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This episode is part of the Sour 16 set of reviews.
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"Dressed in Black"

Season 2 Episode 18
Canadian airdate: January 19th, 2003

Boycott the Caf name: "Ashley Freaks Jimmy Out" or "JT & Toby Learn About Safe Sex"
Important characters: Ashley, Jimmy, Craig, Spinner, JT & Toby
Issue of the Week: Fitting in (II), HOT TEEN SEX (II)

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Jimmy and Ashley have rekindled their relationship. Too bad Jimmy is scared shitless because Ashley is being more Goth than ever now. Come on Ashley, you have Jimmy and all your friends back, you don't need to be Goth anymore.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty three

Meanwhile, the 8th graders are learning about sexual education in their annual sexual education lesson. Degrassi is interesting in this regard. When I took sex ed in middle and high school, it went on for the better part of the year (we spent the rest of the time learning to sew and make cinnamon buns, the latter being the only skill learned from school I still value to this day). But Degrassi kids only get one hour every year. I don't think that is enough time to teach kids as much as they need to know about that stuff, though considering how much of the Degrassi student body is having regular intercourse, they seem to be doing something right.

I remember from my sex ed class that I aced the quiz where I had to identify all the different parts of the female reproductive system. Too bad I forget all that information now. Knowing the female anatomy is like learning an instrument, if you don't get any practice, you forget it all. Sigh.

I'm so lonely.

Anyway, Dr. Sally is in China touring with her band, so Mr. Armstrong is teaching the class. Despite being so sexually naive that he has to get it on with a student, Armstrong read enough on the internet last night to fake his way through the lecture. And yes, that is a condom on his back, JT threw it there. Armstrong may put up a tough exterior as a coach and all, but you know when he finds it he is going to cry alone in his car and wonder why his life took such a wrong turn that he ended up working as a teacher and losing his virginity to 7th grader in overalls.

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Anyway, Jimmy isn't digging Ash's Goth look. Dudes who are into girls who dress like Morticia Addams aren't the type of guys who talk to many girls. They are the type of guys who mainly spend Saturday nights reading online vampire porn. For Shakespeare class, the kids have to work in pairs to redo a scene from Taming of the Shrew. Ashley has been paired with Craig, who is wearing leaves on his head. I imagine Craig spent the last several hours in a bush, probably taking secret photos of people. He tends to do that.

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Toby is confused about condoms, but JT is here to help. Ok, this whole next sequence works best if you pretend that JT and Toby are a homosexual couple and are preparing to have sex for the first time, which would not require a big stretch of the imagination. Toby asks, "When do we buy them?" JT pronounces, "No time like the present!" and they head to the drug store. Perusing the various brands, they notice that there are Piña Colada flavored condoms. JT wishes they had a bacon flavor. The two youngins then go back to being the kids they are and play lightsabers with canes. When they do buy their condoms, they have a hard time convincing the clerk that they are not going to have sex with each other. So, JT asks for separate bags and the clerk's phone numbers. That line is so corny that the stocker in the back is visibly disgusted.

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Ashley ditches the Goth look to please Jimmy. Now she looks like a young boy. Ashley goes through a great deal of turmoil over changing her image, and we are led to believe that Ashley is no longer being true to herself by being conformist. Too bad she drops the Goth thing completely next season and is perfectly fine. Being Goth is just a phase, like homosexuality. We all go through something like it.

Ashley breaks up with Jimmy via a poem and starts seeing Craig, because Craig was vocal about Ashley staying true to herself, even if it means being Goth. Craig will say anything to sleep with someone.

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Spinner finds out about the condoms and is beyond enraged at the thought that Toby would want to touch his sister. He can barely tolerate them eating lunch at the same table without wanting to rip out Toby's bowels. Spinner just hates the idea of Toby being over his house and spreading his nerdiness on their furniture.

JT and Toby find Spinner's personal website. It is a really awesome website about how much he hates Toby. There is an animation of him punching Toby's head right off his body as well as a poll asking whose face should Spinner rearrange. All the options are Toby.

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Toby then gets an email asking "Are you afraid?" They look behind them to see Spinner in the back row. JT and Toby run away in fear.

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Toby thinks he has found safety with Kendra, since Kendra is so much stronger than Toby. But Kendra throws Toby up against the locker and yells at him for ever thinking she would have sex with him. This relationship doesn't go beyond discussing Pokemon and never will, she says.

Spinner later finds Toby and readies a beatdown. Toby does not resist this, he has accepted that there is nothing he can do to stop his death at Spinner's hands. He just tries to make peace with whatever god Jews worship and tells Spinner that JT put him up to buying the condoms. Toby would never think of having sex with a woman, because, as Johnny Dangerous once said:

If he ever saw a naked woman, he would either completely freeze up, or be finished before he even had a chance to drop his pants. If by some chance of fortune a woman actually got him into bed before he was done, he would probably do something incredibly creepy, like call her mom or JT. Then afterwards I am sure he would start crying.

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Spinner decides to let Toby live (for now) and take out his anger on JT. Spinner covers JT with glow in the dark condoms and has people laugh at him. This is pretty impressive of Spinner for two reasons. One, it must have taken at least a half an hour to cover JT with all those condoms, they had to be tied together and stretched out with Spinner giant wang. So Spinner had to intimidate JT enough to make him just stand there and not run away while Spinner put the condoms on him. Two, this is taking place at school, so Spinner had to skip class, though that is not a big deal at Degrassi.

Rating: B-
It had it's moments. Not that I care for the beginnings of the Craig and Ashley relationship, but there was a lot of dialogue between JT and Toby that made them sound gay, so that was funny.

Intensity Level: 26% Intense
I refuse to explain this.

Final Thoughts:
This episode had some awesome screencaps. This one of Spinner would be a great condom advertisement:

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This one of Ashley would make a kickass cover to a hard rock album:

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