"Pride" Part 1Season 3 Episodes 4 & 5
Canadian airdate: October 8th & 15th, 2003
Ok, I'm going to start this review off at the Spike-Snake household and get Snake's B plot out of the way, then we'll move onto Marco's Big Gay Adventure.
Snake has a really bad cold, but this doesn't stop Spike from yelling at him over the possibility of him getting the baby sick. Emma complains that Snake hasn't fixed the pipes. Spike then orders Snake to get the hell out of her house so he doesn't infect the baby. Man, Snake is whipped. Even Emma gets to order him around.
Meanwhile, Craig is about to get it on with Ashley on Joey's couch, when Snake spoils the mood when he comes in to spend the night. Craig orders Joey to his room for allowing Snake over and ruining his moment. Craig's the man of the house and Joey better recognize.
Craig and Mr. Simpson end up playing X-box. Look how disappointed Ashley is. She'll not be getting any sex because Craig prefers Halo to her cooch.
Suddenly, Mr. Simpson collapses and has a nose bleed. That's what you get for picking it.
The next day, Mr. Simpson goes to the doctor and finds out he has leukemia. Oh my.
Okay, now on to the A plot.
All the cool ninth graders are going to the beach. That is, all the cool kids plus Ellie. She is only here because she is currently pretending to be Marco's girlfriend to hide his homosexuality. Ellie is Marco's beard, if you will. Marco is one of the cool kids, so they have to let Ellie come along with him. Ellie, though, is getting tired off having to cover his gayness and breaks up with him when they are alone.
The cool kids play volleyball, while Ellie sits by herself and reads. Ellie, come on already, the popular kids are willing to put up with you, so make some kind of friggin' effort to do something with them. Don't just sit there and do nothing like a stuck up Goth. And who the hell wears all that black to the beach? Goddamn it Ellie, I hate you. Go hang out with Liberty.
Paige and Hazel then sit down with Dylan, Paige's gay older bother. The three of them check out the asses on a couple of joggers. Boy, those gay men, they enjoy the ass.
Later, the gang gathers around for a picnic. Spinner cooks on one of those cheap public charcoal grills you always see at parks. Those grills are nice because not only are they incapable of cooking food so it doesn't end up bad tasting and burnt, but then there's the fact that no one ever bothers to clean them.
Spinner motions for Marco to put the moves on Ellie. Marco would rather not, but no one disobeys Spinner, so Marco starts groping the Goth's arm. Ellie gets grossed out by having a homo touch her and she tells to everyone that she and Marco have broken up. Everyone is shocked.
Marco then runs off for some reason. Dylan can sense Marco's gayness because he has that super power, so he follows Marco. The two of them sit on some rocks and reflect.
How about how shitty the weather is? Why did they go to the beach in the first place? It's too cloudy and no one went swimming. Plus they wore jackets the whole time. God damn Degrassi people could have put off shooting for one day to let the weather clear up.
The next day, Marco tries to talk Dylan, who is at Degrassi even though he is looks far too old to be in a high school.
Hey, it's Jay, in his first appearance! Sweet! Jay tells Marco to stay away from Dylan, implying Dylan likes to butt fuck people. I'm sure that is true, since Dylan is a homo and all. But Jay meant it in a derogatory way.
Jay and Dylan do a stare down before Jay leaves because Dylan threatened to have butt sex with him. I wonder why Jay and Dylan have so much animosity between them? Jay probably stole Dylan's candy bar at some point, which would be enough to create a really heated rivalry. A stolen candy bar was responsible for the last war in Bosnia, you know.
I for one, would like to know what Dylan is doing at the school in the first place, since, again, he is too old to be a high schooler. Maybe he works there or something. Or maybe he just sneaks in to use the copy machine.
Anyway, in sciences class, Spinner asks Marco why he broke it up with Ellie, postulating it was because Ellie would not put out. Marco can't say much, lest he reveal his gayness. Spinner then sets up Marco on a date with Hazel. Oh no! Marco is in trouble now.
After school, Paige and Spinner double date with Marco and Hazel at the Dot, the only place kids have to hang out in Canada.
Marco is having a good time with Hazel until Ellie comes by. Awkward!
Ha! Take that Ellie, Marco wasn't really gay, he was just faking it because he didn't want to be around you.
Seeing Ellie makes Marco all teary eyed. Check out that thing under Marco's lip. What the hell is that? Did he forget to shave that part of his chin? Jesus, this has been bugging me this whole episode. That is such a gay way to shave.
Marco suddenly bolts outside and dashes into the alley in distress. Spinner runs after Marco, grabs him and repeatedly slams and punches him against the wall, demanding to know why Marco ran off. Marco can't speak because he is being thrown around and crying while Spinner demands he explain himself, but finally admits that he is gay. Spinner then backs off and leaves in disgust.
What's funny about this was that Spinner didn't punch Marco because he was gay, he was only beating him up to get Marco to talk, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense, because Marco would need to stop being thrown around to be able to talk, but it was hilarious to watch. Now Spinner has to go home and wash the HIV off his hands.
Click on the crying fag to go to Part 2: