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"The Lexicon of Love" Part 1

Season 5 Episodes 11 & 12
Canadian airdates: November 28th & December 5th, 2005

Boycott the Caf name: "Paige and Alex Lezz Out"
Important characters: Paige, Alex, Kevin Smith
Issue of the Week: Lesbianism, adultery

Remember last season when out of nowhere, Kevin Smith showed up at Degrassi? He even brought his not-gay lover Jason Mewes with him and the plot revolved around the totally 100% believable premise that Kevin Smith was going to film a Jay and Silent Bob movie in the school? But that was just some shit the producers pulled out of their asses because the real life Kevin Smith had a hard on for Caitlin and wanted to be on Degrassi. Remember how shitty those episodes were?

Well are we ever in luck. Kevin Smith has returned. I guess he is just trying to see if he can make the show even gayer than Marco already has.

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Kevin and Jay are back in Canada, doing an interview outside the school. Kevin Smith is enjoying the attention as well as being able to talk to a woman. Jay and Silent Bob Go Canadian, Eh is premiering tonight in Toronto and all of Canada is excited that their nation is going to be a featured in a "major" American movie in the big cities down south. No one seems to have told Canada that no one here watches Kevin Smith movies, and furthermore, Kevin Smith doesn't count as someone famous, so they should stop rolling out the red carpet for him. But Canada is just glad to get the attention.

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Paige is taking Alex to the premiere. Paige was going to take Hazel, but Hazel had to go and totally skankify Alex, for which Hazel was later arrested.

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Anyway, here we have the movie premiere. They hold it in an actual movie theater. I'm surprised they didn't bother to hold the premiere right in the school. I imagine this is typical of a Kevin Smith movie premiere, no celebrities show up but it's packed with high school kids. The only difference between a real Smith premiere and this fake one is that there are girls going to see a Kevin Smith movie in this one.

The Degrassi kids get to walk down a red carpet for some reason. Oh well, it's the only chance these actors will get so we'll let them. A bunch of Kevin Smith fans crowd around him to ask questions. They heard he talked to a girl the other day and want to know what that is like.

What we see of the movie are the same clips we saw being filmed in "Going Down the Road" except for that ninja fight at the prom. That sucks, because that was the only scene that wasn't completely retarded. Still, I must say, what we see still is a better movie than Dogma.

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Following the movie is the after party. All the Degrassi regulars are stuck in the lame party, while the cool party for the twenty or so cool people in Canada is being guarded by a large Asian man who knows Toby isn't going to be allowed anywhere cool.

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Paige and Alex get into the cool party by pretending to be lesbian strippers, while Marco wasn't allowed through, confirming my view that he is lame. Jay is hanging out at the cool party because he supplies the bouncer with either candy or drugs.

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Hey, forgot to mention*, Emma and Peter are continuing their secret relationship. They aren't cheating on anyone, but Emma doesn't want Manny to know she likes the guy who videotaped her boobies. The two go to the empty lobby to make out, but a guy is there with a vacuum so they have to bail quick. They look for a private place to play tonsil hockey and they see Snake and Ms. Hotass totally making out. Holy shit that is cool. Way to be a man for once Snake. Take control of your life.

*Because I don't care.

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Alex and Paige are dancing together. After going through four years of college, I have to say it's probably by far the tamest dancing between two women ever, but the whole room watches them with great interest. They all clear room so Paige and Alex have the floor to not really touch each other. Canada is so lame.

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Kevin Smith is really turned on by this, which is very very creepy.

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Alex and Paige then head to Alex's house where Alex's drunk mother is passed out. No wonder Alex and Ellie became friends, their moms must know each other from the bar or drunk tank.

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Meanwhile, Emma is crying while she makes tea. Emma, why do you always make onion tea? Ha ha. I'll be here all night folks.

Emma is feeling sorrow over Snake's lip action with someone other than his wife, who owns him. Emma threatens to tell her mom, who will then kill Snake.

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Back to Alex's house. Alex's mom's crazy boyfriend comes by and smacks Alex a good one. This is typical at Alex's house, which goes a long way toward explaining why she is always moody. Also her problem with Rick.

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Paige takes Alex to her house to seek refuge. Out of nowhere, the two kiss.

Hochie Mochie!

Catch More Hot Lesbian Action at Part 2->
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