continuity. In season 1, he is just a single father whose wife died. Now we find out that his wife left her old family to be with him. Also she may have been cheating on her husband with Joey. Joey doesn't have looks, charm, money, or intelligence, so either he is hung like an elephant or Craig's mom left Craig's dad because his dad smacked her around and she wanted to be with somebody who wouldn't be a physical threat.

Craig also gets beat up by his dad who looks like Rivers Cuomo. Craig decides he would rather live with Joey. Craig's dad doesn't care for this since Joey also stole his wife, but Canada apparently doesn't have any laws concerning child custody or kidnapping.

At some point in season 2 Craig and Ashley started dating. This is because they share a common interest in music, I think. I forget exactly when Craig started pretending to be a musician. Maybe its because he likes photography and Ashley was in the middle of her Goth phase so she wanted somebody who was artistic. Too bad Craig only took pictures of his sister and theirs nothing artistic about creepy pictures of young girls, no matter what that pedophile Lewis Carrol tells you.

But, uh, yeah, Craig and Ashley started dating. Craig wanted a little boom shaka laka but Ashley wasn't ready for sex yet. One person who was ready for sex was the newly whoreified Manny. Manny had been attracted to Craig for some time and Craig is attracted to people who will have sex with him. Long story short Manny got pregnant. Craig wanted to keep the child but a man's opinion doesn't matter when it comes to his children so Manny got an abortion despite Craig‘s objection. This upset Craig so much that he it wasn't until two seasons later that they dated again. No mention was made that Manny had murdered the baby he had fathered. Oh and somehow despite impregnating another girl Craig managed to get back with Ashley.

This is why Craig is known as “Fucking Craig the Asshole.” No matter what he does or how much of a dick he is there are no repercussions He treats a girl like shit, she'll love him anyways. Beat up Joey, trash a hotel room, and ruin a gay wedding, that's okay nobody will mention it again. Go crazy, start living in the school and eventually the streets, don't worry Craig, Kevin Smith will save you. As a result you start referring to him as “Fucking Craig the Asshole,” because he is a huge asshole and fuck you Craig.

You know I can't believe I haven't mentioned Downtown Sasquatch yet. This is a band Craig has with Jimmy, Marco, Spinner and sometimes Ashley. Wikipedia describes it as a jam band which makes it sound way more interesting then it is. They sort of suck, mostly because Craig is a horrible musician as well as their lead man. Of course the fact that Craig is a horrible musician doesn't stop him from getting signed to a record label.* Fuck you Craig.

After graduation Craig only made occasional appearances on Degrassi. During season 6 he comes back and has a story about being addicted to cocaine. Naturally the consequence for heavy drug addiction is people getting upset at him. Of course there is no major consequence like death or getting kicked off his label or going to jail. This is Craig we're talking about. After some head shaking he is shipped off to rehab and nothing worse comes from hard drug use. In season 7 he proves he can still be an asshole despite not being on the cast by stealing one of Ashley's songs for his album and ruining Spring Break for the entire cast by being the surprise performer at a concert they go to.

Fuck you Craig.

Rating: B-

There was a time when I liked Craig. I was willing to defend him. I'd point out that he does cool things on occasion like boink Manny, and he is better then the likes of Liberty or Ellie, but damn it, as time went on Craig just made it harder and harder to like him. Too much being a douche to everybody, too much pretending he is good at music, too much never having any consequences ever. So I'm sorry Craig, I just can't like you. You are a fucking asshole.

On the other hand Craig is responsible for a lot of awesome Degrassi moments, such as impregnating Manny or anytime he went into a bipolar rage and beat up Joey. He was still an asshole but these were great moments and bring up his grade to B-.

* Please note it is unconfirmed if he is signed to a record label or working at a gas station and making CDs on his computer.