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This episode is part of the Sour 16 set of reviews.
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"Careless Whisper"

Season 2 Episode 14
Canadian airdate: January 3rd, 2003

Boycott the Caf name: "Marco is Gay, but Doesn't Get Beaten Up This Time. You're Thinking of 'Pride.'"
Important characters: Marco, Ellie, Toby, Kendra
Issue of the Week: Homosexuality

Degrassi The Next Generation episode twenty-nine

Spinner, Sean, Marco and Jimmy are playing basketball. I thought Jimmy and Sean still hate each other, but Spinner must have wanted to play two on two basketball, so he ordered Jimmy and Sean to get along for now.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode twenty-nine Degrassi The Next Generation episode twenty-nine  

The thing is Marco can't keep from looking at Spinner and Sean's nipples. That's not unusual, I can't stop looking at shirtless Spinner and Sean either. No human possibly could. There is nothing gay about that, but Marco seems to be worried.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode twenty-nine

This screencap is the best Degrassi shot EVER! I am going to make it into my wallpaper. Not for my computer, but for my actual bedroom.

Sean and Spinner see Marco checking them out and totally call him on it. Marco is embarrassed but rebounds by insinuating that Spinner and Sean would like to see him shirtless. Marco then makes a basketball shot, because youth TV shows are very affirmative action when it comes to sports skills. We all know that Marco sucks at basketball and could never make basketball shot even if Brad Pitt offered to suck his dick if did. In real life Marco would be picked last. And if there were an odd number of people who wanted to play, he would be forced to be ref.

We come back from the credits to see Marco and Ellie talking in the hallway. Ellie clearly likes Marco, but Marco is more interested in hanging out with the guys. Who wouldn't? This is Ellie we are talking about.

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In Media Immersion, Simpson announces that Dr. Sally is coming back to show the class how to put condoms on bananas again. "Derogatory jokes are not acceptable ever...except when I am being derogatory towards one of you students, which I do all the time."

Dr. Sally is back. Armstrong is there, again under the guise of supervising the class, but he is really there because he wants to learn what sex is. This is a man who has only been with Liberty, he needs all the help he can get.

Jimmy asks Dr. Sally about gay people. Dr. Sally says gay people get off on big cocks like normal dudes get off on big titties. That's actually pretty much what she said. Paige says her brother is gay and was born that way. Dr. Sally says that is probably how it happens and if there is a gay gene then kids of gay person could become gay. Ashley shits herself. Terri says that some people say being gay is a sin. Gluttony is a sin too, girl.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode twenty-nine

Meanwhile, Toby is smothering Kendra. Not literally, he didn't cover her face with a pillow while she slept. He is just not giving her any space in their relationship. Kendra is in Media Immersion and Toby walks by and makes gooey-gooey kisses through the window. I don't think that has anything to do with Kendra. Toby is just in love with the computer lab.

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Kendra tells Toby that he should back off the togetherness because she got in trouble when he had his pants off in front to the Media Immersion classroom. Toby says he also got in trouble because Kwan thought he took too long going to the bathroom. Toby should have just told Kwan he had to stay in the bathroom because of his Jew bladder. Then when Kwan asks what's that, Toby should tell her to not mock his people or he will sue. And Toby knows several good lawyers.

Toby then unveils a new schedule for Kendra to help her with her homework as well as smooch. Toby really put a lot of thought into this. I also want to know when Kendra is going to have time to go to class. Of course, Degrassi only really emphasizes Media Immersion and has a two hour lunch break and sports games during class time, so the school is not big on the whole "education" thing. Degrassi is giving Canada a bunch of kids who can make a webpage but can't do multiplication or read.

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School concludes and Marco has some private time to look at some gay websites. Marco finds that the school has blocked gayporn.com and bigblackcocksinlittlewhiteboys.com so Marco checks out Dr. Sally's website to see if he is gay. He notes that he doesn't find Dr. Sally attractive. When he looks at her, he find her to be withered and old. This makes Marco worry he is not attracted to women.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode twenty-nine

Marco decides to give the straight thing one last try and he asks Ellie out on a date. The date doesn't go too well because Marco doesn't want to touch Ellie because, come on, it's Ellie.

The next day Ashley asks Ellie about the date. When Ellie says that not much happen end, Ashley considers that Marco might be gay. Ellie is like, "From Spinner I'd expect that. From you? I'm disappointed." Yeah, well, how about Spinner was right? Marco is gay. Spinner is never wrong.

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Toby decides the best way to appease Kendra is to decorate her locker with hearts and stuff. I think he is just pulling the decorations from off the locker next to hers. Kendra hates this and is certainly not charmed by the Toby throw pillow. Toby is worried that it means Kendra wants to break up with him, but then Kendra punches Toby in the ribs and says that he just needs to give her some space.

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Marco needs to prove he is not of the homo-sex. So he kisses Ellie in front of the guys and tries his best to hold in his vomit. Later, the gang gets together to work on their Media Immersion project, because Media Immersion is the more important thing in the world to Canadian kids. They are at Ashley's house. I don't know where Toby is. I can't imagine he gets out of the house much. He was probably at JT's practicing kissing.

Ellie leads Marco into Ashley's room to make out. But Marco can't do it and he starts crying. That's not unusual, I cry every time I have to make out. But then girls just scare me. Marco confesses to Ellie that he might me gay. Ellie decides to be his beard because she has nothing better to do and it means she'll have a friend besides Ashley. No more Saturday nights playing Yahtzee with her cat or trips to Hot Topic alone, she can now date a gay boy.

Rating: D+
There is no such thing as a good Marco episode. I am not even sure if Marco is gay. So he likes to look at Spinner and Sean shirtless, big deal. We all do. Marco just doesn't know that everyone finds Spinner and Sean hot, men and women, gays and straights. And so he doesn't want to kiss Ellie, who would? Ellie looks like the girl who works the cell phone kiosk at your mall. Marco has just fallen into several unlucky coincidences that makes him think he is gay. Add to the fact that Spinner says he is gay, then it's a life of having an extra wide asshole for our boy Marco.

Intensity Level: 49% Intense
This is one of those instances where I forgot why I gave this episode the rating I did. I started this review several months ago and forgot about until this week. I guess the part where Toby decorated the locker was intense. Or something. Whatever.

Deleted Scene: (What you can only see on the DVD)

Degrassi The Next Generation episode twenty-nine

There is a scene where Spinner, Jimmy, and Ashley are sitting on filing cabinets in the middle of the hallway eating lunch. I don't know what they are doing on filing cabinets. I guess Spinner pulled those out of teacher's lounge. They discuss whether Marco is gay. Spinner does a real sweet impression of Paige.
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