The Web BtC

Suggestions for Season 5

It appears that this upcoming season of Degrassi is going to be the last. This is a sad event indeed. Despite the fact that we have made a website making fun of the show, we here at Boycott the Caf do in fact enjoy Degrassi: the Next Generation. In order to make sure that this newest season is all that it should be, I am making a list of events that should happen.

Spinner hair

Spinner gets a new haircut

The last couple of seasons, Spinner's coolness has been in a decline. I think the first step in building him back up to what he once was is to get him some better hair. Somebody needs to tell Spinner that he isn't in an 80's new wave band, nor is he John Connor from Terminator 2. He needs to get a haircut that compliments the nearly continuous stream of awesomeness that is Spinner.

Somebody needs to boycott the caf

For two seasons somebody has boycotted the caf. First Spinner boycotted it because his research found that it was not up to health codes so he was concerned about the possibilities of earwigs, and the consequences of earwig related disease. Then Emma boycotted it because of genetically modifed food or some hippy environmentalist shit that nobody cares about. What season 5 needs is somebody else to boycott the caf, preferably Crazy Lunch Lady. She could reveal that the school has been allowing earwigs to live in the caf, and they are growing to a dangerously high number, and she can no longer stay silent. Speaking of Crazy Lunch Lady...

Crazy Lunch Lady and Snake fight

When Snake had his hair shaved, it was heavily implied that there was some bad blood between him and Crazy Lunch Lady. I say they settle this problem the only way either one knows how: naked oil Indian wrestling.

Spinner goes back to school

Then he points out that Alex was the one who dumped the paint on Rick but she wasn't punished at all. The principal, awed by Spinner's new haircut, decides that she can punish Alex any way she sees fit. Alex is never seen again.

Jason Mewes Degrassi

Jason Mewes returns

Or more accurately he never left. After filming the movie, Kevin Smith just sort of leaves Jason Mewes in Canada where he spends his time hitting on high school girls and smoking weed with Jay.

Liberty kills herself

Nobody likes Liberty. J.T. only dates her because of his small penis and weird fetishes. Her brother, Webster, only puts up with her because she does his homework. Everybody else hates her, and make no efforts to hide it. Liberty realizes just how disliked she is and kills herself. Jimmy then throws a huge party where everybody from the show comes to talk about how glad they are now that Liberty is dead.

Kendra starts an anime club

But nobody shows up because even Toby realizes that being in an anime club is way too nerdy. Kendra is upset that her club is failing, so Spinner decides to help her out. He tells Toby to either go to the meetings or face murder. Then he stabs J.T. in the kidneys with a switchblade, and throws his dieing corpse into the room the meeting is being held in. Spinner then wheels Jimmy into the room and pushes him on the floor so that he can't leave the meeting. He then tells Chris that it is a hip hop club and after he goes in the room, Spinner locks the door. Kendra eventually finds out about Spinner's hijinks and tells him that she doesn't want him threatening/tricking/beating people into joining the club, but she appreciates that he tried to help.

Terri returns

Then Rick comes back as a ghost and beats her head against a cement block.

J.T. gets penis enlarging surgery.

Unfortunately it gets botched and he ends up without any penis. J.T. then decides to just become a woman. He begins attending school again under the name Joanne Taylor Yorke, or J.T. for short. J.T. figures that she and Toby were practically dating when she was a man so they might as well date now. While making out one night, Toby recognizes J.T.'s technique and realizes it is him. While he is surprised, and slightly disgusted, it does not stop them from having sex.

Some of the minor characters form a black power group

Chris, Webster, Hazel and Towerz decide to form a black power group. Jimmy thinks they are giving blacks a bad name and decides to take them out with a little help from Spinner and Craig.

Dean strikes again

This time he decides to go after Angela. After she is raped, Craig is so enraged he goes into Bi-Polar-Incredible-Hulk mode and beats the shit out of Dean.

Jay sex ravine

Jay has more sex in his van at the ravine

In fact, there is an entire episode which is nothing but Jay having sex in the van with the female characters. In order to make sure this episode is over 100% Intense, it will feature full frontal nudity, and very, very graphic sexual acts. I'm talking semen, blood, shit, the whole nine yards. Jay is not a gentle lover.

Marco and Craig get married

Craig marries Marco to avoid getting deported. As part of the deal, Marco is allowed to sodomize Craig whenever he wants.

Paige finds religion

After the teacher assistant guy dumps her, Paige decides to give up the life of a tramp and becomes a nun who wears belly shirts.

Sean does something cool

Word on the street is that Sean won't be returning for this upcoming season, but that doesn't have to mean the end of his adventures. There better be an episode where people talk about something awesome that he is doing. Possibilities are that Sean kills that deaf guy and has to run away to Albeta to live with Tracker again. Or an even better one would be that he becomes mayor of Wassaga Beach. The mayor of PARTYING DOWN!

Ellie April O'Neil

Ellie stops being a goth

Instead she decides to dress like April O'Neil all the time.

Ashley does E again

In a repeat of her first season blunder, Ashley once again takes ecstasy. This time she doesn't lose all her friends, but she does dies of dehydration.

Jimmy goes back to the future

Jimmy's parents have finally finished their research on our time period and must return to the future. Jimmy is sad that he will no longer see his friends, but will be glad that he can get robotic legs to replace his now nonfunctioning legs.

Manny gets a cell phone

With hilarious consequences.

Toby finds a bunch of porn

While walking in the ally behind The Dot, Toby finds a garbage bag full of old porn. Nobody sees him for a week, and when he finally returns to school, the smell of semen on him is so strong that neither Marco nor Emma can help but be attracted to him. So they decide to battle over which one gets Toby.

Spinner almost doesn't graduate

There's a week left until graduation, and everybody is excited. Unfortunately, it is revealed that Spinner needs one more credit of Media Immersion in order to graduate. He tries hard, but is unable to learn everything he needs to pass the test in time. Luckily, Jay saves the day. Turns out he still has that laptop that he stole from Snake and they use that to find out the answers on the test. Spinner becomes valedictorian.

by Johnny Dangerous