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"Keep On Loving You"

Season 9 Episode 19
American airdate: May 21st, 2010

Boycott the Caf name: "It's the Holly J and Declan Show Now"
Important characters: Holly J, Declan, Peter, Webster
Issue of the Week: Moving on

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Declan gives Holly J a bracelet. Hey, you know what it means when a boy gives a girl a bracelet on Degrassi! And it's not some dollar store colored rubber band, it's high end, which means you got to seriously put out. Holly J lies down and lets Declan get busy on her.

Holly J is so happy that she tells Declan, "I love you." But he does not give an 'I love you' back. Holly J is concerned, but she has to keep her mouth shut and earn her bracelet. Declan should have been all suave like Han Solo when he's about to be frozen in Empire and just say, "I know." Holly J would have gotten too hot to function.

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The next day at school, Holly J and Jane talk. Holly J mentions she is applying for an internship at The Sizzler. I guess she wants to study restaurant management in college. Holly J tells Jane about getting it on with Declan. "Booyah! Welcome to the club," Jane says. It's the club of women who have had sex with Declan. And she really said "booyah." I think the writers had an experiment with the Jane character, like they were going to write her like just like they would write a boy, but cast a girl in the role to see how that would work. This explains why she joined the football team, says a word you'd need to watch ESPN to know, and is sexually attracted to Spinner.

Anyway, Holly J is still upset that Declan did not return her 'I love you.' Jane thinks he may have had too much on his mind to say it back. "When I was making out with him, Declan was always too worried to talk," Jane says. "He'd always be looking over his shoulder afraid that Spinner would show up and punch his head off his body. Booyah!"

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Holly J thinks she can get a second chance when Declan comes down the hall, with Fiona, his twin sister, and Anya behind him chirping about the upcoming play. Fiona complains that Anya has no fashion sense because Fiona is not even going to try to make friends while she is at Degrassi.

Holly J asks him if he has had a hard day. "Nothing another night of fun can't solve," he says, then wants to go eat lunch. Holly J asks if he loves her. Declan replies, "It's not that simple." Oh sure, he can think about sex and food, but he can't commit! Typical man! wonk wonk!

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Holly J asks Fiona about her brother's reluctance to say 'I love you.' Fiona is reading Highlights magazine in the library and is not someone who would ever want to help another person, so she just focuses on the bracelet Holly J is wearing.

"Why do you have my grandmother's bracelet?" Fiona asks. "My grandfather gave it to her when he came back from the war and she gave him his first blowjob." Fiona wants Holly J to give her the bracelet. She feels she earned the right to wear it, if you know what I mean.

Fiona explains that Declan once said "I love you" to a girl long ago, but she broke his heart and now he is scared to say it ever again (Fiona was probably that girl). Declan is very deep like that. I suppose if I was a 14-year-old girl who watched Degrassi, I would find Declan to be very dreamy. I would think about him as I uploaded my suicide poetry to the web or knocked over mailboxes or ate lunch alone in the bathroom.

Holly J tells Declan that she won't break his heart and she'll have sex with him again if he'll say 'I love you.' Declan agrees.

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Peter is playing a crappy song on guitar in the hall. It sounds like Oasis, if Oasis sucked ass. By the way, nobody is in class today, have you noticed that?

Anyway, Danny does not like that Peter has to kiss Chante for the school play. I did not remember that Danny and Chante were dating, so I just thought that Danny did not want a white boy to kiss a black girl. "You stick to your own kind white boy," I expected Danny to say. "Chante BLACK is a proud Nubian queen and should not be defiled by your honky lips. Hakuna Matata!"

But Peter understands jealousy. He says that when Mia would pose with male models, he would want to clock those guys, but they were bigger than him so he backed off.

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Peter doesn't want to kiss Chante at the next rehearsal. Danny is coughing back stage. Comes with the territory when you are a dirty bastard. Peter decides the way out of this is to get sick by drinking Danny's water, so he won't be allowed to kiss Chante.

Danny is confused as to why Peter would do something nice for someone else. Peter explains that this is all part of "the bro code." Peter has been watching too much Entourage. I suppose Peter will do something nice for a fellow male. If you are a woman, he will upload inappropriate images of you online or rape you (or both).

But before Peter can take a sip from Danny's water, Chante just grabs it without asking and drinks it down herself, assuming it's Peter's water. That's rude. Those people have been getting a bit uppity since Obama was elected, you ask me. Chante will get her comeuppance when she contracts leprosy.

Big news! Fiona and Declan's mom tells them that they are moving back to New York City and the kids will be returning to their fancy prep school and well-to-do lifestyle. Declan and Fiona are rich, but the show doesn't have the budget to show us that. Fiona is happy to move because she hates Degrassi and everyone in it (join the club, sister) but Declan wants to stay because he gets to have sex here.

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Dress rehearsal for the play is underway. That perky new girl, who wanted to have sex with Clare, gets stuck on the cherry picker. I had to look up what that machine is called. I just remember it as the thing Al Gore rode in An Inconvenient Truth. It's the scene when he had to get on that raised platform machine to reach the top of that chart that showed that Earth was warming and will soon turn into a fireball. I bet he had a lot of fun using that. He seemed to enjoy it in the movie. I think the only reason he did those presentations was so he could ride the lift thing each time. "Now, as we can see on this chart, if carbon emissions continue at the present rate, in 50 years the surface temperature of the Earth will be weeeeeeee!"

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Fiona talks to Declan about the move. Declan doesn't want to move and lose Holly J. "At least we have each other," Fiona tells her brother. Oh Christ you two, just make out already.

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Fiona is alone in the Media Immersion room putting on a webcam show, when Holly J enters. Fiona quickly closes her browser window and tells Holly J about the move. Holly J slaps her face and exclaims, "Whaaa?"

Declan tells his mother that he can live by himself in Canada and fly to New York on the weekends. He is going to a lot of effort to stay at Degrassi. I guess girls in New York aren't as easy a lay as they are in Toronto. Declan's mom says no to that. Holly J and Declan have a final embrace before they will be torn apart. Declan wants to have some going away sex, but his mom is right there. Oh drat.

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OK, so Holly J has this video resume all set to send to the Sizzler, because she's one of those over ambitious preppy kids that need a punch in the face. Declan hacks into her email account (either that, or Declan's email is and does something.

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It is the night of the big play. Chante is sick from the water so cannot perform. Fourteen members of her family came to this show but will not get to see her on stage (the writers subtly slipped a black stereotype into this episode). Jane fills in for Chante, but only has, like, one line, so I don't know why Chante got so excited about her role.

The play is called Space Awakening and is a musical about an alien girl who goes to high school. Jake Epstein, the dude who played Craig, recently toured as a cast member of a play called Spring Awakening, so I guess the producers still aren't over Craig leaving. Fun fact: the people who play Rachel and Jesse on Glee were in a separate run of that play. However, those two went on to become famous.

Anyway, what we see of the play is pretty impressive--for a school play, at least. The students put more effort into this play than the real producers put into any actual episode of Degrassi this season. Declan is the director of the play. He is so impressed with what he has been able to pull off that he finally says "I love you, Holly J." I think he meant to say that he loves himself.

The next day, Chante goes to Above the Dot, where Peter and Danny are setting up for an encore performance. The boys say they pulled in a bunch of favors to get the cast and crew to go along with another night of the play. By that they mean Peter blackmailed them. They are doing this as a favor for Chante. Now she will get a chance to perform and her fourteen family members have an excuse to get out of the two bedroom house they all share. Peter is going to get sick kissing her, but he is cool with that.

Let's go over the reasons this makes no sense:

1.) OK, so is Chante not sick anymore? If she isn't sick, Peter doesn't have to worry about kissing her. If she is sick, then she can't sing or be on stage anyway.

2.) Let's assume she is no longer ill. Who ever heard of a school play that only had one performance? She should be able to just jump back into the next showing.

3.) So, I mean, shouldn't this take place at the school? It's not like the school rents out the stage and is hosting an AA meeting tonight. In fact, this play is part of a class. There was a teacher assigned to the class who disappears after one episode, like so many Degrassi teachers before. They should be able to continue the play on the school stage again.

4.) Why would Peter do something nice for somebody else?

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It's SPINNER! The producers noticed that we had gone almost an entire episode without seeing his smiling face and radiant bulge. Spinner has to hire replacement at the Dot for Holly J, who will be leaving for New York to work at the Sizzler's corporate headquarters. I guess Declan's moving to New York wasn't such a big deal since she will be their for the summer anyway. Spinner looks at a spreadsheet showing his labor costs and wishes he could find a Mexican somewhere in Canada.

Holly J gets an email from TVM, which is a cable music channel in New York in the Degrassi universe. Is it really that hard to just say MTV? I mean, MTV's parent company helps fund the show. In the US, Degrassi airs on an MTV sister channel. Reruns of the show actually air on MTV. You guys could easily film Holly J working in the real MTV offices!

Maybe the producers don't realize that Degrassi is shown in the US. In that case, their Canadian network is screwing them out of a lot of money. "Oh, yeah, uh, we'd like to pay you guys more, but, you know, this is just a small Canadian only show. If we had a distribution deal in the United States, hey, we'd have more cash, but we don't so, poopers, eh?"

Back to the plot, TVM has awarded Holly J a summer internship. So, I guess Holly J is still going to New York City then. She didn't apply for this internship. Declan sent her resume after he hacked into her email. Holly J does not mind that Declan violated her privacy. He can violate her privates anytime. Hooyah!

Declan will keep on loving Holly J.

Rating: D

Does It Go There? No

Final Thoughts:

I think this episode is supposed to be a set up for the upcoming Degrassi Takes Manhattan made-for-TV movie. Now Holly J and the Incest Twins have a reason to be in New York. I don't know what reason everyone else has to go to New York. These flakes all went to Hollywood last year. How can these teenagers afford to go to a far away city in another country year after year?

I don't even want those fuckers in my country. Where are the border guards when you need them? Too much focus on the Mexican border, not enough on the Canadian, if you ask me. My point is, I want an Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent to kick Peter in the teeth and then arrest him for no good reason because you know they totally can.

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