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"Heart Like Mine" part 1

Season 9 Episodes 11 & 12
Canadian airdate: November 15th, 2009

Boycott the Caf name: "Fart Like Mine"
Important characters: KC, Marco, Jenna, Basketball Couch
Issue of the Week: KC is Emma in Mother and Child Reunion

The episode begins with KC hitting a last minute shot to win the big basketball game. KC going down the court prior to making the shot is all slow motion and there is special music playing, so you know Degrassi ain't messing around, they're taking this episode seriously. The production values are going to be through the roof.

Victory in hand Degrassi is going to be playing for the championship against the team Air Bud is on. Yup, Degrassi is the evil villain team in a children's sports movie. I was surprised as well. KC hugs Jenna in celebration which makes Claire jealous. Claire has figured out Jenna likes KC but he is oblivious to Jenna‘s feelings.

Marco is back and gayer then ever. I'm no homophone, some of my favorite movies are about lesbians, so I am 100% not bigoted when I say Marco is super gay. He looks like a god damn marionette in that picture. The only two humans that can contort their face like that are Marco and Jim Carey.

We learn that Marco is a student teacher who will be teaching at Degrassi. He also apparently knows Holly J even though she is approximately 8 years younger than him and we have never seen them talk before. He also seems to know Declan who has only been at Degrassi for three weeks. They start talking about Dancing with the Stars so Spinner kicks them out of his restaurant.

Holly J appears on TV to tell everybody to get ready to get wet because the sports team charity car wash is happening… RIGHT NOW! Speaking of getting wet, Jenna keeps flirting on KC who takes it like a man, which means he has no idea she is trying to flirt with him. Women are always way to subtle. She invites him to go mudding so he thinks, "Cool, we're going to drive a truck," where by mudding she means in her vagina, with his penis.

Meanwhile, I guess, Marco is student teaching for a teacher who I think is named Dom. I guess that explains why Dom is no longer on the forum, teaching keeps you busy. Dom tells Marco "Watch your back; establish dominance early." Marco should remember that advice in case he ever goes to jail. Here's some of Dom's other teacher advice

Teachers call school ‘The Can.'

You should make a shiv. Anything can be made into a shiv, knives, razor blades. railroad spikes, anything.

The Aryan Nation can be good protection but they won't help people who commit crimes against women or children.

Take advantage of your free period to get grading done.

Initially, it looks like Marco is going to have a tough time teaching the class because he is short, but he implies a heckler has a small penis and wins back the crowd.

Holly J uses her strange and sudden friendship with Marco to get an extension on a paper. Did you know they give extensions on papers in high school? Because they don't. Marco is going to get fired.

Claire has had enough of Jenna's inappropriate behavior towards KC so she tells Jenna that her ass is hanging out of her booty shorts, even though we can clearly see it isn't…yet. Claire has good reason to feel threatened, not only is Jenna better looking then her but she also isn't an antisocial bitch.

KC is bummed because Claire is mad at him. Claire is never happy. She could win a billion dollars and she would complain because going to cash the check would cut into her studying time. KC's couch consoles him by telling him that at 15, KC should be going after all the girls he can, especially hot ones. KC ends up revealing to his couch that both of his parents are in jail for drugs. Canada doesn't like prosecuting people for drug related manners so they must have been selling that shit from Max Payne that makes you see flying demons if they actually ended up in jail. KC's couch's attempts to help KC come off as really creepy. Dude cares way too much about the sex lives of teenagers.

KC goes to Claire's house to get an explanation on why she is always yelling at him. Claire says he was flirting with Jenna. Men and women have different ideas about flirting. To women flirting is a subtle game where even the slightest facial twitch can be a sign of affection or denial of interest. To men anything below sticking a hand on a private part doesn't count as flirting. KC breaks up with Claire because they don't actually seem to like each other and teenagers aren't suppose to be monogamous.

Word has gotten out about Holly J's extension and everybody wants one. Dom calls Marco a "little bitch," so Marco takes away the extension. He then steals one guy's food and beats somebody else with a bar of soap in a pillow case. Marco has regained dominance.

An extremely feminine man at KC's group home tells him the couch dropped off a team jacket that KC had been unable to purchase earlier. I'm surprised the juvenile delinquents haven't locked this dude in the closet and begun to run a muck. He's less intimidating then a teddy bear.

At the Dot, Marco is downing Appletinis like it's singles night at Club Universe. He just isn't intimidating enough to teach at a high end high school in the nicest part of Toronto.

Degrassi's sports banquet is being held in the luxurious Van Halen hotel rather than the school gym because that is the sort of thing that happens. KC's couch tells him to go after Jenna. Once again this guy needs to stay out of the sex lives of teenagers.

KC wins most improved player and Jenna totally kisses him. Oh yeah!

Alli doesn't like KC and Jenna being together. KC tells her she doesn't know anything about anything. Isn't that the truth. Couch Creepy gives KC his room key. This dude better have a camera hidden up there because if he just wants to promote teenage sex then that's actually weirder then if he wants to make underage porn.

After only a few seconds of making out, Couch walks in to "get his wallet." I think he actually wanted to watch them do it. He just wasn't sneaky enough. Jenna is creeped out and leaves but KC stays.

Downstairs Marco tells Holly J she needs to turn her paper in before midnight. It's a good thing he is exercising his authority because she and Declan were just sitting at the bar having mixed drinks. They are clearly underage. This hotel is going to lose its liquor license.

After seeing the display of authority, Dom tells Marco that he needs to be the teacher the students need, not the one they deserve. Marco is now the Batman.

Speaking of underage drinking, Couch is having a brew with KC. I think the label says the beer is called Iron. That is an awesome name for a beer. That name doesn't mess around, this beer is Iron, bitch! It is long, hard, and made out of metal, just like your dick after you finish drinking one! Iron!

KC and Couch get drunk and Couch buys some hotel porn. So far I don't see any reason why this would be considered out of the ordinary. My wrestling couch use to do this with me all the time .

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