"Sunglasses at Night"Season 6 Episode 17
Canadian airdate: April 23rd, 2007
Ok, I give up. Spinner and Jimmy's t-shirt shop is a real business. We should not question how Spinner was able to turn it into a profitable enterprise. Shame on us at Boycott the Caf for doubting Spinner's awesomeness. To make amends I have chopped off both my thumbs.
Spinner hired Marco's dad to install a security system and make them a new sign. Marco's dad only accepts cash. He doesn't keep a bank account because they charge "fees" and are a "business." Marco's dad keeps all his money in a piggy bank, he hasn't outgrown the practice. Marco's dad then heads down to the horse tracks.
Yeah, Marco's dad is an Italian man who only carries cash, spends time at the race track, and makes money by providing local businesses protection. I hope the show only makes him more of an Italian stereotype. Next season I want Marco's dad to always walk around with a bowl of spaghetti and only say, "Mama mia!"
Marco misses Dylan, who has left to play for the Swiss national gay hockey team in the European Gay Hockey League. Marco has had to fill his addiction to cock with another addiction, gambling. He makes some money playing online poker, enough that he and Spinner are going to head down to Daytona Beach for a 24/7 fuckfest. But not with each other, because Spinner don't role with the dudes. This is not to say that Spinner is homophobic. In fact, it was Spinner who introduced the notion of gay marriage to Canada. He proposed during his annual State of the Spinner address to Canada's Parliament.
Marco treats Spinner and Jimmy to a night at a club. Jay apparently owns this club and he meets the boys. Jay hears about Marco being gay for poker instead of ass and invites him to a game.
Marco plays poker with Jay and the guys who work with Jay. Marco cleans up that night, winning big. The other players don't want to challenge Marco too far because they are worried if they go into debt with Marco he is going to demand some anal sex from them. Cause you see, Marco is gay and all gay people are concerned about is butt sex. At least as far as this website is concerned.
The next night, fortunes turn and Marco loses all his money to the other guys. Yeah, straight people won this round! Let's give three cheers for the home team! The funny thing is, they are playing the poker in a back room at the place where Jay works. The third night they play, the boss comes in and makes them leave. I guess they are playing poker when they are supposed to be working.
Marco is out of cash and needs some more to get in the the game. He steals $600 from his dad's wallet. Yeah, Marco's dad keeps that much money in his wallet and then is surprised when it gets stolen.
Get this, Marco's dad spends his time at the tracks and Marco's mom is at bingo right now. I don;t know if playing bingo is an Italian stereotype, but it is now. Everyone in that family loves to gamble. When Marco's mom gets back they are going to eat ravioli and watch Martin Scorsese movies all night. Ha ha ha ha.
Marco hosts the poker night at the t-shirt store. But he gayed up trying to deactivate the alarm and the police arrest all of them. Spinner is called into to straighten things out. Spinner is called in by the police a lot to help solve difficult murder cases. Spinner is so upset by Marco's gambling problem that he makes him spend the night in jail before dropping the charges. Not that Marco minds that much at all...
...BECAUSE HE IS A HOMOSEXUAL.
Now Marco has to tell all this to his dad. When his dad asks why he has been gambling, Marco says it is because he has been so lonely since Dylan left. When his dad asks what Dylan has to do with this, Marco admits Dylan is his boyfriend Marco says he feels empty without him, empty in his ass. Yeah, you know I couldn't resist.
Marco's dad is all "No shit, kid. That's been pretty damn obvious for awhile. But you can't use being gay as an excuse to steal money from me. I mean, come on. Even if you use it to buy lube."
Oh Christ, Darcy and Peter are still going out, but they have to keep it hidden. Every relationship Peter has been in has to be kept secret. Peter stole a necklace from some middle schooler's locker and gives it to Darcy. Peter said the necklace is the key to his heart. I think it looks like a penis and balls. Take from that observation what you will.
Darcy and Peter have to pretend that they hate each other to keep Jesus Club from suspecting anything is afoot. They make out in the janitor's closet, where everyone goes to make out in secret. The janitor is an angry Scotsmen and chases them away. Scottish janitor must get pissed with all the kids who come into his workspace to make out. Usually he just hides in the corner and watches for a while, but he has vomit to clean up today. In Canada, Scottish people are what Mexicans are in the US and can only get work as janitors. They can't work as farm laborers, of course, because farming is impossible in Canada.
Peter and Darcy are then spotted in the park by Darcy's Asian friend from Jesus club while she was out walking her tiny dog. Asians always have tiny dogs. I don't care if you think that is racist of me to say. It is a fact. I defy you to find one Asian family who owns a large dog. You can't. It's not even Asian people's fault, it is just that no one wants to sell them a big dog out of fear that they will eat it.
The next time they meet, Peter says that Asian Jesus club member blabbed to Ms. Hotass and now Peter is going to be sent away to a boarding school. Peter also tells Darcy that his mom had a message for her, "If you know what is good for you, you'll keep your distance." I like that Ms. Hotass uses her position as principal to threaten the safety of students.
With that in mind, the Darcy/Peter love affair has produced the worst, sappiest dialogue in Degrassi: the Next Generation history. And that is one hell of feat to accomplish. Here is a sample:
Darcy: Your mom can't keep us apart Peter. I believe that love conquers all.
Peter: I don't think that's going to be enough. There's always something in our way.
Peter: They're sending me away. I've got nothing to lose except you.
Darcy: Peter, you got me.
I don't think the writers could possible have been taking the episode seriously when they wrote that. I hope their excuse was, "Fuck it, those two gay kids with the website will find it funny."
I like that when Marco told his dad that Dylan is his boyfriend, instead of turning it into a heartfelt revelation moment, Marco's dad just said, "Whatever. I want my fucking money."
Does It Go There? I would say so.
Gambling goes there.