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Degrassi Mailbag #4

For this mailbag I'm going to divide the emails we receive in some basic categories, so you can get a better sense of what we have to put up with.

Incoherent Shouting (4% of all emails received)

Date: 7/30/2005
From: ADIAMONDGRL
Subject: THEY KICKED OUT SEAN

WELL I READ ALL UR STUFF ON UR WEBSITE AND LIKE ME I GUESS U MUST LUV SEAN WELL AFTER THEY PUT HIM OUT OF DEGRASSI I WILL REFUSE 2 WATCH IT I MEAN DO U HAVE THE- N NUMBER B/C FIRST THEY DONT SHOW ACCIDENTS WILL HAPPEN WHICH REALLY DOESNT BOTHER ME THAT MUCH BUT KICKING OUT SEAN THEY WENT OVER THE LINE!!!!!! WELL PLEZ DO ME THE FAVOR IF U CAN E-MAIL ME THERE # AT [address]@YAHOO.COM CUZ THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND!!!

P.S BY THE WAY GREAT WEBSITE!!!

Man, I wish I knew what you were trying to say.

Date: 7/30/2005
From: Faith R
Subject: WTF!!!

ALL UR RATINGS ON THE DEGRASSI CHARACTERS ARE SO WRONG .JUST TO LET U KNOW AMY NEVER DIED SHE WAS JUST POISONED.DON'T U REMEMBER ALEX SLAPPING HER BECAUSE SHE GAVE JAY HEAD!!!!! AND "COACH ARMSTRONG" AKA MR. ARMSTRONG NEVER HAD SEX WITH LIBERTY THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A RELATIONSHIP HE WAS HELPING HER BECAUSE SHE HAS A LEARNING DISABILITIY THEY WERE NEVER IN A RELATIONSHIP!!! THE ONLY RATING U PLACED THAT IS CORRECT WOULD BE LYBERY (F) I ALWAYS HATED HER BUT THE OTHERS WERE NOT RATED CORRECTLY!!!!!

No, you shutup.

Genuine Fan Mail (48% of all emails recived)

Date: 8/01/2005
From: "Kamicaze C"
Subject: Err.
UM so basically.

I am writing this for NO REASON? Pretty much.

I do like your site.

But that's been said by "ubssessed" 10 year old children and 13 year olds who think you write the scripts.

Although I don't see how?

BUT WHATEVER.

You should review more episodes. They are quite amusing. Most of the time. You should find more random things like Spinner and his watermelon and Toby and the pie.

ANYWAY.

GOOD JOB?

OKAY.

And I'm reading your site right now, and found this, and thought I would correct you:

"Spinner says that Kendra is his adopted sister but we never see his parents, maybe he is the adopted one. "

In an episode that Spinner stays home sick [but he ACTUALLY goes off with megabitch Paige and gothicloser Ashley], Kendra says "Mom, he's faking" and his mom comes in, and shes white. And Kendra is asian. Clearly Kenda is adopted.

UM K.

BYE.

Hey, maybe you forgot the rule that we are always right. Do not attempt to correct us or straighten out some fact, because we are never wrong. And our episode reviews are amusing all of the time. I should know, I write them.

Date: 8/6/2005
From: Elizabeth M
Subject: N/A

I think I may be in love with this site. And whoever happens to be writing this. Especially the dude with the thing for Spinner. He is hot. Until he gets that god-awful haircut at least. They should've just made Dylan get that haircut. That would've justified Marco breaking up with him. Besides, Dylan looks way too much like Spinner. If Spinner was uglified. But anyways, I love your site. Which means you better put up some more crap soon, or I will send my legions of hedghogs after you. Well anyways, just continue saying what we're all thinking. Except you should leave Marco alone. He broke up with the stupid pedophile. And I happen to like him. Of course that may just be because he's cute and gay (which just adds to the cuteness). Ok, now I'm rambling. I'll stop now.
~ Your crazy stalker

P.S. I may sound really creepy and odd, but that's just because I am. By the way, how do you feel about Harry Potter? And Daniel Radcliffe.

Good point on Spinner's haircut. I don't read Harry Potter, and I had to look up who Daniel Radcliffe was on the internet, so I have no opinion of him. I don't fear you hedgehog army, because I live near the Great Lakes, and everyone knows how water instantly kills Sonic the Hedgehog. And I sincerely doubt you posses a water shield, because that was only in like one game, and you certainly would not have enough to equip an enter legion of hedgehogs.

Date: 8/8/2005
From: Littlemidget312
Subject: lolol

Your site is hilarious!!!! I don't understand how any degrassi fan wouldn't like it. Keep it up!
It's so funny how you talk about Liberty. And terri rubbing her stomach..lol

1 of my favorite's was

"Imagine if Liberty raped Paige and smashed Terri with a rock. That would be fucking awesome."
lol

I wonder if this will make a mailbag

Yes it will.

Date: 8/8/2005
From: "john g"
Subject: N/A

Hey That Rock and roll high School Episode review is 100% cool!! 1st I love Spinner 2nd I LOVE the rap!

Our homey is a player
That is all
So why'd you have to go and kick his
Ball and chain
Ain't that your name 'Cause you're a playa hater and that's a shame
And chicks like you ain't worth too much
So shut up girl and
Make my lunch
Yeah!
WOOOOO this is on of the best episodes! I love Jay!!!!! and Spinner!!!JAY IS SO FREAKIN HOT

You love Spinner and think Jay is hot. That's a winning combo John.

Date: 8/8/2005
From: "Arlene S"
Subject: confused??

first of all i love the site.. man u guys are fucking hilarious... but me and my friends noticed how u guys always talk about spinner's package and ur always talking about the girls. So we were wondering.... are u guys bi? anyway great site

from Bianca and her friends

No, we're straight. I don't see anything wrong with two heterosexual young men writing enviously and meticulously about Spinner's proud man bulge. Every man is attracted to Spinner's greatness, nothing gay about it. In fact, Marco is not really gay, he just doesn't understand that it is normal for a straight man to lust for Spinner.

Date: 8/12/2005
From: Brett D
Subject: Degrassi writeups

Dude, I gotta tell ya, the writeups you did of Degrassi episodes are absolutely hilarious and totally accurate at the same time.

Nobody likes Liberty! I thought it was just me!

And what the hell? Terri wakes up from a coma and just disappears?
That's insane.

Rick was the best character ever and Degrassi lost a key character when they killed him off. Every high school has a few psychos in it, and Degrassi is underrepresenting the psycho demographic without a Rick-like character.

Anyway, I just hope you find time some day to write up more summaries of season 4 and 5. They're a hoot.

Thanks!

-Brett

Yeah, it was too bad Rick had to die. At least he almost took Jimmy out with him. The worst travesty of this all was that this caused Sean to leave.

Date: 8/12/2005
From: khiijol
Subject: awesome

your degrassi webpage fuckin rules. a few years ago my band wrote a song about degrassi. you might appreciate it. here is the link:

http://www.eden.rutgers.edu/~khiijol/hiv/mp3

(it is the only song in the folder)

and the lyrics, so you can sing along:

http://www.eden.rutgers.edu/~khiijol/hiv/lyrix/degrassi.txt

keep on rocking in the free world, raping page with dean's soccer cock and shooting liberty in the face

Your song is 100% INTENSE. At first I was not sure what you had was really a song, but I still say you have more talent than Craig.

Date: 8/12/2005
From: Bryanna H
Subject: Caitlin is a crazy bitch

Hey,
I just wanted to say how much I agree with you about Caitlin. Power of Love and Holiday are my least favorite episodes. She was a complete loser in the original series (and probably the least popular character of them all.) and they bring her back?!?! It just doesn't make any sense. The storylines they put her in are just rediculous. Breaking into Joey's house...words can not describe how lame and psychotic that was. Well, just wanted you to know there are fellow Caitlin haters out there.
Keep on reviewing!
Brie

You know it sister.

Date: 8/14/2005
From: Nicholas D
Subject: How I found your website

A small anecdote: I was at work one day and I needed a picture of Marco in order to get a better idea of what his hair looks like. So I did a Google Image Search for "marco degrassi" and lo and behold, a picture of him and Dylan came up, titled "Gays.jpg." After spending a moment to control my laughter (them being gay and all), I further explored your fantastically written website, much to my amusement.
Yeah, that's it.

Cool. I wonder how far that image ranks in Google if you do a search for gays.jpg. Someone else can feel free to try it and tell me how it turned out.

Date: 8/15/2005
From: "Graci G"
Subject: liberty sucks ass

hey whats up im so frickin board i decided to email you for fun.
i have some thots on degrassi and here they are
* liberty needs to get raped then shot in the face cuz shes a dumb ass bitch
*manny is a hoar and needs to go back to her home on hoar island
* ash and craig should take e together then have sex without protection and get pregnant and get an std at the same time....i mean craig must have one since he was with manny and mannys been with like every guy around so thats my logic
*we need some more scenes of spinner eating spray cheese
*jimmy should accidently role his chair down the stairs....haha that would be funny

those are my thots and if you dont agree go fuck yourself

I agree with all those points so I will not fuck myself. I will leave that to YOUR MOTHER! Ha ha ha ha ha!

Your mother is a dirty loose whore.

Date: 8/16/2005
From: "samantha w"
Subject: Hey!

I love your website! Your episode reviews are hilarious. Its true, nobody likes Liberty or Emma. You shouls do the rest of season 1 and 2 and season 4. There's a lot of sex action in season 4 for you to comment :) Keep up the good work!

Samantha

I am currently trying to review the season 5 episodes soon after they air in Canada, but I will try to get to season 4 as I have the free time. Keep in mind that I have to divide my time between this site and college which keeps me busy, as well as a job so I can afford the rum and coke I need in order to review Degrassi episodes.

Date: 8/16/2005
From: Rachel A
Subject: Great site!

I dig your site!! Spinner and Steve Buscemi are fab!! It also makes me happy that if Rivers Cuomo ever Googles himself, this site will pop up.

Hurrah!

Much love,
Trailgirl

I bet Rivers Cuomo googles himself a lot.

Date: 8/17/2005
From: Cora B
Subject: aubrey grahm

hey,
u don't know me but i go to your site often and i really like it. I also wanted to tell u that u are the only other person who I think ever noticed they stole the candy and no money...anyways i am getting off track....i found out that aubrey grahm has a myspace and it acually him too! So, here is is http://www.myspace.com/thisisdrake. I hope you check it out and PLEASE write back!

-cora

Shit that is real. Too bad, because those songs clips are even shitty even as far as rap goes. I anticipate Aubrey Graham's (Jimmy) hip hop career will go as far as Jake Epstein's (Craig) rock career, and Cassie Steele's (Manny) pop career.

Date: 8/17/2005
From: "Andrew L"
Subject: Wahhh

Dear Boycott the Caf,
Your website makes me cry tears of joy every time I see it. Your 100% correct episode/character descriptions are awesome and I wish that I wrote them.
The number two way that you know when you watch too much degrassi was...
"2. When you print pictures from the Internet of Degrassi characters and cut them out and glue popsicle sticks to the back and start doing the voice's and creating your own episode.."
My friend and I actually are doing that exact thing and I thought it was really strange since we were doing it before I read this. It is obvious that there are only 2 ways this is possible:

1. You've been watching me through my window and it was in fact you who called me 2 nights ago at 330 a.m and said "well hello" 3 times in a creepy anthony hopkins voice.

or

2. Crazy dangerous internet waves from your website were being phased into my brain via satellite and that is where I got the idea.

Either way it would be impossible for you to be un-interested in seeing our high-budget movies taking place in the new season of Degrassi. We're even going to use some of your season 5 plot ideas (if you don't mind).

-props,
andrew

What? I don't know what you are trying to say. Ok then.

Date: 8/20/2005
From: "Ashley"
Subject: N/A

Your completly 100% right, nobody likes Liberty. I love how you make fun of her, its so funny! She really needs to get a lip reduction or something. They most likley just put her on Degrassi as a joke, because shes the ugliest damn thing i have EVER seen and J.T. should eitther break up with her or kill himself because that was the worst mistake he has ever made in his life.

JT defiantly lost all the coolness he slowly built up over the years when he dated Liberty. Well, he has a tiny penis, so what could he do?

Fans Who Assume We're the Official Degrassi Site (18%)

Date: 8/1/2005
From: SHERRY8270
Subject: no subject

hey i watch yalls show every time its on i really injoy it its the best show 4 teens well just thought i would say hey

I would say use some capitalization and periods.

Date: 8/3/2005
From: "omitchell"
Subject: N/A

Dear Degrassi,

We love you`re show. we watch it every day we can. Degrassi is our fav show. we are your biggest fans.Our 2 fav people are Paige and Ellie.

signed,
your biggest fans ever!

One of your favorite people is Ellie? You lose at life.

Date: 8/5/2005
From: "tammy p"
Subject: Shane Kippel

Dear Shane Kippel,
My name is Summer Pace and I am a really big fan of yours. I think you are really cute. I enjoy watching you on Degrassi. You are one of my favorite charecters on the show. You are very cool . When you have time could you e-mail me back.

Love, Summer Pace

p.s I have also written to you through mail and I hope you get it . U ROCK!

Hell yeah Sean Kippel is kickass.

Date: 8/5/2005
From: Blackshadow42992
Subject: oops

sorry to bother you again but i forgot to ask you if you would send me an autograph???? please this is my address:
[deleted]
Raeford NC
28376
this is my name
[deleted]
thank you so much

For now on, when I get emails from people requesting a cast member's autograph, I think I am going to send them a generic Degrassi picture from the internet and write something obscene on it.

Hate Mail (8%)

Date: 8/8/2005
From: tiffany o
Subject: N/A

You are sick Billy Green! That is really nasty! Lauren Collins is really nice, and you are an ass hole! You should be so lucky for her to even answer back to you! You are perverted! Anyway, if Lauren Collins is reading this, you are my favorite character. And I love your show, I also recieved an autograph, thanks, I really appriciated it!

We have it on good authority that Lauren Collins has actually read the site and was entertained, which I certainly did not expect. I can hardly refute the assertion that I am sick and perverted.

Date: 8/18/2005
From: MIKELINDA9
Subject: (no subject)

i THINK THAT TERRI IS VERY PRETTY, BESIDES SHE DIDN'T KNOW BETTER ABOUT RICK.IT WAS HER FIRST BOYFRIEND.

Wrong.

Date: 8/19/2005
From: "Mary F"
Subject: N/A

You people are very biased and oppinionated...when people want to know what happens in a Degrassi Episode...it does not mean "oh give me your opinion on it." What kind of summary is this..on the "When Doves Cry" episode...keep your comments about Craig to yourself.

You seem to not understand that we are a humor site. This is because you are very stupid.

Degrassi Junior High Information We Don't Care About (6%)

Date: 8/6/2005
From: Jon B
Subject: The deal with Wheels

Derek "Wheels" Wheeler was basically the original series' "Craig", as it were. You know, the guy who gets WAY too much air time. He was in the Zit Remedy with Joey and Snake.

In the first season, he existed almost solely as Stephanie's boyfriend, except that she appointed Joey sports rep, a grade 7 position, to make Wheels jealous, a move which (along with her sluttitude and her being an asshole to all her female friends) got her impeached. Anyway, Wheels also consulted Spike about adoption, having been adopted himself. Then this man starts to stalk him. No, it's not a pedophile. It's his rockin' dad. At first, Wheels doesn't like him, but later he turns around and his dad really grows on him. He still lives with his nerdy adoptive parents, though.

Wheels didn't do much in Season 2. Just stole a car with Joey and Snake. Oh, and the Zit Remedy almost fell apart.

In season 3, Wheels's parents forbade him from spending time with Joey. Then his parents were killed by a drunk driver. So he went off to find his real dad. Along the way, he hitched rides, and was picked up by this HOMO. "Don't worry, Derek. It'll feel good." Wheels jumps out of the car and is ready to throw a rock at him. But it turned out his dad's band wouldn't keep him around, so he ended up living with his grandma anyway.

Season 4 has almost no Wheels. The Zits complete a video which is just as cheesy as the song implies. Wheels, Joey, and Snake sneak into a strip club, and that's about it. While they're there, Joey's actually propositioned by a whore and runs away. Pussy. Season 5, actually, for once, Wheels doesn't have the worst thing. Only because Dwayne gets AIDS and Claude kills himself. Anyway, stuff starts disappearing from Wheels's grandma's house. I wonder why. She kicks him out and he moves in with Joey, so stuff starts disappearing there.

The stuff they refer to on TNG is from the movie, School's Out!. Basically, Wheels got drunk and got in a car, put Lucy in intensive care, and killed a two-year-old boy. Two ironies: First the obvious, and second, he didn't want to live with his grandparents anymore, and he isn't at the end. The more interesting plot is Wheels telling Joey and Snake how pathetic they are because they're virgins, so Joey cheats on Caitlin with Tessa. Caitlin overhears Snake telling Joey off, and delivers the most famous line in Canadian television history: "You were fucking Tessa Campanelli!"

So, let's see: Some of Emma's problems, some of Sean's problems, and some of Craig's problems.

I've enclosed an image of Wheels. He looks like Weird Al.

Wheels

Huh?

Date: 8/10/2005
From: Ryan R
Subject: This website gets funnier all the time

I almost peed my pants when I read your episode summary for "The Power of Love". That Great White pyro reference was the best! Oh, not that you care, but the deal with Caitlin and

Joey is that in the original Degrassi Joey and Caitlin were dating and very serious, but in the series finale entitled "Degrassi School's Out" or something we find out that Joey has been cheating on Caitlin with a character who appeared in the 1st episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation, Tessa Campinelli.

Joey got Tessa pregnant and lost Caitlin. Tessa got an abortion. Fast forward 10+ years and the writers decide that since the person who played Caitlin was out of work, they would do her a favor and bring her back to the show. Lame.

Keep up the awesome work, you guys are the best.

Sincerely,
Ryan R

I wouldn't blame a girl for aborting a baby she got from Joey.

Corrections (4%)

These are ones where people tell us something we wrote is wrong. I didn't have any example worth publishing now, because people who try to correct us are all dumbasses. But we can't avoid at least getting one email a week from some moron telling us the Philippines are not part of Latin America. The hell they aren't.

Questions We Won't Answer (6%)

Date: 7/29/2005
From: "couponsart"
Subject: degrassi

do you guys know where i can read all the episodes with details for degrassi? if you do, please let me know at : luna_raven13@hotmail.com

thnks

Raven

Try this link. Preferably click on it at school or when your parents are nearby.

Date: 8/10/2005
From: Phillygrl39
Subject: (no subject)

Hi my name is Lea and i love degrassi so much!! Its my favorite show in the whole world i just have one problem one really big problem!!!! I live in America and i never saw the accidents will happen and i want to see it so bad because manny is my favorite character she keeps the show intresting even though shes a complete slut. I was just wandering if whoever host this website or any one could tape it and send it to me!!!! both parts please!!!!!!!! I really want to see it i have to!!!! Please please please!!!!!! my email address is _Phillygrl39@aol.com_ (mailto:Phillygrl39@[deleted]) email me any time with your answer if its a yes and i hope it is then i will email you back with my address and everything you need to know.
sincerely
Lea Painter
p.s sorry about the last email my computer is wierd

If we get any more requests to send people "Accidents Will Happen" eventually I am just going to send them porn files of girls being fingered up the ass by a guy in a dinosaur suit. Something like this.

Date: 8/12/2005 16:38:32 -0400 From: ckirby Subject: Question...

hey! I was wondering what was the title of the song that's playing in episode 319 when marco is walking in the hallway past all the couples to Dylan... it also plays in another episode but I'm not sure which one...can you help me?? i LOVE that song. thanks!

The song was "Tom Sawyer" by Rush, a Canadian rock band.

I...Don't Know (8%)

Date: 8/19/2005
From: "Baba A"
Subject: degrassi

I love very very degrassi

Man, you can't just put any random words together and call that a sentence. There needs to be some order to it. I hope you are not from an English speaking country, because if you are, I doubt your career will progress any farther than person-with-mop-who-cleans-the-monkey-house.

Date: 8/2/2005
From: "Amy"
Subject: Randy Drake

What's super funny about this Randy Drake guy is that he is old and he doesn't know how to spell. they make spell checkers Mr. Drake.

Critasize = Criticize. good just fucker..

Anyway, I just thought I'd add to that email that is over a month old.

Amy

No problem. It took me two months to even read your message.

Date: 8/19/2005
From: alisha r
Subject: N/A

Hey, I like the site. You have good content and I find it very funny however...

The racisim is really wrong though..

"F**** n***** you should be lynched"!? and "Laugh at a black man in a wheel chair."!? Also referring to those people in friday night as the "brown people"?

Also..

Manny had sex once, she was wrong but it doesnt make her a slut.

Thinking Dean is great for raping Paige? Ok Paige is a bitch but wether or not she was raped she was always going stay a bitch (have you seen west end girls!?)

Please reply back.

Ok, I'm going to end this mailbag now, because I'm been pretty drunk while I've been typing these replies, and this bright screen is hurting my head. I'll come back to tomorrow to edit my numerous typos.

by Billie Green