Season 9 Episode 13
Canadian airdate: November 22nd, 2009
Boycott the Caf name: "The Bitch (Emma) is Back"
Important characters: EMMA
Issue of the Week: I miss Emma
Simpson sure is excited about something. What ever could it be? Did he fix all the school's computers? Is he wearing a fresh diaper? Did Spike die?
Tell me it was Spike. Please.
Turns out Emma is in town on some summer long, environmental bullshit bicycle trip across Canada. The whole school is there to meet her. They all miss Emma as much I do, even the people who weren't around when Emma was in high school. I miss her too. I wish I was there to welcome her back.
"Oh my God Emma," I will say, "I have missed you soooooo much. I know we haven't always gotten along in the past, but you know what they say about absence and the heart, eh? I mean, yeah, I've called you a self-centered cunt in the past, but only because you are. Anyway, you will not believe how lame this place has gotten since you left. Everyone here is really annoying and I don't know them like I know you. I mean Spinner is still here and his girlfriend is pretty cool (as long as she is with Spinner) so it hasn't been all bad. But I miss the good old days. Let's got to the Dot and reminisce about old times, like when you got your first period, found your real dad, and sucked Jay off in the Ravine. Those were good times. I would tell you about the stupid stuff that happened around here since you left, but you wouldn't believe a word of it. None of it makes a whole lot of sense."
Emma, her boyfriend, Male Emma, and her wide shoulders give a video presentation to the school about bikes and saving the earth or whatever. They are asking Degrassi kids to bring in their old bikes to be recycled into...um...bikes for poor people. I guess poor people aren't allowed to have regular bikes.
Before they went into the school, Male Emma told Emma that he "won't tell them about that." What is that? Sounds like a Lost level mystery. I've been watching Lost on Hulu lately. I've never seen the show before so I've been watching it fresh from the beginning and am currently on season 2. Damn, that is a good show. It really helps to have a good show to watch to get me through having to view all these stupid Degrassi episodes.
Emma wants Male Emma to go with her to put up posters advertising the earth. Male Emma is tired of all the environmentalism and wants to do something that is actually fun, like go to a party.
"Postering is fun," Emma says. Oh, Emma.
Emma takes Male Emma home. Emma looks at her blog with her mom while Male Emma, Mr. Simpson, and Connor play Xbox 360. I guess this is what her boyfriend had in mind when he wanted to have fun. He must be pretty lonely if Connor and Mr. Simpson are his idea of fun.
Spike thinks Male Emma talked Emma into this trip, but Emma would never let anyone talk her into anything, no matter how good the advice is. In fact, Emma badgered Male Emma to go along, as she always does with everyone who doesn't want to do what Emma wants. Simpson really wants Emma to get a summer job. Emma tells them that her bike trip is a job, except she doesn't get paid. And is on a bike. Or maybe there are jobs out there that pay you to ride a bicycle all day. Stupid Emma.
Bike Courier. That's it, Bike Courier. That's a job involving a bike. I rescind my above remark.
When they are alone, Male Emma tells Emma, "You're going to have to tell your folks about school eventually." What will she have to tell? Something about the Others?
Spinner hosts Emma and Male Emma for a barbeque. They are both vegans. Spinner makes them eat meat anyway.
Spinner and Male Emma drink fine wine in Emma's basement. Emma huffs and puffs about about them drinking the wine her parents bought when they got married. Big whoop. Spinner and Male Emma drank half a box of six year old Franzia. Emma and Male Emma (ok, his name is Kelly) argue in the basement. Kelly calls it quits and leaves. I wonder how he is going to get back to college. Is he going to bicycle back to Vancouver?
On second viewing, I noticed he says his dad got him a plane ticket. Shows how little I pay attention to the episodes even when I review them.
Connor comes down and asks what they are doing in his room. Emma gives Connor a look like she doesn't even know who this guy is. Emma thinks her parents are renting out their basement to a college student to make ends meet.
Emma gives a presentation about bikes, and how the bikes the kids donate will help poor people in Detroit buy bananas. But Alli and Clare bug her with questions about college. They want to know what it is like to be on their own without parents. "Do college guys like to have sex?" Clare asks. "Like the freshman guys will want a practice girl for their first semester, right? Or say you're out at 2am on a Saturday night. By then all the guys who are still single will hook up with whatever is left, right? College will be so much fun!"
Emma tells them that college is not as fun as that one song by that white douche rapper makes it sound, there is lots of studying and hard work and, by the way, she is failing college. Simpson slaps his hand against his cheek and says, "Huwahhhhh?"
Emma goes to the Dot to seek advice from Spinner. Spinner tells her Emma that she doesn't have to be perfect. After all, Spinner is already perfect but he still has problems. Emma decides to take time off from college. Her parents don't like it, but she's failing so it's probably a good idea. Emma says she wants to go out and help people. Spikes tells Emma that she shouldn't be tied down by a man because men suck. She says this with Simpson right there. She says this with Simpson right there massaging her feet. Emma has learned that life isn't always a Holiday Road.
B Plot (Yes, we have to do this, people. Courage.)
Webster and Chante are dating. Webster wants them to be considered the school's hottest couple. To do this, Chante has to say so on her blog. But Chante will do no such thing! Instead, Chante blogs about how Webster made her pay for her meal at the Dot and there's a debate in class and...I just don't care. Review Over.
This episode is my favorite of the season so far because of Emma. It was nice to get to see that beloved character again. And the plot made sense for once! You could totally believe Emma would do what she did based on the progression of her character from Episode 1 to now. I can't get into the new characters because there are too many of them, and consequently, the producers aren't taking the time to flesh out their personalities and stories. Instead of trying to concentrate on a small number of characters to allow the audience to be more invested in them, we have to have 400 people introduced in the season premieres and then we get to go to hell. I guess they want to keep the cast big because Degrassi has become a farm league for actors to move onto crappy CW shows, and the producers never know which actor is going to be around the next season or leave to go to LA to fail at acting in a whole 'nother country. But do we really need that damn three foot tall black kid? No.
I used to like Degrassi because even if it was stupid, it had this fun campy feel from seeing someone who we saw get her period at 12 get an STD at 16. But that magic is gone now. I wish the show would have left the high school behind to solely follow Emma and Pals to college. They are the people we have come to know and love. Simpson could have made the jump from high school teacher to college professor over the summer. I don't care if you say that is not how it works, it worked just dandy for Mr. Feeny on Boy Meets World!
Does It Go There? It Goes MEAN GREEN
Who Should Get Kicked In The Face This Week? Webster
Just be sure to wash your boot after. You don't want it to get dirty.