Old Character Reviews
Nicknames: Goth Girl Jr.
Quotable Quotes: none
Ashley's mother is dating Toby's father. They are not married, just living together in sin, which makes our lord Jesus cry tears which will eventually drown us all. So in other words, they live in the same house and are not related. They also hate each other.
Ashley starts off as the most popular girl at Degrassi Middle School. She runs for class president, dates Jimmy, and probably some other stuff popular people do. However, this changes forever one night when she falls off the not doing ecstasy wagon, and does ecstasy.
Doing ecstasy causes her lame party to become really awesome, makes her funny, and she kisses Sean. Then she calls Paige a name after Paige calls her a name. For normal middle schoolers, this would be considered the social event of the year. In Canada, it makes you an outcast and terrible person. After attending rehab (because going to rehab is required when you do a drug once) she comes back to school only to discover that she no longer has friends. They all decided to abandon her because of her slight drug doing ways. Ashley is forced to become Goth so that she can befriend Ellie. Then she acts all stuck up and Goth for awhile, then the cool kids decided they aren't mad at her anymore, so she dumps Ellie and is friends with them again. I must say this was the thing to do, because she gets to hang out with Spinner.
However not all was well after she became non-Goth. She began to date Craig for while, but did not fulfill his desires--his sexual desires. So he cheated on her with Manny, who is a huge whore. Craig was going to break up with Ashley, but she gave him a really nice guitar. So Craig decided that instead of breaking up with one of them, he would date them both. Which sort of blew up in his face and now neither one of them is dating him. Now Ashley spends her time hanging around her room being sad, sort of like a Goth who doesn't dress in all black.
Final Grade: C-
She was pretty cool after she got all hopped up on goofballs. However, most of the time she is fairly lame. She also gets way to much airtime. Instead of developing Chris's character, we just get another lame Ashley story. She is way too sad all the time. Come on Ashley, so what if Craig cheated on you? That's to be expected when you date a rock star. Get over it.
Nicknames: Strokes Kid
Quotable Quotes: "Spinner! Are you stalking me, or what?"
Craig looks like he belongs to the hip rock band The Strokes. He also plays guitar, so he must be part of that crazy quartet of rockers. For some reason, the show rarely acknowledges this. They do show him with his side project Downtown Sasquatch, which besides him also has Marco on bass, Spinner on drums, and Jimmy on rhythm guitar. They have the hit song "Cheating on Ashley is No Big Deal", which beat out the band Ashley fronts, Hell Hath No Fury, and their song "Fuck You Craig."
However life has not always been kind to Craig. He used to live with his father who would beat him. Missing a loving family, he took candid pictures of his half sister, Angela and her father Joey, because this is the creepiest way to interact with them that he can think of. He tried to convince Angela to run away with him to British Columbia. This understandably pissed of Joey, who told Craig to leave them alone. Word got to Craig's dad, who decided to beat him. Craig becomes suicidal and decided to let a train run him over. Luckily, Sean was there to save him. When Sean is the voice of reason, you know you're in trouble. After finding out that his father beats him, Joey let Craig move in with him, apparently because in Canada, you can just adopt kids even if they still have parents who want them.
Craig then goes on to date Ashley in her post Goth stage. This is good for both of them, it helps Ashley shed the Goth image, but she still is Goth enough to like 80s punk bands and play guitar, so the two of them share a common interest. However, one common interest they don't share is sex. Craig is a fan of it, but Ashley isn't. It seems like no matter what Craig does, he can't get lucky.
This all changes one Friday night when Joey insinuates that Craig should leave so that he and Caitlin can have sex on the couch. Craig says he is going to Jimmy's house, and later shows up at a rave. We can only assume it is being held in Jimmy's basement since Jimmy is watching porn upstairs. Craig and Manny start dancing and end up getting caught getting freaky on Emma's bed. Why they decided to have sex on Emma's bed instead of a bed in one of the houses one of them live in is never explained. Craig ends up eventually impregnating Manny, and driving away Ashley. Things look bad for him, but then Manny gets an abortion and The Strokes release there newest album to mostly positive reviews, so everything is going his way now.
Final Grade: A
Craig is a rocking guy. He manages to steal a car, convert Ashley away from being a Goth, impregnate Manny, and win a battle of the bands all in less then two seasons. I'd like to see Chris do that.
Nicknames: Paige's Shadow
Quotable Quotes: "Not for long, Hazel's on the case. I think I need help with my math homework."
Hazel spent her first two years following Paige around and not saying anything. She was in nearly every episode and didn't even get her name in the credits until the third season. I think she was just supposed to be a background character that happened to end up in enough scenes that the producers decided to make her a regular character.
Some of Hazel's major story arcs include, umm...well I guess she hasn't really had any. There was an episode where she was afraid to let people know she was Muslim, but then Muslim girl yelled at her and she saw the error of her ways. Then later, she started to date Jimmy, so good for her.
Final Grade: C-
There have been several characters that started out as background characters and then made their way to being regulars. Marco, Chris, and the Candy Bandits come to mind, however they were able to make this change in less then a season. It took Hazel so long to make the change that it's pathetic
Nicknames: Spinner's Slave
Quotable Quotes: "I get it, Falcone's hot!"
Jimmy is from the future. Don't believe me; well let's look at the facts asshole. He is a rich, as evident of all the nice things he has such as rap tickets and iPods. His kitchen is all shiny and full of metal. His house is big enough to have a rave in the basement (evidence that the rave in Jimmy's basement is from Craig's line "I'm going to Jimmy's house" before he went to the rave), Jimmy finds that necklace on the school's roof (during the shitty Breakfast Club episode), finds or goes back in time and places so that he can seduce Hazel. So I conclude that Jimmy came from the future, used his future technology to become rich, and is hanging out having a good time in the Stone Age (that's what Jimmy calls our time period).
Jimmy isn't one dimensional though, he has been an important part of Degrassi since day one. During the first season he was Ashley's boyfriend. However, their relationship was not all Garden Parties and Boat Shows. Ashley was tempted to break up with poor Jimmy for some time; however it wasn't until she got all hopped up on goofballs that they broke up.
Jimmy becomes enemies with Sean since Sean sort of made out with Ashley when she was tripping. Their rivalry was so intense that Jimmy refused to hang out at Craig's party because Sean was going to be there, which worked out in his favor because if he was in the stolen car the police would have shot him for being black. Then they umm...well that's about all that really happened. Jimmy was pissed when Sean came to his party, but that was mostly about the stolen booze. Really of all the rivalries on Degrassi, this one was one of the least intense.
Final Grade: A
I better give Jimmy a good grade or he might use his time traveling device to go back in time and make me never exist.
Nicknames: Kunta Kinte
Quotable Quotes: "I don't have to dance. I'm just hunting."
Toby is an important part of Degrassi. He is probably the most realistic character on the show. He's overweight, socially awkward, has few friends ( just like many middle schoolers, and most male Degrassi fans). He and JT were the most important part of the early days, because they were the only ones actual middle school students could relate to. Amazingly enough, most kids in middle school do not have intense love lives, amazing battles against authority, and strong moral dilemmas. In fact, most middle school residents don't do anything but occasionally look at internet porn. It was up to JT and Toby to keep the show relatable to its core demographic.
Then JT stopped cutting his hair and befriended Paige. So Toby was left alone in acting like a real person. It proved to be harder then it looks, so he tried to humiliate JT into being his friend. To do this, he told Paige and the other cool kids about how JT had a wet dream about Liberty. This goes to show just how tough JT is: if I had a wet dream about Liberty the first thing I would do the next day is go completely insane, and the second thing I would do is kill myself. Not JT, he just kept on truckin' like everything was normal. Then, that bastard Toby went ahead and revealed this terrible secret. Crazily enough, Toby's plan does work and JT decides to be more of his friend, for some reason.
You think that is crazy, get this: Toby is actually able to get himself a girlfriend. Kendra, Spinner's adopted sister, goes out with him because he likes anime and she can beat him up.
Toby's father is dating Ashley's mom, but they are not married. So technically, he can have sex with Ashley and no laws would be broken. Of course he would have to convince her to have sex with him first, which would be pretty hard. I suppose he could drug her or something, maybe this will end up as one of the major storylines next season. They could even make it a two parter. Man I should so write for Degrassi.
Final Grade: D+
Even though he is an accurate representation of what people are like in middle school, I still don't like him. He is just so damn annoying.
Quotable Quotes: "Ah, so you finally have reached my love vibe!"
JT is Batman to Toby's Robin, Jack White to his Meg White, Simon to his Garfunkel, Mega Man to his Roll, Calvin to his Hobbes. I could go on like this but I'm tired of these analogies. I think you get the picture: JT is the pitcher and Toby is the catcher.
In season one, JT, along with Toby, had to carry the burden of acting like an actual seventh grade student. This meant he had to act like a complete idiots, just like all middle schoolers. He had a scooter, got caught looking at porn, was unsuccessful at love, and stopped his friend from being raped by an internet stalker--normal middle school stuff.
Luckily for JT he was able to shake the horrors of realism and started acting like the rest of the cast. He attacked a rapist, befriended Paige, and probably did a third thing. Spinner didn't take kindly to this brash young upstart going after his woman, and decided to extract revenge. Revenge ever so sweet. He arranged a prank so vile it would have to work. He put a fart machine in JT's locker, when JT tried to put the moves on Manny she was shocked by what she assumed was him farting. JT isn't the kind of person to take something like this lying down, so he proceeded to commit the best campaign of pranks ever seen by mankind.
While Spinner is walking down the hall minding his own business, out of no where JT comes flying in. He grabs Spinners pants and rips them off, leaving Spinner in the middle of the hallway in his boxer shorts. How is that even possible? He didn't pull Spinner's pants down, he actually pulled them off. Either Spinner was wearing the kind of pants strippers where or JT has magic powers. I don't know which is true, but both of those options blow my mind.
Apparently magically stripping Spinner wasn't enough, so JT showed up at the restaurant that Spinner worked at and made an order so large and confusing Spinner immediately attacked JT. Since attacking customers is a major violation of the rules, Spinner was demoted to dish washer. Spinner then requested a truce with JT. You know the last person who Spinner requested a truce with? Nobody. In the past Spinner has destroyed all his enemies. However JT was able to take him to the limit, and beyond. If the conflict had been allowed to continue JT certainly would have edged out a victory. Spinner is a smart guy though, and he knew a tie is better then a loss. JT still got the last laugh, for as soon as the truce was declared Principal Raditch came up with a love poem, apparently written by Spinner, but we all know who the real culprit is. You won this one, JT. But be careful, this sort of thing happens once a blue moon.
Fresh from his victory, JT decided the time was right for him to court young Manny Santos. She has just gotten an abortion, so he knew she would be on the look out for some sweet lovin'. Things were shaky at first, but then they went to the big dance together and everything is looking good.
Manny has dumped JT for having a small penis. What a loser HA HA HA.
Final Grade: A
Whatever role JT is playing he does it exceptionally well. If he has to act like average Joe Middle School he does it, if he has to be cool he does that, if he has to be angry about having small genitalia, he acts like the most pissed off man in the world. JT works hard, and he plays hard.
Nicknames: Fat Girl
Quotable Quotes: "No, it's not the same. And you wanna know why? Because you have a choice, I don't. Don't make the wrong one."
In the first season, Terri was Ashley's sidekick. Not really doing much of interest, mostly just following Ashley around and commenting on the crazy situation Ashley had gotten herself into. One time Paige got Terri drunk before a dance because Terri asked Spinner out, and Spinner for some reason accepted. I think he may have been high at the time. Terri also became a plus size model. At first this embarrassed her, but then she realized she was rich, and rich people can be fat because they can easily afford larger clothes than other people.
In season two, Terri was set up with the moral dilemma of having to choose whether to be friends with Paige or with Ashley. Terri chose Paige because Paige was more popular and occasionally got her drunk, which is what you really want in a friend.
Later on, Terri noticed that somebody was leaving roses and romantic letters on her locker. She hoped it was somebody attractive, but it turned out it was Rick. Since Terri couldn't really hope to do any better, she went out with Rick. Rick then proceeded to beat her. Terri couldn't really afford to get beaten on regular bases due to her modeling career and broke up with Rick. Then a week later, she got back together with Rick. Then Rick beat her with a brick and put her into a coma.
Final Grade: D
Terrie is large, has low self esteem, and bothers me. It was pretty intense when Rick put her into a coma, but I was cheering for him, which is probably not a good thing.