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"Standing in the Dark" Part 1

Season 7 Episodes 1 & 2
American airdate: October 5th, 2007

Boycott the Caf name: "Darcy Gets What's Coming to Her"
Important characters: Darcy, Peter, Manny, Toby, Marco
Issue of the Week: Date rape

Oh boy, it's been a long summer absence hasn't it? I tell you, when Johnny and I started this website in 2004, we didn't expect that we would still be doing this now, in 2007. Back then, season 4 was airing in the US and we figured the show was going to wrap up soon. It would certainly end with season 5 so we could quit doing this after a short while. But we're still at it. It's not our fault though. Who honestly among us believed that this shit would be going on for seven years now? By the middle of season 4 we all saw that the producers were completely out of ideas. I mean they were scraping the bottom of the barrel when they brought in Kevin Smith and made Spinner no longer cool. I don't even remember anything of note that happened in season 5 and 6 except for Manny showing her boobs and Paige becoming a lesbian. But that's because I tend to dream about those episodes a lot.

And now I have to go through another year of writing reviews. Oh boy. You know, after I finished all the review for the first six seasons this year, I went back and reread some of my earlier ones, and a lot of them aren't good. With some of them it's like I didn't even bother to write in jokes, I just yelled--in written form--at characters I hated about how much I hate them. And how many times can a person use the word "fag" as a punchline? The answer is zero, but that didn't stop me! Did I really spend three years describing one hundred nineteen episodes of a fucking kid's show? And those were my peak college age years. I'm 23 now, it's all down hill for me from now on.

As you can imagine, I was feeling pretty demoralized. After college, I decided to travel the USA to find myself and clear my head. Long story short, I ended up as the leader of an end of the world cult. I didn't set out to be the leader, really. The thing is, the original leader kept advocating that all the men in the cult castrate ourselves and I was like "Come on, Reincarnation of Jesus, we don't need to do that. All the cults do that, let's try to set ourselves apart. Besides, we'll get way more followers if we ditch the castration requirement." There was some back and forth between the castration and anti-castration camps, but we won out in the end and I become leader. A lot of the guys who already castrated themselves were pretty angry, but what are you going to do? It was fun for awhile, I mainly spent the time stocking up on ammo and marrying 14 year old girls in between writing my manifesto. But it stopped being fun around the time the FBI surrounded our compound, and it was then that I decided it was time to leave. I never knew what happened to the other members of the Eternal Holy Restoration. We really should have exchanged email addresses.

I would have liked to say that my road trip helped me, but when I returned to Michigan (broke but with my testicles intake) I was still unsure about my place in the world and internet Degrassicana. That's when I found out about Degrassi Vomments.

Like many television channels, The-N streams episodes of their shows, including Degrassi, on their website. Their service is called The Click. One of the features of the click are Vomments, and the same sums up the feature quite accurately, because members of the's forums can post little comments that pop up as the episode plays. I think they even aired these on TV. They are very bad. I like it whenever Marco comes on screen and the teens Vomment "MARCO IS SO SEXY!!!! 2 bad hes gay!!!!!"

If this is what will pass for commenting on Degrassi in my absence then I can't give up and I won't give up and I can't give up. Someone needs to knock the show down when it gets too preachy. Like they did with Terri. Ok Degrassi, being comfortable with your body is a good thing, but being overweight is still unhealthy. And how about how after Terri left the show, the producers didn't hire another fat person for the cast. And they brought in about thirty new characters since then. To be fair, after you have an episode where the fat girl gets called names for being fat and has trouble finding a date, there really aren't many storylines you can do for fatness sake. Maybe Terri can come back and get Type II diabetes.

Enough with that, Season 7 here I come. Get ready readers, because today we are going to laugh at date rape.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred twenty

Holy shit, it's snowing in Canada! That's so unprecedented! FYI, the 6th and 7th seasons take place in the same school year. I think the 6th season is the first semester and the 7th season is the second semester. This allows the show to go on for another season by delaying the graduation of Emma's class. It's better than what they did at the end of season 5 where they made it so half the seniors didn't graduate on time.

The more important news of the season is that Lakehurst is moving in with Degrassi. Their school burnt down (it is never mentioned on screen, but it is safe to assume that Spinner and/or Sean were behind it) so all the Lakehurst kids have to go to Degrassi, which makes the school very crowded now. It appears that they show will keep up the appearances of being over crowded longer than they did in season 2 (all of one episode) when the high school and middle school merged.

Do all of the Lakehurst kids go to Degrassi now? That's wack. They should spread the kids out among all the other high schools in Toronto. Maybe Degrassi is the last high school left in Toronto.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred twenty

The crowdedness can now be seen in the caf, where it is very hard to find a seat. Manny likes Lakehurst moving in because it means lots and lots of new cocks to explore. It's a given that after six years in Degrassi she would have gone though most every boy and a good percentage of the girls who attend. And Manny never had enough money for bus fare to Lakehurst's neighborhood. Darcy doesn't do too well. She runs into a bitch who eats her potato wedges and then knocks down her tray when Darcy says the girl has a fat ass. Darcy should just eat that girl's lunch tray, but just then Darcy gets called to the principal's office.

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Liberty is not allowed to eat in the caf.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred twenty

Peter and Darcy are still dating and they decide to tell Principal Hotass. I thought Hotass already knew, because she did threaten Darcy to stay away from Peter or else. I also thought Peter was sent to boarding school because he was fooling around with Darcy. Maybe he only went for a weekend. It's been demonstrated that Ms. Hotass is a terrible parent as well as principal, so she of course did not follow through with Peter's punishment.

Emma and Manny don't want Darcy to date Peter, pointing out rightly that Peter is scum. But Darcy says he is reformed. When did Peter become reformed, over the two week break? This is about the fourth or fifth time Peter has changed from being a bad guy to a good guy, but Darcy thinks it is for real this time. This is because Darcy is very dumb. And if Peter is really as reformed as he claims to be and Darcy stupidly believes, is he going to confess to his mother the principal that he planted marijuana in Sean's locker? He hasn't yet. If Peter was truly reformed then he'd be man enough to face the consequences from the bad things he did. Peter shows exactly as much remorse for getting Sean expelled as Alex did for dumping the paint on Rick.

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As a side, does Darcy look a heck of a lot thinner than she did last season? The bitch has always been pretty small, but didn't she used to have hips? Come on, I shouldn't have a wider waist-hip ratio than a young woman. That's bad for me, but it's really bad for Darcy. Darcy is too thin. The healthy weight range for a person should be about one-quarter to one-third Terri. Darcy is around one-eighth Terri. That's not good.

As another side not, was everyone else who saw this episode as disturbed by Darcy's ridiculous tan as I was? People are not supposed to be orange. You know what is sexy? Hair extensions. You know what is not sexy? Skin cancer.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred twenty

Darcy's parents meet Peter and Ms. Hotass at the school. Darcy's parents point all the asshole things Peter has done to her as well as other people. Darcy's dad was mad when Peter forwarded that Manny video to him. Darcy's parents also tell Hotass that she is a bad parent. All of which they say is true. I like when peripheral characters come by and speak the truth about the lameness of main characters, like last season when Editor guy called Craig a wannabe rocker.

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Toby does not like that Degrassi has to host the Lakehurst students, especially since the guy who was there when JT got stabbed but didn't stab him now goes to Degrassi. His name is Johnny DiMarco and he thinks Toby is a digi-weiner. He'd be right about that. The kid who stabbed JT is in jail, but Johnny peed on JT's car and is free. He was also one of the kids who beat Toby up last season. You know, maybe if Toby had pressed charges after getting beaten up, Johnny wouldn't have gotten off after being an accessory to murder. But since Toby can't take out his anger physically, he takes it out through podcast. Toby uploads a podcast in which he insults the Lakehurst students. Toby is quite satisfied.

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To celebrate the first snowfall in three years, several Degrassi kids head out for a snowboarding party at Mount Canada. Darcy had to fake sick to get out of a church retreat to go, but she wants to snowboard and party with Peter. Manny is there with them. Manny spends too much time around Peter since the boob video thing. I think maybe Manny wants Peter to see her boobs again. What am I saying, of course she does, she's Manny.

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At the after party, Darcy and Peter make out. Peter grabs Darcy's ass, but Darcy doesn't have an ass anymore. Rather than be disappointed, Peter flops Darcy onto the bed to have sex. But Darcy points out that she was able to resist sex with Spinner* so she can resist it from a guy who is barely cooler than Craig. Hell, Peter's penis is probably only a couple of inches longer than JT's, which means Peter's penis is 2 1/4 inches.

*Darcy doesn't consider doing it anal to be sex.

Degrassi The Next Generation episode one hundred twenty

Liberty didn't like Toby's anti-Lakehurst podcast. She wants peace between the two student bodies and had considered letting Toby head up the integration committee. Toby doesn't want tot do that because Toby favors segregation. But Toby eventually realizes that there should be peace with the Lakehurst kids, so he goes to the Lakehurst pool hall to straighten it all out. But Johnny DiMarco doesn't care for peace. He doesn't even care that he was there when JT died. In fact, Johnny likes it. JT died in his pee, that means JT will have to be Johnny's slave in the afterlife.

Pop quiz time. What do Johnny DiMarco, Alex, and Peter have in common? They all have no guilt for bad shit they did.

All the Lakehurst pool hall junkies heard what Toby said about them on his podcast and they are not happy about it. They don't like it when Toby gets political in his podcast. People listen to Toby's podcast for his computer advice and his entertaining impressions, not for his political views.

Later, Toby visits JT's grave. He steals a photo that was placed at the grave and takes it back home to inspire him to record a new podcast in which he urges everyone at Degrassi to get along. He also offers some advice about RAM and pretends to interview Jerry Seinfeld.

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Back at the party, Darcy tells Manny about how Peter tried to have sex with her in some guy's bedroom. Manny gets horny from that sentence and wants details. Darcy then says she doesn't want to have sex yet and be like Manny, who has no values or self-respect. Manny feels offended by that remark, but it's true. Manny doesn't have any values or self-respect.

Darcy then goes to the bathroom. She leaves her lemonade unattended. The camera focuses ont he lemonade for a good seven minutes to drive the point home.

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Darcy and Peter meet up while they are both drunk. What was Darcy drinking? It looks like she had Mike's Hard Lemonade, but she could just be drinking regular lemonade and be a real teetotaler. Peter confesses to Darcy that he is a virgin as well. Of course Peter is a virgin, he tries to ruin the life of every girl he dates only about four days after he first meets them. Darcy then passes out and Peter runs off to throw up.

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Now Darcy is being led into a bedroom by a man whose face we don't see. He lays her down on the bed and the camera fades to black. Things are about to get hot and sexy!

Part 2 -->

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