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The Web BtC

The Mini Web Episodes - Season 1

The mini episodes are these stupid little shorts that are available at the-n.com. They are supposed to show the wacky adventures that the kids have between the episodes. These take place in the middle of season 5. There are also some that take place in an alternative universe for some asinine reason. They all suck.

"Don't You Forget About Me"

Part 1 101
Online: January 27th, 2006
Boycott the Caf name: "Sean Returns and Has a Sweet Mullet"
Important characters: Sean, Ellie

Mini 101

Sean returns to Toronto and he's a changed man, sporting an awesome new hockey player mullet and plans to open up a bike shop. I don't know if it's going to be a bicycle or motorcycle shop, but I hope it will be the former.

Sean is going to get a bank loan for his new business, which is weird, since I do not understand why a bank would consider giving a business loan to a 17 year old kid with no assets. But I didn't get why Sean could get government aid when JT and Liberty had to sell drugs to make due. I guess Canada will bend over backward to make sure Sean is happy.

Anyway, Sean meets up with Ellie, who acts like a total fucking stupid bitch to him. Fuck off Ellie, Sean was going through a hard time after, you know, he killed a kid. The world doesn't revolve around you, cunt.

Ellie says she doesn't like Sean anymore, since she has a taste for chocolate now. Sean is so sad he rips up his loan application, which was just a blank sheet of paper. Told ya Canada is just going to give him the cash.

Rating: F
Intensity Level: 0% Intense

"Man In The Mirror"

102
Online: February 24th, 2006
Boycott the Caf name: "Super Lame Mini"
Important characters: Jimmy, Ellie

Mini 102

Jimmy admires himself in the mirror and practices asking himself out, 'cause Jimmy is a total diva. Ellie comes by and they talk and then I fell asleep because this one is so boring.

Rating: F
Intensity Level: 0% Intense

"Bizarre Love Triangle"

103
Online: February 10th, 2006
Boycott the Caf name: "Pinball Fun"
Important characters: Craig, Ellie, Manny

Mini 103

Craig and Ellie are playing Street Fighter II pinball while Craig talks about his dream for the band to make it big. Ellie mentions she would prefer to go to college first, so then Craig stabs her in the side. She begs for him to stop it, so Craig releases the blade.

Manny then comes by and tells Ellie if she tries to put the moves on Craig, she'll kill her. Awesome. Fuck you Ellie, you got owned. Owned by a hooker.

Rating: A
Intensity Level: 80% Intense

"Don't You Forget About Me"

Part 2 104
Online: February 17th, 2006
Boycott the Caf name: "Sean Returns and Has a Sweet Mullet"
Important characters: Sean, Jay

Mini 104

Sean meets up with Jay. Jay is sad that he has no friends and Sean went away before they could commit to their dream of opening up a candy store. Turns out both dudes have tattoos, Jay has Alex's name on his chest and Sean has Emma's name. I wonder when they got those.

Now that I remember, they kept their shirts on during the beach fun in "Back in Black." So maybe the producers had this tattoo thing planned back then, or maybe Jay and Sean have man boobs they're embarrassed about.

Rating: F
Intensity Level: 0% Intense

"Hey Ladies"

105
Online: March 17th, 2006

Boycott the Caf name: "Peter Watches Paige Poop"
Important characters: Emma, Paige, Ellie, Manny

Mini 105

Emma and Peter are flirting when Manny comes by. Code Blue! Emma shoves Peter into the nearest door, which is the girls bathroom. Of course Paige is in there pooping with Ellie, who has painful explosive diarrhea. Peter nearly dies from the smell.

Rating: F
Intensity Level: 0% Intense

"Notorious"

106
Online: February 3rd, 2006
Boycott the Caf name: "Manny Wants Gay Penis"
Important characters: Manny, Marco

Mini 106

Manny has had sex with every boy (and most girls) in Degrassi now, so she needs to find new love and tries to turn Marco straight with her slutty vibes. Marco is way to super gay for that though, so Manny just fingers herself in the hallway.

Rating: F
Intensity Level: 0% Intense

"Bigmouth Strikes Again"

107
Online: March 3rd, 2006
Boycott the Caf name: "Spinner Smacks Down Jay"
Important characters: Spinner, Jay, Darcy

Mini 107

Spinner and Darcy are on a movie date, having just seen Big Trouble in Little China together for the 4000th time. Jay is very sad that Spinner has dropped him as a friend. Anyone less cooler than Jay would have jumped off the CN Tower after Spinner rejected him. But Jay is able to wake up every morning because he has hope...and a Butterfinger bar.

Jay corners Spinner and Darcy and begs Spin to be friends again. Spinner says no and Jay is sad. He then feels up Darcy's boobs.

Rating: B+
Intensity Level: 25% Intense

"Lovecats"

108
Online: March 10th, 2006
Boycott the Caf name: "Alex Splurts Milk"
Important characters: Paige, Alex, Marco, Ellie

Mini 108

I guess this one takes place sometime before the lesbian ep when Alex is acting all weird wanting to get a ticket to the Kevin Smith movie premiere. Marco and Ellie come by and Marco mentions how he is going to make out with the whole football team. This causes Alex to spit out her milk and then worry this makes people think she is a lesbian. Another stupid mini.

Rating: F
Intensity Level: 0% Intense

"What If Craig Picked Emma"

109
Online: May 5th, 2006
Boycott the Caf name: none
Important characters: Craig, Emma

Mini 109

This is the stupidest mini in what has been a whole bunch of stupid minis. Not only is it shitty on its own, but it also takes place during the worst Degrassi episode of all time, "Holiday." Maybe in this alternative universe, their "Holiday" isn't boring and shitty, but I doubt it.

Rating: F-
Intensity Level: 0% Intense

"What If Jimmy Was Never Shot"

110
Online: April 21st, 2006
Boycott the Caf name: "Sean is in a Wheelchair"
Important characters: Sean, Jimmy, Ellie

Mini 110

Back in the alternative universe, this mini shows us what would have happened if Jimmy would have used his time machine to avoid getting shot. It seems Jimmy would have been accepted to basketball college and Sean would be in a wheelchair. They try to play Sean in a wheelchair like it's a big dramatic shock, and you kind of get the point because everyone likes Sean and everyone is just "meh" about Jimmy, so you actually care if Sean is crippled. But it just shows how gay the minis are. This mini is gayer than when Marco thumbs his asshole while listening to Clay Aiken.

Rating: F
Intensity Level: 0% Intense

"What If Emma Was Jay and Jay Was Emma"

111
Online: April 28th, 2006
Boycott the Caf name: "Emma's Idea of Being a Badass is Wearing a Baseball Cap"
Important characters: Emma, Jay, Spinner, Sean

Mini 111

So we're back in the alternative universe where Jay is all "I love the whales" and Emma is all "I steal candy, bitch." Emma is buying stolen ipods from Spinner, when she comes up on button downed Jay.

Sean is in this one again. Turns out Emma gave him gonorrhea, but Sean really liked the sex, so all is forgiven. Emma then drags Jay out to the ravine. Looks like Jay is going to get raped. And get gonorrhea.

This mini is a little less stupid than the other ones. I like it because in either universe Emma is still going to get gonorrhea. What a whore.

Rating: F
Intensity Level: 5% Intense

"What If Liberty Was Paige and Paige Was Liberty"

112
Online: March 31st, 2006
Boycott the Caf name: "Fucking What the Fuckity Fuck?"
Important characters: Paige, Liberty

What the fuck?

We've all put up with a lot of stupid shit from this show before, but this takes the shit cake. First off, in no alternative universe would you ever find a school willing to let Liberty be their head cheerleader, not even in Poland. Secondly, no one as adorable as Paige would ever be impregnated by JT, his penis is too small to do blonde girls.

Let's hope whoever came up with this gets full blown AIDS and then is sneezed on.

Rating: F-
Intensity Level: -100% Intense


Final Thoughts: My theory about the minis is that the Degrassi people didn't want to make them, but the-N holds a lot sway over the show and demanded these because the-N wanted some more content for its cluttered website. So, the Degrassi people decided to make these as shitty as possible. And they succeeded.

Damn you Degrassi minis. Damn you all to hell.