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"Total Eclipse of the Heart"

Season 5 Episode 17
Canadian airdate: October 20th, 2006

Boycott the Caf name: "Liberty Gets Drunk"
Important characters: Liberty, Marco & Dylan
Issue of the Week: ?

This is the A plot: Dylan is back in town and this is driving Marco bonkers. That other gay kid, what's his name...Tim, I think, is kinda dating Marco at the moment too, so we are in for some very gay drama.

The first scene annoys me because it has Marco/Ellie and they talk in that fucking sarcastic/neurotic way that makes me want to punch both of them in the face with a chainsaw.

”Degrassi

Yeah final exam time. Time to eat some Cap'n Crunch!

”Degrassi

There's a new teacher in town, Big Black Man. He is big and black and sports a dirty pony trail dreadlock thing. He is the new science teacher. At this point you'd expect that I would come up with some offensive and frankly unclever remark about both black people and fat people, but I am not going down that road today. Boycott the Caf needs to have standards sometimes. This isn't Mad TV.

”Degrassi

Liberty comes home and is informed by her parents that the couple who adopted her baby have had their refugee status approved and are fleeing to Seattle. This makes Liberty very angry that her bastard child is leaving the area. But it is for the best. That kid is going to wind up looking like an octopus when he grows up, you don't need to add insult to injury by having him know Liberty is his mother.

Later that night or maybe the next day, Liberty is tutoring Webster and that one kid who mocked Jimmy for being in a wheelchair. At one point that kid asks Liberty about her baby. You see that kid there is adopted. Maybe he wants Liberty to adopt him, he is kind of a tool. Liberty just tells him to get the fuck out before she takes off her shirt. This really scares the shit out of that kid and he heads for the hills.

”Degrassi ”Degrassi

Miight as well get back to the A plot. A plot? More like gay plot. Marco can't decide whether he wants to wind up sucking Dylan's dick or Tom's. There are some points to consider here. On one hand, Dylan is older so can buy him beer and he is less of a wiener than Tom. On the other hand, with Tom, Marco is assured to be the top every time. The gang goes to a gay club that is 50% full of straight women.

Marco tells Ellie about his gay love triangle comparing it to the novel Jane Eyre. I understood the analogy because I am an English major* and read the book, but most viewers out there will pursue a field in college that will get them a job so have no idea about this novel and will just be confused.

*Yes I am aware my grammar sucks.

”Degrassi ”Degrassi

Down at Liberty's house, Webster and that one kid are over for a night of enjoying naked videos of white girls. Liberty is so sad about her baby going away that she gets drunk off Jack Daniels. The producers really blew a chance to have Liberty do something interesting for once now that she is drunk. Instead they have her talk about how lame she is and then she breaks a mirror. Webster implies her face breaks mirrors all the time, which is as obvious as the sky being blue.

”Degrassi ”Degrassi

I'm not going to explain the gay plot all that much, I think the images tell the story just fine. Suffice to say, Marco and Dylan get back together and kiss, because YOU HAVE TO HAVE A GUY ON GUY KISS in every Marco/Dylan episode. It sends a message that Degrassi is about TOLERANCE and if this bothers you then you can just move to Texas, you ignorant homophobe.

”Degrassi ”Degrassi

The next day we learn that Liberty has been grounded for being such a bad daughter. About time. She is also putting together a gift box (box?) for the baby. JT comes by and gives the baby a Captain Canuck comic book which JT says is worth a fortune. How about that? This brings up the question of why, if that comic book is so valuable, did JT not sell it in "Turned Out" to pay for the apartment and instead got in trouble selling drugs? JT is such a dumbass.

And, you know, I don't like to make fun of the kids who play the characters, but the girl who plays Liberty seriously looks like a raccoon that lost a fight with a tractor.

Rating: F
Liberty and Marco? Man, this episode is down there with "Holiday". I don't want to write about it anymore.

Intensity Level: 0% Intense
No comment. No comment! Get that camera out of my face!

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