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"Close to Me"

Season 9 Episode 4
Canadian airdate: October 11th, 2009

Boycott the Caf name: "Jane Takes Her Eye Off the Prize"
Important characters: Jane, The Boy Whose Name is Either Declan or Fiona, KC
Issue of the Week: I don't know. I guess the issue is why Degrassi is still on the air when it's not any good.

I couldn't find a good quality version of this episode to make screencaps, so I'm just going to substitute screencaps from The L Word that feature nudity. This episode isn't worth capping anyway. Plus now you won't be able to read this if there are other people in the room!

Can it be any more obvious how much I hate reviewing the show? Oh well, the sooner we start this review, the sooner we'll be done.

The Degrassi drama class has to select a play to perform. The Boy Whose Name is Either Declan or Fiona suggests Chicago. Jane doesn't like that suggestion because high school kids can't identify with sexy convicts. High school kids can't identify with anything that happens on Degrassi either, but that hasn't stopped this show.

Jane and Manny, BFFs

Jane is helping out at the Dot even though she is not a waitress and not being paid. The privilege of being Spinner's girlfriend is payment enough. Manny and Jay are at the Dot. Jay has made his brief one episode per season appearance in so that the actor who plays him can stay on the show's dental insurance plan.

Jane and Manny are now friends. That is not as surprising as the fact that Manny is still on the show, and hanging around Toronto when she is supposed to be in college in another province. The two girls of course talk about the greatest experience in each of their lives: being Spinner's girlfriend. I can see how they would be friends. There is no greater bond two women can share than being part of the sisterhood of women who have gotten to pay for Spinner's dinner and movie ticket.

The Coach Greets KC

It is Take Your Kid to Work Day for the grade 9 class. KC is in grade 9, but has no parents so he has to spend the time in detention. That is kind of cruel. KC heads off to the gym to shoot basketballs alone and meets the basketball coach, who is surprised to learn that KC is an orphan. KC is on the basketball team but I guess he hasn't met the coach until now.

Jane Welcomes Spinner to His New Home

Spinner has moved into the factory Peter used to live in until he got addicted to meth after three days and couldn't stop pooping his pants. Spinner gets to keep all of Peter's furniture. Spinner decided that living here was nicer than where he used to live, which I assume was in the backroom of the Dot. Spinner told Peter that he sold the place to Spinner to pay for more meth when he was on his binge.

A housewarming party is held for Spinner, where all the finest people in Canada come to Spinner's domicile bearing gifts of exotic spices and gold. Jane is now the lead singer of Studz or whatever the hell the band is now called without Peter. They now sound like a Hannah Montana cover band. I think it speaks highly of a rock band made up of teenagers when they sound like a pop singer who aims her music at 12 year olds. It speaks highly because this is actually an improvement over what Studz used to sound like.

Spinner wanted Jane to be in the band because he thought she was practically a dude anyway. She's more of a man than anyone who has ever been in the band who isn't Spinner, that's for sure. But Spinner was referring to the fact that Jane is a pre-op transsexual who didn't start living as a woman until she was 16. Spinner doesn't mind. Compared to him, Jane barely has a penis anyway. It also might explain how Jane is the strongest player on the football team. The actual explanation is that the team includes people like Salve and Webster, who are all wimps.

Spinner wants to watch The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack on Cartoon Network so he orders everyone out except Jane and deadbolts the door. Spinner wants Jane to move in with him. He gives her one whole drawer in a dresser. I think she'll need more room to store her stuff. Spinner doesn't realize how much space most women need to store all their clothes because Spinner mostly only sees women when they are totally naked.

Jane and The Boy Whose Name is Either Declan or Fiona propose the drama class create their own play, a musical written by Degrassi students. Considering how well the Degrassi kids can act and play instruments, I can't wait to see what a high standard they will archive.

Jane and Manny Have Their Girl Talk

Jane and Manny have some girl talk, which Jane says she doesn't have much experience with. Manny really enjoys teaching Jane how to be a girl. Manny is impressed how far Jane has come from that awkward boy named Jake who she went to elementary school with. Jane then goes home to practice makeup. Learning about lipstick is so much fun for her!

KC Takes a Long, Hard Look at Himself

KC is playing in the basketball game. The coach takes him out of playing for doing something (I am not sure what. I find the NBA boring, so you can only imagine how little I pay attention to a fake JV basketball game). KC gets all angry and trashes the locker room. KC has an anger problem, a lot like what Sean had but with a worse actor. The coach talks to him afterward about keeping his cool and touches him a lot. The coach wants to get it on with a high schooler, like so many basketball coaches before him.

Jane Tours the Diplomat's House

Jane goes to The Boy Whose Name is Either Declan or Fiona's house. He shows off some pictures of him when he was younger. Jane does not want to do the same, for obvious reasons. Jane has feelings for him, which doesn't make sense since she already has Spinner and he is more than enough man for her and her mother, grandmother and aunts ALL AT THE SAME TIME! But Jane has only recently started taking estrogen and is sorting through the new emotions her hormones create. Also, The Boy Whose Name is Either Declan or Fiona totally looks like the type of guy who would be up for sucking Jane's dick.

Now Jane knows that he/she has to keep Spinner Close to [Him/Her].

Rating: Z

Does It Go There? No!

Final Thoughts:

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