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"Lost in Love" Part 1

Season 8 Episodes 8 & 9
Canadian airdate: November 30th, 2008 & January 18th 2009

Boycott the Caf name: none
Important characters: Spinner, Jane, Emma, New People
Issue of the Week: Spinner is Martin Lawrenece National Security

Love is in the air at Degrassi. People have even shown up school early to decorate for the annual Degrassi Love Day dance or whatever. Maybe it's Valentine's Day but that seems odd because nobody ever mentioned Christmas in any of the episodes. Christmas is like a huge holiday even in Canada so you would think that it would be mentioned in passing at least. Like Jane would say, "For Christmas I got Spinner a shotgun. His existence was his gift to me."

Speaking of Jane, she makes fun of the losers who showed up early to decorate for the Love Day dance. We find out that the school will not allow Spinner to attend the dance. This is because Spinner parties way to hard and the school's insurance company won't cover any damages that may occur when the gym suddenly turns into a giant foam party, except instead of foam it's Cherry Slushy that comes out of the machine.

Alli asks why Jane would want a boyfriend who can't go to school dances. First of all, school dances are lame. Even if he could go Spinner probably wouldn't want to. Secondly, he is Spinner and there is no other reason you need to date him. Webster asks if Spinner has gotten into police school yet. That's an awesome question Danny! Apparently Spinner has decided to go into law enforcement. He is going to become Batman. Jane plans on going into pre-law and they are going to go to school together, because choosing your college based on where your boyfriend wants to go always works out for the best.

We then jump cut to Spinner at home in his short shorts talking to a turtle. Ladies set your vagina to aroused! Spinner opens a letter from police school and is saddened to find out he was not accepted. That's probably because of all the laws he has broken in the past. The crime? Stealing the heart of a nation.

Spinner's turtle can't believe it.

KC is wondering if Claire will go to the dance with him. I wonder why he wants her to go to the dance with him. KC is part of the nerd clique but he could do better than Claire. He looks like the members of Hanson if they were dudes. He should be asking Alli to the dance. She at least has boobs. Johnny comes by and says, "If you want to spin in circles with sweaty teen boys, Moose can make the happen right now." Moose then begins to do a fat guy dance. Johnny is Moose's pimp.

KC buys a rose that will be sent to Claire with an invitation from him to the dance. Connor takes offense to KC asking Claire to the dance saying, "She should go with me. We're better friends." When the fuck has Connor even appeared in an episode for more then three seconds? He ain't friends with shit.

Spinner decides that the rejection letter must be some sort of elaborate typo and drives three hours to the police station to argue that he should be let into police school. Yes, the nearest police station is three hours from Toronto. Canada has few crimes. The officer tells Spinner his marks are too low and he failed the physical fitness section of the test. Spinner points out the only reason he failed was because of ball cancer so the officer tells Spinner to improve his grades at night school and try again in a year. He then gives Spinner a hat.

This is absolute bullshit. We all know Spinner can kill a man at two hundred yards with mind bullets and once bested Albert Einstein during a debate on the phonograph. This is nothing more than a conspiracy by the Mounties to keep Spinner out of their ranks because he would show them all up. Spinner would come waltzing into Toronto on his silver steed and stop all the crime in the city. Then the rest of the Mounties would look like a fool because they haven't even been able to catch the guy that keeps raping Degrassi girls or the dude who killed JT. They weren't even able to stop Joey from sneaking into woman's locker rooms and masturbating into their shoes and everybody in Canada knew he was into that shit.

That one male roommate of the college Degrassi girls broke up with his girlfriend. Now he is available for Emma to bone even though he told her he didn't want to bone her. How many plots do the writers think they can shoehorn into this episode?

The Nerds got their battle bot into the battle bot finals to be held in Manitouwadge (the fourth most populated city in Ontario). Shortly after this wedgie inducing announcement, the roses are delivered and oh no! Connor decided to be a douche and also sent Claire an invitation to the Love Dance. She has to decide who to go with! Alli, meanwhile, got a blank invitation. Looks like she has a secret admirer. She's happy about this but I don't know why. The last time somebody at Degrassi had a secret admirer things didn't turn out too great.

Spinner consults his think tank on how he should break the news that he isn't going to the police academy. Jay says to just not tell Jane. Holly J says Spinner can either tell her now or later, it doesn't matter because Jane will break up with him either way. Spinner needs to get a new think tank. He can keep Jay but he needs some smart people too. I think Jimmy and Toby would be good additions. Jimmy has street smarts and Toby has Jew smarts. Jay's second idea is to use words, verbal or written. Okay Jay, you're cool, but you're out of the think tank. Chris you're in. Hadooba dooba boowa

Spinner interrupts the class Jane is in because he feels like talking to her. The teacher has no problem with this. Spinner reveals that he will be able to go to the Love Day dance with Jane. He signed a waver stating he would cover all expenses to the school and shut down The Dot so that he won't have to work. I guess that cements it, Spinner definitely owns The Dot. You can't just close a business for the night if you're the manager.

Jane sees the police hat that the officer gave Spinner earlier and assumes he got into police squad. Spinner is about to break the bad news when The Shep interrupts them to tell Jane she has been chosen as the Jilbert's Student of the Week and she has been asked to give a speech on girls playing football. The Shep doesn't seem to have any problems with Spinner hanging out in the halls of Degrassi when school is in session. Jane says they should have dinner to celebrate their good fortunes and Spinner doesn't have the heart to tell her no.

The nerds are having no luck getting their battle bot to defeat Raditch's Swiss ball. That thing was able to survive Raditch humping it while wearing revealing tiny shorts, no way a robot made by these wieners can best it in a duel. Connor and KC argue over what is wrong with the robot because Claire hasn't decided which she will go to the dance with and tensions are high between them. Also because they are morons. Claire says she just won't go because they are fighting over her. In an interesting move, the director seems to have told the cast members to act as poorly as humanly possible during this scene. I'm sure it was all part of his artistic vision.

There's yet another subplot about Anya and Sav both working on the Love Day rose committee but hating each other. I'm not going into details because there are too many damn plots already. This plot ties into Alli finding out who sent her the rose. Anya whispers it into Alli's ear so we the viewing audience do not know. Tis a mystery worthy of Sherlock Holmes himself, who is her lover, Peter? Rhiley? Sav? Keep watching young viewer and all shalt be revealed soon.

"Gobal warming more like global climate crises," roommate says while strumming his guitar, "parts of the world are actually getting cooler." This is the worst song about the environment I have ever heard. Here is a list of the best songs about the environment:

1. Nature's Disappearing - John Mayall

2. After the Gold Rush - Neil Young

3. That Recycling Song From Rocko's Modern Life

Roomate gets the cold shoulder from his ex as she walks down the hall. Emma is like, "Damn girl be all up given ya the cold shoulder" or something, I wasn't paying attention. She then asks the roomate to teach her how to play guitar. Emma wants to learn "Is It My Body" because that was her favorite song as a kid. Roomate is teaching her the chords by rubbing up against her and they almost kiss but then don't.

Jane throws Spinner a surprise party to celebrate that he got into police school. Of course it's at The Dot. Jimmy and his crippled girlfriend even show up. Jimmy feigns excitement about Spinner becoming a mountie even though he knows the truth. Before coming back to our time, Jimmy used the way back machine to research those he was going to observe and knows Spinner failed the police exam. He just needs to keep it a secret. It could shake the very fabric of time if everybody found out that Spinner is going to become the Secretary General of the United Nations one day.

While getting drinks Jane is talking to Holly J and Holly J implies that Spinner didn't get into police school. Holly J is strange because she is honest and yet always manages to use the truth to be evil.

Meanwhile Alli sneaks into detention because Johnny is the one who gave her the rose. He likes her, in the sense that he likes deflowering virgins. Alli gives a cover story to the teacher about why she is in detention that is so weak that it makes Twilight look good in comparison HEY-OH! Take that Twilight fans!

Johnny says he didn't send the rose and that they can't date because his friends would mock him. Alli is upset that he doesn't even want to try to go out with her and tries to walk out but the teacher won't have any of that. He knows she doesn't really have detention. Like I said he cover story was bad, plus she and Johnny whispered loud enough for everybody around them to hear. The teacher is just pissed she interrupted detention and will make her suffer.

Meanwhile, Emma still doesn't understand why her roommate won't date her. Sure he said he won't date her because it would make things complicated in their suite, and sure he just broke up with his ex and it was sort of messy but Emma wants something and she doesn't understand the concept of not getting her way. Emma even points out that she let him teach her guitar which means they should have ended up making out. That is why nobody will let Emma be in their band.

Thanks to Holly J, Jane is on to Spinner's fibs and tries to get him to spill the beans by asking him if there is anything he wants to tell her about getting into Mountie school. Spinner has decided to just play along with the misunderstanding until his or her eventual death so he says he has nothing to say. Webster yells that Jane is hogging Spinner and he and Peter start shouting questions at him. They are just excited to be at a party held in Spinner's honor. They weren't invited, they just showed up at The Dot that afternoon, but they are still excited.

Jane reveals that she knows that Spinner got into police college and is angry that he lied and that he didn't ruin the party by revealing his failure. Spinner responds that he did it because he is stupid, too stupid for Mountie school, and too stupid to be with Jane. Jane isn't angry about Spinner not getting into school though, just for lying to her. Spinner knows Holly J ratted him out. This is Holly J's last episode.

Emma wants confirmation that she and roommate aren't dating. The roommate makes it extremely clear that he does not want to date Emma. Emma keeps bugging him and roommate eventually decides that if he is going to get all this hassle he might as well get some nookie. He goes to kiss Emma but she stops him, saying that they need to go on a date first. Roommate agrees because if he doesn't then he's going to have to listen to her complain for the rest of the semester.

Spinner goes to a bar to drown his sorrows in spirits. Jay comes along because he likes drinking. They are too cheap to buy actual alcohol at the bar so they just get Mr. Pibb and pour moonshine in it from Jay's flask. Spinner goes over his problems but isn't whiney like most drunks who complain while drinking. This is because he is a George Thorogood style drunk who drinks nothing but hard liquor and is deep down glad that he has problems because it gives him a reason to drink. Jay meanwhile proves to be a lame drunk because we find out he calls Manny all the time and she hangs up on him. Call loser patrol they need to lock this boy up!

Spinner, all drunk, climbs into Jane's room like Sam from Clarissa Explains It All but with alcohol. Jane isn't amused by the antics of the bourbon stained Spinner. Jane is still hurt that Spinner lied to her. Jane's mom bursts in to find Spinner in her house. Spinner tells her he's drunk and the two of them go downstairs to do jello shots.

Spinner wakes up to find Jimmy in his house. Spinner is confused but pours Jimmy coffee anyways because he is a good host. Jimmy is there to ask for advice for proposing to crippled girl. Spinner laments that everybody is moving on but him. Well Spinner you do own The Dot, that's not something you did in high school. Spinner then smiles as a plan that surely will not fail pops into his head.

KC tries to convinces Claire to go to the dance with him by saying that she should go with him. That's all he says. He doesn't give a single reason. He isn't even trying. Claire says she will go but not with anybody. And that's the end of that plot.

Spinner makes Holly J show up at The Dot before school. He and Jay are waiting with a master plan. Spinner tells Holly J to help him get Jane back or he will fire her. Spinner needs Holly J to help him sneak into a student leadership symposium that Jane is giving a speech at. Holly J's plan for sneaking Spinner in is for Spinner to put on a suit. Then I guess when he flashes that million dollar smile, they'll just open the doors for him.

Click here for Part 2

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