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Degrassi Couples

Jimmy and Ashley

Stupid fan name combination: Ashjim
Length of relationship: 13 months
Reason for the breakup: The horrors of drug abuse
Rating: 8/10

At the beginning of the series Jimmy and Ashley have been going out for eight months, which according to middle school standards is forever. We all knew this kind of couple in middle school. Two people get along, are both in the same social class, don't have any reason to break up, and are mostly dating each other because they don't have anything else to do. What's the point of dating in middle school? You can't drive and you can't do anything fun. The only benefit is sex, but they don't even do that. Then Jimmy kicks Ashley to the curb after she does some E and goes all crazy. You'd think after experimenting with Ritalin Jimmy would be accepting of her drug problems, but nope. Some people may say that Jimmy broke up with her after she got it on with Sean, but no man would blame a woman for being seduced by Sean. He's basically Spinner but with a more manageable penis.

Later on, they kind of consider getting back together, but don't because Ashley is a Goth, and Jimmy knew he could do way better then Goth Ashley. Sean was willing to date Ellie, but he wouldn't even touch Goth Ashley. Goth Ashley was even grosser then Ellie.

JT and Toby

Stupid fan name combination: JToby
Length of relationship: Forever and ever
Reason for the breakup: They may wander ever once in a while, but they will always come back to each other.
Rating: 7/10

JT and Toby were made for each other. Ever since the first episode they have been close. A little too close. The kind of close that makes people uncomfortable. They aren't gay or anything. It's quite clear that they both like women and they both go after various women with limited degrees of success. It's just that when the chips are down, and they have both been rejected for the third time that week, they always go to each other for consolation. Then they have a sleep over. Which is pretty weird if you're in high school. Still it makes them happy, and who are we to judge their strange and disturbing relationship? Just as long as they stop telling people about looking at porn together.

Sean and Emma: Part 1

Stupid fan name combination: Semma
Length of relationship: About a month
Reason for the breakup: Emma got angry about being punched.
Rating 9/10

Why were they dating you may ask. Two reasons:

1: The only other 7th graders who were both female and main characters were Liberty, and Manny (and this was pre-whore Manny, making Emma the best choice).

2: Emma can tutor Sean, thus keeping him from flunking out of school.

I think the fact that Emma has more money then Sean may have been a factor too. It's too bad the gravy train ended when Sean accidentally punched Emma. What's the deal with her breaking it off over that? It wasn't even on purpose. She's the one who got in the middle. It's like the Germans told American tourists during WWI when the submarine blockade of Britain was in effect, "If you don't want to get hurt, stay out of the war zone bitches."

Craig and Ashley: Part 1

Stupid fan name combination: Crash
Length of relationship: I don't know, awhile I guess.
Reason for the breakup: Manny
Rating: 7/10

Craig likes music, Ashley likes music. Of all the people at Degrassi, they worked out the best since they actually a shared interest. It also worked out because neither Craig nor Ashley were part of the cool kids. They'd either have to date or look outside of their grade for romantic partners. It's just too bad that Manny got in the way of things. That's okay though, by that time Ashley became friends with her old friends again, and Downtown Sasquatch ensured Craig could hang out with Jimmy, Marco, and Spinner. They didn't need each other. Craig is the real winner of the relationship. He got an expensive guitar and sex with Ashley.

Toby and Kendra

Stupid fan name combination: Tendra
Length of relationship: Who knows, their relationship is only brought up twice in the series.
Reason for the breakup: Kendra is tired of dating somebody.
Rating: 0/10

This relationship is a ship wreck. I've always said that relationships built on cartoons are dumb. Plus, it is in direct violation of Spinner's will. If Kendra wasn't his sister he would have killed both of them, like all of the others who dated when he told them not to. The only good part is that the writers never bother to mention the relationship or have Kendra appear on camera.

Sean and Emma: Part Duex

Stupid fan name combination: Semma
Length of relationship: 7 months
Reason for the breakup: The Candy Bandits
Rating: 10/10

The relationship gets a top score, not because of Emma, but purely because of how awesome Sean is during it. He wins Emma back by sneaking into her mom's wedding. Then he becomes an alcoholic for a day, which is still long enough for him to steal booze from both Spike and Jimmy. Then he leaves her because he wants to join The Candy Bandits, and there's no room for environmentalism in the high stakes world of stealing DVD players and Crackle bars.

Ellie and Marco

Stupid fan name combination: Ellco
Length of relationship: You can't really call it a relationship can you? More like a ruse.
Reason for the breakup: Homosexuality
Rating: 3/10

Marco is gay, but wants to hide it. So he finds a girl who nobody else wants to date and goes out with her. Ellie eventually finds out that Marco is gay, but keeps dating him because she can't do any better. Then she breaks up with him because she is sick of hanging out with the cool kids. Marco really should have just claimed to have a girlfriend in Winnipeg. Then people wouldn't think he was gay and he also wouldn't have to hang out with Ellie. That really would have been best for everybody.

Spinner and Paige

Stupid fan name combination: Spaige
Length of relationship: 12 months, 11 days
Reason for the breakup: Manny
Rating: 10/10

This is the Alpha Degrassi relationship. If it were a super hero it would be a combination of Superman, The Green Lantern, and the 1992 Chicago Bulls. Spinner is the numero uno man on Degrassi, and Paige is the top babe on the scene, and when you put one and one together you get hot. That's math baby! They were together for over a season. Getting the writers to pay attention to anything for more then five episodes is a feat, much less an entire year.
The time Spinner and Paige spent together were great, not just for them, either. It was a great time in Toronto. The economy was at it's highest ever. Homeless people disappeared from the streets, and the entire city smelled like peppermint.

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. In her post-rape years, Paige was not up to the sexual activities needed to keep Spinner interested, then she wrecked his car. That was too much for Spinner to take. He kept Paige around until he could find somebody deserving of him. When Manny came by Spinner dumped Paige like a bag full of kittens.

Sully and Manny

Stupid fan name combination: Sunny
Length of relationship: Four days
Reason for the breakup: The producers forgot the phone number for the actor who plays Sully.
Rating: 0/10

What the hell? This relationship was retarded. Do Manny and Sully even ever appear on screen at the same time during their relationship? I don't think so.

Rick and Terri

Stupid fan name combination: Rirriecki
Length of relationship: Three days the first time, an afternoon the second time
Reason for the breakup: A park full of concrete blocks. Why were there so many cinderblocks in that park anyways? I would not want to have a picnic there.
Rating: 5/10

Rick is stupid. Who beats their high school girlfriend? You have to wait until a girl is emotionally and financially dependent on you before you can beat her. Otherwise she will break it off. What does Rick offer to keep Terri around? Nothing. Now if she lived with him, and he was bringing in all the money, then he can beat her. Rick doesn't wait until then. He doesn't even wait until they have been dating for a week before beating her. What a loser. No wonder he couldn't kill anybody during his school shooting rampage. He sucks at everything.

Craig and Manny

Stupid fan name combination: Cranny
Length of relationship: Long enough to get pregnant
Reason for the breakup: Accidents that may happen
Rating: 8/10

Craig was all. "Come on Ashley, give me some of that lovin'."

But Ashley was all, "No way, big boy, I'm saving myself for eleventh grade."

Then Manny came by with the boom boom in the zoom zoom and made Craig go all whoohoo. Then they had sex in Emma's room. Not just once either. They snuck down there all the time. Every time Emma left, they would be down there pounding away. Emma never found out either. She thought there was some kind of gas leak and that's why her room smelled funny. To bad it was the musky smell of Craig and Manny's love. It was so thick in there that it hung in the air, like mist over the moors of Scotland.

Unfortunately, Craig doesn't use protection and Manny is dumb. She ended up pregnant. Craig is way too happy about this, and it's pretty damn creepy. Manny decides to get an abortion. This ends the relationship. Anybody in the situation will tell you it's awkward to date a girl after she gets an abortion against your wishes.

Chris and Emma

Stupid fan name combination: Emmshabadooba
Length of relationship: Part of season 3 and the summer before season 4
Reason for the breakup: Chris dropped a candy wrapper on the ground, and Emma started protesting him for destroying the earth.
Rating: 0/10

This one is stupid. Chris is stupid. Emma is stupid. The entire relationship was stupid. Why does Emma even like Chris? She doesn't care about rap music, or being a DJ. We know the only reason Chris likes Emma is because she is a white chick, and black people are always going after white chicks, no matter how annoying they are. Still you'd think he could find a better white chick then Emma. How about Ellie? She sucks, but she's still white. A Sean/Chris feud over Ellie would be mind blowingly awesome. I bet it would end with Chris dieing, which would a lot more dramatic then him just sort of disappearing.

Sean and Ellie

Stupid fan name combination: Sellie
Length of relationship: 8 months
Reason for the breakup: Sean took off on a jet ski, never to return.
Rating: 8/10

After emancipating himself from Emma's tyrannical control, Sean went looking for somebody knew. Unfortunately for him, finding a girl that could run with The Candy Bandits was hard. Alex was taken by Jay. He tried Amy, but she turned out to be such a slut that she left him for the entire Montreal Crew. Jokes on her. Even though there are 15 people in the Montreal Crew and they all had sex with her at the same time, it still wasn't as satisfying as Sean. She tried to get him back but Sean refused, just to teach her a lesson.

Eventually, he decided that since Ellie was a Goth, and he was a gangsta, that they kind of fit together and they started going out. This worked great for Ellie, because post-Sean she starts to be way less lame. She stops dressing as much like a Goth and stops hanging out with Marco. The relationship was good for Sean as well. He got a stable girl who can cook, and had low enough self esteem to let him do whatever he wanted in bed.

Dylan and Marco

Stupid fan name combination: Darco, not to confused with Donnie Darko. They do not time travel. That's Jimmy's department.
Length of relationship: Forever
Reason for the breakup: It's still going.
Rating: Gay/10

There's only like, four gays at Degrassi, so there aren't a lot of choices. It makes sense for Marco and Dylan to date since they both know Paige. Okay, I guess that really doesn't make sense. I know a lot of people and I'm not dating any of their siblings. Maybe it makes sense for gays or something. I don't know, I'm just going to quit now before I start making even less sense.

Also, I guess they broke up at one point, but they were only separated for, like, three episodes. I don't even remember when they to back together. I think the writers just forgot they broke up and kept writing scenes were they kiss each other.

Jay and Alex

Stupid fan name combination: Jaleco
Length of relationship: 23 months
Reason for the breakup: For whatever reason, Alex got angry that Jay was having sex with other women.
Rating: 7/10

Jay and Alex's relationship makes perfect sense. Jay is the leader of the Candy Bandits and Alex is his second in command. High ranking officials in evil groups often hook up, just look at Destro and the Baroness from G.I. Joes, or Hitler and Joseph Goebbels.

Alex eventually broke up with Jay because she didn't like that he was having sex with a bunch of random women at the ravine. Crazy broads, huh? You never know what they want. Jay would sort of get back together with her after her brief stint as a lesbian.

Towerz and Liberty

Stupid fan name combination: Tobert
Length of relationship: Hard to tell because Towerz disappeared
Reason for the breakup: Towerz was an embarrassment to the Candy Bandits, and had to be eliminated.
Rating: 0/10

Liberty had a crush on JT for the longest time. JT of course hated her, and continually told her to fuck off. One day she actually got the message that the guy who spent all his time trying to avoid her probably didn't want to date. Because Liberty lacks all social skills and common sense, she decides to go after Sean, somebody who hates her even more then JT. Sean just doesn't tell her to fuck off, but openly laughs at her for even going after him. Liberty is distraught and suicidal after this, just like everybody who has been shot down by Sean. Sean then comes up to her and says that Towerz wants to date her because Towerz "Likes smart girls." Towerz is never seen again. Probably because The Candy Bandits reputation was being ruined by a member dating Liberty, so they did the only logical thing: burry him in a giant pile of Marshmallow Peeps until he suffocated. A fitting end for a Candy Bandit.

Jimmy and Hazel

Stupid fan name combination: Ji'hizzel
Length of relationship: Longer then I can count
Reason for the breakup: Jimmy drew a mural where one of the people kind of looked like Ellie.
Rating: 5/10

Jimmy is black. Hazel is black. They were made for each other. Well, not really since they broke up. They got together in the season 3 episode, "Take On Me", and broke up in the season 5 episode "Redemption Song". It's amazing that they were together for so long, and managed to not do anything interesting, or make any kind of impact. If you missed "Power of Love" and "Take On Me" you probably wouldn't even know they were dating. Maybe they weren't and I've just misinterpreted these episodes, I don't know. Degrassi's policy of using Hazel as little as possible doesn't work when she's involved in a major plot line.

JT and Manny

Stupid fan name combination: Janny, or if we use JT's full name Jannyerius
Length of relationship: Not long, just like JT's penis ha ha ha
Reason for the breakup: JT has a stack of dimes, and Manny only takes quarters.
Rating: 4/10

JT has a small penis, ha ha ha ha ha. Everybody laugh at him. You know your small penis problem is bad when Toby and Webster out shadow you. Chances are even if Manny threw him a bone and gave him a chance, it would be too small to do anything.

The best part is that Cassie Steele said in an interview that Manny probably would have stayed with JT if it wasn't for the penis pump incident. That's really got to hurt JT/ He tries to solve his problem, and it's the main reason she leaves him.

Paige and Mr. Oleander

Stupid fan name combination: Mr. Paige
Length of relationship: 9 months but for most of that it appears that they weren't in the same province. province is Canada talk for state.
Reason for the breakup: Mr. O became a hippie.
Rating: 8/10

Mr. Oleander was a student teacher at Degrassi who taught Media Immersion and yoga. This was good because Degrassi didn't have a yoga teacher before he came along, and since there are no more yoga scenes after he leaves I guess they didn't get another. His teaching of Media Immersion worked out too since Snake no longer cares about his job and just spends each class period drinking gin and telling students about how much his life sucks. Well, Paige noticed that Mr. O was a smoking hot student teacher and put the moves to him. Mr. O is the sort of weirdo who goes after high school girls and they start making out in utility closets. This has got to be the least careful teacher/student relationship ever since they make out in either the school or the park. How about meeting someplace private you guys? That might just make sense.

Eventually, Manny spills the beans on the two of them, and even though the only evidence against them is Manny's word, Mr. O is kicked out of teacher college. This really sucks for him because most teachers who have a relationship with one of their students just have it swept under the rug because the teachers have a strong enough union that none of them can get fired ever. If he would have waited until he graduated to get freaky with students it would have been cool. Instead he is forced out of Toronto and has to live on the road, roaming Canada. This transforms him into a hippie who brings weed to fancy restaurants and no longer bathes. He only returns long enough to break up with Paige and give her some weed. Then he's on the run again. It's a disappointment for Paige, but it works out because she go free pot out of the deal.

Spinner and Manny

Stupid fan name combination: Spanny
Length of relationship: The length of the car wash I guess
Reason for the breakup: The writers got distracted by the Rick saga.
Rating: 10/10

Remember when Spinner and Manny were rubbing on each other during the car wash, and it ended Spinner's relationship with Paige? Shouldn't they have gone out after that? I could have sworn that they did, but I guess they didn't. What's up with that? Should I even count it as a relationship? There were other momentary get togethers that I'm probably ignoring. Oh well, it had Spinner so it gets a 10.

Craig and Ashley 2: The Reckoning

Stupid fan name combination: Crash2:theckoning
Length of relationship: 4 months
Reason for the breakup: The English
Rating: 1/10

Completely stupid. Hey Ashley, remember that time when Craig cheated on you and got Manny pregnant? Yeah, I know he apologized through song, but that doesn't mean you start dating again. What's wrong with you? Then you agree to marry him, but then you start dating Mr. English over there in Englishland? I don't get it.

Personally, I think Ashley only got back together with Craig because Downtown Sasquatch beat her in the battle of the bands. She just wanted to record some music. Well jokes on her, the rest of Downtown Sasquatch hate her, and Craig sucks. So much for your studio time. It didn't get you anywhere, you two timing hussy. That con just resulted in you getting your dad's wedding ruined. Well Joey got beat up too, which I guess can be considered a positive. That's the only reason it's getting a 1. If Craig hadn't gotten beaten up then it would be a 0.

Jay and Emma

Stupid fan name combination: Jemma
Length of relationship: The length of a blow job
Reason for the breakup: Gonorrhea
Rating: 9/10

Jay and Emma don't really work out logically as a couple. They have little in common, and kind of dislike each other. The two episodes where Emma gives Jay blowjobs are sweet though.

Craig and Manny 2: Dangerous Days

Stupid fan name combination: Cranny
Length of relationship: I think it might be still going on.
Reason for the breakup: Craig becomes a rock star
Rating: 0/10

Hey, remember that time you got a girl pregnant and you were totally pumped about having a baby, and then she got an abortion against your wishes, and it crushed you? Then a year later, the two of you started dating again? No you don't because that has never happened to anybody ever. This relationship is retarded. Plus Craig is a shitty guitar player. What's up with him becoming famous?

JT and Liberty

Stupid fan name combination: Jilbert
Length of relationship: I don't know. I can't figure out when they started dating.
Reason for the breakup: JT sold drugs to pay for Liberty's pregnancy. Way to not appreciate all he's doing for you Liberty.
Rating: 3/10

Eww, gross, gross, gross. How can anybody date Liberty? That would combine all the negative social aspects of dating your cousin, but without all the sexy benefits. You don't think Paige's cousin didn't give it a try even with all the disownings and beatings? Dating Liberty got JT beat up every day. Spinner often hit him with a tire iron, Jay gave him wedgies every single day and Sean just shook his head in shame every time he saw JT. Despite all the terrible horrors of dating Liberty things still got worse when JT lost his condom during sex (AAAAAAHHHHH) and she got pregnant. Thus ruining both their lives for the three weeks where they dealt with that problem. Then to top it all off, Liberty dumps JT. JT got dumped by Liberty! He is now officially the biggest loser on Degrassi.

Peter and Emma

Stupid fan name combination: Pemma
Length of relationship: About 10 months
Reason for the breakup: Sean's manly pecks.
Rating: 7/10

After failing to impress Manny with his ability to send videos of her topless to everybody in Degrassi, Peter decides to go after Emma, who is so desperate that she will even date the person who ruined the life of her best friend. You have to hand it to Emma; it takes a real horrible person to betray your closest friend and roommate.

Of course, Emma is too stuck up to straight up fess up her love. Instead of being honest about how she felt about Peter, Emma keeps it a secret, making things very inconvenient for Peter. Eventually, Emma reveals to Manny that she and Peter are dating. Manny got upset, but then got over it I guess. Then Sean came back, and Emma couldn't resist just how sexy his pecks are. She broke it off with Peter, who was so upset that he used his rich white boy connections to get Sean arrested.

Paige and Alex

Stupid fan name combination: Palex
Length of relationship: 6 episodes
Reason for the breakup: Poverty
Rating: 9/10

It's the classic story. Two people hate each other. They appear to be total opposites, then they are forced to spend time together, and then they become lesbians. Neither Paige or Alex were lesbians before they started dating, and neither appears to be a lesbian now. You would think that the Degrassi producers would keep them lesbians, or keep one of them lesbians so that lesbian related subjects could be discussed, but they didn't. I guess all the gay stories are reserved for Marco. We are all just supposed to forget that Paige and Alex use to be lesbians. Of course with Degrassi we are supposed to forget nearly everything that happened in previous episodes. Remember when Emma had gonorrhea? You would think that would come up again at some point. Instead everybody just kind of got amnesia about that. Or remember when Sean was on student welfare, but nobody else could get it? You would think that out of Manny, Liberty, JT and Ellie, Sean would know the least about government assistance programs, or he would at least tell one of them about it.

Spinner and Darcy

Stupid fan name combination: Sparcy
Length of relationship: Time with Spinner feels like forever
Reason for the breakup: When you have a good thing going you don't give it up.
Rating: 10/10

Spinner and Darcy seem like an odd match up. Darcy is a hardcore Christian, and Spinner is the son of Satan. She likes hymns, he likes rock and roll. She is a virgin, he is the reason why most women in Toronto aren't virgins. Still it all works out. Darcy has a bit of a mean streak there, as shown when she broke Paige's leg and posed for porn. Spinner has a sensitive side, as shown by the book of poetry he published. After dating Paige, Spinner needs somebody who is very different from her. Darcy isn't as easy to get into bed, which gives him a nice challenge. Spinner will tire of her, as he does with all relationships with mortals, so Darcy should make the most of it while she can and get pregnant. That way the next Degrassi series can star Spinner's kid.

Sean and Emma 3: Caged Heat

Stupid fan name combination: Semen
Length of relationship: Sean's going to be thinking of her every time he tosses some guy's salad while in the slammer.
Reason for the breakup: --
Rating: 6/10

I bet Sean was real pissed when Emma revealed she liked him again. He's all, "Come on, couldn't we  have gotten back together before Peter got me put in jail? That would save me a lot of anxiety." And how about when Emma gave him the vanilla shampoo? I bet smelling like a girl is a good way to not get beaten up in jail. If Sean actually starts using that stuff then he's going to get passed around C block like Marco at one of Dylan's hockey team parties. So his ass is in danger, but at least he gets to be back with Emma, a girl who has proven in recent times to be shallow, materialistic, and in general a complete bitch.

by Johnny Dangerous