"Death or Glory" Part 2
Flashpoint: Degrassi. Everyone stands behind a fence screaming and whooping up quite a frenzy. We see Jimmy. He tosses a medicine ball to Spinner. Spinner catches the ball. He holds it high. Everyone cheers for him. It's 12:45 in the afternoon again.
This is murderball, a game of somesort which is part of the Degrassi Unity Games (it may have been the only part) which have united the Degrassi and Lakehurst factions and put an end to the conflicts. At the closing ceremony, Principal Hotass thanks Spinner for coming up with the Unity Games and brining peace to Degrassi. Spinner once again this week has to do the work Hotass is supposed to do if she wasn't incompetent and spent the week orally pleasuring members of the schoolboard in order to keep her job.
Someone videotaped Spinner kicking blonde Lakehurst guy's ass and uploaded it to
Youtube MyRoom Video. This threatens the fragile peace in the school.
Because making sure the school maintains order is Spinner's responsibility, he goes to blonde Lakehurst guy (who I just learned is named Johnny). Johnny wants Spinner to fight his friend Bruce, who doesn't speak, he only barks. I think Bruce is the result of an accident in which a human and a dog switched bodies, making Bruce a dog trapped in a human boy's body. There is some super intelligent beagle running around Canada trying to find a way to return to human form and getting into all sorts of mischief along the way.
The doctor meets with Spinner and his mom and explains that the first treatment for Spinner's cancer will be to remove the cancerous testicle. That sounds extreme, but the doctor is Asian and wants to remove Spinner's testicle because the Chinese believe it's an aphrodisiac They'd be right of course. Spinner's testicle is going to sell for big bucks in Chinatown.
Spinner goes home and grabs an electric razor. Screw the doctor, Spinner is going to remove the infected testicle himself.
Actually, Spinner just gave himself a Mohawk. He then finds Johnny and kicks the shit out of him once more. You got to wonder about this Johnny boy. He keeps calling out Spinner and keeps getting his ass beat and keeps coming back. I think Johnny needs to go into counseling, he clearly is feeling suicidal, but can't bring himself to end his own life. He has to get someone else to do it for him.
The next day, Spinner wants to fight some more. He challenges Bruce the man-dog to a brawl because if Johnny gets into a fight one more time, the doctors are going to have to replace his skull with a plastic tub.
Jane goes to Jimmy to get him to convince Spinner not to fight Bruce. Spinner may be the manliest man in Canada (not that that is saying much) but Bruce has the mind of a beagle, and those are fighting dogs. So Spinner may risk getting a minor scratch in this fight. That will slightly blemish his beautiful skin, so Jane can't have Spinner fight. Also, Spinner needs to get his testicle removed that afternoon.
Jimmy intercepts Spinner at the fight and gets him to go to the doctor instead. Jimmy really wants Spinner to keep his beautiful face and Spinner can't let Jimmy down. With no girlfriend and Jimmy's legs no longer working, seeing Spinner's man beauty is all he has going for him now.
Where is the fight taking place? That looks like it's Jay backyard. Jay probably organizes fights among high school boys for money.
Spinner wakes up after the surgery to find his testicle sitting in a doggie bag. Removing it from his body has caused Spinner's testicle to shrink by 90 pounds. Spinner' mother tells him that removing the testicle was no easy feet. The standard knife surgeons use for most testicle removals wasn't strong enough as it shattered when it came into contact with his testicle. The surgeons then tried to use an electric saw like the ones they use to cut through sheet metal, but it to was destroyed. They finally had to order one of those lasers that NASA uses to work on satellites in orbit and once they modified it to emit more power than it was safely designed for, they were able to cut off the testicle.
Hey, What's Marco Been Up To?
Marco has developed a crush on that new guy who moved into the house, because Marco cannot have one storyline that does not somehow revolve around him being a homosexual. But the new guy doesn't want to hang around Marco that much because he's Marco. Marco is very lonely until he buys a rabbit and tells the rabbit that the two of them are going to be spending a lot of time together.
Oh no, Marco is going to have sex with that rabbit.
Count on Spinner to bring out the best in Degrassi.
Does It Go There? Yuppers
Spinner got testicular cancer. Like I mentioned in one of the Mailbags, Spinner was bound to get testicular cancer when he naturally produces more testosterone in an hour than Barry Bonds injects in a month.
Who Should Get Kicked In The Face This Week? Marco
He's going to rape a bunny rabbit.
Have you noticed how torn and poor looking everyone's clothes are now? I think the grunge fad just arrived in Canada. That explains all the angry rock music that was played all over this episode.
So Spinner's dad died of cancer? Hmm. That must have occurred during the show's run, because in the first season episode "Under Pressure" Spinner mentions his dad got them tickets to a Guns N Roses concert. Some may say it's a case of poor writing, and they'd be correct, because it is interesting that Spinner's father's death has never been mentioned before. It also takes a long time to die of lung cancer. You'd think Spinner dealing with his father's slow, painful death would have come up in previous seasons. It should have been a major storyline. I guess Spinner noticed what a pussy Craig was when he cried over his dad's death, so Spinner decided to man it up. Maybe it was only his adopted father. I find it hard to believe someone who shares Spinner's genes could die, anyway.
Hollywood writers have gone on strike recently, which means that there is no one to write TV shows and movie scripts. This looks like a good opportunity for Johnny Dangerous and I to break into television writing. If anyone from The-N is reading this, you know that we're perfectly happy to be scabs and work for very little money. I don't know if The-N even has any shows written by people in the Writers Guild of America since their main shows are all produced by Canadians. As far as their American made shows go, I doubt any of them are unionized to begin with.
But if The-N is looking for a couple of young guys to make a new TV show for them, Johnny and I are ready. You're network seems big on having shows with teenage lesbians, so I think we have some ideas that would interest you.