"Death or Glory" Part 1Season 7 Episodes 5 & 6
American airdate: November 2nd & 9th, 2007
We begin in the caf, which has been overridden with Lakehurst punks. They even brought their mascot, the Lakehurst Badass Midget. I imagine he's like Weeman on Jackass in that he is a good skateboarding and makes cameos in really bad movies and TV shows.
Jimmy complains that the Lakehurst kids are all a bunch of ne'er-do-wells. "I can't say I'd blame them," says Ashley "I don't know how'd I be if our school burned downed." Ashley wouldn't care. She doesn't like high school and is only there two weeks a year. Spinner says they need someone like Rudy Giuliani or George Bush to come in and kick butt. We know who Spinner is going to vote for President next year.
That one bully from Lakehurst with the dirty long blonde hair and his stooges try to make Toby eat from a bowl of something. They don't say what it is, but for fun, let's assume it's poop. A big bowl of poop. Spinner decides to put a stop to this. Only one man gets to pick on Toby, and that's Spinner. Blonde haired mullet kid thinks he can pull a punch on Spinner, but Spinner intercepts the punch with the grasp of his hand and crushes that punk's hand into a million little pieces. Everyone cheers Spinner, but that is just standard procedure at 12:45 pm each weekday.
Principal Hotass, of course, has to be a total fucking bitch to Spinner and Spinner only and reminds him that he is on thin ice for that incident in the caf even though Spinner was protecting someone from a bully who wanted to force a kid to eat poop. But Degrassi's zero tolerance policy only ever applies to Spinner. That could just be for insurance reasons, though. You have to hold Spinner back because if he unleashed his full potential, the destruction would be far too great and the school could never afford the premiums.
Meanwhile, Darcy wants to get out of suicide counseling and does so by giving Ms. Sovey some flowers she stole from Principal Hotass. Ms. Sovey agrees to cut their meetings to once a week as long as Darcy promises not to try to kill herself again.
Jimmy watches Spinner work in muscles in the gym when Spinner has some pain in his groin. Jimmy doesn't want to help him with it, because he knows seeing Spinner's groin will only make him feel depressingly inadequate.
Webster almost gets into a fight with one guy from Lakehurst and then Liberty fights him. Yeah, this guy is one tough dude to challenge black Toby and a girl to a fight. He says that JT asked for it when he died. Hmm. Spinner is about to introduce this weeny to some makeup made out of pavement, but then Hotass comes by and Spinner backs off because he would be the only one who would receive punishment for this. Hotass would expel Spinner and give that kid Spinner fought ice cream for bringing this to her attention.
In Media Immersion, the white kid who looks like Webster is jealous that Webster now has a crush on Spinner since Spinner kicks someone's ass every five minutes in this episode. White Kid Who Looks Like Webster is threatened that Webster has a new man crush on Spinner. White Kid tries to assure Webster that the two of them will never stop sucking each other dicks. But they were talking in class so Mr. Simpson sentences them both to detention. He also gives Darcy detention because she was sitting right next to them and Mr. Simpson hates his students.
Spinner goes to the doctor's. The doctor makes Spinner get into one of those thin hospital gowns just so everyone can gaze at Spinner's bare ass. She then begins the examination by fondling Spinner's genitals. It's all standard procedure until the doctor finds a lump on Spinner's testicle. Spinner may have cancer.
Jimmy is sad to learn that Spinner might have cancer, but Spinner is not afraid because Spinner is immortal. The Lakehurst punks come by and Spinner is about to punch them all into the Sun, but Principal Hotass is right there. The Lakehurst punks know they are safe to taunt Spinner while they can hide behind her skirt. That one Lakehurst punk smiles at Spinner. He is in love with Spinner.
Spinner walks away while Jimmy grabs his back to get a free ride.
Spinner hangs at the pool hall with his new girl, Jane, the girl who only shops at Hot Topic. They hit it off pretty well until Spinner feels some pain from his tumor and has to leave. Spinner is worried that women will not be interested in him if his genitals are weakened, echoing the fears of Austin Powers when his mojo was stolen. Spinner has never been more scared of anything in his life. True, Spinner could pleasure women with his tongue, which would be much more pleasurable than any other man could do with his penis, but Spinner likes to read Smithsonian Magazine while he makes love.
Spinner lies to Jimmy by saying that Jane is not his type. Jimmy can't understand this and says, "She's not your type? She's you with breasts." Wow, Spinner with breasts. I just creamed my pants.
Spinner mentions his fear that no girl will want to be with a guy who can't get his penis to work properly. Jimmy feels bad when he hears that because his penis doesn't work and also no girl wants to be with him. Spinner is afraid of cancer because his dad died of lung cancer. Spinner's dad is John Wayne.
Oh, hey, Darcy still has that B plot. Because Darcy got in trouble, she has to go back into counseling. She is mad that Mr. Simpson sold her out and storms away from detention. The director gives us a nice long view of her ass as she walks away. Someone needs to go back to past episodes and count how many times the director chose to zoom in on Darcy's or another girl;s ass while she walks way. He does that a lot.
Mr. Simpson wants to know why Darcy is being such a bitch and Darcy confesses that she was raped. Now Simpson is in the loop because only a few people know Darcy was raped: Darcy, Manny, Peter, Simpson and presumably the dude who raped her. Mr. Simpson is a lot nicer to Darcy now and says he was being too hard on her earlier. Sweet, Darcy got out of detention.
You ask me, Darcy should milk this rape thing for all it's worth. She can already act out without getting detention so she should take that a step up. Like take a high def TV out of the store and then when they try to stop you for shoplifting, start crying about how you were raped. Bam! Free TV!
You'll never have to pay for ice cream again.
The doctor tells Spinner that he has testicular cancer. Now Spinner is very afraid. You think that there would be nothing that could take Spinner down, but this cancer has hit him at his power source. Spinner's testicles are like Samson's hair.
That blonde Lakehurst kid is still picking on Toby. He plays keep away with JT's penis pump, which is all Toby has to remember JT by. I don't know how Toby can feel anywhere close to being a man now. First, these kids beat the shit out of him and then they kill his boyfriend, now they are bullying him every day and Principal Hotass doesn't do anything about it because she's an idiot. Maybe she just finds it funny when Toby gets picked on so she lets it continue. At any rate, Toby should not be allowed to use the men's restroom.
Well, Spinner has to come in where the school administration is failing and protect Toby. Spinner socks blonde Lakehurst punk right in the head and sends that sucka' to the floor. Spinner has saved Toby once again. Spinner will always defend a woman's honor.