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"Jane Says" Part 1

Season 8 Episodes 13 & 14
Canadian airdate: March 1st & 8th, 2009

Boycott the Caf name: "Jane's Song"
Important characters: Jane, Spinner, Lucas, Jane's parents
Issue of the Week: Suddenly remembering you were molested

Jesus Christ another Jane episode. Like every episode I've reviewed has involved Jane and the fact that she plays football. I'm not sure cause I only watch the episodes I review but I'm going to assume she stars in every damn episode this season. Jane is the new Emma, I guess.

Jane is getting hassled outside the school. She's waiting for a ride and for some reason this guy who may be a teacher or some other sort of school official can't leave the school until she does. This would make sense if this was elementary school and Jane was eight. She is in high school. The high school does not have to worry about if their students have rides. Lucas is suppose to be picking Jane up but is late.

Lucas shows up and Jane yells at him. Lucas defends himself saying Spinner should be picking up his lady but according to Jane Spinner can't pick her up because he is working. Fact is Spinner can be in multiple places at the same time, not unlike Dr. Manhattan, he just doesn't feel like picking her up. Also like Dr. Manhattan Spinner does not feel the need to cover his blue penis and single handedly won the Vietnam war. Oh, also Lucas dropped out of school at some point. He also has a stupid haircut.

In the next shot, Jane is coming into her home. She shuts the door behind herself without letting Lucas in so I guess he is just going to hang out in the front yard. She tells her mom she passed the driving test, so I guess maybe that's why she was waiting for Lucas to arrive in the car, although I was under the impression that you needed a parent in the car with you to take the driving test and that it usually didn't occur during school hours. I don't know, maybe it's a Canadian thing. Jane thinks Lucas will become a better person if his bastard child is around, just like the last time he was involved in her life and he brought her to a party full of underage drinkers.

Lucas is involved in his daughter's life in the sense that his daughter makes a cake with her grandmother while he plays Wolfenstien 3D and listens to crappy wanna-be metal. It's good he dropped out of high school for this.

Danny is dating an Asian girl. For those keeping track this is the third Asian to attend Degrassi High School. First their was Kendra, then friendship club Asian, and now this one. Her name is Leia. Danny is amazed that she watched all four seasons of Lost just because Danny is a fan. Danny wants her to come eat with him and his friends. Danny's friends are Sav and Peter, so of course she says no.

Peter and Sav are talking about how much fun they have on double dates. Danny wants to join with Leia. Maybe she's North Korean or something. I could check Wikipedia to see what the tension is about but Leia is such a popular character that nobody has bothered to make a page for her yet. They end up organizing a sleep over at Peter's house.

Degrassi: The Next Generation is brought to you by Yahoo.

The Shep is back from sensitivity training. He goes into Media Immersion to push kids to get their relatives to join the alumni football team. Danny is bummed about the team because Liberty wants to join it in order to one up him. Liberty is not athletic but nobody would want to touch her, so every time she gets the ball she's going to score a touchdown. Jane is not sympathetic as her sibling currently spends ten hours a day on the couch. At least Liberty is showing some ambition.

Jane thinks there's something to this alumni football dealy. That night she tells her mother--who dresses like Stevie Nicks--that Lucas should join the team. He can get some exercise and hopefully business contacts. I'm not sure how good this plan is, I don't think you are technically an alumni if you drop out of school. Jane's mom thinks Lucas spending time with his father would help him out more, so she invited the father, Carlo over for dinner. This upsets Jane. She says she won't talk to Carlo, but really the evening is about Lucas anyways.

At The Dot, Leia tells Danny that Sav has been coming on to her, so that's why she is uncomfortable hanging out with him. Danny says he will make Sav uncomfortable…in the butt! Leia says that's not necessary and that she will come to the sleep over at Peter‘s apartment.

Danny and Liea leave The Dot and go to Peter's place where the boys want to watch Lost. Leia makes a faux pas that reveals she really didn't watch the seasons of Lost earlier but Danny doesn't notice because he isn't bright. Lost is not a good show to watch with a group of people because it is complex and requires you to pay close attention, so nobody gets to talk. The girls suggest truth or dare as an alternative. Leia ruins the game by not wearing her bra on the outside of her shirt. In her defense, she isn't drunk and pretty much nobody is going to do anything fun in a game of truth or dare unless they are dunk.

Lucas is giddy that daddy is coming home and they are all going to be a happy family forever and ever. Jane is not enjoying herself because she still has anger issues towards her father who abandoned them. She walks out of the room and has a blurry flashback to Carlo spinning her around and throwing her on a bed. I type these while I watch the episode but I'm going to call it right here: child rape.

The memory is troubling Jane so she seeks advice from Dr. Spinner, phychoanalyst. She starts out by asking Spinner what his earliest memory is. Spinner didn't invite Jimmy to his birthday party when he was four and Jimmy didn't talk to him for a year. That's Jimmy's loss, if you ask me. Jane can't remember anything before she was eight. Spinner finds that strange but chalks it up to Jane's meth addiction.

At Peter's apartment they take a break from truth or dare to watch Danny do a black person dance. With that done the game continues. Leia is asked who the coolest person she has ever met is. She says Fallout Boy. She says the name of the band as if they are a person. That doesn't sound like a lie at all. Everybody is impressed. I wouldn't be, but I think Fallout Boy might be a Canadian band. She should have said she knew Rush.

Spinner closed The Dot early to hold a meeting for the alumni football team. In addition to him there is Liberty, Jay, and Lucas. They need about 18 more people before they have enough for a team. I tried to get a screen cap of the group but they're never all featured at the same time so enjoy this special picture Jane is getting drunk with whatever moonshine Jay keeps in his flask.

Jane's drunkenness is completely disrupting the meeting. She is ignoring 22 of Robert's Rules of Order. The only rule she is paying any heed to is "Laying on the table" and that's mostly because she can't sit up anymore. Lucas says that he wishes Jane had been drunk at dinner so that their father wouldn't think he was the only loser in the family. Too bad she is an all A high school student who likes to drink you you're a high school drop out with a child whose biggest plans are to assistant coach the alumni football team. Lucas hopes that if he serves Spinner well, Spinner will hire him at The Dot. Lucas even volunteers to take Jane home so that Spinner can remain at the meeting. The rest of the meeting consists of Spinner and Jay drinking scotch and making fun of Liberty.

When the two of them get home, Jane's mom is upset that Jane is drunk and being rude to her father who left them many years ago, maintained minimal contact, and did not pay child support. Also the suppressed rape probably ain‘t helping.

After the 12th hour of truth or dare, everybody is plumb tuckered out. Somebody back there appears to be sleeping with their face in a pizza. Only Danny and Peter are awake. Danny wonders if Studz can open for Fallout Boy. Peter points out the many, many reasons why Leia's story is bullshit. Also even if she was Fallout Boy's sister, I don't think they would be able to open for them. Usually famous bands have other, slightly less famous bands open for them, not shitty local bands.

The next day Danny asks Liea to get them into the Fallout Boy show. Either he is messing with her or he forgot about the conversation he had with Peter. Leia says it's no problem and that everybody should get their rock socks on. She is confusing Fallout Boy with The Red Hot Chili Peppers. She should have said she knows Barenaked Ladies. Nobody would ask her to get tickets to a Barenaked Ladies concert.

Meanwhile Jane is crying in the nurse's office.

Leia and the others go to the Fallout Boy concert but the guy they talk to won't let them in. The bouncer doesn't believe her because many people try to pretend to know band members to get into concerts for free. The trouble is look at her friends:

Even the members of Fallout Boy are too cool to hang out with these people. Leia should be able to say that she couldn't get them in because she didn't arrange it far enough ahead of time and the bouncer is a douche. However Leia sucks at lying despite doing it all the time. Peter and Sav call Leia out on her lies. Danny says Sav is just jealous because he has that hots for her and she has been turning her down. Sav denies this acusation. Everybody believes Sav since he hasn't been lying about knowing celebrities. Little do they know that he does like Leia, but with suspicion alleviated they will never think to check his locker for the panties she lost during the sleepover. Peter invites Danny to come watch Lost but not Liea. She can watch Lost, IN HELL!

That night at The Dot, Danny is still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Leia doesn't know Fallout Boy. Leia says she lied so that Danny's friends would like her. Danny has no problems with that but is pissed that she lied to him. Leia says she will never lie to him again. There's no way that isn't the truth.

Jane's mom wants to try again with Carlo. Jane is cold to the news but not hostile. Also we find out that until he left, Carlo spent most of the time with Jane cause the mother worked. That's a lot of free time, for child raping!

Jane's dad comes to her room and says he is glad to get another chance with her mother. He then says "Goodnight, Janey bear" which triggers a memory of her being five and him saying "Be a good girl, okay, Janey bear" while wearing an ugly baseball hat. This makes Jane sleep in the closet. Her closet is really big and clean. I've never had a closet I could lay down in.

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