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"Got My Mind Set On You"

Season 7 Episode 15
American airdate: April 11th, 2008

Boycott the Caf name: "The One That Fucking Sucks Beyond Balls"
Important characters: None of the characters featured in this episode could be considered important
Issue of the Week: Why Degrassi Blows

I'm sure you've noticed that Johnny has been doing a few episode reviews lately. This is for two reasons. One, we have been getting hit with too many Degrassi episodes at once. On Friday, The-N will air one episode and then Canada will air a completely different episode on whatever day Degrassi airs in Canada. So we've gotten backlogged with Degrassi episodes. Secondly, I hate all the recent episodes so I don't like to watch them. By suckering someone else to review a few of the episodes, it means I won't have to watch them.

I really hate this episode in particular, more so than any episode I have ever seen before. I know I said that about "Jessie's Girl" and that was only seven episodes back. Degrassi has become a pain in the ass to watch. I mean, it's never been a good show, but at least we could occasionally enjoy Spinner's sexual antics or Sean kicking some ass or Manny being a moron. And with Sean gone and Spinner one nut down, we only get Manny the idiot. This is not enough.

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The Media Immersion kids have to put together a group project involving a video. Peter teams up with the Webster because Darcy is away with her family at one of those religious compounds that practice polygamy. The two Websters call themselves Double D because they are gross. They round out the team with Rachael, a new girl who we'll probably never see again. I hope, there are too many new people on the show as it is.

Webster and White Webster are both crushing on Rachael and involving her in the group project is their excuse to try to date her. I'm confused, are the two of them expecting to date Rachael at the same time?

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The video group heads to a Victoria Secret type store to shoot a video about buying things for girls. They get permission from the British lady who runs the shop, however she says she will be keeping an eye on Webster. We are supposed to believe this is because she believes black people will shoplift, but I think it is because the shop owner realizes Webster looks like the kind of guy who would take a handful of panties into the dressing room and masturbate all over them. She's wouldn't be incorrect, either. Webster and White Webster in a lingerie shop, that's a recipe for boner explosion. For the both of them, it will be the first time they've ever achieved an erection with women's underwear present. Since they are "men" and wear boxers, and the only action they get is when they jack each other off Saturday night know...

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Meanwhile, Simpson is at home since he is still under pedophile investigation. Being under Spike's matriarchal thumb 24/7 really takes its tole on him. Usually, Snake could expect to get away from the BDSM cages and having to drink her piss for seven hours a day, but now there is not. How about Spike now has blonde hair? She is trying to copy Emma. Emma is the only teenager she ever sees, so Spike assumes whatever Emma is into is what the teens like, and Spike wants to be cool.

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The next day at school, the nerds scope out the camera Peter got by selling naked pictures of some girl. Girls are always getting naked in front of Peter, it's about time he made some money off it. White Webster asks Rachael out, but she shoots him down because he's White Webster.

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Turns out Rachel likes Webster. I don't know why either. Maybe she is one of those really awkward girls who only goes out with really awkward and weird boys. It's like when you see couples that are really ugly. They know they can't do any better, but they've found happiness. And good for them as long as they don't have kids.

However this causes a rift between the Websters. White Webster throws a hissy fit when he finds what appears to be a hickey from Rachel on Webster. That doesn't look like a hickey, more like a fungus infection.

That one teacher who Webster and White Webster hate because he insists they do schoolwork is subbing in Media Immersion while the school checks out if Simpson is a pedophile. White Webster asks permission to leave his group project over the Rachel trouble, but the teacher refuses, saying they are having a Yoko problem. The two Websters do not understand the reference. The teacher says Yoko Ono is often credited with breaking up the Beatles, but the Websters do not even know who the Beatles are. The teacher is disgusted and throw his hot coffee in their faces.

I like this scene because it is true that many dumbass teenagers do not know who the Beatles are. It also annoys me because I only graduated high school about five years ago and I was a Beatles fan back then. The Websters are just horrible, evil people.

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Back at the b plot, Emma is also feeling the stress of Snake's suspension. Since she cannot have any Degrassi kids over, she is forced to meet that one black guy who is not Jimmy at the park to talk sexy with. I think that black guy and Emma are hot for each other, but that might be one of those minor plots that was last addressed six months ago. Anyway, Emma buys a dog for her and her black crush. This freaks black guy out since he doesn't want to raise a dog with her, that's just nuts. Something else happens, I think.

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Back at the sexy undie shop, White Webster has hidden some crotchless panties in Webster's backpack. When the British lady checks his backpack, she calls security and Webster and Rachel run like so many black people have run from mall security before. We next see them running all he way to the area by the Dot. Either the mall is just across the street from the school, or they ran fifteen miles without stopping.

Rachel believes Webster tried to shoplift, but Webster says he was setup and the British lady is racist. Rachel says, "Do not play the race card with me, I'm probably black least 50%."

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Peter and White Webster are at the Dot editing the video on Peter's laptop. Except they're not, the screen on the video editing program is black. Peter isn't doing any work. He doesn't care about this project or school work in general. If he gets a bad grade, he can just change it in his mom's office. Hotass should keep Peter away from all the school equipment, but that would require her to be a parent for once, and you can't expect her to do that.

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Because Peter never edited the video, the group has no project. Luckily, White Webster cam through with a new video in which he apologies to Webster for setting him up to be arrested for panty theft. If Webster had been arrested, the court would have never bought his story about being set up. The judge would say, "Mr. Webster, we have evidence that you used a fake ID to buy a penis pump when you were a freshman in high school." Webster would plead with the court saying he bought the penis pump for a friend with a really small penis. "We tried it out in a bathroom stall," Webster will say, "me and two other guys." The judge will never buy that excuse. "Alright, this boy is clearly a pervert. He certainly smells like one. Lock him up in the stockades!"

Webster is not impressed by the apology. However, they make up when Webster hits White Webster in the arm. He got his reparations.

Rating: F--
Man, they didn't even try. Degrassi is very awkward when they try to do racism plots. And they don't even do that many. There was this one and the one with Manny and black class president. Neither of those were any good, though the Manny one had points for being good in the way really bad sitcoms like Full House are good. If they want a racism story then they need to involve Jimmy, the only black person of interest in this post-Chris era. Jimmy is blacktastic.

Does It Go There? Positively Absolutely No
Most certainly assuredly no.

Who Should Get Kicked In The Face This Week? God
He created a world where this episode, as well as the Holocaust and AIDS, is possible.
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