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Degrassi Mailbag #10

Date: 01/31/2006
From: Maggie S
Subject: Degrassi Funny Song

I love your site. I hope you like tthe song.

Maggie attached a song file. You can download it here. I did enjoy the song. It rocked because it sounds like Weird Al Yankovic is singing it. But it is not as cool as Tracker and the Candy Bandits' Unleash the Beast (Within). Maybe we can get some more Degrassi songs and create a compilation CD someday.

Date: 02/01/2006
From: Emilia C
Subject: No Subject

boycott staff,

I'm sick with a cold and nothing better to do after a really shitty nap so I thought I'd re-read your site to cheer myself up. I came across this in your Degrassi Musings: "Spinner says that Kendra is his adopted sister but we never see his parents, maybe he is the adopted one. " But we see their mom in "I want candy"! She's wearing a vest for (what appears to be) Walmart or else that shitty pharmacy where JT worked.

Also: "Marco says he is gay, but have we ever actually seen him have sex with a man?" I'm sure you know this one because of that episode where Dylan decides to become a gay whore. But still, I've got nothing better to do so I'll mention that Marco "claims" (he could by lying and just fantasizing) that he's had gay sex.
.... blah...

Have you seen the webisode that came out? There's a Myspace profile where you can download episodes from all 5 seasons, songs from the episodes, and now these "Degrassi Minis" as the N calls them. If you havn't, you're not missing much. They appearantly are just things that took place between certain episodes. The only interesting thing is that Sean reappears; but even then he looks like a greasy Nirvana fan with his hair all flipped up and long. And he still likes Ellie! Eeeeeewww Sean you just lost some MAJOR credibility for that one.

anyway...
that's all I can think of to say. great site! Love it!

Emilia

The musings were written before any of that happened. In fact, Degrassi put in Spinner's mom and Marco's butt sex line solely to cover up the plot holes that we pointed out.

I have watched all the currently released webisodes and am reviewing them here. Sean coming back was not as cool as it should have been. He just talked to Ellie, who was a bitch, and Jay, who was a dirt bag. Sean's return should have been an entire two part full length episode. And he should have hooked up with Spinner and had a crazy night sticking bananas into the tail pipes of people's cars, ala Beverly Hills Cop.

Date: 02/04/2006
From: Jonathan D
Subject: DUHGRASSI

It's here.. It's not even good.. Hell. It hasn't even had a brain cell contributed to its idea! But what the hell? It's DUHGRASSI.

It's a prequel to season 1. So don't worry, Spinner is still there, and we find out the true reason how he got his name "Spinner"... And no, not that fake story some TRIED to tell. They lied. So don't listen to them.

It all started... *Dreamy fade away*

"Gavin, are you ready?" Asked some random black boy with a 'fro.
"Yep. Hey.. Call me Spinner. Yeah, 'cause I got the powa." Said the bleepiest awesomest person ever to walk this universe.
"Aight. Koo' dawg." Said this black boy.
"I SAID CALL ME SPINNER, JIMMY! DO IT NOW OR YOU'LL GET ATTACKED BY THE BASALISK!" Said Spinner.
"Aight, Spinner. Can I see the basalisk later though?" Said Jimmy.
"No." Said Spinner
"Aight. We should go play basketball." Jimmy explained.
"No." Said Spinner
"Girls?" Asked Jimmy
"Jimmy, stop pretending you've hit puberty yet. You know you haven't."
"Well not everyone can have a 40 foot dick since they were born!"
"I guess that's 'cause I'm the best."
"I know, Spin. Now let's go to school."
They walked into Degrassi. Went to their homerooms, and Spinner was happy.

Their homeroom teacher Mr. Gooblash made everyone introduce themselves.
"Hi, my name is Paige. I got 'raped' over the summer by my camp counselor." Said a slutty girl that Spinner found disgusting.
"Hi, my name is Ashley. I'm going to turn goth because my dad is gay... I saw him in a porno I was watching. It was hot. I wanted him.. Fuck he was hot... Wow, I'm messed up. Someone should shoot me now. Nipple!" Said some
retarded girl.
"Hi, my name is Tina. I like it when a "basalisk" comes into my 'cave'.
*Hint hint*" Said some girl that Spinner looked longingly at.
"Hi, my name is Jimmy. I'm a playa, dawg." Said Jimmy. A few crumbled papers were thrown at him. No one at Degrassi likes blacks.
"Hi, my name is Spinner-" Spinner started to say, but everyone gasped and got on their knees.
"Guys.. Come on. I'm just a normal human being. It's not like I'm god.. (!)" Explained Spinner
Everyone started to get up, but Tina remained on her knees, getting closer to Spinner.
"What are you doing, you musty slag?" Spinner asked as she started to undo Spinner's fly.
Tina looked at him with a twinkle in her eyes... He didn't have time for a cunt like her.
"REALISIO BASALISK!" Shouted Spinner, and all of a sudden out of his fly came his cock.. Super fast, super huge. His cock went through Tina's skull killing her instantly. Everyone wished they could have died the same way... But only time will tell.

NEXT TIME ON .... DUHGRASSI...

Man, you should be a writer for the show.

Date: 02/04/2006
From: Stargirrl556
Subject: No Subject

I love your site. Sorry to say it when pretty much everyone has said this already.

I'm glad to see that you gave "I against I" an A. Spinner was awesome in that. Marco came second. Linus must be a total wuss if he can be knocked down be Marco. I'm not saying this because he's gay. I'm saying this because Marco is Marco.

btw, I looked like Liberty's baby when my mom had me.lol I'm mixed. I was dying laughing.

I don't believe that you looked like Liberty's baby, because I'm sure you grew up looking fairly normal. The people who adopt Liberty's spawn are going to have to keep it locked in their basement and out of public view, lest it cause children to cry, women to faint, and men to attack the disfigured monstrosity with pitchforks and torches.

Date: 02/08/2006
From: Brittany M
Subject: hey

Hey! my name is Brittany mae and i would luv to contact shane kippel if that is any way possible. I think he is a great acter and hes pretty hot too! so if he can add me to msn if he has hotmail my addy is idiedforu@***** thank you

I do not know how to contact Shane Kippel, but oh God I wish I did. I think I could pull off talking to him without eventually having him slap me with a restraining order.

Date: 02/11/2006
From: Alexis A
Subject: seriously...the site rocks

Ok, so my roomate and I are both in our later 20's, later than we care to say, because we love degrassi next gen...and until we came upon your site of dedicated fans that could manage to equal our sarcasm, we questioned or level of crazy. It's still pretty damn high, but we feel a little better about it.

We were forced to watch the old school shows when it rained during gym, or the librarian was out sick, so we go waay back to when the Zits were formed their legacy with the one song they made (have you seen the video they made for it?)...Wheels was an alcoholic, mean too, and Shane took soo much acid it was the reason we all tried it anyway.

And if it wasn't for your site, we may have never known the true story behind Manny's abortion...ummm yea thanks FCC, if only they knew, that for ages, we would sit perplexed by the comments Ashley made at Manny and always thinking...did we miss that episode? Thank you for clearing that up for us.

So after my rant - props to you guys...we appreciate what you do. And if you're ever looking for a female perspective on the gayness...by all means let us know.

~A

Glad to hear there are more people who love Degrassi and are not in middle school. I like that you mention you were forced to watch original Degrassi. That is a hard show to sit through. It makes you glad that for the Next Generation they decided to invest in more than one camera.

If by "female perspective on the gayness" you mean you will send us pictures of you and your roommate making out, I would be interested. Very interested. Isn't that right Ludacris?

Ludacris is Dumb

Date: 02/13/2006
From: A Robot Made of Flesh
Subject: degrassi haikus

In mailbag 8, I saw your wonderful Degrassi Haiku. Here are several I wrote after watching an entire Degrassi marathon. Keep up the good work. Liberty sucks, Ashley is a cunt.

- Matt

I saw Terri in
the degrassi marathon
comatose fatty

gun toting psycho
holy shit, jimmy's been shot!
Rick's gonna die soon

Manny is a slut
Going commando at school
no underwear seen

Ashley was all pissed
Craig just made fun of her more
cuz he's a player

Is it wrong that I
think Ellie is hotter for
cutting her self up?

fucking disgusting
I vomit when I see her
Please kill Liberty

Spinner is awesome
Jay is the king of dirtbags
Sean will deafen you

Twelve hours a day
all ninety six episodes
what a great weekend

My God. Those are amazing. You should be the poet laureate for wherever you live.

Date: 02/13/2006
From: katie c
Subject: Voices Carry

I noticed in your review for the Voices Carry episode, you stated that Craig must have purchased a 100,000 piece industrial pack of condoms for when he dated Manny. while a hilarious notion, I don't think that he could have used 98,500 condoms and still managed to knock Manny up. unless his sperm is uber powerful and seeps through latex (or lambskin, if he's that kind of a guy.)

I think Craig only boned Manny bareback ten or twelve times, and it was one of those times when he got her pregnant. The other 15,000 times they had sex in season 3, he used a rubber.

Date: 02/15/2006
From: eighty-8
Subject: like shards of glass

When I first saw Emma on Degrassi
I was like "bitch please, get rhinoplasti"
Through the years I came to know
All these Canades dey ill fo sho.

I 'm just wondering what Paiges parents are goign to think when they find out BOTH their kids are gay. Like the two most attractive people on the show are like hmmm, getting someone of the opposite sex is too easy, i want a challenge. i think I'll just frolic with the likes of Rosie O'Donnel and Ellen . Shit son.

Word.

Date: 02/15/2006
From: Rachel Mills
Subject: Thank You and Hott As Ever......

Thank you for publishing my letter and responding. I hope your pursuit for attractive females who are will tear you from Degrassi Watching Habits is fruitful. But if that hunt is unsuccessful I'm a nineteen year old who's willing and able to be yours if both of you wish. Keep on being your hott and humorus selfs.

-"Sexy and Sweet" Rachel

Oh Rachel my love. I wouldn't resist an chance to bathe with you in an erotic tub of milk and Reese's Peanut Butter Puffs cereal.

Isn't that right, Chingy?

Chingy is Also Dumb

Date: 02/16/2006
From: Elizabeth M
Subject: Bottoms

It's nice to see that other people notice how weird it is for Marco to hook up with Tim. There was no point in bringing Tim into the show, because frankly, who cares what Marco's dad thinks. Besides, he freaks out and we never hear from him again. What a bust. And it's not like they can use Tim for anything. He can't date Marco, because they're both such bottoms. I mean come on! They'd probably try to have sex, but then realize that neither of them know what to do. They'd just end up doing each others hair. I'm sure you don't want to think about males having sex (unless they're Spinner), but Marco and Tim would be the saddest couple ever. They both couldn't be more feminine if they were on Project Runway. And they could never be friends because they'd end up having a warped catfight over some guy. I bet the producers realized this, which is why they got rid of Tim. I bet that by the end of the season Marco will become a prostitue in New York and get AIDS. That would totally go there.

Sorry for taking your valuable time to rant about anal sex, but it's just nice to know that other people realize that two bottoms don't make for good sex. Keep up the lovely reviews.

~Tess

Maybe Marco has been jumping for an opportunity to finally be the pitcher, and as luck would have it, Tim is the only gay person in the world more passive than him. But Tim will probably go the way of Chester, Sully, and Wheelchair Girl. Let's hope.

Date: 02/17/2006
From: MARIA-CHRISTINA S
Subject: screw you guys.

Thanks a lot for not warning me how truly horrible the webisodes are. I watched them because I wanted to those sweet tats. They gave me cancer they were so bad.

I'll read your damn site until I die now.
Christine

The webisodes suck more than an Ashley episode. After Ashley left the show, you really notice how Degrassi without Ashley is better than Degrassi with Ashley.

Date: 02/19/2006
From: Bridget
Subject: ungrateful whorebag

"you don't double check or spell check your work do you? well you should. because sometimes i say "wow, that really funny" or "wow, thats really racist" or "wow, i cant understand this because its sooo MESSED UP" " Okay, how about no?

This is the email that this "Cashmeira" chick sent to you. What the FUCK? I know you guys don't need me to defend you, but since you're not payed to do your awesome job... I'm gonna try here, OK?

Hey, Cushymoon. Spell check your fucking name.
And excuse me... you said "wow, that really funny,"
Does that make sense to you, Columbus? Did YOU double check your pointless email?

If you're going to insult these guys for not double checking their work...
here's a tip: Spell check your own poorly written email.
Dumbass.

But I do feel sort of mean picking on a second grader. I mean, you MUST be in second grade if you haven't learned that you capitalize the beginning of each sentence.

Go eat a snack pack, Charmoosa.

So in conclusion, shut the fuck up and choke on spinners massive member. These guys have got to put in so much effort and your lack of appreciation is similar to liberty's face.

No.... Liberty's face was put together better than you.
Anyway, no offense, kay hun? Tootles, Cuntmonkey.

(oh... johnny, billy... you guys can just send my money to the P.O. box we discussed)

LATERZ!

Kickass Bridget. I also like sending out a girl to fight my battles. Just like Dolemite and his all girl army of Kung Fu killers.

Date: 02/19/2006
From: biz
Subject: review of I against I

Great review..but to burn down the face of who started the mix names dealy, you are gonna have to turn to someone from the gossip pages..

I believe it started with jlo and the ben afleck..but I could be wrong..either that, or it started with the Clinton presidency when the neocons were calling them Billary.

In any case, it seems to be the norm when you are dealing with soaps, as individuals jump into each others beds so often it's hard to keep track.

And hey, lay off of spike's cleavage.if she had walked around the house more often looking like that, than maybe snake wouldn't have been going after ms hotstuff.

And her tits aint that old..shit, I would still do her, but only if caitlyn stayed and watched.

I could never have sex with caitlyn, now that she was polluted by Kevin smith...eaaaaauggghhhhhhhhhhh

Anyway, keep up the good work

And no, I aint gonna spell check this muther

geoff

I didn't remember that the Bennifer thing for the half hour I spent putting together the episode review. So the trend did not begin with Degrassi. Still someone on the internet brought this trend over to Degrassi fandom. I bet it was an ass licker over at Degrassi-Boards.com. Let's fucking get those fuckers.

As to your comment about Spike, I recommend you find a girlfriend.

Date: 02/20/2006
From: Nikkibob M
Subject: No Subject

you need to write an update for wannabe in season one! those were good times.. manny was still a virginal bearded lady and paige was still THE ice queen bitch, and when manny told paige off, it's probably the only time in the history of degrassi where i would side with manny over paige. paige is my homegirl, and manny is trash.

love, nicole!

Yeah, I defiantly would like to finish the episode reviews. Maybe Degrassi can take a year off so I can get caught up.

Date: 02/20/2006
From: Bbam031
Subject: No Subject

what do u think of Sully on Degrassi, make a character review for him

I don't think of Sully. But I guess if we went ahead and gave Chester a bio, we could get around to saying something about Sully some day. He dated Manny at some point, I think, but broke up with her. Man, he has to be a player to throw a vagina like Manny to the side. A player or gay.

Date: 02/21/2006
From: Jennie L
Subject: that degrassi shit

yo i gotta say the website is funny as fuck

cracks me up more then just seeing liberty waddle

anyway keep it up =]

either of u gotta myspace?

-jenn

Johnny and I each have MySpace pages, but I haven't gone there in a while and I don't update it. I only set one up because I needed to get a picture of John Stamos from a friend's MySpace page, and you need to sign up with the service to see John Stamos pictures.

Date: 02/25/2006
From: tom c
Subject: FanMail

Hi.I read your site all the time.You are hilarious.What do you think about a sixth season of Degrassi?I think that in the first episode Liberty's long lost baby should come back with a chainsaw and be all pissed off that JT and Liberty gave it away and then take liberty back to it's new home,with the people from texas chainsaw massacre.And then they eat her slowly.Finger at a time.But she escapes!(with two fingers and 4 toes) and hops into the road to be run over by a two by four truck and then she's still alive but when she gets up emma's retarded dad comes and knocks the shit out of her and rick shoots her in her face but she's still alive so then coach armstrong comes and fends all these people away and slowly molests her until death which comes when an angry pack of deer come and kill them both.And then JT finds out and kills himself.and Toby kidnapps JT's dead body and sucks it off.But then Spinner walks in on that and kills toby.And then Toby tries to suck off spinner's beast within.but spinner won't allow it..since paige is already sucking him off.And then he cums all over her face killing her dead.And then everyone wants to have sex with spinner.Especially Marco.But Spinner says no to marco.So marco goes home and sucks off his dad Mario.Anyway this episode would be really cool..It could be called "Liberty is a fucking pointless cunt and no one who is sain likes her at all and if you do like liberty you should fucking die because she is a waste of life and all that will ever be is better than her. parts one and two" Ohh yea and Muslim Girl and Wheel Chair girl kill Hazel.That'd be sweet.

um...Yes?

Date: 02/26/2006
From: Zag402
Subject: No Subject

In the episode where J.T is telling Toby about his nasty sexual experiences with Liberty in the movie theater at the mall of Canada Paige tells J.T that the large soda and large popcorn he bought was 400 dollars, in the episode where the master thief Spinner steals Jimmy's futuristic Mp3 he sells it to that turd Sully for 120 dollars.Canada must have gone through some inflation from the time Spinner tried to get his cool hoody to when J.T gets theater food poured on him or maybe J.T's a pansy and will pay any price a woman tells him

The 2004 NHL lockout was a serious blow to the Canadian economy. The Canadian stock market plunged to just 3 points from its previous high of 12, and the lost revenue the league provided cost more than 400 Canadians their jobs, or about 1/3 of the population. The monarchy took desperate steps to pull the nation out of this Great Depression, and part of their plan was to devalue the Canadian loonie so the government could continue to pay for its large and inefficent nanny state. Whether these measures by the government did any good are a matter of debate, because now that the NHL has resumed playing, the economy of Canada has almost returned to its pre-lockout levels. But that explains why popcorn costs $400 over there.

by Billie Green