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"When Doves Cry" Part 1

Season 2 Episodes 1 & 2
Canadian airdate: September 29th, 2002

Boycott the Café name: "Craig Gets Beat"
Important characters: Craig
Issue of the Week: Child abuse

It's the start of the second season of Degrassi. Along with new adventures, we'll meet a few new faces—none of them particularly interesting. And worse, these new people take away screen time that could be devoted to more Spinner shower scenes.

The first episode is a two-parter which introduces us to Craig Manning, aka Strokes Kid aka Annoying Asshole. Let's begin the review.

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We begin with some pervert in the park taking pictures of Joey Jeremiah's daughter, Angela.

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It turns out the pervert is Craig, the new cast member this season. He looks like a member of the rock band the Strokes. This explains why he becomes a rocker later on. Anyway, he was taking pictures of Angela for his own sick reasons. Craig's dad appears to be none other than Rivers Cuomo, front man of the rock band Weezer. Rivers is angry that Craig was late for dinner; so angry that he throws his food on the floor and walks off in a huff. That's rock stars for you, always with the temper tantrums if things don't go their way.

It's the first day of the new school year and Craig is a new student here. He makes friends with Sean after girls keep walking by them and calling them hot. Emma and Manny also have boxing gloves for some reason.

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Ms. Kwan explains that since Canada has closed down the high school, Degrassi Middle School is now also a high school and more crowded than ever. The large crowds will mostly disappear by the next episode, so we can assume that either the producers didn't bother to remember continuity, or Degrassi just kicked out about 500 students who won't have a chance to get an education now.

Kwan also has a bandage around her hand. It's not explained why it's there, but we can infer Spinner was behind it.

In Media Immersion, Mr. Simpson is passing out padlocks to the students. Why? I don't know. Mr. Simpson is just a creepy guy.

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Paige is angry. She needs money to get her hair done but doesn't want to work for it. I mean come on, why should she need to earn money like everyone else? She is the second season Paige, showing even more belly than ever.

Paige needs her hair done so she doesn't get a mullet. When Hazel and Terri ask what a mullet is, Paige points to two guys with filthy hair and—Hey one of them is Jason Mewes! Hot damn. Craig approaches them and says that child labor is illegal. What the hell, Craig? That's been old news since the 1930's. Way to keep up with things, ass. Paige asks "Who the hell are you are?"

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Ashley runs up to Paige, but Paige will have none of that. She is still mad from year when Ashley got high off ecstasy and called her a hag. Paige really can hold a grudge. For some reason a giant paper mache shark or whale is being put up.

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Craig goes to Angela's school to take more pictures of her for his kiddie porn website. Actually, Craig and Angela are half-siblings because they have the same mom, who divorced Rivers Cuomo to marry Joey. Craig just wants to be around his sister. Angela says she and Joey are going to visit mom after school.

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Now it's time for an old fan favorite, the nerdy JT and Toby side story. JT is looking for a girl, so Toby has put his search-engine-building computer skills to work and created the Toby Isaacs System, a matchmaking program (created by Toby Isaacs Esq). According to the system, JT is most compatible with Terri.

Look at those dumb stats. The only person who could think Terri reaches a cool factor of 4 and cute factor of 6 would have to be a loser like Toby, and he's off by about negative a billion.

Terri has a fat factor of 10.

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JT realizes that Toby is full of shit about dating Terri, and wants to get it on with Paige. Hold on there sprout, while Terri would be certainly be desperate enough to date you, Paige is way out of your league. She has the option of sleeping with Spinner after all. Still, JT has his eye on the prize, he's going after Paige.

You have to admire JT's moxie here. He's got quite the moxie. He may not get Paige now, but in just a few more weeks, Paige will get raped and JT will suddenly become friends with her. JT can be pretty cool, he just needs to get the hell away from Toby.

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Joey and Angela go to visit her mom—AT THE CEMETERY! Turns out Craig and Angela's mom is dead. I guess  I should have already known that since we have known since the first episode that Joey's wife died.

Hey, look over there, it's Craig photographing Angela at the cemetery. Joey notices him and Craig runs off. Jesus Craig, if you want to hang out with your sister, why don't you try to be even more creepy about it? I think photographing her from across a cemetery isn't enough. Try getting some pictures of her when she's sleeping in her room.

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Sometime later, Rivers Cuomo drives up to Joey's car dealership. Joey tells him that since Craig and Angela are brother and sister they should be allowed to see each other, but Rivers says to fuck off, he'll raise his son as he sees fit.

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It's a pleasant afternoon in Canada when Emma is babysitting Angela. She invited Manny and Craig over. Emma has a little crush on Craig, woo! Joey comes by, and when he sees Craig, he warns him that his dad doesn't want him near Angela.

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Craig comes home to find his dark room trashed. Rivers is mad that Craig's been spending time with Angela and beats the shit out of him. Turns out Craig is an abused child. Good, I say anyone who has watched Craig over the past three years knows he deserves it. Kid's a prick.

The end of that. On to Part 2 ->
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