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"Here Comes Your Man" Part 1

Season 6 Episodes 1 & 2
American airdate: September 29th, 2006

Boycott the Caf name: "Degrassi Gets Fast and Furious"
Important characters: Emma, Sean, Peter, Ellie
Issue of the Week: Illegal street racing

Holy shit, it's the sixth season premiere. It's amazing Degrassi has made it to 2006. We all thought the show would have been cancelled long before now. But they have continued on, and with big success in the United States comes flashy new credits. Some people have complained that the new credits look like Beverly Hills 90210. I have never seen that show, so I can't say. My discussion on the different credits of Degrassi will come at a later time though, as right now we must get the fuck down with this review.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred one

Peter and Emma are still dating and hanging out in Whiteyville with Peter's dad, George Hamilton. What is Peter still doing on the show? It's not like anyone enjoyed him last season, even as a villain he wasn't up to the job like Jay was. Sure, he got Manny to show her breasts, but getting Manny to show you her boobs is like getting a fridge to make ice. Peter just knew how to upload video to the internet, which takes a good deal of skill. No one with that much knowledge about computers and video editing has much chance to see a girl's boobs. Look at Toby.

That reminds me, when Peter forwarded everyone that video, Degrassi's email must allow pretty large attachments because Windows Media videos takes up a lot of space.

Anyway, Peter's dad has given him a new car for his birthday. It's a snazzy blue convertible. Convertibles are great for Canada, because according to Degrassi, it is sunny and warm all year round. Emma has an orgasm from her boyfriend owning such an expensive car.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred one

Peter and Emma go cruising. Emma takes his picture using her camera phone (while in motion) which means the picture will come out as a big blur.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred one

The two run into Sean and Jay who are enjoying a delicious treat at the ice cream stand. Sean is returning to Degrassi to finish his year. Then he and Jay are going to open up an customized auto shop and hopefully get a reality show deal with MTV or Discovery Channel.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred one 

The credits role and then we get the first day of school. This is how sorry the kid who plays Toby is. Toby has been removed from the credits, but he is still on the show. At least the girl who played Hazel got the hint and left after she realized writers were never going to give her anything to do. They have probably stopped paying Toby too, but he still thinks he is on the show and assumes there is just a mix up with payroll.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred one

In other news, Ashley is back. Ah man.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred one

Darcy gets off the bus. Spinner asks her if she still will make him homemade honey in those nice Mason jars, even after he cheated on her last year. Darcy can't resist Spinner and says yes. Would she really have said no? Of course not, insert some comment about how sexy Spinner is here. Darcy says it was hard spending the whole summer at Jesus Camp without him. Darcy was caught a few times rubbing up against the washing machine and often went out to gather sticks, even though there was no camp fire.

Also, Peter tries to impress the black people with his new car. Manny is impressed with Sean's new big biceps.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred one

Everyone is happy that Sean is back. Check it out, Sean and Spinner are totally stoked to see each other again. This is the first time they have been in the same scene in four years. But that hasn't stopped their friendship apparently. This is great though, I hope their interacting for the first time since season 2 is a sign that this season will have plenty of Spinner and Sean doing stuff together. Not having Spinner and Sean together has been what has been holding Degrassi back to being merely a good show when it could be the next Night Court.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred one

Emma, Peter, Sean and Manny are all hanging out with Peter's car. No one goes to class anymore. It's senior year, so that is understandable. Manny sees Sean looking at Emma and asks "She's pretty gorgeous huh?" "Yes she is," Sean replies and then Manny punches him for answering her question.

Sean shows Peter how to properly work on his car. Peter says he wants to make his car go fast, and Sean explains "It all starts with more fuel. Once we do that, we can up your boost." Come on readers, we all giggled at how sexual that sounded. Sean and Peter then makes plans to meet up at Woodbridge, where illegal street races go down.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred one

Peter and Emma drive up to the street races. Man, Canada is trying too hard to look cool here and it ain't working. You know these guys who run the races only came up with this idea after seeing The Fast and the Furious, and then they were sitting in a Tim Horton's eating some back bacon and thought, "We should be doing that, eh?" And then they went on their dog sleds and killed a moose.

Now at the races we have Sean, Jay and Alex together with Emma, Peter and Manny. Their small talk brings up no mention of fellatio, which is a disappointment. At one point, Sean shows Emma the blueprints for his car shop and their hands touch. Electricity! Zap!

The next day it's calculus class. Mr. Armstrong warns the class that calculus will fuck them up. That reminds me of high school calc class senior year. There were a bunch of old Macintosh computers in the room so we played games on those instead of doing math. I spent hours playing Gerbils, a delightful gerbil based roller coaster design game. I also can't count past 37.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred one

Meanwhile, the college kids have a B plot. Dylan has been showing his house to potential new female roommates. Marco comes by, and upon seeing the girls asks, "Did I just walk into a Gwen Stefani video?" Marco, you are a Gwen Stefani video. Hell, Gwen Stefani is masculine compared to you.

Marco and Dylan live together now and are somehow able to afford rent for a very large house in a very large city. Go figure. If I was the landlord, I would be troubled about renting out to these two because butt sex can lower the market value of house by as much as 40%.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred one

Dylan and Marco are hosting an off to college party for Paige. None of the college kids have started college yet, which is odd. They've just sat around sipping coffee and talking in hipster vernacular. Colleges usually being their school year before high schools do, and if the kids don't start college soon they are going to be at one of those weird colleges that doesn't start summer break until late June. Yeah, I'm looking at you, ITT Tech.

Here's how the party goes down. Downtown Sasquatch is back with Spinner on drums, so the band should stop sucking, except that Ashley is now the singer. No one in the band cares anymore. Craig left his equipment behind the guys are just happy to steal some free amps.

Darcy is at the party and berates Paige for her indiscretion with Spinner last spring. "Thought you were above being a low grade ho," Darcy says. "Guess I was wrong." Man, if Darcy was on the show since day one she would already have known Paige is a low grade ho.

It's nice that instead of being mad at Spinner, Darcy is mad at Paige for all this, just like what usually happens in real life. Degrassi may not be very good at sticking to reality much anymore (like for instance, this whole episode), but it is good when they do. I was also happy to see more of Darcy and her sexy hair extensions, even though it is kind of messed up for her to be at the party of the girl who slept with her boyfriend. Maybe Darcy got revenge by pooping in the rec room. It's what Jesus would do.

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Marco's dad comes by moving in furniture. Marco is upset his dad is doing this during the party. Dylan goes to help the dad but knocks him over, fucking up his back. I think Dylan did that on purpose because Marco's dad disapproves of man sex.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred one

Emma and Peter return to the street races. Emma did not want to, but Peter has developed a serious man crush on Sean and wants to hang out with him. As such, he is intensely jealous of the friendship Jay and Sean share, so Peter challenges Jay to a street race. But then the Mounties show up to bust up the race. You think if a bunch of highly visible people were to gather in same place everyday to do something illegal, the police would have broken this up long ago.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred one

Everyone cheeses it from the Mounties. Sean takes Emma in his car. Sean and Emma kiss. In this picture, they Eskimo kiss.

How many Degrassi episodes have ended on a kiss already? There have been only 101 episodes up to this point, but I think 135 have ended on a kiss.

Part 2 is over this way -->

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