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This episode is part of the Sour 16 set of reviews.
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"Tears Are Not Enough" Part 2

<-- Previously on Degrassi

 

Word has gotten around school that Craig's dad, Rivers Cuomo, has died. 15 year old emo girls are balling their eyes out, but Craig is very cool about it. He goes about his day at school as if he still had parents.

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The kids are setting up for the dance. They get to skip class, of course. It's hard as hell to teach kids at Degrassi when they get a dozen opportunities each week to ditch class. No wonder all the teachers are so bitter and depressed. And hey, Paige, way to be a bitch and walk on the giant poster they are trying to paint. You could have moved two feet to the right and not get your shoe prints on it, but hey, fuck anyone who isn't Paige. Right? RIGHT??

Ashley wants to do something to help Craig deal with his father's death. Terri says, "You can't, not really. I know first hand, my mom. Remember?" Terri, no one cares about your dead mother, there is a new child of a dead parent in town. It is like when you are the new kid in school, once someone else moves to town, you are no longer the new kid. Plus, people like Craig way more than Terri so he is going to get more sympathy from people. Besides, when Terri's mother died, everyone just bought Terri a McDonalds gift certificate and she was perfectly fine. Craig is going to be much harder to comfort.

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The dance is going to have an Hawaiian luau theme. This is a big deal for the school since no one in Canada knows what it is like to live in place that has nice weather. Also, Paige has entered Spinner and her as candidates for luau king and queen. Jimmy is still mad about the time Spinner stole his mp3 player so he wants to get revenge by competing against them for king and queen. But first he needs a queen. This is why he goes to Hazel and asks her to the dance, thus beginning one of Degrassi's longest running relationships, and one we will not hear about one bit for another two years.

This is the beginning of Degrassi's brief rule that a character could only date someone of the same race. It was kind of a horrible policy, but the people who make Degrassi are hateful and racist.

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Craig and Joey go to his father's house to clear out the stuff. Man, they should live there instead of at Joey's. It is way bigger and Craig owns it. It is only a matter of time before Craig becomes the man of the house and Joey has to beg him for money anyway, this way Joey at least gets a bigger bedroom.

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River's funeral begins. Some people from the school are there, some of River's friends are there, and some people are just there who enjoy going to funerals. Craig bursts out laughing during the eulogy because he hates his dad. I thought Craig was doing what I do sometimes: I'll be in class or some other public place, will think about something I saw on The Daily Show, and start laughing. I do that all the time at funerals.

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Paige wants Spinner and her to look authenticly Hawaiian so they will win king and queen. To do this, they will need to tan. But because Canada gets no sunlight, they need to go to a tanning salon. While Paige looks at man porn, Spinner has to use the tanning machine. The thing is, Spinner is afraid of tanning machines and starts screaming when he is inside one. He is let out and demands that Paige and him go home because he is scared. He won't allow Paige to get a tan because the tanning booth is too dangerous. But Paige goes in anyway and hands Spinner the man porn.

We should not laugh at Spinner for this. All great men have some phobia. Indian Jones was scared of snakes and Jesus was afraid of nails.

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Ok, well it is the luau dance time. Mr Simpson is there dressed as the Crocodile Hunter. The Crocodile Hunter is from Australia, not Hawaii, but it's not like anyone in Canada has any idea what a tropical place looks like. They are just basing this dance off what they have seen from episodes of Gilligan's Island.

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Craig and Ashley win king and queen due to the sympathy vote. This makes Craig go insane and he tears up the decorations. I guess that is Craig being bipolar. I also guess the show was working on establishing him as bipolar several seasons before he was diagnosed. This marks the only time in the show's history that something has been thought through for more than a two episode span.

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Since Terri has dealt with a dead parent, she goes to help Craig out. But Craig already had one parent die before his dad, so he has more experience in this than her. Still, Terri helps him calm down. Raditch goes to see if he can help, but he is so disgusted to see Craig crying that he leaves immediately.

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Ok, so misfortune has beset Spinner, Paige, Jimmy and Hazel. Paige is sunburned from the tanning booth, Spinner has turned orange from malaria, and Jimmy is allergic to anything Hawaiian. Nothing happened to Hazel, only because the writers didn't think it was worth spending the ten seconds to think of something for her to have. Ellie takes a picture of them, calling them losers. Well, at least they have friends. Ellie if you actually made an effort to be polite to others in anyway you might not find yourself so horribly lonely.

Rating: C
I really don't want to write any more review tonight.

Intensity Level: 59% Intense
Someone died. Too bad Weezer has been phoning it in for the past decade, so this doesn't deserve to be 100% Intense.

Final Thoughts:
Season 2 was a bit of a placeholder season. There was not a whole lot that distinguished it from season 1. Things don't get really crazy until next season, which makes sense because your life is pretty boring in the 9th grade. It's the 10th grade that you start getting girls pregnant and join street gangs.

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