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"Father Figure" Part 1

Season 3 Episodes 1 & 2
Canadian airdate: September 17th, 2003

Boycott the Caf name: "Emma's Dad is Retarded"
Important characters: Emma, Snake, Spike, Spinner
Issue of the Week: The bonds of family

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

This episode is big Emma story. In fact, it is so Emma-centric, you'd think this was a first season episode. But no, this is the third season--the big three--a season is so much more intense that the first could have ever hoped to be and there's no mistaking the two. You will blown away this season with the developments of Sean...and...um...the introduction of Chris...and...well, actually you won't be blown away. Season 3 has that stupid Holiday two-parter and that damn Breakfast Club episode, so it still has a lot of shit. But overall, season 3 is probably the best season when averaged out. Let's begin.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

It is the first day of school. Spinner and Paige are now officially dating. That's great. Spinner and Paige are Degrassi's A list for their respective genders, and this has been a long time coming. Look at the masculine pride Spinner feels as Paige gives him a hand job in the parking lot.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

Paige is upset that her locker is located in the hall where they put all the freaks. Instead, she wants a locker located near the girl's bathroom. Oh that Paige, she likes to be in the girl's bathroom. It's her office. In fact, I think all the girls call their bathroom her office in this episode.

I like that after noticing Paige spends time in the bathroom in the first two seasons, the producers threw us a bone and are giving us an episode where Spinner ends up spending the show trying to get his girlfriend a locker near the bathroom.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

In school, Emma finds that her name is now listed as Emma Simpson (Snake's last name) instead of Emma Nelson (her original last name). Emma doesn't like this because Spike didn't even change her name when she married Snake. In fact, she made Snake take her last name and change his middle name to Bitch.

Emma looks through an old eighties yearbook. See Shane McKay? Of course you do, I took a screencap. That's Emma's dad. He took off after knocking up Spike in high school. Emma thinks about what it would be like to have her dad around.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

Emma goes home to see Snake painting the house. He's being way too goopy with the paint. Spread it around, man. It will never dry like that.

Emma asks about Shane, but Spike gets all bitchy and refuses to talk about it. Emma is miffed.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

We move on to Spike's baby shower. Spike is still pregnant with that baby from "White Wedding." At least she's actually having a child born in wedlock this time. Spike wants to have a home birth, meaning she plans to deliver the baby in her house instead of a hospital. What a great idea. Except for the extreme pain you'll fell not using any anesthesia. Also delivering a baby in the nice sanitary setting of a living room. And the lack of a trained doctor in case something goes wrong.

In the beginning of this episode, Spike made Emma and Snake think she was about to deliver her baby, but that was just a test drill. Spike has put the two of them through several test drills and when Emma complains about how exhausting these have been, Spike tells her to go fuck herself.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

Damn, that woman has a big fucking mouth.

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The next day, Marco is busy making himself look pretty, with the gay mirror attached to his gay locker. Spinner comes by and describes how he will get Paige a locker near the girl's bathroom by pulling off a series of locker trades in plan called Operation: Locker Storm. Look how detailed this plan is, Spinner really put effort into it. Marco tells Spinner he's a genius and has a sweet ass. Spinner doesn't quite know how to take that.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

Operation: Locker Storm begins. Spinner asks JT how he likes his and Toby's locker. Spinner doesn't asks for Toby's input because Spinner doesn't give a shit what Toby thinks, but JT is slowly winning over the cool kids. JT complains that the locker is no where near any ladies. Spinner offers him a locker next to some wrestling chicks and JT agrees to switch.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

The next stop is Chris, the new character on the show. Spinner tries to get Chris to switch his locker, but Chris is incapable of speaking in any language other than the mumbly one Mush Mouth from Fat Albert uses. Spinner asks Chris to trade and Chris says something  like, "Shubba dubba dubba my lobber tis subba fee to dade. Shubba dubba dubba." Spinner is confused, but figures that Chris agreed to trade his locker and moves on.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

At the end of the day, Spinner gets Paige her locker near the bathroom. Operation: Locker Storm was a success. Spinner celebrates his victory in the hallway. You have every right to celebrate Spinner. You are awesome.

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Meanwhile, Emma wants to meet her real dad. She finds an address that should be her father's on the internet and Emma and Craig skip school to go meet him. They knock at the door of a Dr. McKay WHO'S A NEGRO! Oh my, Emma is a mulatto! Actually, Emma just found the wrong McKay. Back to square one.

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Spinner shows Paige the new locker he got her, but Paige doesn't like it because it has some chipped paint or something trivial like that. Instead, she wants Jimmy's locker, which Jimmy can open using one of his futuristic laser devices from the future, instead of a lock. Paige wants Spinner to bust his ass all over again and get her Jimmy's locker. What a bitch. Paige, it looks like you need to be raped again.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

Back to the main plot. It turns out Snake had Shane McKay's address on his computer all along, so Emma just looks at that. Shane lives in a town called Stouffville, which is a long way from Degrassi. So far away that Emma and Craig have to take the train to get there. Train travlein' music starts a playin' as the two cross the untamed country side of Ontario.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

They arrive in Stouffville and go to the hospital where Emma's real dad is.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

Well, long story short, Emma's dad isn't a doctor there, he's a retard.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode thirty eight

Emma don't like this.

Head over to Part 2:
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