The Web BtC

Degrassi Mailbag #24

Date: Jan 02, 2009
From: Taylor S
Subject: Hi

Hi, my name Taylor and I love Boycott the caf. I read it over and over everyday. I hope we can become friends. Please email back.

Dude, you like Degrassi? Cool, I like Degrassi too. We should totally hang out.

That was a joke, of course. I do not like Degrassi.

Date: Jan 20, 2009
From: stonecoal211
Subject: a few questions plz awnser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


?I havejust started reading ur site and its a hell of hallarious, but i no this is not the first time u heard this but r u really mean to black people its not like i have i prob wit it i just want to no plz!?

????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????????????????? ty,
??????????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????????? stonecoal

??????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????????????????

Did stonecoal211 type all those question marks or was that an error in the email transmission process that also scrambled the entire message so not one word of it is in English? From what I can tell, stonecoal211 doesn't have a problem if I don't like black people, he just wants to know. The last time I was asked about that was when I was getting haircut in Alabama and several gentlemen asked if I would be interested in joining their clan. I said no thanks because I am not of Scottish descent. I think you are confused, but I can see where it comes from you. You see, I hate the black people on Degrassi, but that is because the show sucks at character consistency and has no good black characters, and only three or four good white ones. If Lando Calrissian joined the show, he would kick ass.

Here's how Degrassi's blacks rank:

10. Towerz - Towerz was a member of the Candy Bandits for most of the third season. In the classic banned in America episode "Accidents Will Happen" he asked Liberty out. He actually liked dating Liberty! No man has ever done that (JT hardly counts as a man).

9. Webster Van Zandt - He is dirty and can never get a girl despite talking about sexual stuff all the time. He is related to Liberty.

8. Liberty Van Zandt - Oh, how I hate this monster.

7. Afro Guy - His afro was so damn big.

6. Damien - This guy has been with Manny, Liberty, and Emma. What a sad man.

5. Chante Black - She only gets this high because her last name is Black and that is funny. Also, she broke Paige's leg.

4. HIV Guy - I think the polite thing to do when you have HIV and have sex with someone is to warn them about your condition first. Not HIV guy, though. But in his defense, I can't imagine Paige ever shutting her yap long enough for him to tell her.

3. Hazel Aden - She started as a background character who was able to claw her way to full cast member and even get two episode to feature her in six years. She gets bumped down a little for being Muslim.

2. Jimmy Brooks - Jimmy was the main black force on the show for many years, and he will be missed. I guess Chante is the main black character now, since she is the only one left. Also, Jimmy is a time traveler from the 24th century.

1. Chris Sharpe - Shoobe beeba dooba deeba dooba sheebe scooba.

Honorable mention: Chris's girlfriend, Mylanta.

Dishonorable mention: Coach Armstrong

Date: Jan 22, 2009
From: Charmainiel de S
Subject: Andrew W's back.. again!

But this time he's spreading his Terri fetish to imdb:

Andrew W needs to take an English as a second language class. I mean, he must be a native speaker, but he doesn't know how to put a sentence together. You read these bizarre posts and you think you get the gist of it--he likes Terri--but somehow, none of the sentences on their own actually make sense. Like when he states that he "would be the one dead, NOT RICK". Is he saying that he would be so devastated by the mild abuse of another person he would kill himself, or that he is such a wuss that Rick would beat him up in a fight?

I also enjoy the second thread where another poster replies that Paige and everyone else has moved on from Terri. It's true, I bet even the actress who played Terri forgot she was on the show. Oh well, Terri will always live on in reruns and the shrine Andrew W has made for her in his basement out of his own feces and dead mice.

Date: Jan 28, 2009
From: alice1191
Subject: Manny Quotable Quote (Please read---contains suggestions!!)

Hi, I'm a big fan of your reviews for Degrassi and I've read Manny's character review (I've read all of them for that matter). I noticed that she didn't have a quote and was hoping that you might consider adding one. I kind of hate Manny but I do like this quote: "Every girl's entitled to 1 secret... or 2... or 3". This quote is funny because it demonstrates Manny's skanktitude on all levels: 1,2, and 3. She said it to Darcy (who I agree is completely idiotic) in the second part of Standing In The Dark because she is miserable because she (mistakenly) thinks that she lost her virginity to Peter (and whoever wants to lose their virginity to Peter I say that you're certifiably insane so snaps for Darcy---you're not crazy after all!).
???????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????????????? Admirably Yours,
????????????????????????????????????????????????????? ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

AnonymousDegrassiLover ?

Manny thinks in 3s because she is Catholic and knows about the Holy Trinity. Also, that is how many holes she has available to insert a penis into. It's unlikely Darcy was a virgin since she dated Spinner, come one. Darcy doesn't consider it sex if it's only with her mouth or done in another province or she's just so hypnotized by Spinner's manliness that she can't help herself. I am just going to assume that you put in all those question marks because she was really, really, really in need of an answer.

Date: Feb 1, 2009
From: Tanya K
Subject: Superbowl XXLV

I saw Brendon Yorke, a producer of Degrassi, in the crowd. Why is he there? He's from Toronto. Was J.T. named after him? I am so confused. I think clementines are better than regular oranges, but mandarin are better than clementines. What do you think?

Do you watch OTH on the CW? I think you do. You should do recaps.

Have you guys ever thought about writing for Television Without Pity? There site started out like yours - funny recaps about an amazing teenage drama (theres was Dawson's Creek, yourses was Degrassi) and then they recieved a large fan base, and did other shows, with more recappers. Then there site expanded into this huge communitty, and they made millions after Bravo bought them. Viacom might someday buy you for katrillions.

I guess Brendan Yorke was Canada's delegation to the game. Did Al Michaels or John Madden mention he was there? I am sure they didn't, which makes it all the more stranger that you would have been able to spot him. I have been running this site for four years and this is the first time I have learned who Brendan Yorke is. The only Brendan I know is Brendan Small from Home Movies, who also was a crappy film maker, but he was 8 years old. Mr. Yorke has no excuse.

I usually just drink orange juice, but I don't drink pulp-free orange juice because I'm not a sissy. I don't know what OTH stands for and I am not going to take the two minutes to look it up.

I wish someone would buy us out because I am sick of this damn website. Too bad neither this site nor the show we mock is popular enough to attract that kind of attention of the fat cats with fat wallets. If it did, I would gladly let this waste of computer memory go for $15 and a purple bag of Skittles. The offer is on the table.

Date: Feb 09, 2009
From: George V

Um rent the movie Poisen IVy the secret society Miriam Mcdonald get NUDE
Full frontal nude and shes pretty damn hott reply tell me what u think

I guess it would be okay to see Miriam McDonald naked. I mean, I've never thought about it before, and if some seedy person in a trench coat happened to come up to me and say he had naked photos of her, I would pass on the offer, even if they were free. But I guess if you have never seen a woman's breasts--like every male Degrassi fan--you'd be stoked to watch the new Poison Ivy movie. I dunno, I've mentioned her breasts a few times on this site myself, but that was because she had them all of a sudden one season and then they somehow went away in another season. That was just weird.

I bet Miriam is going to be showing her breasts a lot in her future career, just not always in movies.

Date: March 19, 2009
From: BriBri Blissful Ignorance
Subject: Spinner is the pinnacle of manliness

Hello. I just wanted to take some time to say how cool your site is. Besides the fact that Degrassi is one of my favorite shows, and that Ellie is my favorite minor character, it is pretty sweet. So sweet that I can overlook your constant need to rip on Ellie. Mostly because you and Spinner-hailing guy really like Spinner.

Johnny is cool, though I confuse him with Spinner-hailing guy some times. Oh and Johnny(I think it was you who said this), you are right, children shouldn't lay eyes on your site. If I had kids(which I would have to be a whore like Manny for that to happen at my age) then I would probably ban them from the sluttiness of that show.

Oh and Spinner-hailing guy, you would be gay for Spinner wouldn't you? I would, but luckily I am a girl. After reading your reviews, I wonder why I still watch this show. I think it is brain washing. Anyway, Spinner is the shit. And you -Johnny and Spinner-hailing guy- are super awesome for pointing that out whenever you can.

1) Even though the actress who played Ellie got her name in the opening credits and the character has been central to many episodes, I am glad you refer to her as a "minor character." Ellie blows.

2) I think Johnny has as big a crush on Spinner as I do. Spinner is all we talk about when we in our pajamas eating ice cream at our slumber parties. We'd do those more often, but every time I go over to Johnny's house, his little brother answers the door and loudly tells everyone that Johnny's boyfriend is here. That really makes his parents laugh and then Johnny and I are so embarrassed we lock ourselves in his bedroom the whole time and can't muster the courage to use the bathroom.

3) I don't think of myself as gay or straight. I refer to myself as a Spinnersexual.

Date: March 29, 2009
From: lemmingsuicide66
Subject: N/A

Hey man. I've written to you guys twice before...Once about how I got laid as a result of Degrassi, and once on the severe awesomeness of Teddy Roosevelt. Now, I'm not entirely sure why I felt the need to write this, so I'm just going to assume it's because I think you guys are funny motherfuckers and I'd like to try and at least entertain back a bit.

My friends and I in Philly have made a movie, Swooped, which is A. Awesomely funny and B. Looking like it might actually get national distribution. I guess I would be the designated musician of the group, as they have me doing the entire soundtrack.<---------For the music.

I've been plugging your site for a while to the other people involved.

We may actually come up to Michigan to promote at one point, in which case, my offer to buy you guys a drink still stands. If you have any interest, look up the "Swooped" group on facebook.

I thought I would give your movie some publicity on this website, but I didn't know what to do other than put your email in the mailbag. Good luck to you. I regret that i did not tune in to hear you on 100.3 FM The Beat, but I don't like anywhere near Pennsylvania, and radio stations have a very limited range.

I hope you come up to Michigan, but Johnny and I live in the remote northern part where there are no cities or black folk. If you want us to see you when you visit Detroit, you're going to have to use some Hollywood accounting tricks to have our gas and motel bills charged to your promotion budget. Or you could drive 19 hours to see us and we can go to the Backroom.

Date: April 14, 2009
From: S K
Subject: Re: "Jane Says" Review

It appears that Darcy's lame sister is the new Emma with so-n-so's self-centered sister being the new Manny and that weirdo guy with the stringy blond hair being the new Sean. Maybe Jane is the new... I want to say Terri but I think they're going for Ellie. How Spinner ended up with that is still beyond me...

Jane can't be Terri because she is in shape. Try to get Terri out into a football field. I guess she could play tackle or something, but good luck getting her away from the tailgate party. I guess Jane is like Ellie in the sense they both wear a lot of eyeliner, but Jane can get a real boyfriend. Ellie can only go out with guys who like another woman or are gay.

Spinner ended up with Jane because she is a cool character (which is helped by the fact that the actress knows how to actually act, a rarity on the show) and Spinner only goes for the finest. Remember when Darcy first became a regular and dated Spinner, the character made sense and was well written, but after she and Spinner ended, she became a crazy dumbass. She lose the soothing effects of Spinner love. That's also why Jane is such a good football player. Spinner's semen is to her what spinach is to Popeye.

Date: April 19, 2009
From: samrocksxo
Subject: woah.

I just wanted to say that I absolutely love your website!
I totally get where you're coming from with most of the things you say.
Totally understand why you love Spinner, so do I. He's sexy.
Also, I don't love Liberty, but I don't hate her like you guys do. I respect your opinions though.
There's not really a point to this message other than to say that I love your website and thanks for making me laugh so hard that I cry sometimes!
So thanks, I hope you write all Degrassi reviews for the next seasons to come (hopefully not many more: the show is downhill since season 5).

What a coincidence! Often when I will write these reviews I will begin to cry uncontrollably.

Date: April 29, 2009
From: Lexie W
Subject: !!!!!!!!!11

maybe it's because i don't live in a huge city, or in canada, but with all the new lakehurt crew  all in degrassi's grillll, whyyyyy are they able to walk and hang in the same places as degrassi? wouldn't it be kinda hard to walk to those places and school and DA RAVINEEE (which i noticed changed a bit from the FAB emma/jay days). perhaps you fine gentelmen can answer this question for me. i would also like to know why canadaian stuents(because obv degrassi represents all of canada) only need english, media immersion, and math while we americans need about 39 other subjects. canada is nuts. just some questions i would love to know

i would also love to know i love you guys. almost as much as you love spinner....probably more. nevermind i take that back. not possible. i just hate you less than liberty.

I will run your letter through my universal translator. Once the contents of your email are deciphered, I will post an ever so witty reply.

by Billie Green