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"Shoot to Thrill"

Season 9 Episode 3
Canadian airdate: October 18th, 2009

Boycott the Caf name: ""
Important characters: Alli, Johnny, Riley, Fiona
Issue of the Week: Sexting

Degrassi started again and I didn't notice until I was told to review episodes. I suppose this shows how much I pay attention to Degrassi as well as the forum since the forum fags are all talking about the show.

One problem with reviewing Degrassi is that we want to take screen caps from the HD showing since it is clear and you can actually see what is happening in the picture. The 14 year old girls who upload episodes take forever to get the HD versions up. Come on ladies, pick up the pace.

Alli is sitting on Johnny's lap being an adorable girlfriend when Bruce walks up and says "Ahh, isn't that cute," prompting Johnny to kick her off his lap. What's up with the attitude Johnny? Bruce was giving you a compliment. Also why are you always reading, what kind of bully reads all the time?

Mrs. Hotass is in the gym where people are signing up for after school clubs. Looks like she is the principal again. This is because 90% of the things The Shep did would result in a lawsuit if Canada had courts. Claire and Alli want to join film club, but its full so it looks like its TS for them.

To make matters worse Alli feels abandoned because everybody's boyfriend is kissing them and wanting to be in a club with them but Johnny is off with Bruce barking at Connor and stealing his lunch.

Looks like we have a new theme song. Its sung by some guy this time. It's okay, as far as TV theme songs go, I guess. It seems weird that they keep doing new versions of the song but don't change it all together. Come on Degrassi, The Drew Carey Show had like four theme songs and they were all way better than yours. Mix it up a bit yo.

That new Fiona chick is getting harassed by Bruce and somebody who doesn't appear to be Johnny or White Webster. I didn't know he had friends other then those too. It must be a case where two people aren't really friends, but they know each other, and they end up in the same class where neither knows anybody else so they end up sitting next to each other and sexually harassing women together.

Fiona talks to her brother about how she never has relationships and tells people she is taken. This is because she hates it when guys hit on her. She would prefer it if her brother hit on her.

Alli and Claire were able to get into photo club. They have to take a picture that "illuminates the soul." That's a bit of a hard task for the first assignment. They should probably start with something easier like taking a picture of a landscape or animal. I think Chate Black is the teacher of the class

Alli wants to take a picture of Johnny for her assignment, Claire says this won't work because he is a soulless vampire, that's pretty harsh.

Alli convinces Johnny to come to her house by asking for help with 1984. I'm not sure why she didn't say "I'm a girl, come over to my house," since any high school male will instantly see the possibility of booby touching but Degrassi is weird.

As it turns out Alli completely understands 1984. The telescreens are webcams. Wait, no they aren't. Webcams are nothing like that. Alli convines Johnny to help her with photo club by posing on her bed with a stuffed animal. They're a diaper and bib away from making a lot of money on the web.

The next day in Alli's English class they are studying portmanteaus words. This is all part of a school district wide plan to make English class even more irrelevant to the real world. The topic of sexting comes up and Alli explains its like texting but with sex. Looks like this is going to be one of the educational episodes. I think Degrassi has to do at least one episodes a season that teaches us a lesson or they lose their funding from the government.

Elsewhere Riley jokes that somebody switched Peter's Ax body spray with girl repellant. Aren't those pretty much the same thing?

Riley pretends that he thinks fashion club is his classroom so he can hit on Fiona. it's the old pretend to be dumb technique to hitting on girls. He is also curious as to what's happening in fashion club. He wants to join but is afraid of admitting who he truly is. The last gay Degrassi had was Marco, so you can imagine the stigma.

After putting the charms on Fiona Riley tells her to "have a good van doe" must be a Jewish holiday.

Bruce steals Connors lunch again, but this time its dog shit. That's right, Connor has been watching The Mighty Ducks. Bruce's reaction is the best. Rather then getting mad that he is holding a bag of turds he matter of factly says, "Something is wrong with that kid," as if the idea that Connor might have the awareness that Bruce would steal his lunch again is unbelievable. I think Bruce might actually be a little concerned about Connor's mental health.

Alli tries to be luby duvy with Johnny but he won't let that fly in front of his friends. Johnny really cares a lot more about what Bruce and other kid think about him then what Alli thinks about him. This is of course because he is gay for Bruce. When they finally get together Bruce will have to change his nickname to Bruce the Bear. Johnny will be down as DiMarco the Power Twink.

Johnny tells Alli to be more mature. Harsh words coming from the guy who won't touch his girlfriend in public because his friends might tease him.

Sav is holding two cell phones because he is moonlighting as a tech support person for various electronics companies. He tells Alli she should be happy that she has a reason to not touch Johnny because he is greasy. I want to emphasize that he is talking about Johnny Dimarco, not Johnny Dangerous. Johnny Dangerous hasn't been greasy since he got a new skin cream last July.

Sav tells Alli that Johnny is right. It ruins a person's manly image if they are seen touching or kissing a girl in school. Cause when I see a dude getting fondled by a chick I instantly think he is a sissy.

Alli decides the best way to fullfill her needs to be mushy romantic with Johnny while keeping his macho image is to text him a lot so she gives him a cell phone. This actually pisses Johnny off because the way he sees it a cell phone is a way for her to keep tabs on him. He doesn't actually refuse the gift through cause hey, free cell phone.

Alli immediately runs into the bathroom stall and takes pictures of herself peeing to send to Johnny. Uh oh, girl be texting. This will end one of two ways, the pictures going public and shaming Alli and her family, or Johnny doesn't show the pictures to anybody and jerks off to them a lot.

The hot new rumor around Degrassi is that Riley and Fiona are dating. This is because Fiona told that one annoying black guy they were dating in order to get him to stop hitting on her. They then just sort of start dating because of the rumor, which really works out well for Riley.

Johnny tries to eat with Alli, Claire, and KC, although Claire and KC vamoose as soon as he sits down. Johnny is being far more affectionate and friendly since Alli sexted him her boobies. Just goes to show that sexting is best way to make a high school relationship work.

Riley and Fiona are on their afternoon date at the pool hall. They are eating Fiona's leftover lunch, which is sushi and probably not something you want to eat after its been sitting in a locker all day.

You might be wondering why they aren't at The Dot like every other Degrassi couple, I am too. Spinner must have closed The Dot for the day or something. He hasn't been in this episode at all so I'm going to assume he is out of town fighting crime in Montreal.

Fiona tells Riley her favorite movie is the gay Swedish vampire film "Put the Right One In" which is a great name for a porno. This is also Riley's favorite movie

Riley and Fiona have to quickly leave the pool hall when some guy Riley use to give blowjobs to in the park shows up and starts hassling them. That's what happens when you go around giving out blowjobs in the park like they're candy Riley, people are going to start bugging you for more.

Chante Black is grading people's photos and complimenting their boyfriends, which is creepy because she has got to be at least 20 by now. Why is she even teaching this class? Maybe I'm just racist and for thinking all black women on the show who aren't Liberty or Hazel are Chante Black or maybe she was a student so long the school board got confused and assumed she was a member of the faculty.

Alli goes home and takes naked pictures of herself. Johnny is hanging out with his friends. They are stealing street signs while he is reading a literary classic when he receives sext he gets a boner and runs to the bushes to "text her back."

At school Johnny finds out that Alli submitted the picture of him with the stuffed puppy for her photo club display in the hall. Sav and Derek have some mean words to say to him, which makes Johnny pull the photo off the wall. If I were him I would wait for judgment from somebody else. Maybe the cool people won't care, although I'm having trouble thinking of anybody left on the show who is cool. Jay and Spinner are pretty much it and neither one of them even knows who Johnny is.

Johnny decides a picture of him with a stuffed puppy is as humiliating as Alli's nude expose that she's been sending him, so he forwards the pictures to Bruce. Bruce at the time happens to receive the picture right in front of Mr. Simpson. Alli tries to wrestle the phone from Bruce and in the process Simpson gets to see why Alli is referred to in certain circles as "The Shaved Sheik".

By the way, Bruce and Snake have the best reactions to seeing the pictures. Its like they've never seen a naked girl before.

In the hall Fiona tells her brother she thinks Riley is gay. It only took her half a date to figure out that obvious secret. Maybe Riley could hide it better if he didn't talk about gay vampire movies so much. Fiona is going to continue dating him so she doesn't get hit on by the many creepy people who attend Degrassi. Then Bruce comes walking by talking about how bummed he is that Mrs. Hotsauce deleted the pics from his phone.

Speaking of Mrs. Hassafrass she's giving Alli the 411 on how sexting way not cool. She tells Alli that in ten years those photos could cost her a job, although in ten years I hope Alli has grown up enough she doesn't still look like she's 14 and could claim it isn‘t her. Alli is also told that she could be arrested for distributing child porn because the law is stupid like that.

Typically Mrs. Hassafrass is a horrible principal but it's a good thing she is here for this one problem. Raditch would have just given Alli a Saturday detention and The Shep would have kept all the photos for his own use. At least Hassafrass explained why taking naked pictures of yourself is a bad idea.

To end the episode Alli tries to get the phone back but Johnny won't give. Mrs. Hassafrass searched his bag and locker and couldn't find it so she assumed it had disappeared. She never thought to check is pocket. Johnny is planning on keeping these photos for himself. He will look at them whenever he wants to shoot to thrill

Rating: Z

Does it Go There? No

Come on Degrassi. Every other episode dealing with naked pictures/videos/soda promotion shows us some skin. Give us something to work with here, even a middle schooler would have trouble working one out to this episode.

On the subject of nudity, notice how every episode of Degrassi where a girl gets naked Mrs. Hassafrass is the principal? When Raditch was in charge people kept their clothes on, when The Shep ran the school for a semester everybody kept their clothes on, but whenever Mrs. Hassafrass comes around its like its Spring Break at the nudist colony. Manny, Jane, Emma, and now Alli have all bared it all on Mrs. Hassafrass's watch. Its strange, and really makes me wish she had been my principal.
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