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Degrassi Mailbag #14

Date: 7/30/06
From: C. M. E
Subject: N/A

Thanks for the myspace add. I didn't see an e-mail from me in the mailbag and, well, didn't really care. I have a question though with all these pre-pubescent girls throwing their retainers at you, do you ever leave obscene messages on their comments like, "I hope you get pregnant and die! haha, just kidding, you're all right."? I think I would.

Stay black,
Christine.

When I started the Myspace page, I would make a small comment in the page of everyone who joined our friend's list, but that got to take too much time, so now I just post a picture, usually from Clarissa Explains It All or The Noozles.

Date: 7/30/06
From: kickedinthehead
Subject: a Degrassi drinking game

Shot whenever:

Someone boycotts the caf.
the-n's edits are obvious.
Manny shows off some cleavage.
Sean without a shirt. Or pants. (Two shots if both.)
A girl likes Sean.
Sexual tension between Marco and one of his straight
friends. (Two shots if it's Spinner.)
Sexual tension between Spinner and Ms. Kwan.
Paige calls someone "hun".
JT's small penis is mentioned.
"You're just jealous."
Spinner's hair is mentioned.
Ashley's look is mentioned.
Someone gets revenge through music.
Tessa is mentioned.
Old Degrassi characters (not including Spike, Snake,
Joey, Caitlin, and Raditch) make cameos.
Tension between Liberty and JT.
Emma's a flaming hypocrite.
Marco's so overly gay it's ridiculous.
Jimmy's being a jerk to Spinner.
Manic!Craig.
Homoeroticism between JT and Toby.
Someone steals candy.
Sean or Jay commits a felony.
Narrowly-avoided product placement.
Emma and Manny have a moral disagreement.
Someone comes to Sean, Paige, or Marco for advice.
Heather Sinclair is mentioned.
Mullet kids, Wheelchair Girl, or Muslim Girl.
Spinner says something profound.
Hazel puts sentences together randomly. ("I'm
freezing. Who's gay?")
Toby's creepy.
Closeup of a computer monitor.
Someone cries HORRIBLY.
Rick says "One . . . and two . . ."
Craig or Rick does something unintentionally funny.

All right kids, open up your 24 packs of Milwaukee's Beast Ice and get to it.

Date: 8/07/06
From: Vita V
Subject: degrassi generation

Hello, I'm Vita V***, I'm from the Netherlands, and I watch Degrassi every morning and evening, I love Degrassi, I have one question, can I have some pictures from Degrassi Original Cast: Grade 8 and Grade 7, I like Sean, Emma, JT, Paige and Spinner the best, thank you, kisses from Holland

You came to the right place Vita, we can set you up. Here is what the cast looked like in the first season:

Sean

Sean

Emma

Emma

JT

JT

Paige

Paige

Spinner

Spinner

Date: 8/07/06
From: naxa
Subject: The friendship of Emma and Manny

maybe its funny enought to put on your "other" page on your website.

Ok let's look back at Degrassi in season 1, well everyone needs a sidekick. Paige has the black girl. Ashley has that fat chick. And Emma needs one too! So the writers find a Latin girl and those are hard to find in Canada since there isn't many Latin people in Canada so Manny becomes Emma's sidekick, so they won't call degrassi racist.In season 1, Manny wants to be a whore and a bitch like Paige but Emma has to ruin it by stalking her all day and telling her cheerleaders are stupid. Shut up Emma hippies are stupid. In season 2 Emma and Manny (Emma's name goes first it's the writers and producers rule) are still good friends but Manny dances with Craig at the lame 80s dance while Emma liked him. Oh yeah! Manny is getting started at her whore ways. Of course Emma is jealous but she can't do anything since she is a hippie and feminist and they can't fight, they believe in peace or something shit like that so haha. Ok in season 3 Emma gets a retarded father and meanwhile Manny becomes a slut by getting a thong where music comes out of her ass while she walks in the hallway. Emma is mad at this, she wants a thong but she is mad that they ruin the environment, so she wants one like made out of fake cotton that doesn't hurt animals. To bad Emma they don't make those kinds of thongs for you type of freaks. Later we all know blah blah blah Craig cheats on Ashley since she isn't fun, only when she is on drugs so, Manny and Craig have sex and Manny gets pregnant. Manny wants an abortion but Emma says no! Emma is just made because her mom (Spike yeah that's her name, no really) was going to get an abortion while pregnant of her, but man those are expensive in Canada, Spike needs to buy more Canadian bacon and maple syrup, so Spike had to suck it up and have the baby which becomes Emma. But then Manny talks to Emma mom who is Spike and Spike tells her "go for the abortion! Believe me you won't want an annoying kid like I had!" First Emma is mad because she wanted Manny to keep the baby so she would get fat. Only Emma can be the skinny chick on Degrassi! But Later Emma says kill the baby you don't need more attention, I do. So by the end of season 3 Emma is mad that Manny is getting all the guys and that she got pregnant and got attention and that Manny keeps on sleeping with all the guys. So in season 4 Emma has a plan she will give blowjobs to all the guys at the ravine and get a STD! Yeah sure that will beat Manny's whoreish ways. Nice try Emma but that's not enough. This gets Emma really mad; she even pays Rick to shoot Manny not Jimmy. But then Rick meets Ashley in a dark ally and Ashley takes drugs again like in season 1. Damn Ashley finally loosens up then after serving Rick drugs, she leaves Degrassi and Craig's-polar ass. So Rick is so high and shoots Jimmy not Manny. Later in season 5 Emma tells Manny hey lets starve together. Really she wants Manny to starve to death. Emma goes to the bathroom to eat not throw up, yeah she's smart. Manny is the one starving herself and she will die. Yeah....Emma's plan didn't work. Later Emma in season 6 plans to get pregnant and keep the baby just for the attention. She will also beat Manny's porno film by having a threesome with Peter and Sean and her. Emma will become the biggest slut in Degrassi in a while ..you will see.

Manny now is a bigger character then Emma. Yeah now Emma is Manny's sidekick, unless Emma wants to hang out with Liberty. But who wants to hang out with Liberty? No one thats who! Damn Rick should have shoot Liberty not Jimmy. I blame Ashely for getting him high.

Yeah that's the meaning of friendship at Degrassi.

No, it wasn't funny enough for the Other page, but it is funny enough for the Mailbag.

Date: 8/08/06
From: Kris M
Subject: Philippines

I recently found your website and was reading through the mail bags and was greatly disturbed. I don't know whats wrong with these people the Philippines are clearly in South America. Look at this map, any idiot can tell that the Philippines are just east of Puerto Rico.

--
Kris M

Phillippenes Latin America

Oh my God, this is the funniest email we have ever received. A lot of you guys have sent us good ones over the past year, but this takes the cake. Kris, I am going to give you something. No, it won't be something worth any money, I am giving you our official site award:

Date: 8/12/06
From: ashley w
Subject: about rick hittin terri

hey just letting you no rick didnt hit her and put her in a come i watched it in like 4rth grade and he hit her and she fell and hit her head on a rock and then she went into a come srry to dissapont u and in my oppion she deserved it

Rick knew he was taking Terri into a field of cinder blocks because he knew he had a job to do. We're not disappointed, we agree Terri deserved it.

Date: 8/13/06
From: Ŭalabio‽
Subject: I found a minor error on you site.

¡Hello!

¿How Fare You?

Your description about:

“Don’t Dream It’s Over”

Season 3 Episode 17

Canadian airdate: February 23rd, 2004

Is:

“Rick Hits Terri With A Rock”

I believe that you mean:

"Rick Hits A Rock With Terri"

As you recall, Rick threw Terri down at the rock.

¡Thanks!

¡Pax!

¡Health!

¡Bye!



Ŭalabio‽

If you can read through that weird Cyrillic, you'll find that Ŭalabio‽ said something really funny. It's just interesting to know that Degrassi airs in a country where the trademark sign is a punctuation mark.

Date: 8/14/06
From: Jane P
Subject: stem cells

hey johnny+billy.
well in season six i think they should do an episode on stem cell research, and then jimmy should get stem cell treatment to cure his paralysis. the jt can get stem cell treatment to grow a penis.

That's a better idea than half the episodes Degrassi has done. You should be hired as a writer for the show.

Date: 8/14/06
From: Dominique S
Subject: Hi....

Your site is hilarious. I happened to find it on accident and now it's probably one of my favorites. Thanks for the "spoilers" for season 6, now I'm actually looking forward to it.

We've been trying to spread a rumor around the Degrassi-fanosphere that Marco is going to contract AIDS. It's gotten some modest success and you may have come across a message board where some asks this. So tell every Degrassi fan you know that Marco is going to get AIDS.

Date: 8/14/06
From: megan m
Subject: N/A

i hate your site!!!!!! that is all i am going to say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, Megan was angry. Look how many exclamation points she used. She got even angrier at the end, because she used even more exclamation points. Getting strangers pissed off makes writing this website oddly satisfying.

Date: 8/16/06
From: Katie P
Subject: N/A

You are everything I have ever wanted. I eat mini cheeseburgers in your honor. I drink fine beers to your name. And no, I do not think you are the stars of Degrassi. I think you are cooler than that. You are BOYCOTT THE CAF from DUMBBABY.NET. I love this website more then I love The Beastie Boys and pickles. This took me a really long time to type.

Other than "Sabotage" I can't say I like listening to the Beastie Boys. However, I enjoy pickels so I consider this an honor. Thank you.

Date: 8/18/06
From: "David Moore"
Subject: Your site fails

When I first found your site I thought it would be the coolest thing ever made. Two old college guys who enjoy a show whose target demographic are young teenage girls must be cool dudes, right? Wrong. You lack any heart, and by doing so, any humor. The easy jabs combined with your endless use of jarring cliches don't amount to humor, but rather the obvious notion that two self important "men" are trying to be funny with stupid frat boy humor. The only thing you please are the disguntled faux masculinists.

Your site isn't funny, you are not cool, and you are making yourselves look like immature freaks desperately crying out for attention in an internet that does your same schtick, except better. Ten years from now you are going to look back at your heartless, stupid, cries for help and hang your head in shame.

P.S. If you ever had the chance to fuck Liberty Van Zandt, you'd do it in a heartbeat. And then you'd compare penis sizes, only to find out that you've been outdone.

P.P.S. You'd also have your pussy eaten out by Jimmy.

I don't think we've ever gotten a hate mail by someone who tried so hard to look smart. Despite how excited you must have been to finally use a term you picked up in your Gender Studies class, we don't only please "faux masculinists." For what it is worth, judging by my fan mail and message board membership, we mainly seem to please girls between 15 and 24. Yup, we sure do please the ladies. I guess females really enjoy our stupid frat boy humor, huh? And I wish I could even rise to the level of stupid frat boy humor. Do you know how much money College Humor and Fark pull in? More than I do lacking any heart and crying for help, I'll tell you that much. The only part of this website I'll hang my head in shame about is the fact that I never proofread anything, so I'll be catching embarrassing grammar mistakes and typos in somthing five years after i wrote it.

I don't know what it is about this site that gets certain people so angry, but it's the best part of doing this. For someone who hates us, you should did spend a lot of time reading this site and getting familiar with it. Though you forgot to mention

 P.P.P.S. You'd also take it up the ass from Marco.

Now you've got Boycott the Caf down.

Date: 8/19/06
From: Lette V
Subject: You guys are pretty weird...

Hi Dumbbaby/Boycot the caf-thingy-people...

This email is for the writer of all those stupid reviews:

1. You have something against gay people, but are you sure you're not gay yourself?! You are in love with Spinner, you want to see Craig having sex with no matter who... Ew, you're gross!

2. Chris' girlfriend was called MELANDA, not Mylanta, like you said (I thought you used some book with Degrassi characters?). And if you can't fucking understand a word Chris's saying, why don't you use subtitles?! You're not just gross, you're a dork too!

3. Can't you write three words without having to 'zip up your pants'? And why don't you just tell what happens instead of changing it all? Man, you're an idiot. Why do you write those things anyway? Do you get payed or do you volunteer? Because you should be fired. Definitely.

Well, but since I don't believe you will, I want to ask you another question. Are you blind? Or were you just not wearing your glasses when you said 'Toby pied on the floor in his room' or whatever it was that you said (Gangsta gangsta, btw). It was an ordinary plate. Have you never seen one before? Ok, agreed, not everyone has got plates in their rooms, but you really are the most lame person I have ever heard of (excepting Toby).

I hope you'll rot in hell,
Byebye.

1. Craig should have sex with anyone and everyone because he wants to be a rock star and that is what rock stars do. He needs some rock star talent, it's not like he can play guitar. Being in love with Spinner does not make a man a homosexual. I am not a homosexual, I like to refer to myself as a Spinnersexual. I don't know what stupid country the name Lette comes from (Panama or France), but if that is a girl's name and you are a girl who is not attracted to Spinner you better own a couple of KD Lang and Indigo Girl albums. Lesbo.

2. The girl's name was Mylanta. I tried subtitles, but the TV just came back with the words "Shooba dooba dooba Mylanta. Tis meh deeba dooba."

3. No, in fact, I have to zip up my pants right now, because I just finished fantasizing about fucking you in the ear. I do tell correctly what happens in the episode reviews. Everything I write is 100% accurate, you must have not been following the show too closely if you think we are wrong. Of course I don't get paid to do this, this is the internet.

That was a pie. There is not such thing as a plate that looks like a pie. Go back to Panama.

Date: 8/21/2006
From: Jason H
Subject: what's up?

Billy and Johnny

Boy, u guys really seem to like Full House, Boy Meets World, and origional Nintendo. Those things were way before your time if you're only in college now. Either you caught those things at the tail end of their popularity or you only caught the repeats?

JH

That's an interesting observation, but I'm not sure any of those things were way before our time. The NES wasn't officially discontinued until around 1995, when we were in elementary school, and even then it was still being played actively for many years after. Everybody remembers the houses that had a NES, Super NES and Genesis all scattered below the TV. But believe me, I played Super Mario Brothers before I was in kindergarten, when I was too young to even know what a video game was and kept dying in the first level. Full House ended in 1995 too, and while we would have been very young when the show was in its early days, it's not as if Full House episodes required a lot of maturity to watch.

So, yeah, we were too young to have gotten into those two things right at the very start, but we are old enough to have enjoyed them while they were still in their heyday before they reached the "tail end of their popularity" (Unlike, say, Transformers, which I never got into that deeply because it ended before I was in pre-school). I'm not sure if that matters, anyway, in regards to our being fans, unless there is a gang of hardcore Full House fans who were there for the premiere on September 1987 and regard anyone who got into the show later as not being true fans.

Boy Meets World, on the other hand, began right in 1993, and we were old enough to enjoy it right from the beginning. So that is that.

I will not have my love of Full House called into question ever again.

Date: 8/22/06
From: maxine van e
Subject: N/A

Hello! My name is Maxine and I'm a Dutch girl.

I live in Holland and I watch degrassi high every single day! I wake up at 11, so I can watch your show. I really, really like it. Tomorrow, I'm gonna buy all the seasons. I got a question, I wonder if you are still making new show's, for the next season, because I would never want you guys to stop.

I like Marco del Rossi the best! He's so cute. To bad he's gay! And the rest of you all, you are very good acteurs. You probebly can't tell me where the set is, or where you film the show? Because if I ever go there, I would love to meet all of you!

Great show!
A lots of greats and kisses Maxine from Holland!

Well, Maxine, we film the show right here in inner city Detroit, Michigan. We're always welcome to have guests come by, so tell your parents you want to visit Detroit, Michigan. We are open for tours after 10pm every day of the week. Look for us on 7 Mile Road, you can't miss us. If you get lost, just aks anyone on the street for help. Mention you are a lost tourist and you have a lot of money on hand.

Date: 8/24/06
From: Mudbucket
Subject: message boards

On the degrassi message boards somebody copied stuff from your spoilers thing.It's pretty funny to see all the people believing it.

http://www.the-n.com/mb/viewtopic.php?t=2333311&postdays=0&postorder=&start=0

Yes, our plan to get thousands of Degrassi fans to believe Marco will gets AIDS is working. Man, I need something better to do with my life.

Date: 8/26/06
From: Marvin J
Subject: Degrassi Lost Episode

Episode 432: Cut due to Herbal Essence Contract Renewal

After Liberty gave birth to Shantay Vanzante York, JT negates the possibility of being the father. Little did he know 3 Eyes and lumpy hips are a trait that runs in Liberty's family.

Ellie lures Jimmy into her house while her mom's on vacation burning homes and collecting insurance. She tries to have sex with him, but Jimmy says he's really a confused boy and calls Marco to be his 'Yoda.' Ellie doesn't stand for this and leaves. Burdened with harrowing guilt, sympathizes with Ellie and begins cutting himself... ultimately fucking up his charater line further.

Craig is bi-polar and starts a food fight in the cafeteria upon finding out they don't serve Carrot and Vanilla Diet Rite and pulls out a vile of Ashley's blood and pours it all over his matted hair.

Toby masterbates in the library and creepy Peter video tapes it.

Yours Truly,
Marvin

Again, this is a better premise for an episode that "Holiday".

Date: 8/27/06
From: Stefano P
Subject: N/A

Hi, my name is Stefano and Im from Italy, forgive me if my english isnt correct, Degrassi in Italy is at the third season now.

I want to know a pair of things, maybe you could help me: what is the name and the artist of the song where manny change her look and walk in the school with the tanga? And what is the title and the artist of the song where ellie cut herself (i don't remember very well the scene with this song) I like very much these songs but I love so much Degrassi TNG!!

Thank you very much!

Bye.

The Manny song was "Light the Sky on Fire" by the band Jefferson Starship.

The Ellie song was "Aeroplane" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Date: 9/1/06
From: MEGHAN S
Subject: N/A

I just wanted to tell you how cool I am because I put a whole bunch of post on the-n that pissed everyone .. thank you

Keep hope alive! Keep hope alive!

Date: 9/2/06
From: AImostAngeI
Subject: (no subject)

Hey there. I was bored and searching the net when I came across you're site. I was just wondering how old you guys were? Because seriously, I thought I was the only lame person my age to be watching Degrassi. lol

-Stephanie

You're not the only lame person your age to watch the show, we are too.

Date: 9/05/06
From: mwlepore
Subject: Degrassi girls in their underwear

Hey,

Just wanted to congratulate you on a job well done. Your episode reviews are really quite funny, and it is good to see that I am not the only male in his early 20's (I'm 22) that is a huge fan of Degrassi.

By the way, what is up with the new season? If the previews that the-N has been showing recently are any indication, Season 6 looks like it will be even more intense and go-thereish than usual... Not only is Darcy being photographed in her bra and a man's dress shirt for some reason, but Ashley also appears to be getting it on with Jimmy whilst sporting the same attire. Fuckin' sweet, dude. I'm all for the female members of the cast showing off their goods. And that is in no way creepy.

Cheers,
Matt

Degrassi has realized that they can't do anymore drug or abortion episodes. Everything intense they have done already, so to keep the show going at 100% INTENSE efficiency, they need to just make every 6th season episode a half hour of sex. I am all for this change of focus.

Date: 9/14/06
From: marc d
Subject: N/A

can u send me everything that going to happen in season 6 please I can't wait!

No, I don't have any contact with the people involved in the show. I do know, however, that Marco will get AIDS this year. Spread the word.

Date: 9/15/06
From: Jacob G
Subject: degrassi joke

You know what the big problem is with Hazel's closeups?

The camera is shooting a foot and a half too high.

/rimshot

Oh dawg! You went there!

Date: 9/15/06
From: Kat M
Subject: season 6 opener

first off you guys are fucking awsome...

For the 6th season opener Sean and Peter fight over Emma, and to prove whos the "real man" the do a street race. Hard Core. huh?

How can Peter dare challenge Sean to prove who is a real man? If Peter were to even look at Sean his penis would fall off.


Here is some mail we've gotten to our Myspace page.

Date: 06/16/06
From: Hey Katie!
Subject: yeah

Your website makes me laugh so hard. Its probably not a good idea that I was just reading it while being sick. It did cheer me up though. Woo!

Check it out, we totally cured her disease. She had full blown AIDS with brain cancer but reading this site cured her. Can Ebaumsworld say that?

Date: 06/19/06
From: To Snog or Not To Snog: That is the Question
Subject: No Subject

you are so hurtful to muslims! DIIIIIIIIIIE!

Spoken like a true Muslim.

Date: 07/01/06
From: molly
Subject: hello

I'm helping my friend find her someone on here. You seem like her type. I believe you can handle her wild side.

Go to her page here

Sweet I'm finally going to have sex tonight! No more Saturday nights playing Boggle with my GI Joes.

Date: 07/26/06
From: 504 gurl ~4~ LYFE
Subject: No Subject

youkno you have a fuckin problem. seriously!!!

Ikno Idoo. truly!!!

Date: 07/26/06
From: 504 gurl ~4~ LYFE
Subject: No Subject

you know it really doesn'tmake any sense. it seems like you don't like the show but you keep watching it. if you don't like it why watch it. and make fun of it. don't you have anything else to do!!?????

I like the show. I've said as much on this site more than once. Not that you seem like much of a reader.

Date: 08/02/06
From: {Necropheliac}
Subject: No Subject

About your profile of Ellie on your fan site, it is quite simple to cut yourself with that kind of utencil. A saftey pin is easy to get in, but hard to drag across once it is about 1 cm into the skin. now, anything with a tip is potentially a wonderfuul self-harming implement. you see, I don't watch Degrassi anymore because it became boring as hell, but Ellie is beutiful and even if you are queer, you must agree

Oh...ok. I'm glad someone knew enough about this to set us straight.

Date: 09/08/06
From: Lindsey
Subject: you are the coolest

you have no idea how much your site cracks me up-i LOVE it! i cant wait for the new reviews! before i knew about your site, my friend syki and i used to always call the cafeteria the caf because of good ol' d.g. and it's awesome to know someone else out there appreciates their Canadian lingo.

I call my cafeteria at college the caf. The thing is no one knows what I am talking about, so I have to use it in the context of going to eat and event hen I usually have to repeat it to drive the point home. This is why no one came to my birthday party.

Date: 09/15/06
From: I Wanna Fucking Tear You Apart <3
Subject: Heyyyy

Hahaha.Im looking on your dumb baby site right now.Just a question, on the Archive section, those pictures of Jay And silent bob,2 kids and other people....Did you get them of a video clip...Lol because i saw this little video on YouTube and it was like "Jay and Silent Bob Rainy Day Activities" and they were acting all nice giving kids advice, and out of no where some black basketball player came out of no where and Jay is like "I told you to get the hell out of here!" and the guy walks off all sad.Rofl.By the way, Update Boycott the caf pls. =[

The pictures in the Archive are screenshots from the TV show Clerks: the Animated Series, a cartoon spin off of Clerks of which only six episodes were produced. If you want to see the show, you can buy it on DVD, it's like less than ten bucks.

Date: 09/17/06
From: alexa
Subject:

u know what fuck you u loser ur not a real degrassi fan anyways

Lick my nuts, ho bag.

by Billie Green