"Can't Hardly Wait"Season 6 Episode 3
American airdate: October 13th, 2006
A lot of you have emailed us as to why we have taken so long to write new episode reviews. Most of them have been along of the line of, "Hey fags, why the fuck haven't you made new reviews? Even though you do these for free and probably have more important things to do, like passing college, we still feel entitled to them. I refresh your page every 10 seconds. Write some NOW or else I'll have no choice but to whine some more."
Well, the reason this is our first review in, like, three years is not because I have been busy. Quite the contrary. Fact is I was all set to put these online no less than ten minutes after they first aired, but some God damn gypsies stole my computer. That's right, gypsies. But thanks to some hard work, a jackhammer, and a professional figure skater with one last chance to redeem himself, I was able to get my computer back and teach those dirty gypsies not to be steppin' on my turf no more.
Ashley and Jimmy have began dating again, but Ashley is frustrated because they have not had sex yet. Jimmy confesses to Spinner that he has not been able to have an erection since the shooting. As we can see in the right screencap, Spinner is horrified by this and does not know how to take such news. Spinner tells Jimmy that the only thing he can do is just relax and his penis will do its magic. Spinner is an expert on all things relating to manhood, and if Spinner can't help Jimmy get an erection, Jimmy is best off having a sex change.
Spinner is correct once again. Jimmy relaxes during his physical therapy and has his first erection in years. Quite an impressive one, if I do say so myself, even for a black guy. So let's see, the record stands at Spinner being right 5,365,623 times versus being wrong 0 times.
But back to Jimmy's erection. They really showed that thing. Look at it. Look at it! Jimmy is so happy to know his penis still works and he triumphantly high fives everyone in the hallway while the music from Rocky II plays. Jimmy is back in action!
But the cheerleading team is still limp. Darcy and Manny are overseeing tryouts, but none of the girls are any good. Until a new girl by the name of Mia Jones arrives and impresses by being able to jump without falling down on her ass. Darcy and Manny tell everyone else to go home and invite Mia to the team. I don't know how they expect to have a cheerleading team with only three members, but we'll let them work that out.
Mia meets Manny and Darcy at the Dot for girly chit chat: cute boys and ponies and makeup and all that stuff. This is a shocker: Mia is a teenage mother. Oh my. Darcy don't like them apples. She tries to keep Mia off the team, but Manny feels kinship with another girl who was stupid enough to get knocked up in high school and wants to keep Mia on the team.
I wonder if Darcy knows Manny had an abortion. Also, I don't know how old Mia is supposed to be, but that baby looks to be around three years old. If I had to guess, I would say Mia became pregnant as soon as she was old enough to ovulate.
Now that Jimmy knows he can get an erection, he invites Ashley over for a night of sex on his family's couch. Ashley is looking damn hot in her green lingerie and Jimmy's dad's dress shirt. They make out, but Jimmy fails to get an erection and he asks Ashley to leave. Man, he needs Ashley around. How is he going to put out all those candles on his own?
Ashley is disappointed, but she is not going to give up on getting Jimmy's penis working. She encourages Jimmy to go to the doctor and the doc gives him some Viagra. By the way, Jimmy reveals to the doctor that he is a virgin. What a Toby. Let's laugh at him. Ashley used to be a virgin because she hated sex, but then she lost Craig to a 14 year prostitute and realized she needed to drop the nun act. Craig came back to her and they got it on when he became a crazy person. From then on, Ashley learned that she liked sex. She liked sex so much she was even willing to do it with a British person last year.
I am shocked, SHOCKED that Jimmy is a virgin, despite being best friends with Spiner since middle school. You'd think some of Spin's mojo would rub off on him. Or at least some girls stadning in the back of the line to make out with Spinner would get impatient with how long the line is and notice Jimmy sitting right next to him all alone. She'd think "Hey, he's not Spinner but he's black and I'm going to be standing here for the next 16 hours."
So anyway, the Viagra doesn't help. Jimmy is still a limp as Chris Kattan next to a naked cheerleading team, not hard and erect like Chris Kattan getting his ass pounded in a gay bar. Ashley does her best to try and get him going without doing anything that would really stimulate his penis. Come on Ashley, a back massage isn't going far enough. If you want to get Jimmy erect, your mouth is going have to come into play here.
It's basketball time. The Degrassi girls basketball team is hosting some other school for a game. There is a boy there from the other school who looks like the son of Mick Jagger and trash talks the Degrassi team. He is really into girl's basketball.
Manny stands by Mia joining the cheerleading team, but Darcy objects, citing Mia's baby which will take away from her cheerleading time. Mia says that the baby has daycare so she can forget about it during the day. Darcy then insults Mia's intelligence and virtue and Mia shoves Darcy into that one boy who is really into girl's basketball. That kid recognizes Mia, who went to that school, and wonders if Mia knows who the father is. Mia hits that boy and fight breaks out between the two schools. Toby gets knocked down just standing there and JT smacks son of Mick Jagger in the face with his mascot costume head.
Girl's basketball games really get people intense.
Anyway, Jimmy and Ashley need to fix their love life. Ashley tells Jimmy there are other ways to make love. Ashley doesn't give a fuck about Jimmy's dick anymore, she just wants something jabbed down her girl hole. And soon. Jimmy still wants to get his wee-wee going and he and Ashley break up for a few hours and then get back together and vow to try again. They can't hardly wait.
This has been the only decent episode in a while. I was emotionally involved in the story of Jimmy trying to get an erection. I also enjoyed the Mia plot, because this Mia girl looks like a slut and I like that.
Intensity Level: 100% INTENSE
Ok, we saw an erection. That's intense. It's the first penis not attached to Spinner to be featured on Degrassi. Ashley showing herself off was pretty intense too, but Jimmy's erection definitely makes this episode. I would much rather see Jimmy's erection than Ashley in lingerie. There is nothing gay about that, Ashley just is not as hot to me as Jimmy's penis is.
What The-N didn't want you to see (banned in America!):