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Unimportant Degrassi Season 10 Information

Hey kids, do you like soap operas? Do you like watching TV during the summer? No? Well, too fucking bad, because Degrassi is going to turn into a daily soap opera beginning in late July and continuing to the end of August. That's great timing on The-N's TeenNick's part, since soap operas are in a very steep decline right now. Last year, As the World Turns was cancelled, as well as Guiding Light, the longest running soap on TV. There are only six soaps left on network TV right now. There were twelve in 1990. Even the only cable channel devoted to soaps, SoapNet, is going to be dismantled in 2012 due to low ratings and will be turned into a channel aimed at preschoolers. So this is an excellent time for Degrassi to step into that market! No one watches soap operas anymore, and no one watches Degrassi. It's a perfect fit.

Though, when Guiding Light was cancelled, it averaged 1.5 million viewers an episode, down from about 3.5 million in 2000 and 10 million in 1970. If Degrassi ever managed to reached a million and half viewers, Stephen Stohn would cream his dockers.

Anyway, VH-1 Canada, the channel that picked up Degrassi after it was cancelled by the Canadian government, has posted summaries for the first eight episodes of the soap opera summer season. Here they are, courtesy of that bus driver who masturbates to Alli. Let's see what is in store.

1001 – What A Girl Wants (1)
Holly J is back for her senior year at Degrassi with a mission. President of the student body equals entrance to Yale and Declan's life. But when Sav decides to run against her, HJ will do anything to get votes, no matter how ruthless?

Holly J has been the class president for how ever long she has been at Degrassi. I guess this is like what sometimes happens in high school, where one kid will be class president from freshman to junior year because it's not that important a position and no one else wants it. But being the class president in your senior year looks good on a college application, so a popular kid will run against the three term incumbent and win. Lucky for Holly J, I can't imagine that anyone actually likes Sav. Holly J has, like, half the girls in the school working for her Babysitter's Club, so she has many supporters.

Also, that last sentence in the description is not a question. Why does it have a punctuation mark?

1002 – What A Girl Wants (2)
Fiona is doing great after her "break" in the Hamptons…new outlook, new boyfriend…But when shining knight Bobby turns out to have a few anger issues, will anyone believe that Fiona isn't just being dramatic…again!?

1003 – Breakaway (1)
Fiona cannot handle the scrutiny in New York and runs to the only friend she can trust. Holly J and Sav go at it in a debate and Holly J panics.

OK, first, is half this season going to take place in New York? It's not like there aren't 50,000 shows in TV right now about young, rich people in New York City. Way to stand out, Degrassi producers.

Second, it looks like Fiona is going to have an abusive boyfriend. I wish I could say I care about this, but it's Fiona, so I can't. We can all agree that Rick abusing Terri was hilarious, maybe Fiona and this Bobby kid will be too! We can only hope.

1004 – Breakaway (2)
Sav has a final chance to stand up to his class president supporters about Anya's pregnancy secret…and to his parents about his relationship with Anya. Holly J has to decide if she's willing to risk friendships to get into Yale.

Anya is pregnant? Oh Jesus fucking Christ, Anya. Great idea to keep the kid and stay with Sav, you're totally not a dumbfuck for doing that. If I was a pregnant teenage girl, I would totally destroy my chances to go to college by keeping the baby whose father's big dream is to be a rock star. And I would love to join a family who practice a backwards religion, hate inter-racial relationships, think women are second class citizens, and will probably send my baby to be raised in a madrasah in Pakistan.

The only way Holly J is going to Yale is if the actress who plays leaves at the end of the season. If the actress returns for season 11, Holly J will go to that local college Ellie and Marco attended. The only good colleges in North America are in the United States, so Degrassi characters have to settle for second rate Canadian universities (I know, that was redundant description).

1005 – 99 Problems (1)
Riley will do anything to win the QB position on the football team. But when his rival, Drew, threatens to "out" him, Riley is forced to take matters into his own hands. Alli tries out for the Power Squad.

1006 – 99 Problems (2)
Riley takes his feud with Drew too far, putting his position on the football team and relationship with Zane in jeopardy. Alli starts a Dance Troupe to rival the Power Squad.

Isn't Riley already the quarterback? I can't imagine his position will be in jeopardy. It's not like the school has a large talent pool to draw from for their football team. They let Peter on the team, after all. I know when I think of how a football player is built, I always picture someone who looks like Peter.

I'm getting so bored with Riley still being in the closet. I mean, It's 2010. He lives in Canada. When was this kid born? Like, 1994? So he doesn't remember the AIDs crisis and same-sex marriage has been legal for all of his teenage years. Marco must have really spoiled the reputation of being gay at Degrassi if Riley is this scared to be out, even though he is the toughest kid in school.

Sure, I know very well that coming out can be terrifying as hell and it's not even that which bothers me. It's that Riley has to be such a dickhead closet case. When Marco was in the closet, he just went out with a girl no other boy wanted to date anyway. But Riley is constantly punching people who turn him on.

Here's how every Riley episode goes: Riley doesn't want anyone to know he is gay. Some boy gives Riley a boner. Riley needs to beat up that boy for making him feel gay. Other people think Riley is a jerk. Riley realizes he was wrong to attack someone and learns to be comfortable with who he is. The next episode, he'll be back to being scared to be gay and will take his aggression out on another boy.

It makes it really hard to sympathize with him when he doesn't have a good reason to stay closeted and is such an angry asshole to people about it. The only reason he hasn't attacked more boys is because so few of the male Degrassi students are attractive.

Also, Alli's Dance Troupe sounds like an excuse to show teenage girls doing sexy dancing in tight, midriff revealing clothes. I support this.

1007 – Better off Alone (1)
KC's mom shows up to win back custody but is KC ready to give her a second chance? Clare's new English partner helps her confront her parents' marital problems.

1008 – Better off Alone (2)
KC hangs with a tougher crowd to cope with his mom's return. But the mischief he gets into with his new buds may change his life forever. Eli convinces Clare to express her family frustrations through her writing.

1009 – I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself (1)
Sav is desperate to prove to his parents that he is responsible. And it works…until honesty suddenly stops seeming like the best policy. Jenna obsesses over her weight for the upcoming Power Squad Calendar photo shoot.

1010 – I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself (2)
Sav makes one bad decision that could cost him his presidency and parents’ trust. Jenna tries diet pills and suffers humiliating results.

Wow. These summaries are getting me so excited to stop watching the show. I hope Jenna takes laxatives to lose weight, ala Toby, and poops her pants during school. That would go there! Degrassi is at its best when they show off bodily functions.

1011 – Try Honesty (1)
Holly J’s job search becomes the least of her worries when she finds incriminating photos of Declan. Can their long distance relationship really work? Dave, Wesley, and Connor form a band to get girls.

That will not work, Conner. You are Conner, Dave, and Wesley.

1012 – Try Honesty (2)
Declan offers financial help to Holly J . But when she starts to feel like a kept woman, Holly J must choose between her relationship with Declan and her self-respect. Eli comes up with a plan to put an end to Fitz’s bullying.

Shit girl, what's wrong with being a trophy wife? In this economy it's a reasonable path to take. I was wondering why Holly J would need a job so badly, but then I remembered that her family is poor.

Who the hell are Eli and Fitz? More boring new people. Super. Oh, it will be so much fun to have to watch more new people do something "intense", disappear for ten episodes, and then do the same thing again and expect us to give a shit about them.

Season 10 girlsSeason 10 boys

Here's a couple of promotional pictures that VH-1 Canada is using to decorate their website. This is what we have to look forward to, people. Is that blonde girl Jenna or a new person? Whoever she is, she has a powerful upper body, more so than most boys on the show. That doesn't even make her masculine in any way, it just reinforces how girly a lot of the Degrassi guys are. But not Conner. No, Conner is now a man. Good for the dude. I never thought he had it in him.

Also, I noticed that the racial makeup of this group is 50% white / 50% dark, because I see race in everything. But I think Canada is way more than half white. Their crime rate is very low, they would have to be.