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"Weddings, Parties, Anything"

Season 5 Episode 5
Canadian airdate: October 17th, 2005

Boycott the Caf name: "Ellie and Manny Interact"
Important characters: Craig, Ellie, Manny, Joey
Issue of the Week: The Craig Love Triangle (VI) - Now with Ellie

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty six

Degrassi's hip new street logo.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty six

Downtown Sasquatch is rehearsing, now with Ellie on drums. Craig's dream for the band involves them playing funk music at weddings. Since Spinner is out, Craig has given up ever thinking about hitting it big, and has decided to settle. Jimmy pointed out both Craig and his music is lame, because being a cripple has made Jimmy really moody. Jimmy speaks the truth, too, I have been waiting for someone to finally tell Craig he has no talent. Way to go, brother man.

Craig and Ellie are now alone, and Craig teaches Ellie about the beat, just like when Chris showed Emma about the beat, except Craig doesn't use it as an excuse to feel Ellie's breasts, he actually just wants to teach her drums. How lame. Come on Craig, you're getting outdone by someone who probably isn't even on the show anymore.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty six

You know, I find it funny every time I see Jimmy wheeling along while other characters walk beside him.

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Marco wants to know what Craig did alone with Ellie, specifically whether Craig was naked and had an erection. Marco really wanted details on Craig's erection. Craig says he did not do anything, because he is giving up girls. Marco is really happy for a few seconds until Craig says he wants to become a monk and concentrate on the music, because girls are the root of all his problems. He's either getting them pregnant or forcing them to flee to Europe. Plus when girls touch him, Craig has to walk into doors.

Hey, Marco, you look like a gay gang member.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty six

We get a brief scene of JT begging Liberty not to hate him for making Liberty pregnant. God damn what is the point of this scene? We already know JT and Liberty resolved their shit last episode. This out of place and makes no sense. There is no need for this scene and no need for either of them to be alive anymore.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty six

Manny passes by Spinner holding hands with his new babe, Darcy the Christian. They ignore Manny, as they are both entranced in Spinner's awesomeness. Manny realizes how badly she lost out when she left Spinner and is about to cry.

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Peter comes up to Manny wanting her to make another porno so he can complete his epic trilogy. It looks like Peter was about to punch Manny in the stomach to get her to cooperate, but then Craig shows up prepares to kick some ass. It's the stare down of the pretty boys, and Craig wins. You can't out pretty Craig.

I was just wondering now, does Peter even have any friends? Maybe he can be Toby's new friend now that Rick is dead. Peter has seen a girls breasts, so he's Toby's hero. Hell, Peter has talked to a girl, so he's like a god to Toby.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty six

Craig and Manny get to talking. Craig is really enticed with Manny after he saw her boob video.

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In other Craig news, Downtown Sasquatch have been hired for their first wedding after auditioning for the bride's sister. The sister not only likes Craig's band, but is also attracted to Joey, so man, does she have shitty taste. By the way, this girl is also a phenomenal drunk because she spends the whole time drinking lots of wine.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty six

Hanging out at the Dot. Craig is about to eat with Ellie when Many shows up. Craig invited Manny to eat with them, much to Ellie's consternation. It seems Ellie likes Craig, but that is mainly because Craig has been unknowingly leading her on. Craig still wants to be a monk.

Check out Spinner in the back. He's talking to Darcy on the phone. This is what I heard from him: "What are doing on Sunday? Yeah I know you got church but what about after that? Nothing eh...[Marco says something gay, drowning out Spinner.] So tell me, was church fun today?"

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty six

The next scene has Joey buying condoms. That's so gross it feels like a Liberty scene. He's also has 40 ounce of malt liquor, for his master plan to get that one girl drunk so he can sleep with her. No woman in a clear state of mind would have sex with Joey. Yeah, there was Caitlin, but she is a fucking nut anyway and thinks giving tongue with Kevin Smith is a turn on. Then there was whoever Joey had sex with to conceive Angela, but that woman died from the experience.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty six

Downtown Sasquatch is loading their equipment for the wedding gig. Jimmy gets to sit out of that, lucky him. Marco is being a pussy because all the equipment is too heavy for him, what a weakling. Damn Marco, you'd think he'd have a stronger back, ha ha get it? Marco gets bents over and sodomized a lot.

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Ellie shows up in a black dress, which I imagine is the only color of dress she has. Good thing it's a wedding then. Craig is so distracted by Ellie's hotness, he drops the amp on Marco, breaking his foot. But then Manny shows up, and Craig's like, holy fuck I'm going to puncture that tire with my erection.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty six

Ellie is jealous of Manny's wooing of Craig. Ellie's like "I'm the drummer here, but you're not doing anything." Manny says "That's not impressive, I can fit a basketball into my cooch."

Check out Manny's shirt, she's showing just as much cleavage as she possibly can before she'd be exposing her nipples. Craig is really turned on by it. He decided to give up being a monk, because monks don't get to have sex with slutty latin girls. Manny is dressed like a hooker. I bet she was walking the streets all morning and just came by Craig's house on her regular route.

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Downtown Sasquatch proceed to rock the wedding. Interestingly enough, Jimmy is now the lead guitarist even though Craig is supposed to be the character that's been into guitar all these years. I guess someone else was actually bothering to learn guitar over the summer hiatus. Jack Epstein still sucks at it.

Joey and that girl dance, but Joey dances like you'd image a bald used car salesmen would.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty six

Joey goes to get drink for his alcoholic girl, when he hears that girl's friends make fun of how old and lame he is. Damn it, here's right there, not ten feet from you. You're making fun of him to his face and you know it. That's how much Joey sucks. Joey tells his date he has to leave, then goes into a bathroom stall, takes off his clothes, and cries on the toilet, naked and alone. What a woman.

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During their performance, Ellie gets pissed that Manny is up their gyrating away next to Craig. So she does the logical Goth thing, she throws a drumstick at Manny. Whoa. That was the first even remotely cool thing Ellie ever did. Way to not be lame for a minute, Ellie. That was unexpected.

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The thing is, though, Ellie, you interrupted a wedding. Way to be you usual inconsiderate self again. Everyone's watching you girls now. Plus the groom was really hoping for a cat fight, but you didn't deliver.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty six

Instead, Ellie ran off into the kitchen. Craig tries to go to Marco for help, but Marco's like, "Hey man, I'm tired of giving everyone advice. You solve your own shit his time. I'm going to hit on that bartender."

Craig follows Ellie into the kitchen. It's here that he learns Ellie like-liked him. Craig is surprised by this because he is stupid. "But Ellie," Craig says, "Nobody likes you unless they have no other alternatives, and Manny really wants me to bone her. Plus, you are kind of annoying. Sean didn't run off to Wasaga Beach just because he was tormented by Rick's death."

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It is now the next day. Shit that's how Craig eats out of bowl when his bipolar is acting up. Joey better give him some medicine or face a beat down.

Joey gets visited by that girl again, who still want to date him. Whatever. The only reason that girl is with Joey is so she can get a free used car.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty six

Craig goes to see Manny. Manny's showing a lot of leg in her pajamas, so Craig can't help but kiss her. I guess the two of them are back together. Craig likes it because Manny is into anything, weddings, parties, anything.

Rating: C
To being, here's a nitpick: Joey's drunk girlfriend said she was weary of buying a foreign car, but she lives in Canada, there are no car companies in that country. Every car in Canada is a foreign car. She must be referring to cars not made by GM or Ford, so this is further evidence Canada is not an independent country, but actually a part of the United States, much like the deal we have with Puerto Rico. How awesome that Degrassi cops to this on a Canadian TV show?

It made sense for Craig and Manny to get back together, because they are the only two people who can satisfy each others insatiable appetite for sex.

I always like when we have episodes where two character who normally never interact are seen together, in this case Ellie and Manny. But this episode was just average all around. We even wasted a B plot on Joey when who knows what wacky adventure Toby could have had this week

Intensity Level: 6% Intense
Yawn.
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