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Life After Degrassi

Pretty much the entire old guard of Degrassi: The Next Generation has left the show. The exception is the one group of girls at college and Spinner. Now Spinner still being with the show makes sense since he is in Toronto and dating a girl in high school. I don't have any idea why Emma, Manny, and Liberty are still featured. They have no ties with Degrassi High School. The actresses must have sucked a lot of dick to stay on the show.

And it is understandable why they would have allowed those many, many penises to befoul their mouths. The prospects of those who leave Degrassi are low to say the least. Most of the cast from the original Degrassi became homeless crack addicts or prostitutes without homes. The cast of Degrassi the Next Generation aren't fairing too well either. I am an expert on this matter after doing extensive research while watching Furturama. Let's take a look:

Aubrey Graham - Jimmy

First off, we need to talk about the hilarious way Aubrey Graham left the show. Here's an excerpt from a interview You were on Degrassi for eight years. It must have taken a lot to leave that comfort zone. When did you know it was time to go?

Drake: I can't really say I left that show. One day we came in and all the names were just changed on the dressing rooms. Everyone got cut. We go upstairs and it's like, "Who are all these people auditioning in the front?" They owe us a lot of money. The amount of loyalty, the years we put in with these people…they did us foul. As far as the producers go, I don't talk to anybody over there.

Nothing says rap cred like putting on your pea coat and going for a walk in the park on an autumn day.

So Aubrey just showed up one day and his dressing room was locked and all his stuff was out back in the ally. That's cold Degrassi producers.

Since getting the boot from Degrassi Aubrey Graham has become a rapper, the fallback career of all black people in the entertainment business. He no longer goes by Aubrey either. Aubrey ain't no street name. Now he goes by Drake. Drake is tough, Drake got cred, Drake is totally gangsta, like Drake Bell or Sir Francis Drake.

Drake hasn't released any albums yet, but he has released three mixtapes. I don't know how mixtapes are different from albums except they appear to be free. Drake also has been featured on a bunch of other rapper's albums. It must be fun to be a rapper, they're always appearing on each other's albums and stuff. You can be a rapper and never even have to release your own material. Just live off the royalties of the various songs where you're shouting things in the background.

Andrea Lewis - Hazel

According to Wikipedia in addition to Degrassi Andrea has had a whopping four acting gigs, two of which where on Soul Food. Oddly enough she doesn't play the same character on those two appearances. I guess black people can't tell each other apart either.

After setting the acting world on fire by appearing on a show black people sometimes watched Andrea decided to do the same with music by releasing an album Her Canadian exclusive (exclusive in the sense that American stores didn't want it) Float On was released in 2005, so I guess I shouldn't be talking about it in an article about what she's doing after Degrassi. She left the show in 2006. Come to think about it three of those acting jobs I talked about earlier occurred while she was still working for Degrassi. Since leaving the show the only thing Andrea has done is appear in a Nickelodeon musical. That's pretty lame even for a Degrassi alum.

Daniel Clark - Sean

Daniel was in Juno for about ten seconds, remember he was yelling out of a car for some reason? Then he was on some Hallmark movie, and then he appeared in an episode of ER. I heard that when he was on ER he didn't even get to meet John Stamos. That is very disappointing. That is all that he has done.

I suppose technically Daniel did Degrassi after Degrassi since he left in season 4 and came back. It must have been sad, thinking you are getting away from horrible Canadian funded teen melodramas only to have to go back when you realize nobody is willing to hire you.

Ephraim Ellis - Rick

Ephraim is a douche. He has three TV shows. Most Degrassi cast members don't have one show. Most of them can't even get cast in the local production of Our Town but here is Ephraim Ellis with his stupid first name getting cast on Falcon Beach, Family Biz, and Zixx: Level Three. Sure they are all Canadian TV shows, but they still pay. Not much, but enough that he can act like a big shot showing up at Degrassi reunion luncheons in his fancy used car from 2001 and with his Canadian film actors guild insurance card. Then he spends the entire luncheon bragging about how he can afford a studio apartment without even having to have a roommate as long as he doesn't get cable.

Jake Goldsbie - Toby

Jake Goldsbie has been in 14 movies, all of which he filmed before he left the cast of Degrassi. Afterwards he has not made any movies. It could be argued that the heat he got from appearing on Degrassi made him a valuable commodity and since leaving he no longer has that drawing power. I think casting directiors have finally gotten around to seeing Degrassi and as a result want nothing to do with it or the guy who played the creepy virgin.

There is some speculation that in 1993 he appeared in a Kids in the Hall sketch, but details are sketchy. If he was then that would be the highlight of his career.

Melissa McIntyre - Ashley

She has not done anything since leaving the show. Seriously, nothing. All the info I can get on her is that she has a boyfriend named Colin, a bunny, and a dog. They must be poor because I assume Degrassi residuals don't pay well. Maybe her boyfriend has a job at the local Tim Horton's.

Christina Schmidt - Terri

Thank you for this prestigious award. I will now eat it grob grob grob.

In an example of life imitating art. Christina became a plus sized model just like her character. She even left the show to model full time. I assume she has been far more successful then her fellow Degrassi alum. Most of the other actors hang on to Degrassi as long as possible, while Christina actually left voluntarily. She must have had some good prospects, definitely better prospects then anybody else associated with the show.

Lauren Collins - Paige

Lauren was in an ABC Family original movie. Like all ABC Family original movies it was horrible. ABC Family would be better off just buying the rights to good movies. I can't imagine the broadcast rights to Airplane would cost more then making a movie.

Lauren's personal life is pretty interesting. Her cousin is Spenny from Kenny vs Spenny. That is a much better show than Degrassi. Lauren lives with guy who played Marco. I'm surprised more former Degrassi actors don't live together since none of them seem to have jobs. Most probably just live with their parents.

Ryan Cooley - JT

Ryan Cooley is smart and is going to college. He's majoring in theater so his degree won't help him get a job but at least he is doing something other then sitting at home waiting for the Hallmark Channel to call and let him know they have a three line role in a Hallmark original movie for him. He won't be reduced to that for another couple of years. Until then he's using his fame to have sex with freshmen girls at parties.

Adamo Ruggiero - Marco

Adamo is the host of the Canadian show The Next Star which is some talent search show for kids. This makes him one of the most successful actors to come from Degrassi which doesn't say much about the rest of the cast. Adamo lives with Lauren Collins and probably pays all the bills and buys all the food, seeing how he has a job and she doesn't. He also has a role in the in production movie Make the Yuletide Gay which will be released in 2009. I assume it is gay porn.

Jake Epstein - Craig

Like Ryan Cooley Jake Epstein finished his education, going to the National Theatre School of Canada. He has been in theater productions of Our Town, and Cinderella (Cinderella coincidently had the girl who plays Jane in it as well) Jake Epstein has also been in the bands Mind the Gap and Funkasaurus Rex. Funkasaurus Rex is the greatest name for a band ever.

So what can I say, he seems to have his shit together.

Stacey Farber - Ellie

Stacy almost got the main role in Juno, which would have been a huge feather in her cap and a Degrassi success story. She failed to get the role though, which is too bad since Daniel Clark auditioned for the role of Bleeker. The two of them in the lead roles would have basically made that into a Sean and Ellie movie. Too bad competent actors tried out for those roles.

Stacey Farber is a college student and interned at Teen Vogue. For some reason this information was not on the Wikipedia page. I've pretty much just been checking the actor's Wikipedia pages for this article so I'm probably missing a lot of stuff. Reading some of her blog posts on the Teen Vogue website reaffirmed my belief that I could not care less about fashion.

No wait, I just rechecked the Wikipedia page and it says that she interns for Teen Vogue, Either I missed it the first time or Stacy just updated her page. I assume Degrassi actors all update their own pages, assuming they can afford a computer. Her page also says she moved in with Lauren Collins, which contradicts the statement that Laura Collins is living with Adamo Ruggiero. I have no idea which one is accurate and neither has a citation. I also don't care.

Mike Lobel - Jay

Before we get to Mike Lobel's life I must first tell you that he is the step son of the guy who played Cousin Larry on Perfect Strangers. I assume this is the only reason Degrassi hired him.

While working on this it occurred to me that Mike Lobel might still work for Degrassi. He did show up in "Jane Says", so maybe I shouldn't have included him on this list. On the other hand this is a good opportunity to tell you that he is credited as composor for a movie called The Nincompoops. He is an excerpt from the plot summery for the movie on IMDB:

Kevin (Mark LeRoy) and Jeff (Dylan Talor), are social outcast who have recently been fired from their positions as mail-room attendants at Teitelbaum investments. Claiming they were fired for their political views, Kevin and Jeff arrive at their appointment with Mr. Teitelbaum to beg for their jobs back, only to discover that Mr. Teitelbaum is dead

I'm no cinematographist but I'm pretty sure that's basically the beginning of the synopsis for Weekend at Bernie's. I will not comment on this situation further.

Deanna Casaluce - Alex

Everybody's second favorite lesbian left Degrassi at the end of season 7 so that she could move to L.A. to further her acting career. Apparently they can't film Lifetime movies in Canada because that seems like what she has spend most of her time doing.

Deanna also has appeared in several episodes of some show called Hooking Up. I tried looking up the show on Wikipedia but it just redirected me to their page on casual sex, which I read for the next ten minutes. Then I picked the link for cottaging, which made me want to get back to work on this article.

I went to the official site for Hooking Up and I am still not sure what it is. It may be some sort of college based comedy show. The website is set up to look like a college socializing site, complete with skits disguised as video blogs. I watched a couple of the video blogs and they were kind of funny although I could just be mistaken and accidentally ended up on a college socializing site. Throughout my adventure I didn't actually see Deanna anywhere on the site but I‘m sure she is actually on the show and just not sending fake information to IMDB.

Shenae Grimes - Darcy

Shena was in Picture This, the same ABC original movie that Lauren Collins was in. A lot of Degrassi actors seem to get drawn into similar projects. Deanna Casuluce and Miriam McDonald both appeared in the same Lifetime movie. Daniel Clark and Stacey Farber both tried out for the main roles in Juno and failed, and some tv show called I Was a Sixth Grade Alien seems to be made up entirely of people who either starred or at least made an appearance on Degrassi. The exception is Michael Cera (a.ka. George Michael Bluth, a.ka. Bleeker, a.ka. the guy from Superbad who didn't draw penises) who instead of spending his time on crappy tween shows actually went on to be successful.

I have a theory that there are only twenty actors in Canada. Why else would so many TV shows and movies filmed in Canada use so few actors? The only reason nobody from Degrassi has been on The Red Green Show is because they weren't old enough to play middle aged lodge members.

Oh yeah, Shenae is also on the 90210 remake. You may have heard of it.

Miriam McDonald - Emma

Emma fights for animal rights by freeing the puppies.

I originally wasn't going to include her since she is still technically on the show, but then I decided I wanted to tell you all that she appears topless in some horrible movie. You go Miriam! Prove that you are a credible actress by taking off your shirt!

The same movie features the girl from Little Giants naked as well, so you can work out all kinds of childhood issues you had over girls with this one. By work out I mean masturbate.

Pat Mastroianni - Joey Jeremiah

Pat was fired from the show when the producers realized he was stealing things from the set and selling them on Ebay. Ever wonder why we strop having scenes shot at Jimmy's house? It's because Pat sold it. The entire set. I bet he got the idea of stealing things and selling them from The Candy Bandits. Only instead of overhead projectors and computers he sold costumes and stage lights.

Since being fired Pat has appeared on The Real Housewives of New York City. Since I doubt he would ever have a wife I assume Pat is now a woman.

Dan Woods - Principal Raditch

Everybody's favorite incompetent principal went on to appear in the great horror classic Lake Dead. You know it's good because his character is named John Lake. So lake in the movie title can mean both the body of water and the person's name.

When not signing autographs from Lake Dead fans he hosts the show Chop Cut Rebuild which is either an autobiographical documentary on becoming a cyborg or some show on cars. Information is contradictory on that one.

Katie Lai - Kendra Mason

She appeared in a play called Urinetown. Considering she is an ex-Degrassi cast member and Japanese I assume it's a play about her peeing while businessmen cheer and throw quarters. I'm just basing that on the fact that ex-Degrassi members don't tend to do a whole lot of acting and Japanese women, according to my video collection, pee a lot while businessmen cheer and throw quarters.

Kendra gives the pivotal soliloquy in Urinetown.

by Johnny Dangerous