"Weird Science"Season 2 Episode 5
Canadian airdate: October 20th, 2002
This episode of Degrassi is the best yet. It may be the best episode of all time, but it doesn't feature Craig, Spinner, or Jay having sex with anybody, so that's debatable. But I guarantee you will not be the same after watching this episode. You will be reborn anew, like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, after you see Spinner get his boner.
This simply spectacular episode begins at Emma's house. Emma's mother, Spike, is dating Emma's teacher, Snake. Spike and Snake were characters in the original Degrassi series and I guess they used to date each other. It's a good thing they decided to get back together as soon as this spinoff series started. That's very timely. Emma, though, is bothered that her creepy teacher is sticking it to her whore of a mother.
The next day, Emma is working on her science fair project, which is about how eating health food is good for you. Boy, what an original hypothesis, I wonder how it will turn out. Either way, I like the lab coat and the blender outside. Hey, is that Muslim Girl doing jumping jacks behind Manny?
Meanwhile, Spinner is enjoying a tasty banana while Jimmy asks Ellie out on a date. What the hell Jimmy? You're supposed to be a popular kid. You're too good for a loser like Ellie. You could be dating black Paige. Why do you want to mess around with someone who didn't even exist until an episode ago?
What's worse is that Ellie turns Jimmy down. Oh, Jimmy you got rejected by an annoying Goth girl which no man actual likes. Talk about a hit to your popularity. Now you're down there with JT and Toby. Instead of going to school dances from now on, you're going to have to stay home and look at porn on the net.
Jimmy wants to drown his sorrows in some grape soda and asks Spinner to join him. Spinner can't get up, though, because—get this: he has a BONER! Yeah! Boners are new to Spinner, so he blames his massive erections on eating health food for Emma's science project.
This episode is going to give us so many awesome Spinner quotes. For instance, in this scene, he says, "All I know is that I ate some health food, and now I'm, like, the Sex Superman." Hell yeah! Also, "Binder boner shield, nice."
God, this episode will rock.
In science class, the kids work on their science fair projects. Emma is annoyed that both Spinner and JT are not getting healthier by eating health food, thus screwing up her project. You see, if you are doing an experiment and the test subjects give unusual results, it's their fault and not yours. Even though your supposed to adapt your findings based on the test results, it doesn't mean...well nevermind. Long story short, Emma is being a bitch. Look for this in every other episode to feature Emma.
Hey, that guy is going to get kicked.
Emma confronts JT for screwing up her project. Toby and JT then start burping around Emma. That's a great way to impress girls, you guys, burp at them. The boys then go to the bathroom, where JT proceeds to spoon Toby.
Emma then goes to Spinner. As far as I can recall, this is the only time in the entire history of Degrassi when Emma and Spinner have ever talked to one another, and is possibly the only time they have even been in the same scene. What an occasion. Spinner yells at Emma "Your health food unleashed the beast within!" and runs off. What an awesome name for an erection—the beast within. I'm going to have to remember that. Emma is upset she won't get to spend more time around Spinner's boner.
The next day is the science fair! What fun! JT has developed a new type of breast implants made from lard. I bet he can talk Toby into those surgically installed.
Emma is still miffed that her science project has weird results. Manny makes some comment about how candy bars make her happy, and someone this send out a jolt of inspiration in Emma. Oh that Manny, she's such a valuable sidekick. Where would Emma be without her shadow?
Emma runs off to the computer lab to make some last minute alterations to her project.
Liberty presents her science project, something about plants or some shit. Who cares? The judges sure don't; they tell Liberty that her project sucks, she sucks as well, and should jump off a tall building. I hate Liberty, but I like this screenshot because Liberty is sad in it. Fuck you, Liberty. I hope you get shot in the face.
Emma runs back to the fair. She has printed off a new banner for her display. That's all she does to change her project, so I don't know why she makes such a big damn deal about it. But the judges are impressed. I think that handsome photo of Spinner in her display had something to do with it. I really like how she was able to explain away the fact that Spinner's results contradicted her conclusion just by saying that's Spinner, as if that counted as a perfectly valid scientific explanation.
Time for the science fair awards ceremony. Hey, it's Wheelchair Girl. Boy, if both Muslim Girl and Wheelchair Girl are in the same episode, consider your face rocked.
Emma wins first place for her project detailing Spinner's chubby. Two of the judges were woman and Mr. Simpson is just weird, so it makes sense.
I chose this screenshot of Emma accepting her award because it kind of looks like Emma has down syndrome here, and those people are funny.
At lunch, Spinner tells Jimmy that having a 24/7 erection is pretty good deal, saying "What ever's giving me boners is turning me into as major chick magnet." It's true. All the ladies, even Lunch Lady, give Spinner mad props. This leads Spinner to state the obvious conclusion: "The entire female race is a slave for Spinner." Damn straight. And it's not just the ladies either, let me tell you. Spinner vows to continue eating healthy food to keep his man juices flowing.
Spinner take a hearty bite out of apple and accidentally squirts semen onto Jimmy's face. Jimmy feels honored.
Later, Jimmy sees that Ellie has given Spinner her number. Jimmy is mad, but Spinner calms him down by saying, "Charles Derwin says that man has to spread his seed to survive. So dating Ellie is just part of my human duty." Yeah, it's his duty. There's no other reason for the big man on campus, Spinner, to want to go out without a loser like Ellie unless it was solely to impregnate her.
I know what you are all thinking: but wouldn't that baby be half of Ellie's stupid Goth DNA? Don't worry, my friend, Spinner's genes are so dominate that the baby will totally have his genetic code and none of Ellie's; there's no gene swapping going on here. Really, Spinner is just cloning himself when he impregnates a girl.
Jimmy says that it was Charles Darwin who said that. Wrong! Charles Derwin was a guy who told Spinner that he, specifically, has a duty to impregnate woman. You know good old, Charlie Derwin, he's the guy who sells pet fish out of the trunk of his car.
Anyway, Liberty has found out that Mr. Simpson is dating Emma's mom. Since he was also a science fair judge, Liberty feels there was a bias and that Emma should give up her award. Liberty tells Emma this when they are in the bathroom and she starts flossing her teeth for some God damn reason.
Anyway, it turns out there was no bias. Emma won because she wasn't a stupid asshole like Liberty.
In English class, the students are having an improv day. Jimmy, wearing a tiara for some reason, suggests that Spinner and Paige act out a scene where Paige is a lonely housewife and Spinner is a delivery man. Jimmy's just setting up the plotline for a porno movie here.
Oh no, Paige's groping is going to unleash the beast within. Maybe Spinner can hold it, maybe...maybe...
No. He unleashes his boner in front of the whole class. Click here to see what The-N didn't want you to see.
Every single girl in the room experiences an orgasm by proxy. Look at how amazed they are to be in the presence of such a magnificent erect cock. These girls would have never thought a penis that wasn't attached to Shaquille O'Neal or John Stamos could be so damn huge.
Paige considers how great it would be to stick that monster in her mouth. She'll get her chance in about a year.
Later on, Jimmy and Spinner asks the Lunch Lady about boners. Lunch Lady assures the boys that health food has nothing to do with erections and that it is all the result of hormones. Lunch Lady once cooked clams to arose her husband. Jimmy and Spinner end the day having learned about some weird science.Rating: A+
The best episode of the season by far. Spinner's boner makes this an instant classic. Plus it doesn't have any Craig or Marco and only a little bit of Ellie, which is a rare gift in season 2.
Intensity Level: 100% Intense
Boner boner boner boner boner. Intense.
What The N didn't want you to see (banned in America!):
More Awesome Spinner Quotes:
"My bat...it's wooden."
Paige (as a lonely woman): Why don't you come in for a drink?
Spinner (as package deliverer): No I can't because I hate you.
Jimmy: Hey, Spin! And how is "Little Spinner" doing today?
Spinner: Little Spinner is hiding, and so should you, because I'm gonna kill you.