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"Uptown Girl" Part 1

Season 8 Episodes 1 & 2
Canadian airdate: October 5th & 12th, 2008

Boycott the Caf name: "This Show Blows"
Important characters: Mia, Emma, People who don't matter
Issue of the Week: Modeling as a mother, College freshman shenanigans, Being extra smart

Ah man, Degrassi is back. How am I supposed to look my little nephew in the eye and tell him we live in a just world run by a caring God when Arrested Development gets cancelled after three seasons and Firefly is only allowed fourteen episodes but this shitpile of a TV show is up to one hundred and forty fucking episodes? That's not a problem now since I don't have a nephew. But it is a problem because Degrassi is a problem because it is very bad.

Degrassi has a football team now. I think this is the 313th new sports team at Degrassi. They are practicing on the field and the coach is psyched because the football team is going to blow the school away at the upcoming fashion show.

No one at Degrassi knows what a football team is supposed to do.

Mia comes by the field with her baby and asks to try out for Spirit Squad. She was in the squad last year so you think she'd already be in this year. But the new principal has a soft spot for Holly J (they slept together) and has made her head of the squad. Holly J hates Mia. I forgot if it was ever explained why Holly J hates Mia as I don't care about these two.

The opening credits roll. Degrassi has ditched the lame Action News credits from last year and brought back the original theme song, this time with a version performed by Sheryl Crow. The new credits have about 4000 new people in them and the only standbys from season 1 are Emma, Liberty, Manny, Spinner and Snake. Oh poop.

We come back from the credits to see that Emma, Liberty, and Manny are going to college together. Emma and Manny thought they were supposed to be roommates, but it turns out they are placed in separate halls. Liberty and Manny are hallmates, though. The RA for Manny and Liberty's hall knew who they were just by looking at them. It would have been easy to do. Only a black family would name their child Liberty and I bet the hall registry list had a sombrero next to Manny's name as a warning. They need to know who to go after if they find a chicken running around the halls or who is likely to let their eleven family members stay in their room all semester.

Back at Degrassi, it's the first day of school. Since all the kids we actually enjoy are gone, the 4000 new characters have to be introduced in a couple of minutes. At least Spinner is there, kissing Jane before he sends her off to her studies. I think Spinner may have graduated last year, so I'm not sure what he's going to be doing. I hope the school board makes him the new principal of the school....THE SCHOOL OF PARTYING DOWN!

Darcy and Peter are back and so is Darcy's sister, who I guess is going to be the new Toby, only less girly. The girl who plays Darcy was hired for that new 90210 show on the CW. I find it interesting that she has gone from being on a show that is a spinoff of a crappy show from the 80's, to a spinoff of a crappy show from the 90's. I was going to review the first episode of 90210, but I only got ten minutes into it before giving it up due to the fact it sucked. Yes, it actually sucked so bad I couldn't even tolerate it enough to make fun of it. Now think of how many shitty Degrassi episodes I've been able to endure and you get the picture of how real shitty 90210 is.

At least it's gotten Darcy some attention in the news. Not good news though; a picture of her appeared on the cover of an US Weekly issue about actresses who are far too skinny.

Darcy's too thin? Way to get with the program, US Weekly, I've been saying that for years. I guess it's good that someone out there considers the girl who plays Darcy an actress, at least. I sure don't!

Mr. Simpson introduces his god son to Darcy's sister and some South Asian girl. I guess Simpson adopted a child from Africa. Too bad that boy will not have anyone in his life who can show him how to be a man.

It's time for the football fashion show. Degrassi has a new principal in town, a man who makes sexual comments about the cheerleaders in front of the whole school. Simpson just has to sit in the audience with a confused look. I hope the dynamic between Simpson and the new principal is going to be like between Jim and Michael on The Office, because unlike Degrassi, The Office is actually a good show.

Mia did so good at the football fashion show that she caught the attention of a modeling agent. Modeling agents really like to recruit at Degrassi. Now Mia is going to be a model. We are treated to Mia showing off some skin (stretch mark free). The producers need to put one of the girls in revealing clothes every now and then as an incentive to get the crew to care about their jobs. Snoop Dogg approves.

Back in collegeland, Emma is sad that she is not roommates with Manny. Manny, on the other hand, is cool with it. But because Emma has to have everything her way, she goes to the housing department and gets them to move her, Manny and Liberty in together without telling the other two first. Now the three of them share a room. But wait, that's not all. Their fourth roommate turns out to be a boy! OH BOY! Nothing can be done about this because all the rooms are now booked up. This reminds me of my senior year when my small college added about a thousand new students without thinking about how they were going to handle housing. They ended up putting beds into the hall lounges. I didn't care about that because it only affected stupid freshmen, but they also closed the second caf because the administration hates students, so I had to go to dinner at 4pm to beat the damn lines and crowds. I had to smuggle hamburgers in my coat pockets for when I would get hungry later in the evening.

They don't do a whole lot with the boy living with three girls plot this episode. Maybe they'll elaborate in later episodes. Which reminds me, does anyone remember that SNL sketch where Rob Schneider was a roommate in college with three girls and he kept wanting them to all shower together? That was way better than this episode. I have been trying to find the clip online all day to no success and I ended up missing an important job interview because of it. If anyone has a link, send it to me immediately. This is priority ALPHA ONE.

I can see why Manny didn't want to be roommates with Emma. I mean, it's Emma. Also, they were already roommates for the past couple of years. It's a really testament to Manny's power of will that she has been able to put up living with Emma for as long as she did.

Mia's modeling career doesn't go too well. She is going to lose a modeling job because she can't kick a field goal. No, really. Degrassi really doesn't know what football is. Holly J gives her shit for not being a real model, but come on, she's only been doing this for less than a week. Is it then implied that Mia will sleep with someone in order to get the modeling job. I hope it is someone who can actually hire her and not some guy who cleans the bathrooms in the studio or something. I don't want this to go like that time I tried to get that job at the hardware store.

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