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"Touch of Grey"

Season 8 Episode 15
Canadian airdate: October 20th, 2009

Boycott the Caf name: "Emma is a Dope for Smoking Dope"
Important characters: Emma, Kelly, KC, Connor

Emma is disappointed because no one at college likes her, which makes college very much like high school. She only has her popular boyfriend/roommate Kelly to hang on to. Remember, Kelly is a boy because Emma ran afoul of Residential Life. Emma is referred to as Blonde Emma by the Vicky the RA, but Emma does not like this, saying she is not even blonde anymore. She still looks pretty blonde to me, but my computer doesn't work as well as it used to after I found that I can devote more RAM to browse porn sites faster if I turn off my anti-virus software. Emma would like to be called just Emma and make all the other Emmas in the dorm legally change their names to something else.

Kelly has a friend who has a Frisbeep t-shirt and is happy to have gotten a C+ on his history paper. Frisbeep is one of those people who is not going to put any effort into college and end up pretty fucked when he graduates. For helping him with his paper, Frisbeep gives Kelly a joint of EVIL MARIJUANA! shudder! and also a thank you card. Emma has never tried pot because, as she says, "Look, people I've been around who were on pot just seemed annoying and giggly." That's not pot, Emma, that's just what you get for being friends with JT and Toby for six years. The most those two were ever on was an aspirin tablet, and that sent them pretty far out.

Back at the high school, the smart kids have gym class. Connor tells Coach Armstrong that strange noises are coming from the stage. Armstrong pulls back the curtain to reveal some ruffians playing the hackey-sack. Armstrong tells these no-goodnicks to skedaddle and one of the hooligans says he is not smart enough for gifted gym. I guess the smart kids have their own gym. Maybe Armstrong makes them answer various trivia and if they get a question wrong, he throws a basketball at their head.

Armstrong wants KC to try out for the basketball team. I don't have a joke to follow that sentence, but it is important to the plot.

Emma's hall is preparing for their floor Olympic games. Vicky the RA only lets a few people participate in setting up the games because she is not a very good RA. Two girls come to Emma's room to ask for Kelly. It's a good thing Emma knows that Kelly smokes pot or else she would be jealous. Emma grabs a joint that Kelly keeps tucked under his pillow (as a very special gift for the tooth fairy) and offers to smoke it with the girls. The two agree that getting free weed is worth hanging out with Emma.

We next see the three girls giggling and acting paranoid. One girl sits on the steps because the weed is making her a little sick. Not sick enough to throw up or anything, it's only marijuana--not booze--but she's slightly dizzy or something. The other girl, named Becca, thinks Emma would be fun to play floor Olympics with because Becca is high. They give Emma the nickname "Blaze" because...well...I don't know. I think that's supposed to be a drug term, but Emma has only given them one joint. They are freshmen, so they may assume that Emma is a big time dealer on campus. Emma's off to a real great start in college if she has only been there a couple of months and is already a well known drug dealer.

Emma realizes that when people are high, they actually like her, so she bakes plenty of pot brownies for the floor Olympics. One girl is high so she tells Emma she is funny. Liberty is a stick in the mud (big surprise there) and chastises Emma for passing out the brownies. Even though they are all high, still no one likes Liberty. Frisbeep calls her Soberty. Note to Degrassi's producers: if you want to make your lame "drugs are bad" episode, don't make the one person who hates drugs be Liberty. That just encourages drug use. No one wants to be like Liberty. Also, I am having a hard time telling if the students are all high when playing the games or not. Damn college kids.

One girl in the hall named Becca is passed out on the couch with white fluid dripping out of her mouth. I remember ending up like that a lot my freshman year, too. Emma wipes the semen from Becca's mouth because that is what sisterhood is all about.

Connor visits KC's home, which is in fact a group home for troubled youths. KC does not want Connor to tell anyone where he lives, so of course, Connor does. KC has anger issues too, and he totally shows the rack of basketballs who is the boss at the tryouts.

Emma is woken up by a noise in the middle of the night. Actually, it's pretty bright out, so I assume Emma was just sleeping during the day because she is a college student. The Becca girl is unconscious and being taken away by EMTs. Marijuana sent Becca to the hospital...somehow.

Turns out Becca is diabetic, and that is why she is in the hospital. But the pot brownies may have made her forget to take her insulin. So you see, she in the hospital for not taking her insulin, but the marijuana is really to blame. All of the non-diabetic kids who ate the brownies are fine, but shutup-marijuana is bad and can almost kill you. Ignore the fact that just plain non-pot brownies would have been enough to raise Becca's blood sugar. Being Degrassi, this isn't even the worst example of asinine logic the show has ever come up with.

Connor tells the hackey-sack gang about KC. The lead hackey-sacker knows that KC and his gang stole a car, which KC never told Connor, so I don't know how lead hackey-sacker knows this. KC does not want to be known as a bad kid, but I wish he would join the hackey-sack gang. If KC gets in trouble on more time he's going to be sent to juvenile hall, but Sean was on probation and that did not stop him from joining a gang or stealing all the time.

I guess I see the potential for a Candy Bandits II here. The guy who plays Jay is still on the show, he should come back to train these kids. They can each get an anonymous note in their lockers telling them to be at the make out van in the Ravine at high noon. Thinking they are all going to get laid, the kids will eagerly make it to the van, where they will find Jay meditating in a kamodo. "I'm glad you all came," he will say. "You're training will begin today." KC will stand up and tell Jay, "I'm not afraid." Jay will stare at him while saying, "You will be. You will be"

A montage will then play of Jay showing the kids different types of candy from a stolen overhead projector and having them each practice kicking open a vending machine. When the kids can snatch the Skittle from Jay's hand, then they know their training is complete.

Who will be included in Candy Bandits II? Let's look at the roster:

Johnny DiMarco

Johnny is the most obvious choice. He is the new Jay, after all--even meaner too. Jay stopped Spinner from burning down the school, but Johnny just hung around when his friend killed JT.

Jane's Brother

Jane hates her brother so much she changed her name. That will show him. Jane's brother is Mia's daughter's father (I know I could have phrased that simpler, but that's the complicated way the show first presented it) which would take time way form his candy thievery, but Jane's brother has no interest in being a father. Maybe he could man up and take his daughter under his wing. She will then lead Candy Bandits: The Next Generation on Degrassi: 2025.

Like any good Candy Bandit, Jane's brother is a high school dropout.

KC

KC is a lot like Sean in the sense that they both have a troubled past and anger issues. They are different in the fact that KC is good at school and doesn't look like a smaller version of Spinner.

Hackey-Sack Kid

Hackey-Sack Kid is named Reese. His specialty will be stealing Reese's Pieces.

Wario

Wario has had a lot of time on his hands. Bowser has always been Mario's main adversary, so Wario can only get a chance to be the villain when Mario doesn't have to save the princess. Nowadays, Bowser and Mario don't even fight; they just get together to play golf or race cars every now and then and reminisce about the early 90s. But Wario still wants to cause trouble, and if he can't do in it the Mushroom Kingdom, he'll do it in a Canadian high school.

Getting back to the plot, KC does not want anyone to know about his past because wants to be known as a good kid, so Clare says he is a good kid and then Connor comes around and says both of them made the basketball team. Connor can't make a basket, so I bet Armstrong made him the new mascot. Degrassi is changing their mascot from the Panthers to the Autistics. Instead of having someone dance in a panther costume during halftime, they are going to send Connor out there in just his regular clothes. The school has to make budget cuts.

The dorm is being swept for drugs by the campus police. Emma needs to get rid of the remainder of her brownies, but doesn't. So Kelly has to get rid of them and runs into the campus police who find him with the brownies. Kelly is kicked out of the dorms, but I'm not sure if he is still allowed to attend school or not. If he is, he is going to have a hard time finding a place to stay. If I were in his shoes I would just sleep in the library when they close at night; college libraries are very big so it would be easy to hide and they have lots of comfy couches to sleep in. I would shower at the gym. Man, how about I could have saved my parents a lot of money on room and board if I had thought of this six years ago? If I were ever homeless I would just live on a college campus. I am still able to pass as a student and anyone can easily get into a dorm by telling someone who has a key that I lost mine. I would sleep in the lounges and people would just assume my roommate was having sex. You can pull this off if you are older too since there isn't much difference between looking like a homeless person and an eccentric professor.

Rating: J-
Degrassi has run its course. Canada needs to cancel this show; it's an embarrassment to their country. They can still keep the franchise going with a spinoff. Say they focus more on Spinner running the Dot while having to raise his young daughter, Gavina, one of the many children he has fathered since turning 15. It'll be called Spinner's Place. Holly J will still be on the show as the bitchy, wisecracking waitress, but they will be a new cast of regulars who patronize the Dot after school. Spinner, Holly, and little Gavina will spend half their time working at the Dot and half their time helping customers with their problems or solving mysteries, leading to wacky misadventures each week. This would be a great way to continue Degrassi for the next sixteen years until some fresh ideas can be thought up for the launch of Degrassi: 2025.

All I know is I've come up with two ideas in one review already that are better than anything the producers have thought up in the last four years. If I had Canadian citizenship I would be able to get hired on Degrassi and would be kicking ass in the writing room. The Prime Minister would be so impressed I would be awarded so many prized beaver pelts that I would never go cold in the winter ever again. Instead, I have American citizenship which means I can't get a job anywhere. Maybe someone at Degrassi can tell someone at NBC about this website. What am I saying? No one at Degrassi has any contacts in the entertainment business.

Does It Go There? No
How about the lengths the show has to go to make pot somehow look dangerous? They couldn't even make marijuana the direct cause of sending someone to the hospital. Instead, they had to create a character with a pre-existing medical condition, have that condition send her to the hospital, and then say the weed made her forget to do something she has had to do her whole life. Christ, they should have just given her alcohol poising. I remember kids going to the hospital every weekend because of that when I was in college. But alcohol is legal, so it's can't be as dangerous as marijuana, it just can't!
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