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Degrassi Mailbag #19

We're trying to be more selective about which emails we print. This has meant we didn't have enough emails to write a new Mailbag until almost four months after our previous Mailbag.

Date: May 28, 2007
From: "-- natalie -- :o)~
Subject: degrassi couples

although kind of inaccurate, your couples descriptions are probably some of the funniest shit i've ever read. keep up the good work. :)

natalie

"Kind of inaccurate"? Everything we write is 100% accurate. Apologize or you have committed libel and we shall sue.

Date: June 3, 2007
From: ycnegremenepo
Subject: Hey!

I Love Your website and you are awesome! it's hilarious...especially whenever you talk about J.T. and Toby or Terri. However you need to update your "character" section. And for Dean's character you said in "Shout" Spinner was the one who called off his date with Paige when in reality it was Paige who called off the date...yes I know this may be a shock to you that ANYONE would EVER call off a date with Spinner but...it's what happened. I Love You.

No, it didn't. Shutup.

Date: June 9, 2007
From: Courtney S
Subject: Episodes.

heyy um yeah i have heard about the whole thing about Accidents Will Happen but i havve seen part 1 [[and i live in america]] but havent seen part 2. other sites have offered to e-mail the episode to me if i join there group and i rely dont want too.

so could you send it to me?

i will do anything you want and if you want i will do somthing on your site nad be liek this is the best site ever of whutever you want me too. soo yeahh thanks.

Hmm...anything? I'll have you know we're always looking for our female visitors to send us naked pictures of themselves (if you are really fat, don't bother unless you can get us some shots of a thin female friend). Then, and only then, will I reveal the closely guarded secrets of how to watch Degrassi episodes online.

Date: June 11, 2007
From: lovnt l
Subject: I'm bleeding.

You guys make my nose bleed and my lungs collapse from laughing so hard. I happen to be a big fag hag but I loove what you say about Dylan. His prescense is fucking ridiculeous. I hope he gets AIDs or something more old school like syphilis. But uh, Marco may be a lame character—still you have to throw Adamo a bone, its not his fault that he is so gay and that writers loved his acting but couldn’t do anything else but make him into a gay character. Not his falut he was born so faggish. Anyway this better be in the next mailbag or I will analy rape you with a strap-on, while using a condom. Yes I don’t even want my fake cock to touch you because it is blatantly obvious that you are whores.

PS- You should get some fucking money, buy the degrassi dvds, put your commentaries over the show after downloading it to a computer, then post it on the site or youtube! That would be some funny shit. I actually have seasons 2-4 so far so I could send them to your for download if you like.

PPS- I would love to help you with the site some time. Even donate to you when I get payed. Too fucking lazy to look around so please point me in the right direction.

-Chris-tina

I doubt you could help us our financially, because fag hags are usually pretty broke, but there is a Paypal link at the bottom of this website from which you can donate funds to our endeavor to make fun of Degrassi.

Date: June 13, 2007
From: Jessica R
Subject: Could you not be so racist?

Why are you guys so racist against black people? I'm black and I LOVE this site, but I always read about your hatred for african canadians....and americans. You're always saying racist shit that isnt cool. Yes it's funny and I do laugh. But sometimes talk about other races too. THAT ASIDE! Did you ever see that jiberty writer website? THOSE BITCHES BANDED ME FROM THE FORUM CUZ I SAID SPINNER WAS THE HOTTEST HOTBAG IN THE FUCKING WORLD! Fuck those fucktarts. They think Liberty is pretty too. LIBERTY'S ASS IS GROSS! They said Liberty was hotter than EMMA! AND PAIGE! Jesus chirst. I think you should totally blast those bitches. I PRAY TO GOD YOU READ THIS. Because aside from you two being racist cunts...I'd LET YOU BANG THE SHIT OUTTA ME IF I HAD THE CHANCE...Both of you...At the same time.

Lots of lovies,

LIBERTY IS A BIG GUMMED SKANK

The thing is, this website wouldn't come off a racist if it wasn't for the fact that Liberty is black. If Liberty were white, then the immense amount of anger we direct at her wouldn't come off as an anti-black. We'd only be making black jokes about Jimmy (because Hazel and Chris aren't worth discussing). We can't really make fun of other races on the show, because the main cast is only made up of whites and blacks, and we all know there is nothing you can make fun of white people about.

The producers dropped the ball by making Liberty black. I guess they may have wanted to break down stereotypes by having a black kid who excels at school, but they created a whole new host of stereotypes by making black person who is the lamest person in all of Canada. If Liberty were Irish, that would rock, because then we'd be calling her a product of a drunken marriage and too many potatoes in her diet. How else do you explain Conan O'Brien?

Conan O'Brien

Date: June 13, 2007
From: Cheryl S. B
Subject: apparently Marco is straight...

"Adamo is straight in real life."

Quoted from TV.com
http://www.tv.com/adamo-ruggiero/person/167654/biography.html

Here are some other not at all gay corroborating tidbits of Marco information
available from Tv.com:

If Adamo could be on a reality show, it would be Project Runway.

Adamo has a big collection of hats and shoes.

Adamo is a Barbizon graduate.

Adamo has facial hair under his bottom lip.

Tv.com can't be trusted. Fuck them, they were only cool back when they were tvtome.com. Besides, 90% of the other "facts" on that page are highly suggestive of Adam's love for man butt.

Date: June 14, 2007
From: Vincent H
Subject: Bring Dean Back

Hi my name is Vincent and i would like to know may you please bring dean back. He's almost the reason i contenue watching degrassi. The reall reason I watch your show is because of Emma. She is hot and good enough to have a long relationship with. But long story short may you please bring Dean but this time he's after Manny or Emma.

thankyou

I like the way you think. I wish more people like you were in the writers' room when they were mapping out the new storylines for each season.

Date: June 14, 2007
From: Flo M
Subject: Regarding Spinner...

I have been wondering this for ages, and ages...if John Stamos joined the cast of Degrassi, who would he play? He could be Sean's older cool brother who rides a motorcycle, but that part was already taken. He could play Spike, but that role was filled. Then I asked myself, who is the one person we've never seen - Of course! He could play Jesse Mason - a father who would certainly go there, whereas Snake doesn't go anywhere, except in the corner to cry. Then there could be an episode where Jesse and Spinner could go on a fishing trip to Lake Ontario, with Liberty moving away as a sub-plot.

P.S. Do you think Spinner and Phoebe (from Friends) would make a good couple?

I like your idea. Why is it that the people who email us have better ideas for the show than any of the actual producers? I would just alter the B plot, so instead of Liberty moving away, Liberty was hit by a truck. I wouldn't want her to die, but it would be very satisfying to see Liberty go through months and months of painful recovery.

I'm not sure which character from the show Friends Phoebe is. Is she the whiney, annoying one? Oh wait, that describes all of them.

Date: June 21, 2007
From: Amanda H
Subject: Print ad...

I was looking at the print ad from Mexico, and I have to say that I think that Mexico learned what Degrassi was by looking at your site. I mean, they say that Liberty is Satan...which she is...but I don't think I've ever seen anyone hate her more than you guys seem to. And while Danny may look dirty, no one else ever really says anything about it. Plus, they're talking about Spinner's giant penis. And come on, who goes on about how great Spinner's penis is more than the two of you? And the whole Candy Bandits thing...

I think your site has more influence on Mexico than the entire country of Canada...be proud.

You may be correct, because it's not as if I created that ad myself as a joke.

Date: June 22, 2007
From: margesmith11
Subject: joey cries alot

So me and a friend were watching the dvd "jay and slient bob do degrassi" and we noticed in the 3 episdoes on that DVD Joey cries an awful lot. We see who wears the pants in the Joey Caitlin relationship don't we?

Kevin Smith does. And they are not pants as much as XXL denim shorts. He wears the pants because no one else can fit into them without a lot of rope.

Date: June 23, 2007
From: Kaitlyn C
Subject: Questions

When are you going to do the reviews for South of Nowhere? I just finished the whole first 2 seasons online and they make even less sense than Spinner and Jimmy's t shirt shop. Please, please do commentary for them!

I have considered reviewing South of Nowhere. The problem is, with all the lesbians themes on the show, it's hard for me to keep my hands on the keyboard, if you catch my drift.

Date: July 27, 2007
From: Raewyn H
Subject: Spinner's underarms

Hi Billy or whoever reads this,

Have you noticed spinner's sweat marks on his t-shirts in season 5? I have attached screencaps showing this..

Thanks

Spinner Sweat

Spinner Sweat

It took me awhile to look at those screencaps because you attached them as 1.4 MB pdf files instead of 10 KB jpeg files like a normal person would do. I wasn't sure if you were trying to send me a virus. But I did notice that one picture had Spinner with a lot of underarm sweat when he was making out with Paige. When Spinner sweats that heavily, he releases powerful pheromones which cause every straight woman in a fifty mile radius (and every lesbian in a ten mile radius) to orgasm. That's the reason five and a half million people live in and around Toronto.

Date: July 27, 2007
From: Mitch 514
Subject: Teen movies

Hey,I think Molly Ringwald should make some sort of guest appearance on the show, due to her extensive teenage roles as a youth. According to imdb, it seems she's desperate for work anyway, and would probably take the job. What kind of role do you think she should play?

I don't even know who Molly Ringwald is.

Date: July 28, 2007
From: Natasha
Subject: N/A

Ok, so I was randomly looking for sites giving information about Degrassi, and I must say, you have the most hilarious site I have ever seen. My friend and I were cracking up at the episode recaps. They're so funny! I just want to thank you for being so creative and hysterical

Hmm...Natasha sounds like a girl's name. I think you already know how you can thank us.

Date: August 5, 2007
From: Katie P
Subject: N/A

I miss you guys.

I miss you too, hon. Remember that time we hung out at Joe's place? That fucker will think twice next time he plans on date raping us.

Date: August 9, 2007
From: Emily M
Subject: Spinner, Alex, and Paige

So I've decided the Degrassi is officially going down the crapper.

To spice up the show I think Spinner, Paige, and Alex should have a threesome.

(I'm aware you two have nothing to do with the show, by the way. I'm not one of those thirteen year old idiots.)

If that became an episode ratings would fly through the roof!

On a side note, kudos on the website.

I was once banned from a Paige and Alex lesbian forum for suggesting that the two girls should put on a shower show for Spinner. The fuddie duddies at that forum didn't take too kindly to my awesomeness.

Date: September 20, 2007
From: JakieBo
Subject: terri's plus-size modelimg episode

Dude!that review/summary about terri tellin off the icecream boy is HILARIOUS!asking for all that food and then ripping a L.A.S(a.k.a. Loud And Stinky) infront of him!(Edna Crabappel laugh) anyway, does she really do that on the episode or is all that kinda fake, cuz if she really did do all that then I'm buyin that episode from iTunes!

It's real, but you can't see it on iTunes. You can only see it if you buy it from us. Just put twenty bucks in our Paypal account.

Date: September 23, 2007
From: faith f
Subject: FUCK SUBJECTS!

I'm not going to send you some stupid shit saying "Hi, I love your site", because that's even more unoriginal than what I'm doing now.

I have no life, so when I'm not trolling on the-n.com, I read your shit. It makes me laugh more then I do at the editor guy's last name. You know, "Stefanobitch" or something like that. Whatever, Paige couldn't even say it right.

I'm just pulling all of this shit out of my ass. Your site is funnier than Liberty's face. K, bye.

- The Fucking Easter Bunny

P.S. Watch this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=R5K4vnZwZWM Spinner getting pains in his sides, and is bald in the commercials? If he has cancer, then fuck Linda Skyscraper.

The rumor I heard is that Spinner gets testicular cancer, which is bound to happen when you naturally produce more testosterone in a hour then Barry Bonds injects in a month.

by Billie Green