The Mini Web Episodes - Season 2As if the first round of two minute online mini episodes weren't bad enough, the Degrassi crew has made a second batch. I don't know why, but I think it has to do with my theory that no one involved with the show cares anymore. Not that any of them have cared since day one, but then again, the internet wasn't around when Degrassi: The Next Generation first aired.
"Sean in Prison"201
Boycott the Caf name: "Sean in Prison"
Important characters: Sean
Sean hangs out in prison. Sean spends the time by writing in his journal and shooting one into a sock thanks to his photo of Emma. It seems alright since he gets a cell to himself. But then at night, some other guys make plans to rape him in the shower.
I can think of about a billion ways that this mini could be better. One, you could have Sean lead a gang of fellow prisoners in a scheme to bust out of jail by digging through their cells. An even better idea would be to have the jail be a musical, ala Jail House Rock, and have Sean sing and dance. That would be wicked narly.
Manny accidentally walks in on Mr. Simpson on the toilet and sees his vagina.
"Dating 4 Dudes"203
Boycott the Caf name: "A Toby Isaacs Joint"
Important characters: Webster, Derek
Webster and that other kid hit on girls with no success, so they decide to spoon each other in the locker room.
This gets slightly better than a F because it's a Toby Isaacs Joint.
"Be Aware of Heather Sinclare"204
Boycott the Caf name: "Heather Sinclare"
Important characters: Heather Sinclare
We see things through the eyes of Heather Sinclair.
No one find the Heather Sinclare thing amusing, Degrassi producers. But this mini does have certain merits because it appears that Heather Sinclare is the daughter of the boss from the first season of The Drew Carey Show.
"Diary of Jay Hogart"205
Boycott the Caf name: "Jay is British"
Important characters: Jay
It turns out that Jay is Mary Poppins. He is a nanny and speaks with a British accent and everything.
I hope this is the real Jay and the whole tough, high school dropout, candy thief thing is just an act. British Jay still likes chocolate bars, though.
Boycott the Caf name: "Napoleon Dynamite Parody"
Important characters: Toby
Toby does that dance scene from Napoleon Dynamite.
I have nothing to add, so I'm going to quote Johnny on this:
"Adam Lazzara Married My Mom"207
Boycott the Caf name: "Taking Back Sunday are Spending Too Much Time on the Set"
Important characters: Spike, Emma, Liberty
Since Spike wants to continue her streak of not being into real men, she marries the lead singer from Taking Back Sunday. It plays out like a sitcom parody, at least a parody of what I assume sitcoms must be like in Canada. I'm not sure there has ever been an American sitcom that was structured the way this parody goes.
The rest of the band come over and they all eat candy lased with LSD, just like that one episode of The Brady Bunch.
The lead singer from the band has way prettier hair than Spike.
"Bring It On"208
Boycott the Caf name: "Cheerleading"
Important characters: Manny, Darcy
Manny and Darcy audition boys for cheerleading. It's really stupid, but we get to see Peter in a girl's cheerleading outfit, which is pretty hot.
Oh shit, I did not say that Peter in a cheerleading outfit was hot. Shit, I did. If only I knew how to delete something I typed.
Boycott the Caf name: "Jimmy Dreams About Walking"
Important characters: Jimmy, Spinner, Ashley
Jimmy daydreams that he was able to walk and saved Ashley from slipping on a banana peal. In the real world, he can't walk but he did save Spinner's sandwich, which is just as important, if not more so.
Hey, it has Spinner, so it can't be that bad.
"Lost in Degrassi"210
Boycott the Caf name: "Lost Parody"
Important characters: Paige, Marco
Paige, Marco, and possibly Ellie, got high on mushrooms last night and somehow locked themselves in the school. They start hallucinating that Spinner, Jimmy, Alex and Ashley locked them there. It's obviously an hallucination because they never talk to Ashley anymore.
I have never seen the show Lost so I'm not sure how accurate the parody is. I'll just assume Lost is also a high school soap opera.
"24 Hours on the Couch"211
Boycott the Caf name: "24 Parody"
Important characters: Paige, Marco
Paige and Marco plan to go out and party Friday so they can end the night drenched in semen. But they are tired, so they spend all weekend on the couch. It's edited like the show 24, but without all the torture. Canada doesn't have a problem with terrorism, so this is as interesting as they could possibly make a 24 parody.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who spends his weekends watching TV.
"His Ears are Burning"212
Boycott the Caf name: "They Mean Spinner's Ears"
Important characters: Spinner, Manny, Darcy
Spinner listens in while Darcy and Manny discuss how hot Spinner makes them and then they make plans to put on a shower show for him.
They should have shown Darcy and Manny rubbing each other in the shower instead of only giving us the conversation that leads up to it. What a waste.
"Dating 4 Dudes 2"213
Boycott the Caf name: "This Mini is Gayer than Most"
Important characters: Webster, Derek, Marco
Webster and Derek make plans to rape Paige and Ellie, but Marco is there with a hokey stick, so they decide to all have a three way instead. The hockey stick will be used in bed.
I reject any assertion that Marco is a "Degrassi Hottie." However, Toby was the one who edited this thing, so that's merely his opinion.
"I Won't Forget"214
Boycott the Caf name: "It's a GHOST!"
Important characters: JT, Liberty
JT's ghost comes back from Hell and visits Liberty in bed.
JT sucks as a ghost. He doesn't even try to haunt Liberty or anything. He said he'll visit her again. I bet JT doesn't even want to visit Liberty. He figures the best part of being dead is being free from her (he may be in Hell, but at least Liberty isn't around) but Satan is making him do it as part of JT's eternal punishment.
Also, I went online and found that many girls were crying over this mini. I can understand why, we had to look at Liberty for two whole minutes straight.
Boycott the Caf name: "View Parody"
Important characters: Emma, Liberty, Paige, Darcy
Degrassi makes fun of what a stupid and inane waste of airwaves The View is. They also talk about Emma's nipples.
"Dating 4 Dudes 3"216
Boycott the Caf name: "Not Another One, Jesus Christ"
Important characters: Webster, Derek
Webster and Derek finally realize that they are dirty and smell like shit. They concoct a new deodorant to help them pick up the ladies, but that doesn't work because there idea of deodorant to to spray themselves with vinegar mixed with cat piss. They then go in the shower room to suck each other dicks.
It's nice that they at least finally realized how dirty they each are. But if the show doesn't eventually make these two gay lovers, then the producers do not understand their own characters.
"I'm a Degrassi, I'm an Instant Star"217
Boycott the Caf name: "Mac Ad Parody"
Important characters: Emma, Some other girl
It's like those Mac ads, but comparing Degrassi to a show I have never heard of before.
Boycott the Caf name: "The Future"
Important characters: Paige, Alex, Jimmy, Spinner
It's 2017 and the Degrassi kids have their reunion. None of them have aged a day. Spinner has some gray hair, but I think he just dyed it that way because he is immortal and wanted to keep that a secret.
Anyway, Spinner and Jimmy's t-shirt store has made them billionaires. They had to fire Paige as manager because she spent all day thinking about Spinner's cock instead of working. That is why they replaced her with Alex. As a lesbian, Alex will be able to keep from thinking about Spinner's cock until she got off work.
Also, Paige has been married and divorced a few times because she has been unable to find a man that measures up to Spinner, in all the ways you can imagine.
Also, Jimmy can walk again. Either they can cure paralysis in 2017 or he is so rich he just bought someone else's legs.
I think it was a given that Spinner will be a billionaire in ten years. Hell, Jimmy and Alex become rich merely by riding his coattails.
"Roomate Code of Conduct"219
Boycott the Caf name: "Breakfast"
Important characters: Paige, Ellie
Over a continental breakfast, Ellie gives Paige permission to be fuck buddies with Editor guy.
I think Ellie and Paige bought their bathrobes together. They probably got one of those couple sets to save money and then flipped a coin to see who would be forced to take the guy's robe. The cashier no doubt assumed they were a lesbian couple, which would be half correct. Ellie has been trying to act reasonably feminine these past few years, so she would have wanted the pink robe instead of dying the blue one black.