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"The Mating Game"

Season 1 Episode 6
Canadian airdate: November 25th, 2001

Boycott the Caf name: "Condom episode"
Important characters: Jimmy, Ashley, Spinner, Emma, JT & Toby
Issue of the Week: HOT TEEN SEX

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

The episode begins in Ms Kwan's class. Ashley shows Terri the gift she got Jimmy for their eight month anniversary. It's some bling bling, so Jimmy's blackness is sure to like it. Leave it to junior high kids to celebrate an eight month anniversary. Considering how long the average junior high relationship lasts, I guessed you'd want to aim for eight months instead of, say, a year. Any couple that stays together more than half a semester is practically married. In fact, I think under common law marriage, they are.

Anyway, the students have to memorize certain lines from Romeo and Juliet. Terri has been cast as a man, because she's fat and not pretty. Jimmy has been given the part of Romeo, and Paige has been cast as Juliet. Ashley is worried that Paige will use the opportunity to steal Jimmy away because Paige is a stone cold bitch.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

On the nerdier side of things, JT is excited because Dr. Sally is coming to Degrassi to give a sex education speech. Dr. Sally is a real person; she hosts a sex advice show in the US and Canada. She's just a dirty, dirty old woman. JT's disappointed that Dr. Sally will only be talking to the grade eighters, because JT hears she brings props and he really wants to see a dildo.

JT will have to wait until next year, when Dr. Sally returns and tells Marco he is gay. Marco objects, but Dr. Sally is the expert here, so he has no choice but to take her word for it and start making out with other guys.

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Media Immersion class begins. Mr. Simpson tells the students they will each have to create a website about an animal. Emma wants to do a report on Mama Onu, an endangered turtle. Out of nowhere, Toby's fantasy kicks in. In it, Emma is glowing orange and walking slowly toward Toby. Toby's, like, totally crushing on Emma. Like, for serious.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six Degrassi The Next Generation episode six Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

Dr. Sally gives a speech on erections and condoms to the eighth graders. Coach Armstrong is there, presumably because he would like to learn how condoms work and what erections are, but is too embarrassed to admit it so he just pretends like he is presiding over the class. The kids are giggling because that's what kids do. Actually, I giggled through the speech too, and I am more or less a grown adult. Hee hee...she covered a banana with a condom.

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Spinner's not shy about this; he knows a thing or two about erections. He asks Dr. Sally if a friend who has been dating for eights months should be having sex yet, and Dr Sally says fuck yeah they should be, what are they? A couple of  losers?

Jimmy and Ashley are embarrassed.

What's awesome about Spinner's question is that he actually has a friend who has been dating for eight months and isn't just saying that to cover for himself.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

Spinner and Jimmy sit down at lunch with some third guy who will only be their friend for this one episode. I guess guys just like to hang out near Spinner, in hopes Spinner eventually will notice that person and assume he must have been friends with the guy for a long time.

Getting back to the plot, Spinner is fascinated with the play Romeo and Juliet, because they had sex at thirteen. Third Guy says he heard Paige got it on at camp with a counselor, which must be true because I can't imagine why Paige would go to summer camp for any reason other than to have sex. Spinner asks if Jimmy is ever going to get it on with Ashley. Jimmy just kind of lowers his head after Spinner questions his manliness.

Spinner then says—fucking brace yourself for this line, I can't prepare you for it. He says:

"All I'm saying is you got two dines, but only one selling fries. And you really got a craving for fries." 

What ever the hell that means, who knows. The wisdom of Spinner is far and above what mere mortals like us can comprehend.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

JT and Toby join Emma, Manny and Sean for lunch. All the main seventh graders are there except for Liberty. They don't let that dirty bitch sit with them. I tried to get a screen cap of the five of them sitting together for this scene, but the director of Degrassi has some weird fascination with doing 100% intense close ups of people's heads all the time instead of group shots. So here's a picture of Sean with a badass expression on his face. Boy, that kid has huge eyebrows.

Toby tries to come on to Emma by pretending to be interested in turtles. He rented an endangered species video and invites everyone to watch it with him. Emma actually buys this rouse and agrees to come along. She asks Sean if he would like to watch it, and Toby is nervous because it appears that Emma likes Sean. Sean declines, and realizes he's hanging around a bunch of losers, so he leaves.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

At Ms. Kwan's class the next day, the kids rehearse their lines. Paige kisses Jimmy right in front of Ashley. If Degrassi has a villain this season, Paige is it. It makes it hard to feel sorry for her when she gets raped next year. If anything, she deserved it, because it made her not be a bitch anymore.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

Paige putting the moves on Jimmy convinces Ashley that she has to act fast to keep her black man. Ashley makes out with Jimmy at his locker, while Spinner watches. Ashley then says she's ready to go all the way.

In the alley behind school, Jimmy informs Spinner and Third Guy that Ashley wants to have sex. Spinner congratulates Jimmy, telling him he must have horse shoes up his butt. Then Spinner, always being the voice of responsibility, says it's time to get Jimmy Junior a present, and tells Jimmy he better get some condoms, lest he want a little mulatto to deal with in nine months.

With Terri's help, Ashley buys condoms from off the internet. Terri doesn't think it's a good idea, so Ashley fires back that Terri's never had a date, so doesn't know shit. Terri leaves in a fat huff.

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Emma is also on the internet, trying to find information on endangered turtles with no success. She uses the search engine Might Find It, which turns up no results. Use Google like a normal person, Emma, not some obscure engine that must only look at Canadian sites and even then says they only might find it. I just found 470,000 results for it using Google. Maybe Google wasn't popular yet in 2001, I forget. And in Emma's defense, it was damn near impossible to actually find what you were looking for on the internet back then (or now, actually).

Anyway, notice that one of the suggestions on the webpage says "Get Toby to search." That's creepy. I guess since Canada is such a close knit community that anyone named Toby is going to be good with computers. And on cue, Toby comes over to help.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

Toby seems to have created his own search engine, Toby Tracks. Look at the first result "Mama Onu Green Turtle - All Emma could ever need to know about the Green Turtle." Jesus, I think making a search engine requires a lot of money and effort and hard drives. Toby just creates one in his spare time to get chicks. Too bad search engines aren't sexy. If you think the guys who created Alta Vista ever managed to lose their virginity, well, you're a dumb ass.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

Emma is impressed with the first turtle site that comes up, saying "It has tons of stuff on turtles." But check it out: the entire site is just one sentence being repeated. This totally destroys the reality of the show. Boy, Emma's a retard.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

The seventh grade foursome go off to watch the endangered species video at Manny's house, when Liberty appears and pulls Emma off to help her edit the Grapevine, the Degrassi student newspaper. Liberty wasn't invited, so she has to ruin everyone's afternoon, what a cunt. Fuck you, Liberty. Go get hit by a truck. Toby is sad that Emma can't come over until later. He was really looking forward to one day getting into those flaming dolphin pants.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

Spinner takes Jimmy to buy condoms and what follows is one of the best scenes in all of Degrassi history. The convenience store they go to apparently has Pauly Shore working there. I guess after Son-in-Law II fizzled out, he had to take whatever job was available.

Spinner takes the initiative here, grabbing the right condoms for Jimmy and pushing him toward the counter. Spinner will do what it takes to promote safe sex. He's a stand up guy.

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Pauly Shore embarrasses Jimmy by describing the different kinds of condoms Jimmy could choose from. Pauly Shore suggests he use some different colored condoms to spice up the night. Spinner nods in agreement; he knows a good condom. Even though no condom can possibly contain Spinner's massive man meat, he still stays well informed on this stuff. Someone needs to educate Jimmy on being a man; his parents are never around, and Dr. Sally is creepy to talk to, always sticking condoms on food.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

Jimmy arrives at Ashley's house with the condoms. The two go up to her room, but just do a lot of awkward sitting around because neither of them can work up the nerve to make the first move. I don't even know if Jimmy would be old enough to produce semen, unlike Spinner, who has been able to produce semen since he was two months old, and plenty of it.

Meanwhile, Emma has finally got that blackhole* Liberty off her ass. Liberty thinks Emma would like to go out for smoothies. What the hell? God damn Liberty, develop some social skills. Or just kill yourself. You suck Liberty.

But instead of going to watch the video, Emma talks to Sean. They hit it off by talking about Sean's springier spaniel, whom he had to leave behind when he fled to Degrassi.

*Blackhole is a derogetory term for black people. It combines black and asshole. I think it is an excellant term because the literal meaning still somes up someone like Liberty.

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Toby is disappointed that Emma never showed up, and walks back home. Ashley and Jimmy have decided that the two of them are not ready for sex, because they are only thirteen for fuck's sake. Toby catches them blowing up condoms, and tells them to clean those up before the adults get home, and advises Jimmy to stay away from women because they ain't worth it. Toby's going to devote his time to JT for now on.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

The next day, Toby gets mad at Emma for skipping the video and walks away. Manny informs Emma that he has a crush on her and Emma is repulsed.

Spinner asks Jimmy how it went. Jimmy doesn't want to appear like a loser in front of Spinner, for fear Spinner will dick slap him, so he says he was about to get it on when Toby walked in. Spinner offers to "take care" of Toby.

And that's how you play the mating game.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode six

Grade: B
The A plot of Jimmy and Ashley was strong. Spinner was BUTT FUCKINGLY AWESOME as always, and super in his supporting role. The scene buying condoms in Pauley Shore's store was one of Degrassi's finest moments. Plus, Spinner had some sexy facial expressions.

The B plot of the Toby, Emma, and Sean love triangle was shit. Emma and Toby have had too many episodes devoted to them, and this needs to stop. They aren't interesting people. Sean, on the other hand, is Spinner Jr., and it will be good when he finally separates himself from those losers in season 3.

This would have been a Grade A episode without the Toby and Emma plot. I suppose the producers wanted to highlight how much lamer seventh grade romance is compared to eighth grade romance. But in reality, they are both pretty lame

Intensity Level: 75% Intense
The prospect of interracial sex was pretty intense. If they had done it, no doubt this episode would be 100% intense, or even higher. Jimmy made out like three times in this episode, too. Only John Stamos can get more action in 22 minutes, except he spends that time fucking girls in the ear.

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