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"Why Can't This Be Love" part 2

Part two begins with a thinly disguised recap of the complicated dating scenario, as a favor to those who missed part one. I don't need it because I only wish I had missed part one. Also Sav stole his mom's Muslim Day lights to decorate the gym. Allah isn't going to be happy about that.

Due to Farrah and her family staying at Sav's house, he cannot break curfew without shaming his family and getting Anya doused in acid. This ruins Anya's plan to have sex with Sav that night. It's a shame, nothing is more romantic then planning to have sex a week ahead of time. Now they will have to check their schedules for a day they are both free to lose their virginity.

Alii finds out from Holly J that she has to serve drinks at the dance because she is a class represenative. She is super embarrassed by this for reasons I am sure make sense in her stupid, partially formed teenage brain. Teenagers constantly get super embarrassed by stuff nobody else cares about or will even notice. I feel your plight Alli, somebody who is at the dance might notice you are there. That would be terrible because its not like there are a bunch of other ninth graders working at the formal except there is now shut up.

Chante Black shows is trying to sell earrings to Anya because this is how she earns a living. Chante supplements her income by selling clothing and jewelry to the students. She's got to pay the bills somehow after her parents made her move out when she turned 24. Anya is having second doubts about Sav but Chante tells Anya that she needs to fight for her man, and if she needs a gun she can get her one for a hundred bucks, no questions asked.

Prom montage time. Oops I mean spring formal. I wonder why it isn't prom. Maybe the word prom is trademarked and Degrassi can't afford to use it ever since they lost the lucrative Pantene advertisement.

Alli is freaking out about working the drink table while the Dave is debating what kind of drinks he can mix together. There's no alcohol so there really isn't much of a reason to mix anything together. It won't taste better then if it weren't mixed. Alli freaks out again because Dave asks Declan to donate money to a Skip-A-Thon the school is putting on. Alli doesn't want Declan to know she is in a rope jumping fundraiser for reasons she probably doesn‘t even understand. Dave calls her a snob and says she needs to get over herself. Dave is saying what everybody watching the show wishes they could say but don't because people in the TV can't hear you.

Farrah gets her dress stuck in the limo door and it rips, but luckily it rips in a way that only makes the dress shorter and hotter. Degrassi has turned into a Mentos commercial.

Alli and Dave are working the drink table serving what appears to be red Kool-Aid. Johnny and his boyfriend, Bruce, walk up and Johnny has some heated words with Alli, saying the drink service at the dance is poor, and also she is a slut. Johnny tips her a nickel so she can buy some candy. Johnny really wants to be known as the new Candy Bandit but it isn't working. Jay never shared candy or offered to for free to anybody who wasn't a fellow Bandit. Also Jay was cool.

In the bathroom, Farrah tells Anya that she is going to steal Sav from her and there is nothing she can do to stop her. This complete 180 in character may seem odd. One minute she's being nice and respectful and all of a sudden she's acting like Paige. Don't worry though, it's just the poor writing we have all come to expect from Degrassi. Nobody in real life explains their intention to steal another girl's man to her in the middle of a dance where they have to hang out together. That would be awkward. Farrah, however, is not in real life, she is in Degrassi world, a land similar to ours but without any logic.

Meanwhile, Sav is trying to get Holly J to rig the vote so he and Anya win King and Queen. Isn't that pretty much the most pathetic thing you've ever heard? Anya comes up and starts making out with Sav like they are about to be featured on Make Out San Francisco and need to prepare by making out in an intense make out session. That's one way to keep a boy from marrying his arranged fiancé. She then takes Sav out to the limo to do something that would get Farrah stoned, have sex.

Sav didn't bring any protection but Anya says it's okay. I'm sure this will end well.

FACT:

If done correctly pulling out only has a 4 percent chance of getting a woman pregnant. Unfortunately it is not effective if the male ejaculates before he pulls out. Luckily, in this case Sav will probably ejaculate as soon as Anya takes off her dress, so it should all be okay.

Alli is starting to lighten up a bit. This is because new black kid put roofies in the punch, I assume.

Johnny does not approve.

Sav and Anya come back from bumping uglies just in time to win King and Queen. Everyone in attendance politely ignores the semen stains on the front of Sav's pants.

Farrah does not approve.

Farrah innturupts the king and queen dance and gets Sav to leave by reminding him about their curfew. Wow, Anya gives the dude her virginity, and she still can't get him to stay out past curfew. Sav is a special kind of whipped, so whipped no girl can actually whip him because he is already whipped by his parents to a point that he cannot fathom upsetting them. It's scary.

The next morning Anya is stressing because of the unprotected sex. It's too bad in the Degrassi world things like the pill, oral sex, and mutual masturbation don't exist so you could have sex without a condom and not get pregnant. Unfortanatly, Degrassi characters have no choice but to get pregnant pretty much every time they have sex. Look at how many teenage girls on Degrassi have been pregnant. It is a very high number.

We even find out from Holly J that there is a condom machine in the bathroom, so really, all it would have taken for her to not worry about pregnancy is a five minute walk and a quarter. They probably could have even asked the limo driver (I assume he was in the front seat) to go get it for them.

Sav refuses to answer his phone because his parents may realize he isn't living in the medieval ages and people date outside of their religion, so Anya decides to visit his house to speak with him in person. Alli answers the door and tells Anya that she and Sav are like high school drama 24/7. Knowing Alli, she probably means that as a compliment. Sav isn't at the house however, he is dropping his future wife and her family off at the airport.

At school the next day, Anya brings up the subject of children and Sav reacts like any teenager should, with disgust and fear. She then blurts out that she may be pregnant. She had implied to Sav that she was on the pill and Sav is shocked that she would lie to him. Lying is only okay if it's your parents. Now they have a problem only stairs can solve, maybe. You can't tell if you are pregnant two days after sex.

In another room of the school, Johnny calls Alli lame because she and black kid are talking about Animal Farm and she mentions being in a club with him. I'm not sure why being in a club is lame or why she said they are in a club. Johnny isn't one to call somebody else lame. You and you best boyfriend both wearing your Walmart skull shirts is about as lame as you can get. Alli is horrified at the prospect of being lame even though her best friend Claire is the lamest person in the world. Also, worrying that you are too lame is totally lame.

"Sorry I cramped your style," black kid says trying to walk away dramatically while also looking down Alli's shirt.

Anya has doubts about taking the morning after pill while Sav is about ten seconds away from tying her to that bench and stuffing it up her vagina himself. That's how the pill works right? It goes up the vagina and poisons the baby? That's what I assumed.

Anya wants Sav to take care of her while she is puking from the morning after pill. It makes you puke. I didn't know that because I'm not dumb enough to have unprotected sex. I always wear a condom when I'm watching Caged Heat II: Stripped of Freedom. Anya wants to go to Sav's house so she doesn't have to clean up her couch after she is done puking but Sav still doesn't want his parents to know about them. Anya is pissed but doesn't break up with Sav because she is a weak woman who cannot stand up for herself.

Alli should have probably worn a shirt to the skip-a-thon that can't come untied and show off her boobs while she is jumping. Unless that was her plan all along.

Sav breaks up with Anya because he can not longer trust her. The guy that sits behind Anya appears to be shocked. The relationship now destroyed. Unable to understand how infatuation could turn into pain Anya looks to the sky and screams,"I Can't Drive 55!"

Rating D

Three plots: one is stupid, one is pointless, and one is also stupid but kind of funny. That last one is the Johnny/Bruce plot. It just seems like they are so being set up as the next gay couple.

What is sad is that the non-existent Johnny and Bruce coming out plot is better written than the plots that are actually about gay students. Marco, Riley, and Dylan were only introduced to be gay. They have no other purpose or personality traits. Their entire tenures on Degrassi can be summed up by saying "He was gay and it was hard for him to be gay sometimes." Johnny and Bruce are somewhat developed, have been around for awhile as straight people and don't act like they are stereotypical gays. I would actually like to see them develop feelings for each other and become a couple. It would actually feel natural and not like Degrassi is aiming for GLAAD award.

As for the main plot, it was stupid. Isn't Degrassi suppose to be relatable? I totally remember that time in high school my arranged marriage ruined my prom. What a load of bullshit. Sav is a pussy, Anya is dumb and a pushover, and Farrah is evil for no reason. Isn't this like the fifth time they've broken up? I didn't even know they were together still. These have to be the two most boring Degrassi characters ever, I'm glad we have about ten trillion episodes about how they are a bad couple. Fuck this show.

Does It Go There?

It goes up my ass.

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