The Web BtC

"Degrassi of the Dead"

Season 7 Halloween Special
American airdate: October 26th, 2007

Boycott the Caf name: none
Important characters: Manny, Paige, Ashley, Jay, Peter, Derek
Issue of the Week: Zombies

Degrassi decided they needed a Halloween special, so they aired this episode about a zombie attack on Canada. I was pretty angry because it pushed back by a week the episode where Spinner loses a nut. You can be sure I sent a pretty harsh letter bomb to The-N.

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Canada has been overrun by zombies. The zombies arose from people watching poorly produced government subsided television shows eating genetically modified food. Manny, Peter, Ashley, Jay and Paige have barricaded themselves in the school while a horde of zombies surrounds them outside.

Degrassi of the Dead

Manny wants the gang to wait for Emma to arrive. Emma does arrive, but she is a zombie. She probably should have tried to find another way to get into school besides walking through the big horde of zombies.

Degrassi of the Dead

Jay goes into Hotass' office to grab the keys to a schoolbus so they can skedaddle. But Hotass is in her office and she is also a zombie. She kills Jay by biting down on his neck.

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The remaining kids flee into the gym where they find zombie Jimmy lying down. It was a given that Jimmy wouldn't fair too well in a zombie outbreak. Ashley pities Jimmy but tells him that she will go on to have a wonderful life without him. Zombie Jimmy has had enough of Ashley's bullshit, so he rises up and kills her. About damn time.

The zombie horde has penetrated the school and enter the gym. Manny and Paige flee into the air ducts, which are large enough to fit a person yet somehow no zombies pursue them. Peter is attacked by the horde.

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Manny takes a nap in the vents and dreams that zombie Emma is speaking to her about the dangers of genetically modified foods. Even as a zombie Emma is a still self righteous bitch. Manny wakes up and they keep moving. Paige and Manny make up for being so mean to each other over the years. They both know if they are only people left alive they will soon have to turn to each other for sexual gratification.

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Paige and Manny crawl out of the vents and into some room where a zombie Spinner is tied up but tries to make out with them. That white kid who is not Webster is also there but not a zombie. He explains that even though Spinner is a zombie, his desire for women remains. Spinner's not a zombie, he's just really drunk. I think that's the case with everyone who is a zombie. That is why they always bite people on the neck. Alcohol just makes them all horny and really aggressive.

White Kid Who Looks Like Webster looks forward to repopulating the earth with Manny and Paige. He also plans to blow up the school to kill all the zombies. It's great that he was able to devise away to kill the zombies. If he wasn't so gross he might even have a shot at having sex after ebing the last man alive. But there's Spinner right there and sex with him even though you risk becoming a zombie is still a much better option. I'm sure Spinner the zombie is much cleaner than White Kid Who Looks Like Webster.

Degrassi of the Dead

Paige knows a world with White Kid Who Looks Like Webster as the only male is not a world worth living in, even if you are a lesbian (sort of). So she sacrifices herself by throwing White Kid to Spinner. White Kid then sets off the bomb and only Manny is far enough away to escape.

Degrassi of the Dead

Manny emerges from the explosion, but so do the zombies. Turns out Peter is not a zombie yet. He instructs Manny to walk and talk like a zombie, that way they will not get attacked. Wow, what a creative way to approach this, Degrassi. I haven't seen something that clever since the movie Shaun of the Dead. You guys are so ingenius. Manny and Peter escape in the schoolbus, but then Peter turns into a zombie from a bite and kills Manny.

Degrassi of the Dead

The Halloween special ends with the Jimmy dancing to a "Thriller" type knockoff song. Man, Canada is not doing too well if Jimmy is the blackest person they can find in that whole country.

Degrassi of the Dead

"Degrassi of the Dead" only lasted 12 minutes. To pad out the rest of the half-hour, The-N aired a behind the scenes making of special. The behind the scenes special lasted just as long as the Halloween special itself. It's a great way to discuss every single minute of the special we just saw.

The girls who play Manny and Paige are discussing the episode when the kid who plays Jimmy pops up and bugs them. The conclusion I draw from Jimmy's various comments is that he masturbated to this special. The choice comment, though, comes from the girl who plays Paige, who before filming, said:

I was just talking to Stephen and it's not going to be campy it's going to be, like, serious. Which is going to be fun because I've always wanted to be in a horror movie.

Boy, is she going to be disappointed when she watches it.

Rating: F

Does It Go There? No