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"Our Lips Are Sealed" Part 1

Season 5 Episodes 15 & 16
Canadian airdates: February 20th & 27th, 2006

Boycott the Caf name: "Emma Rips Off Toby"
Important characters: Emma, Manny, Snake, Spike, Peter, Paige, Alex, Hazel
Issue of the Week: Eating disorders (II), adultery (II)

”Degrassi

Emma and Manny are trying to slim down because they are too fat.

What?!!

”Degrassi

Man, that baby is really ugly.

I guess that agent Manny auditioned for in the season opener is going to reconsider representing her after seeing Manny in that Kevin Smith movie. This brings up two questions. One, who would bother to go see a Kevin Smith movie anymore? Two, how is Manny supposed to jump start an acting career from that one film? Too bad no one who has ever starred in a Kevin Smith movie has ever made enough money to afford an agent, except maybe Kevin Smith. The guys who played Dante and Randal still work at the Quick Stop, as a matter of fact. I guess Ben Affleck, Chris Rock, Alanis Morissette and George Carlin do pretty well, but they have had plenty of work before Dogma.

Manny, you will not become an actress. I will make sure of that.

”Degrassi

Snake has been living with Joey and Joey's "girlfriend" since he left Emma's mom. Why does Joey have to let in every single person who is having family trouble and looking for a place to live? He doesn't have a big enough house for all these people.

”Degrassi

Emma and Manny are trying a new diet of eating cardboard. Paige comes by with Alex following right behind her because Alex has replaced Hazel as Paige's new shadow. Paige mentions that she is going to hate Emma and Manny come the summer. Oh no. They are dead.

”Degrassi

Emma and Manny are working out when Snake comes by, which is a surprise even though I bet they see a lot of each other since Snake is their teacher and the kids have to take three hours of Media Immersion every day. But seeing Manny in those tight clothes makes Snake want to come back home. So Emma invites him over for dinner.

”Degrassi

Snake joins the females for dinner but gets the cold shoulder from Spike. Spike points out how she kicked him out for cheating with a whore. Manny's like, "Hey don't bring me into this. I would never, never touch Mr. Simpson, and I even fondled Toby's balls a couple of times behind the cafeteria."

Fuck you Spike, acting like a dick (you are a dick, but that is beside the point) to Snake. Just last week you were crying over how badly you missed him and even buff strippers couldn't deviate your affection for that skinny wiener.

”Degrassi ”Degrassi ”Degrassi

Snake is back at Joey's trying to figure out a way back into Spike's heart. Joey and the woman are giving him suggestions because they want Snake the hell out of here. But Joey is acting retarded and the woman doesn't know who Spike is, so they aren't very helpful.

”Degrassi

The dieting is wearing down Manny and she finds herself sexually attracted to a pizza.

”Degrassi ”Degrassi

Emma catches Manny gyrating while eating a pizza slice and humping a locker. She berates Manny for eating something with calories because it will just make Manny more of a fat ass. Emma then passes out on the school floor. Emma has to learn that you need to eat food to be able to stand up.

”Degrassi

Ok, the episode was really hanging by a thread so far, but right here is when that thread snaps and the ep falls into a cavern of poop where it is torn apart by wild hyenas. Get this, Snake wins Spike back by dressing in a tuxedo and heading to the mall where she works. Everyone in Canada apparently either works in the school or the mall now. And I count the Dot as part of the school. Anyway, it gets worse too. Snake begins singing "Sometimes When We Touch" by Dan Hill (a Canadian of course), which is their love song. Jesus Christ. I am not making this up. Against all common sense and requirement that a plot of a story is supposed to make sense, Spike falls back in love with Snake because of his crooning.

Let's just pause a moment to reflect on how stupid that scene was. Everyone out there is probably fuming about having to watch that, so to calm down the anger, why don't we all look at a picture of an adorable kitten?

Oh that kitty is so cute. It makes you feel so good.

That night the whole family gets back together and has a big ass feast. Emma then takes off for the bathroom to purge herself. Oh my. Something odd is afoot.

Go to Part 2 ->
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