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"I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"

Season 5 Episode 6
Canadian airdate: October 24th, 2005

Boycott the Caf name: none
Important characters: Jimmy, Ellie, JT
Issue of the Week: Art, teen pregnancy (II)

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven

Today is a rare thing, a Jimmy story. Jimmy's only been the center of two or three episodes until now, and other than when he was shot, they all have involved basketball; such as that one time he ate Spinner Pills to be good at basketball. Currently, Jimmy is auditioning for a chance to try out for Canada's wheelchair basketball team, which will give him a spot on the Special Olympics. Really. I'm not making this up as a joke.

Jimmy's dad is there and he is the blackest man alive. His voice is as deep as James Earl Jones, so everything his says sounds like it is coming from Darth Vader, and his skin is the color of night. The coach is Tom Morello from rap/rock band Rage Against the Machine and adult contemporary band Audioslave.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven

Hey, Craig has a Velvet Revolver shirt on. I can't decide if that is cool or not. On one hand, the band has Slash from Guns N Roses, so that is killer. On the other hand, Craig is wearing their shirt, so that does not say much for them.

Anyway, Jimmy is quitting Downtown Sasquatch to devote his life to wheelchair basketball. Hey, didn't everyone already quit the band last year when Craig decided he wanted to make shitty music with Ashley instead of the guys? Oh well, forget that, as far as the producers are concerned, we'll just ignore it.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven

Jimmy has been drawing lately. He's been drawing comics of Rick shooting him, of all things. Yup. Ellie sees the drawings, and since she is really turned on by gruesome stuff, she finds herself suddenly attracted to Jimmy.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven

Jimmy has been haunted by flashbacks of Rick shooting him. But how does Jimmy see that in his vision? He had his back turned when Rick shot him. He should be having flashbacks of seeing the wall and then the floor.

 Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven

The next day, Ellie asks Jimmy if he would like to go to a exhibit of horror comics. According to Ellie, it is "cool, dark, disturbed, everything that gets me horny."

By the way, now we know the email addresses the students use. They use freeemail.com. The thing is, if you go to freeemail.com, you'll find it's just a page set up domain squatters. What is the deal here Degrassi? Are you in league with spammers? Huh? Huh?

Ok, I don't know where I am going with this, so I'll just move on.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven

Jimmy was totally stoked to see that comics gallery. Seeing pictures of gargoyles and vampires have awakened the crippled Goth within I guess. Or maybe he just wanted to study art from our time period so he could make a report on it to his superiors back in the future.

But they spent so much time at the gallery, Jimmy is late for his basketball audition. He wants to try out, but Tom Morrello is all like, "You missed out. Go away." Man, that coach is really tough on cripples. Jimmy's dad intervenes, and using a mind control trick developed in the 23rd century, convinces Tom Morello to give Jimmy another shot tomorrow.

 Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven

Jimmy's dad has gotten him a new wheelchair, one using future technology such as wheels that are crooked and an engine powered by nuclear fusion. Also Jimmy's family is now living in a small house in the suburbs. I want to know what happened to their large mansion in downtown Canada? Come on, that place was cool. It's interior was made out of metal and had several dozen porn channels on TV. Plus middle school kids held raves in the basement. Maybe their bosses from the future, the Council of All Knowing Elders, decided they should move operations to a less conspicuous location, since their data from the 21st century revealed that no black people lived in mansions at this time. Or maybe since raves have gone out of style now, there was no reason to have all that empty space.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven

Jimmy and Hazel go to the hospital to make out, but Hazel is mad Jimmy hung out with Ellie instead of her large breasts. There is a rift in their relationship now. Thanks a lot Ellie.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven

Anyway, Jimmy comes to the realization that he doesn't want to play wheelchair basketball, he wants to draw comics of Rick shooting him for a living. Tom Morello is the most bitter wheelchair basketball coach ever and takes the news badly. I think he hates crippled people. Maybe coaching a wheelchair basketball team isn't the best line of work for you.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven

The next day, Jimmy and Hazel have a long talk. Ellie is sad Jimmy hasn't broken up with Hazel so he could dance in cemeteries with her or something. Damn it Ellie, you can't compete with Hazel. You're breasts aren't as big and you talk a lot more, two things men don't like. What, do you think you're Manny? You don't have the power to break up relationships just by exposing your hot ass.

Hey, I forgot the B plot. It concerns Liberty, JT and Liberty's disgusting brother Webster. I would rather we skip over this, but I have a duty to explain the episodes to you, while making fun of them.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven

Webster has used his powerful deduction skills to figure out that Liberty is pregnant, by noticing Liberty's stomach is sticking out. No one else has put two and two together to reach that conclusion, because Liberty's always had a bulging gut. What an ugly girl.

Anyway, Webster throws JT to the ground and attempts to kill him to avenge his family's honor and his sister's purity. JT just gets his ass kicked, what a pussy.

 Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven

Webster agrees to not tell anybody Liberty is pregnant, but in exchange, JT has to take care of Webster robot baby for Webster's robot baby class. Degrassi should stop spending time teaching kids how to make web pages or take care of baby robots and maybe spend a few semesters letting them know what math is.

     Degrassi The Next Generation episode eighty seven       

JT and Webster fight over robot baby for some reason and robot baby gets destroyed by a car. That scene was cool at least.

I hate Webster kid, he shares the same gene pool as Liberty, so he's one defected chromosome from having Downs. Why the hell do we even need him on the show? How about if you need to fill Degrassi's quota of black people, you just bring Chris back? He may not be able to talk, but he doesn't look like he fell into a vat of acid and dog shit. We don't need Webster.

I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Rating: D+
I'm pretty damn sick of JT and Liberty by now. How about no one likes the two of them, so they should just disappear like they were Chris. It's not as if Degrassi hasn't just dropped plotlines in the past. No one will mind if Liberty comes to school one day and isn't pregnant and acts likes she never was. No one cares what Liberty does.

Also, how about Ellie? She needs to learn that no one is attracted to her. Even if they are, like Marco and Sean, they get over it quickly and then make up whatever excuse they have to so they can get away from her. Ellie's looking a lot better now that she doesn't dress like a Goth, but that doesn't give her an excuse to break up couples. What a bitch. Not that I think Hazel and Jimmy dating is as good idea. For all we know, Jimmy is Hazel's great great great great great grandson.

Intensity Level: 0% Intense
Bo-ring, like, totally B to the O ring.

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