Bangability: Which Degrassi Character Would Be the Best to Sleep With?
The burning question ever since season one has been which Degrassi characters would be the best to sleep with. Well there's no reason to wonder for any longer. I have gotten together two panels of responsible citizens to go over the characters and then rank how much they would like to bang that character. I then used their comments as a basis to write the description. In addition, I averaged out their scores to get the Bangability™ rating. The rating is based on a score of one through ten. One is something you wouldn't touch with a twelve foot sex pole, and ten is the equivalent of the supreme sexual god for that gender (Patrick Duffy for men, Suzanne Summers for women).
Rick is insane, looks like Harry Potter, and likes to beat woman. Some women are into that sort of thing, but not very many. Only one member of the panel admitted that she had a fetish for being beaten by insane Harry Potter look-alikes. Most non-fat women just find him completely disgusting.
The fact is Toby is simply too nerdy to bang. Sure there is some interest in deflowering him, but you probably wouldn't even get that far. If he ever saw a naked woman, he would either completely freeze up, or be finished before he even had a chance to drop his pants. If by some chance of fortune a woman actually got him into bed before he was done, he would probably do something incredibly creepy, like call her mom or JT. Then afterwards I am sure he would start crying.
JT is a pretty good guy if you get him away from Toby. He's nice, funny, will do anything to protect his woman. Plus he is sort of cute in a puppy dog way. Unfortunately, he has a small penis. His penis is so small that not even Manny would touch him. Sure by the time she got to the J's in the list of Degrassi students, she was so loose that very few men could please her, but normally she would at least give it the old college try. When she saw how tiny JT was she didn't even bother.
The problem with Dean is that it's hard to have an objective rating when you absolutely have to have sex with him. Rape isn't a choice and rarely is it pleasurable. However, since he is able to get woman in a position where he can rape them, then he must be charming or smell nice or something.
That thing under Marco's lip is gross; on the other hand the panel did enjoy Marco's sense of fashion and overall bodily cleanliness. On the other other hand, he is a homosexual and that means he likes to put gay penis in his mouth, and the taste of gay penis is noticeable when you kiss somebody.
Chris must have some sort of sexual appeal. In the episode "Against All Odds", Emma let him feel her up. This is before her life changing experience at the ravine that makes her a slut, so there has to be some sort of animal attraction going on. Trouble is Chris would probably play some shitty hip hop during sex which can be distracting. Also he doesn't go any farther then touching Emma's tits. This must mean that he can be satisfied by just feeling up white girls, so sex with him will be similar to sex in softcore porn: lots of breast rubbing, bad music, and no penetration
Pre-wheelchair Jimmy would have scored very high on the list. However the panel wasn't sure how to treat him now that he is crippled. Several were worried that they would hurt him, and there was some questioning if little Jimmy even worked anymore. One woman pointed out that there was a chance of the two of them rolling down a hill in the middle of the act and getting hit by a bus. Still he's black, so if he was able to have sex it would be wonderful.
Dylan looks like Spinner but is gay like Marco. So it would be like having sex with a tall Sean who smells like gay penis.
(Note: For the purpose of this article I asked the panel to ignore the fact that sleeping with Jay will give you herpes.)
Jay has an attitude problem so that's going to cost him a few points. Some members of the panel said that they don't like having sex in a van that is full of semen stains, so that hurt his score as well. On the plus side, he gives you bracelets based off of what kind of sexual acts you perform. That's pretty awesome, if I was a lady I would try to collect them all. Plus he always has plenty of candy, in case you like to do weird sexual acts that require candy. Jay does.
Sean is a badass. He doesn't take any shit from anybody. Unfortunately this means that he is a very selfish lover. He could pleasure a woman fully, he just doesn't want to. He is also poor which is fine if you don't mind having sex on a pile of rags on the floor. Despite these faults the panel was more then willing to throw their panties at him. As one put it, "Hey he looks sort of like Spinner."
It has been established that Craig has a giant penis, so that is going to help out his score. He is also a rock star, not a good one mind you, but a rock star none the less and it is common knowledge that rock stars are good at sex. Craig is also the one man who has been able to satisfy Manny's unquenchable thirst for sex. He was so good in the sack that he even impregnated her. The only trouble is that he's bipolar and at any second could turn into the Incredible Hulk, which can be damaging to a woman's home and face.
Do I have to even write anything here? I should just skip the description since everybody already knows the final score. Is it in anyway possible for Spinner to get less than a perfect? Short of death I don't think it is, and even if he were dead he would still score higher then Toby. This is why he has been able to seduce every single person he has gone after on the show. He is so sexy he even converted Marco to homosexuality. One of the woman on the panel said that she would murder her entire family just to make out with Spinner. Another simply started masturbating as soon as I mentioned Spinner's name. The results are in, Spinner is the perfect man.
Man that's just disgusting. Nobody would ever touch that lump of grossness. One panelist vomited at the mere thought of being in the same room as a naked Liberty. JT is dating her and he won't even touch her. She is all "Hey JT you want to make out in the hot tub?" and JT gets nervous and says, "Um I'd like to, but I can't because I have to go meet a ghost." Then he runs away and weeps because he almost had to touch her. The only way Liberty will ever get sex from another human is if she date rapes a quadriplegic.
Terri is to fat. Some people are into fat chicks, but even they said Terri is too fat. You can get the same satisfaction humping a large pile of pillows as you can humping Terri.
Kendra is sort of funny looking. I bet she would also scream out the names of anime characters during sex. She's be all "Yeah yeah, Hamtaro Inuayasha, SQUIRTLE!" and you'd be all "What up woman you crazy or somthen?" In this example you also appear to be black.
Power is sexy, but as class vice president she has very little power. She also has an attitude and an attitude laden face. She had sex with Jay so she must be good enough for him, but Jay has had sex with half the woman in Toronto, so that isn't something to go by. The worst part with sleeping with her is if you make her upset afterwards, she's either going to cover you in paint or out you as a homosexual.
Pre-Goth Ashley isn't too bad. She has a nice rack and isn't Goth. Unfortunately after she goes through rehab she felt compelled to wear black clothes and get unflattering haircuts. That's not hot, not hot at all. She's also going to make you listen to shitty poetry before you go at it, and nobody wants that. Also if the Craig episodes are any indication, she is a prude and doesn't even want some man meat. All together she is just no good.
Emma has grown some nice boobs as of late. That doesn't change the fact though that her face looks like it belongs to a skeleton. I don't know if she has some sort of disease or not but she doesn't have nearly enough skin to fit on her face. She is also very uppity. You'd be sexing her up and then she would start complaining that you aren't using an eco safe condom or something. That's a buzz kill. The only reason she's getting this high of a score as this is because of those flaming dolphin pants. Those things are hot
Oh God, where should I start, first of all she is a Goth, secondly she is an asshole, thirdly she is an asshole Goth. On the plus side she is liked by very few people so chances are she'll do anything to make you like her...anything. She also had a relationship with Sean and more currently Craig, so there must be something going on.
Hazel is bootylicious. If you are into hot chocolate then you can't get any better then Hazel. She also won't talk that much, in the first four years of the show she only had five lines. That means after you get the job done you can just roll over and go to sleep without having to worry about her wanting to stay up all night making pillow talk. She is also very close to Paige. That means there's an off chance of getting in the middle of a Degrassi Cheerleader sandwich.
Whoa whoa whoa! Hot stuff coming through. If you were to wet your finger and then touch Paige it would sizzle like an egg in a skillet. Paige walks into a room and everybody stops talking about whatever they are talking about and start talking about how hot she looks. Popular discussions about her hotness include how short her belly shirt is and her purse that is clear. Clear purses are hot, because you can see if she has any sexual toys in them. Paige always does. The only reason she isn't getting a perfect score is because she is pretty slutty, and ever since that rape thing she has some emotional baggage.
Oh here comes that spicy Latina. Her pants are below her waist and her thong is pumping out the jams. She's so alluring that even if you are in a relationship you can't fight her off. Getting her in bed is no problem; it's actually harder to convince Manny not to have sex with you. No need to worry about protection either, Manny doesn't believe in condoms, but she does support the abortion industry so there's no worrying about kids. Have a video camera? Well Manny is going to get naked for you; all it takes is a couple of wine coolers. The only reason I can think of to not have sex with her is because every other man she has ever met has already been there, but they seem to be satisfied, and she has somehow managed to remain disease free, so go for it.